It hurts... Physically, emotionally. Every type of pain known and unknown to mankind has been flowing through my veins since the last time I saw him. Since the day my world fell apart.
It has been the worst week of my life. It doesn't feel like only a week, but rather like a small eternity of misery. Seven days of pure torture and agony.
I want to do today what I've been doing for the past week - which is absolutely nothing. I don't want to get up out of my bed. I don't even want to move an inch... but unfortunately I have to.
I guess Billie Eilish was right: There's just no time to die.
I've called in sick to Vance everyday since the ghosts of our pasts finally caught up with us, but I can't anymore. I can't let some guy and my feelings (which are actually quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things) get in the way of my job and my future. My future - everything that I've worked so hard and tirelessly for.
Luckily I had a bunch of manuscripts that I brought home from the office that I've been able to work through while I isolated myself at home - away from him. It helped... keeping busy, that is. The manuscripts helped occupy and distract my mind.
I walk into the small kitchen that I now still share with my best friend, Calvin, and his boyfriend, Jeremy.
I miss his big, restaurant quality kitchen where I would spend hours watching him cook. But I can't let my mind dwell on the little things like that.
Being able to move back in with Cal and Jeremy is at least one thing I am thankful for. Things could have been a lot worse right now. I could've moved in with him before I realized that he and Hardin are much more alike than I initially thought. It seems like I do have a type - anger issues, stubborn and bipolar. Who would have guessed?
If I had decided to move in with him right away, I would have been royally screwed right now. I probably would have ended up homeless - sure, I have enough good friends who would take me in in a heartbeat for a while until I could find my feet again - but my pride would have possibly rather led me to a hotel. I wouldn't have been able to crawl back to Cal or Kim. I would've been too ashamed for not judging Trevor's character correctly.
I already felt pathetic enough for having to stay with Calvin again. I know he doesn't mind, but I still feel awful. He and Jeremy were supposed to have the apartment all to themselves and now they have a third wheel lugging around with them.
I make myself a cup of pipping hot coffee and then retreat back to my room - not wanting to bump into Calvin. I've been avoiding him ever since I got home that Monday night. I know that he's concerned about me and has a lot of questions, but I'm not ready to face the music yet. I just want to live in blissful denial for a little while longer.
I swallow down the last gulp of my coffee and it burns all the way down my throat, but I couldn't care less. I don't think any amount of physical pain will ever be able to add up to or compare to the emotional pain I've been put through this past week - straight from hell.
I strip down out of all my clothing, wrap a towel around myself and then leave the safe sanctuary of my room for the shower.
I turn the water on. While I wait for the water to warm up, I stare at my reflection in the full-length mirror behind the bathroom door.
After everything that happened at my parents' house, Trevor was my rock, my godsend... And now... now my rock has crumbled. Obliterated into dust.
I still see the marks he left on my body when we were making love. The purple-blue marks have now faded to a sickening yellow-green. Give it a few more days and all the reminders of everything we did in that hotelroom together - will be gone.
But the thing is that I don't want them to be gone. Everything we did in that hotelroom - together - it doesn't get any better than that.
I can still feel his hands all over my body. His fingertips gently caressing my skin, gliding over me. The fullness that came with him inside me is incomprehensible.
But now I don't feel like his goddess anymore. My reflection just looks like an empty shell of the girl that I was that night. And honestly, that's exactly how I feel - empty...
I pry my eyes away from the pathetic excuse of a human being that's staring back at me through the mirror and then step into the shower. The scalding spray of water finally gives me the cover that I have so desperately needed to cry. I made an agreement with myself that I wouldn't cry infront of anyone. I won't let anyone know just how much I'm aching and hurting inside. So the shower has been the only place where I let out all of my sorrows.
Sometimes I wish I could go home to my parents or just phone them, so that they knew about the misery that I was going through and so that they could wrap me in a tight embrace and tell me that everything is going to be alright.
But I know beter than to go looking for comfort at my parents' house. The sweet, soothing words that would be expected to come out of their mouths would be replaced by "I told you so," or "That's what you get."
