Relief. It was all I had felt as soon as we'd entered the restaurant, the sudden wave of chilling air sweeping over Harry and I as we let the door close behind us. It hadn't taken long before we'd arrived, the drive consisting of nonstop music and letting Harry take the lead with most of the chorus' since it was his 'precious chevy baby' that we were in.
"Pretty sure that's them over there." Harry lowly spoke, once again hovering his hand on the small of my back yet never fully touching me properly. Looking in the direction to where we were now walking, I noticed the corner table everybody had been seated at, an elongated table, enough to fit the seven of us comfortably as well as an extra chair on the side.
"Look who decided to finally join us." Leon whistled, sending me a quick wave, as did Jett. "There was more traffic than I thought there'd be." Harry covered, hiding the fact that our lateness was due to the bickering of which song we'd play next. My mother and father sat opposite one another near the wall, thankfully leaving a spare seat for Harry and I at the end of the table as the others took up the space in between. Taking my seat beside Evie, she tapped her hand against my knee, "Just the five of us remember." I nodded my head, letting out a shaky breath.
Harry walked around to the opposite side of the table, dragging out the chair and sitting beside Jett, who had been too engrossed in the conversation being held by Leon and my father. With a neatly folded menu laying right in front of me, waiting to be looked through, I took it, opening it up and letting my eyes skim over the millions of options to choose from. "What tickles your fancy, love bug?" Jett questioned as she took her own and began reading it, "I'm not sure really, maybe a cheeseburger? The mushroom one kind of sounds nice too."
"Mmm, I was lookin' at that one, extra ranch though, and maybe a milkshake? There's a thought." Her honey tone spoke. Shifting my legs underneath the table, I crossed one over the other, feeling my boot nudge a leg in the process, Harry's eyes immediately flying up towards mine from being so focused on choosing his order. "Sorry." I whispered with a tight lipped smile, though with a simple grin, he trailed his eyes back towards the written words in front of him.
A red aproned woman swayed her way along the checkered floor, sauntering over until she stopped at the end of the table beside me, "Welcome to Shacked Up, are you guys ready to order at all? Or you'd rather some more time?" Her introduction of words had been interjected by the chewing of her gum, her quick eyes hovered upon both Harry and Leon, seemingly speaking to only the two of them in comparison to the rest of us. "Actually yeah we're all set to order." Evie stated as she eyed us all, wanting a head nod in approval.
My mother opted for the salad, a staple in her ageing life that she so loved to express any time we'd dine out. My father, Leon and Harry all jinxing in their order of a 'double stacked mean machine', while Evie had been swayed by the vegetarian option and Jett by the 'mushroom delight'.
"And for you?" The loud chewer of a woman asked, staring blankly at me though sending her glance sideways every few seconds.
"Uh, I think I'll get the cheeseburger, with mushroom if that's possible and uh, minus the tomato please."
Once she'd repeated the order a total of two times because of the few requests she'd seemed to have forgotten, she sent the boys a sly smirk and what I'd guessed was some sort of wink, before turning around and heading to behind the till. "Well isn't this so lovely, finally a night out all together!" My mother praised, leaning forward instead of placing her elbows on the table. "So great, thankyou for this Jane, and thankyou to the both of you for welcoming us into your home the way you have. We're absolutely lovin' it so far." Leon beamed while showing his toothy grin. A tiny snort of laughter sounded from Evie beside me, turning her head in my direction and rolling her eyes at his words.
"Our pleasure, it's so weird to see our house so full but we love having you all, it's a lot less lonely. How's the music coming along, getting there?" I let the voice of my father tune out slightly, rather watching my painted fingers tap the edge of the table to the tune still crowding my mind from when Harry had played it in the car earlier on. "It's definitely coming along." Harry perked up, eyeing my father from opposite ends of the table, "For sure, it's all coming together how we want it to," I couldn't help my smile at the non truthful words of Evie as she sweet talked her way through my parents once again, "and we've got a gig coming up this weekend actually, a pretty big one, kind of nervous but we've got it covered."
"Oh that's great honey, you're all doing so well."