I sag down into a pathetic pile of tears on the shower's tile floor.
I don't want to, but my mind goes back to that night. The night that changed our lives completely. The night of our huge fight after we ran into Hardin and Tessa.
***
Everything feels like it's happening in slow motion. I'm still recovering from the shock of seeing Hardin after all this time. But Trevor... Trevor is on the ground, ontop of Hardin - his fists flying down towards Hardin's face with force like I have never seen before.
Tessa is mimicking my paralysis as she also stares down at the fight that is unfolding right in front of our eyes.
Hardin isn't getting in nearly as many punches as Trevor... And I don't know if I should be happy or sad about it. Of course I don't want anything to happen to Trevor, but at the rate he's hitting Hardin... Hardin might not survive much longer.
"Trevor..." I'm finally able to choke out his name. "Trevor, stop!" I shout once my full voice has returned.
I know Trevor heard me, because he paused for a split second after I yelled his name, but he is still ontop of Hardin - beating his face into a bloody pulp.
Needing to stop Trevor before he does some serious damage, I move forward and grab him by his shoulders. Unfortunately I'm not strong enough to even get him an inch away from Hardin.
"Get the fuck off me," I hear Hardin's voice right before he lands a forceful blow right to Trevor's jaw. His punch throws Trevor a little off his game, which he takes advantage of. He quickly flips Trevor over and now Hardin is ontop of Trevor, slamming his fists into Trevor's face multiple times.
Realising that my feeble attempts of shouting their names and trying to pry them off of each other aren't going to do it, I come up with another plan.
I rush towards Tessa and take her cup of liquid - juice maybe - out of her hands. It's time to cool these two down. I pull the lid off of the container and then throw it's contents all over the two men still busy fighting.
As soon as they are saturated in the orange liquid (which I now realise is orange juice), it's as if they start to calm down. They aren't hitting each other any more, so I'd say my plan worked.
Hardin gets off of Trevor and rolls onto his back on the other side of the sidewalk. Both of them are still breathing hard, their chests violently rising and falling with every staggered breath.
Tessa runs over to Hardin and then kneels down next to him on the sidewalk, to make sure he is okay. I on the other hand rush over to Trevor to see how much damage Hardin has done.
Other than being completely soaked in Tessa's fruit juice, he doesn't look bad at all. Trevor only has a busted lip, a black eye and a few bruises here and there. Hardin definitely got dealt the short end of the stick in this fight.
"Are you okay?" My fingers trace over his features, trying to make sure there isn't any serious damage that I might be missing.
"I'm okay... Is... Is he okay?" His voice is still laced with anger, but it has an undertone of regret as well. It's clear that Trevor didn't mean for this to happen - his temper and rage just got the best of him.
"How is he?" I ask Tessa. She's helping Hardin sit up.
"I think he's okay, but I'm taking him to a hospital to get checked out, just in case. I'm scared he might have a concussion." Her voice is fragile and soft. It's hard to comprehend that this girl was capable of breaking Trevor's heart.
"I think I should probably take Trevor to get checked out as well." I take out my phone and get us a cab to the hospital, while Tessa helps Hardin into his car.
After I ordered a cab, I put my phone away and grab onto Trevor's hand. I hope he doesn't have any serious injuries.
***
Even more tears spring to my eyes after my flashback is over. I still can't believe that Trevor got into a fight with Hardin. But the thing is, that's not the thing I'm upset about... That's not the reason behind our break up. It's but only a small screw in the intricate destruction of our relationship.
I pull myself up off of the showerfloor and then quickly wash my body, before the warm water is finished.
I already feel cold and hollow on the inside - I don't need cold water to add to it.
A/N
Hey guys, I hope this chapter was worth the long wait. What are your theories on why Katherine is mad at Trevor?
The songs stuck in my head while I wrote this was Cardigan and The One by none other than Taylor Swift. If you guys have any song recommendations, please comment them.
But yeah, please don't forget to vote and comment. Until the next chapter...
~Izzy♥