My ears sparked at the word 'gig', hoping I could somehow work my charm so that Evie would allow for me to tag along with them. It had been a frightful mission for Avery and I last year, when we'd tried extremely hard to acquire some fake identification for the both of us. I would be forever thankful to her sister that ended up knowing someone who made them for us, printed so professionally that we'd never been held up on it prior. It was the small card with false information that sparked our ability to get into most places successfully, though it was also our hard work and determination to look at sexy as possible that always seemed to work more.
"And you honey?" The accumulation of eyes set upon me, pulling me from my reminiscing state, as I gulped at the question I'd missed from my mother. "What was that sorry?" I smiled, only to be met with an annoyed stare. "I said, have you given anymore thought about what is it you'd like to pursue? You should really try for something within the coming months you know, it's important to set yourself up early." It were all the words I'd heard over and over before, her pressured tone and sulking manner of why on earth I didn't know what to do with the rest of my life at twenty years old, her once verbalised thoughts of what she'd done wrong as a mother for me to not know what I want for myself.
I'd never had the answer for her when she first started to bombard me with these questions, and I sure as hell didn't have the answers for her now, or at least not the ones she'd want to hear. As I peered up at the plain coloured ceiling, trying to breathe through my want to lash out, I simply recited the words I knew so well, "I'm not sure yet mother. I've got plenty of time to figure it out, there's no need to worry."
"I'm just trying to help you trudge along, don't want to be stuck at home all of your life I'm sure darling." An audible scoff left my lips before I could allow it, sprawling my hands flat on the table before me, letting my gaze sear through my mother's chilling expression. "You know I think I do though, why can't I stay with you guys forever? It'd be so amazing don't you think?"
"Okay now watch your tone young lady."
"I'm watching it."
Before further words could be spat at my face, the familiar red apron appeared again, the woman now holding two plates in her hands as she stood, stretching her hands out to place them down. "Thank fuck for the food." Evie whispered beside me, grinning from ear to ear, "I can't do much more Ev, I feel like I'm about to snap any minute." She eyed me as her hand rose to pop a fry from her plate and into her mouth, "Just the five of us, remember it, just the five of us."
"Totally, yes," I exhaled, letting out an audible controlled breath, "just the five of us, of course."
-
The food that was once so beautifully placed in front of me, had soon been demolished. Every last speck that I could fit, completely enjoyed, but gone. It hadn't taken long for us to finish our meals, the talk of the table consisting of work related issues my father faced during the day and the socialite problems of my mother's friends. A more timid dinner than I'd expected, my low profile being kept throughout it, the outside light becoming rather dark from the amount of time we'd spent here so far.
Soaring my eyes across the table, to the man who'd been particularly quiet and tame, he sat back, playing with the packet of cigarettes I hadn't seen him bring in. Tossing the red from one large palm to the other, his tattoos peaking out from the ends of his shirt as well as his open chest. I'd wondered what they'd meant, which his first ever one was, did he have a favourite? Did he really enjoy pain that much to decide to cover his body in them?
As if he could feel my eyes on his own, he glanced upwards, furrowing his brows as he narrowed his gaze at me, "You okay?" He mouthed, an action that left me wanting to turn around, just to check that it was me he'd intended that for. I sent him an appreciative nod, my lips curving up, hoping he couldn't see through my cover. I was the first to look down, not knowing why I'd dared to look up in the first place, though it was hard not to.
He was an enigma.
A riddle to those who didn't know him and I classified as one of those people, I didn't know him, and quite frankly, I was never any good at solving riddles to begin with. So as the man sat before me now, continuing to fumble with the addiction in his hands, an overwhelming sense washed over me, one in which I wanted to know him, to understand him, to solve the uniquely closed off paradox with striking green eyes.
"Oh my god." Instantly the five of us turned our heads, over towards the enthusiastic gasp that sounded from my mother, my face scrunched up and confused. Her eyes were focused on something past me, with a hand to her chest, and a smile spread so wide I knew it would mean nothing good. "What on earth are you doing here? Oh you're all grown up, come here." She excitedly beamed, rushing to remove herself from her seat and over towards where my eyes had not fled.
Evie turned her head before I could, the shade of her brown eyes darkening in what I could only read as shock. "Unbelievable. She's got to be kidding." My vision started to falter, palms becoming heated from the kick of nerves I'd felt wash through me in an instant. Forcing myself to look, or at least progress in moving my head to eventually see, the firm grip of Evie's hand on my knee stopped me for a mere second, "I wouldn't advise it." As if my worrisome facial expression couldn't get any more obvious, I took a breath, a long hard, focused breath. Turning my head in the direction of everybody else's gaze, my eyes stopped upon the single body and mop of black hair I'd hoped to have never come across for far longer than I now had.
"Mrs Lennox, so good to see you! Mr Lennox, still looking as sharp as ever." His familiar voice paved its way through my mind, bringing back the pathway that had been concealed and non firing. "Such a handsome young man, how long has it been? I'd say a good few years now! I spoke to your mother on the phone not too long ago, what a coincidence!" I wanted to groan, out loud, a huge annoying groan to let everybody know how much I wanted to now be anywhere but here, even though I had wanted that before, the feeling suddenly felt electrified now.
"Mabel, you remember Jax? Don't you think he's completely grown up into such a fine young man?"
My mother's beady eyes were glazed over with something far too untrustworthy, her question of- if I'd remembered the boy standing in front of us now, like we hadn't gone to the same school my whole life, like our families hadn't been as close as they once were. Like for some unbeknownst reason, my normally functioning brain wouldn't remember this one person, and as much as I'd prefer it not to, I still very much remembered him.
He was the boy I'd grown up with, our families as thick as thieves, a daughter the same age as Evie and a son the same age as myself, a perfect little assortment. He had always had the upper hand, always the first chosen, always the one you wanted on your team, always higher up in the social rank even up until senior year. He had been the one to once rise the tiny blush on my cheeks though never realising he did so, forever acting as if I would suddenly become invisible once someone better came along. My moment of swooning over him stopped as soon as senior year rolled around, once I'd grown the fuck up and realised what a typical 'wannabe cool boy' he was, once I could no longer see through any kind of colour tinted glasses.
I'd realised it was all a part of me growing up, a cute little crush that no longer bothered me, but more so annoyed me. I had never been given the time of day, and now neither had he. I'd made it my mission to keep Avery and Avery only, after school ended, even though it had only ever been the two of us, the rest of our high school population didn't deserve any kind of friendship from us after their lovely efforts to exclude us from just about everything.
Bringing my eyes to meet his particular shaded blue ones, a colour that had never been my favourite, I put on the nicest face I could possibly muster while being in utter disbelief.
"Yes well, haven't we all."
A breath of laughter erupted from Harry, I watched him as he turned his head over to Leon as he whispered in amusement, "Haven't we all turned into such fine young men." Rolling my eyes back to my now furious looking mother, her hand coming to rest upon Jax's shoulder, his blue stare peering into me with a smart looking smile plastered upon his face, almost as if he still thought I was the girl I use to be.
"Mabel, Evie, " He nodded, meant as a greeting though both Evie and I courted the least enthusiastic smile we could muster, "so great to see you girls again."
Swivelling my body forwards, turning my attention to the few fries left on my plate, I picked them up and stuffed them into my mouth, seeing Evie from the corner of my eye as she did the same. I could feel the sensation burning from my mother, her inner demon wanting to squeal its way out and frown upon us for lacking such manners. "You're not doing anything are you darling? Bring that over, grab a seat." My mother cheered, pointing towards the lone chair that had been placed there from the start. I wanted so badly to rid the thought that this was my mother's plan all along, the need for her to ship me off and settle down becoming far too obvious right now.
Much to my disapproval, Jax pulled up the chair, both hands placed upon it as he swung it into place at the head of the table, in between Harry and I. Shovelling another two fries into my mouth, I floated my eyes up, watching the way both Leon and Jett eyed the newcomer, a sense of protectiveness oozing from them as Jett let her tongue run over her teeth. The awkwardness was something I couldn't bare, the clear pressure that I should make conversation weighing heavily upon me, though I pushed it down with every bit of energy I could. Another two fries down, a lick of my lips and a gentle nudge towards my leg underneath the table made me fixate my gaze on who I knew had done it.
Harry had one hand sprawled out atop the table, the chunkiness of his 'H' and 'S' rings making most of the noise as he tapped them on its hard surface. Though before he could mouth whatever it was that he wanted to say, Jax placed one elbow near my napkin, leaning on his hand as he drew his attention towards me. I knew he wanted to say something, it were only a mere matter of seconds now until he would, the chatter coming from my parents made me wonder why my mother had invited him to sit down at all.
"Missed your shy little face Mabel. How've you been?" He whispered, though not low enough as I felt Evie tense up beside me.
He'd missed me. They were words I knew my younger self would have never gotten over, she would have blushed at the sound of them and never recovered. Except now all I wanted was to dig myself the deepest hole, crawl into it, and dismiss the fact that this boy had uttered those words to me at all. I gulped, hoping nobody other than Evie had heard his dreadful and embarrassing comment, I tore my gaze towards him, observing how his facial features really hadn't changed one bit. "Been great actually, so great, and you, uh, how've you been?"
His big eyes and smooth cheeks curved up, as he continued to analyse my face, "Amazing now that I've seen you."
"Jesus fuckin' christ." A sudden snort of laughter came from Harry, his head turned to Leon's side as if to hide the fact that he'd heard Jax's cheesy confession. My eyes widened, cringing at the realisation that this had somehow now been an event of the night. To make matters worse than I thought they had already been, Leon piped up, raising a pointed finger, "Love bug doesn't fall for that shit."
I fought my hands as they wanted to lift up and cover my face, instead, I pleaded for them to stay resting on my lap, hoping by some miracle that this would soon end. "Hah, oh, I just meant that it's so good seeing you, you look so different from the last time I did." Jax breathlessly laughed out, a tinge of worry laced in with it, I'd hoped.
"The last time we probably saw each other was, what, like a few years ago. I'd be worried if I hadn't changed." I nervously exhaled, not wanting a live broadcast to the rest of the table. Though as I heard Evie begin to make her own conversation, my shoulders relaxed in the slightest, wanting as much noise as possible so that I could barely hear my own voice in this dreadful conversation, that by the look on Jax's face, wouldn't end anytime soon.
"Mm, of course. So, do you still dance? I remember you would never shut up about it back in the day." He asked genuinely, which made me shudder at the understanding that his mannerisms were far from mine. Not only did I not want to be reminded of my biggest failure, I'd hardly ever let my mind wander back to it, a situation that pulled me so deep into its darkness that at one point, I could have sworn I'd never get out. "No. Not anymore, haven't for a long time actually. It's not really something that I'm interested in nowadays." I hoped with every fibre in me that his next question would not be 'what I was interested in nowadays?', because I was so far from knowing that it scared even me, just as it did my mother.
"Oh that's a shame, you were so great at it, I remember."
"I guess we can't have it all." I sarcastically shrugged.
Jax leant back in his seat, hands placed by his thighs, his denim jacket sitting on what I could only imagine would be a muscular body underneath. If my memory had served me correctly, the years of football he'd participated in served him well for that factor only. "I'm still doing football, got recruited after senior year, so I've been putting all my time into that." He nodded, as if I'd asked him to elaborate to begin with, though I felt weary, like he'd read my exact thoughts.
"Wow that's a lot to be invested in, lots of running, lots of exercise, lots of... kicking balls." I knew it was Jett who gasped from behind me, her raspy voice giving it away. I'd really hoped the events of tonight would flee from my mind instantly, at this rate the words that kept flowing out of my mouth shocked even me, but to be real, football was never my thing. I knew absolutely nothing about it, nor had I ever been interested in it, and in reality, my 'kicking balls' comment was factually true.
Without a single laugh from him, or a sneak of a grin, he narrowed his eyes at me, as if I was some sort of unknowing child, "Oh no, it's so much more than that. It really takes a lot out of you, maybe that's why I love it so much, so much thrill in the constant physical side of it all." Staring at him as I was, flattened lips and sour expression, I couldn't for the life of me understand how his tone sounded as if he was trying to convince me to like it just as much as he did.
"Well that's really good for you. I'm sure you'll live a long and healthy life with all that constant physical thrill." I tonelessly spoke, blankly watching him as he flicked his short hair back.
"I want to take you out."
It was my turn now for the saliva to travel it's way recklessly wrong down the path of my throat, as a cough erupted from my lips, I rose a hand to cover my mouth discreetly, whispering a quiet 'what the fuck' to myself in the process. Immediately shaking my head, as nicely but firming as I could, "Look, it's been real nice seeing you again," I began, gesturing my hands to take away from the words I were about to dish him, "but I'm a busy one to catch, so busy actually, I don't know where I'd find the time."
Jax watched me, nodding his head slowly, "I wouldn't expect anything less, that's okay, schedule me in and I'm taking you out. How does this weekend sound? I know there's a bonfire happening just down at the beach, some of my football buddies will be there and-"
Any social gathering of the sort terrified me, especially one like he was so generously describing to me now. I couldn't help but intrude, "Sorry. Nope, I've got something on this weekend I'm afraid, but hey, a bonfire night, woo, so fun, go and enjoy it."
"Busy doing?"
"Sorry?"
"Busy doing what?"
I watched as Harry lulled his attention away from both Jett and Leon, now slowly coming to look at Jax, "Why so persistent on an answer?" He lowly asked, a rasp sounding from his tone. Jax then turned to eye him, an almost stare off between the two, "Just want to take the gorgeous girl out, make up for lost time."
Lost time. There were many moments of lost time within the length of my life so far, yet none with him. So as I let out a steady breath, trying to collect myself, Harry once again voiced his thoughts. "Right. Well she's busy this weekend, as she already said before, helpin' out the band, distractions aren't really good. We need her full focus."
"Oh you guys are in a band? That's so cool." Harry simply nodded at Jax's question, his head turning back to the conversation still being had by Jett and Leon. I tried to do the same, honing my focus in on their banter filled laughs, hoping that I would seem too invested in their conversation to want to continue the one with Jax. Except, with a nudge to my arm, pulling me out of my trance, I internally cursed for not having better acting skills.
"Okay so not this weekend, but the next? I really want to take you out." He firmly stated, staring past the personal bubble of my eyes as if to persuade me.
My heart began to fail me, palms becoming overly heated once again, it hadn't been many times I'd been in situations like this, desperate for a way out to dodge his nagging question. As my mind raced with words to let him down gently, breathing down a helpless worry, my eyes caught the vibrant sign showing 'toilets, this way'. The bright red hue alone convinced me enough, as I excused myself quickly, pushing my seat back as I slid my body out and around the table. A tiny jog mixed in with a fast walk allowed my body to move from the exposed state it was in, now heading towards the hallway and loudly freaking out as I pushed past the door and into the saviour of a bathroom.
"What the fuck?! No seriously what in the fuck was that? I can't- no there's no way- a bonfire with football buddies... Jesus." I yelled to myself, thankful that nobody else had been in the bathroom. I paced back and forth, along the length of the wide mirror, in front of the four vacant cubicles. "Why me? Can I not catch a fucking break? Like ever?" I whined, letting my elbows rest on the sink as I lay my face in my palms.
"I ask myself the same question, many times actually, far too many times for me to admit."
There Harry stood, like a shining star amidst the night sky, his smirk rather comforting and stance almost predatory, the perfect play on words standing before me. I peaked at him through the gaps of my fingers, shyly smiling at the tiny wave he sent me. I stood up straighter, letting one of my hands clasp onto the sink, a way to steady my wobbly and untrustworthy knees. The sharp bathroom lights above bounced off the numerous rings he wore as he stuck his hand out before him, my eyes focusing to see his car keys bunched in the palm of his inviting hand.
"You want to get out of here?"