'Where are we heading now?'
My eyes trace the Asgardian prince. His eyes seemed relaxed, his jaw unclenched. Even his hands were loosely swaying next to his hips.
'The library.' His eyes make contact with mine.
Blue, it seems to have more saturation the livelier he grows. Enhanced. Loki seemed to sway a little when he felt good. Allowing his chin to fall down a little, his face to relax.
'What?' His gaze turns slightly colder and expressionless. I shake my head while taking my eyes off him and darting them forward.
'Nothing,... Sorry.'
Loki hears it but does not respond.
One last glance.
'Over here.' Loki gestures towards this insanely tall door. His slender hand meets the door. And silently, the two doors open.
Natural daylight comes flooding in. Blinding. The warm colour of the candles and torches faded away.
'Thank you.' I nod thankfully at him while walking into the enormous-looking doorway.
'Whoah,...' My mouth falls open while setting foot into the gigantic library. Enormous shelves are stretching out to the very top of the huge decorated room. The sunlight enhances the dust that gently saunters.
Loki closes the doors behind him while he walks in, too.
Quietly, I set foot on one path. Walking through the hall which never seems to end.
It doesn't.
Even at the end of the room, there is more to be seen. Every corner is filled with books. Some were so old they would perish in one's hands. Some books are decorated with gold and locks.
I take a book out of the shelf that caught my eye. A beautiful grey book decorated with gold.
It held mysterious energy as I dusted the cover off. The cover is written in what seems to be a Norwegian language. It leaves me curious about what the book holds inside. Never judge a book by its cover, right?
I look off into the distance. No sight of Loki to be seen. Why do I have the feeling to be secretive with these books?
I tilt the book up as I now see the pages are lines of gold, too. My hand trails the spine of the book before I open it up.
There were enormous Asgardian letters accompanied by very tiny ones. And to my surprise, there was English too.
'"Asgardian Magic",' softly I mumble.
My eyes dart up once again to where I have last seen Loki. No signs.
Quietly, I scoot over to the little couch settling in the corner. I settle myself down and open the book. Looking once more.
"Asgardian Magic comes from thyne self, an Energy coursing through thyne body. Allow thyne self to feel it within the body as it is a part of the self. Rather than control or restrain, thou shall need to guide it like thyself along this journey."
Before continuing to the corner of the library, I look up once more.
"For thyne Magic to be wielded, the self needs to be serene, filled with ease and peace. When other emotions take hold of their magical abilities, the danger will come in and spread chaos for everyone and themselves.
Open thyne hand softly, not too strong, not too weak. Thy right position will do much good for Magic to be wielded and summoned."
I look down at my hand and slowly turn it around to make my palm face me. Then, with the palm facing upwards, I read the next sentence. Meanwhile looking at it, I am eager to try to give it the glow that I had let out yesterday, just so I can learn to control it.
"Imagine thou Magic coursing through thou veins and body. Focus on the self, focus on thyne body to feel it, guide it."
Again, my eyes fell on my hand, but not before looking at Loki in front of me. He is still not paying attention to me, so I can continue carefully. My hand is still facing the palm upwards. The muscles are relaxed as I allow myself to rest the hand on my leg. My eyes trail my slightly visible scars for a moment before regaining focus.
"REPEAT: Når jeg åpner hendene mine åpner jeg muligheten for at magien min kan frigjøres. Når jeg åpner hendene mine åpner jeg meg for forandring i livet mitt. Når jeg åpner hendene mine åpner jeg mitt tredje øye for den asgardiske magien."
I look at my hand and try to imagine the magic being able to leave my eyes and travel to my hand. That lingering green feeling is able to travel down towards my palms and bring balance to my energy.
'I would not do that in here if I were you.' Loki interrupts my moment of self-teaching with a harsh tone. He closes his book and gently turns himself around.
'Not without someone who has actual knowledge of magic.'
'Are you offering to teach me?' I tilt my head at him in disbelief with wide eyes.
'Oh, heavens no.' He speaks quickly while shaking his head.
'Oh, good.' I speak sarcastically. 'You had me worried there for a moment.'
'About what? A skilled sorcerer teaching you?' Loki questions while pointing at himself after he shrugs.
'Skilled. Skilled? A skilled sorcerer would be able to break free from a spell.' I look sternly over at the god before me as I fill with annoyance.
'Well, at least I have been able to make use of my magic.' He snarls at me.
'Ah, so you're just fully a magician then?' I snarl back at Loki.
He shakes his head in irritation as he stands up. 'Do you want to see a magic trick?' He then asks with a smirk on his sly features.
'Oh, please.' My sarcasm sparks off of my words as I look at him with a mocking expression.
'Very well, for my next trick, I'll make you disappear.' His blade-sharp eyes are focused on me as he clenches his fists.
'If that means being away from your childish bickering, please.' I roll my eyes at the god who is still staring sharply at me.
Loki steps closer. 'It would be my very honour.' His hate-filled eyes look me almost down into the ground.
'Brother!' Thor comes storming loudly into the room to which I flinch and step backwards.
'My apologies,' Thor smiles at me without any concern about what we are doing. 'You look extraordinarily gorgeous, Lady Xanthe.' Thor speaks gently with a playful wink as I know all about Jane.
'Thank you graciously. You do not look bad yourself.'' I make a slight princess-like bow in the gown with a mischievous grin on my face. This is only to keep up the appearance now of not having had another "fight" with his annoying brother. I want to punch Loki in his smirking face. But I can't.
'What are you here for?' Loki cuts the "conversation" Thor and I had off.
'Mother asked for our presence at the feast.' I look back over at Thor. 'You have been invited as well, Lady Xanthe.'
So off we go. Loki and I walk behind Thor in a tense cloud. I could punch him. He'd probably punch me, too.
'My sons, Lady Xanthe' Frigga looks delightful at her sons. A warm smile came my way, too. She immediately turns to Loki for a hug. He remains there for a while. Frigga smiles as she takes Thor in her arms next.
You too,...' She nods to me, and I slowly move closer. She embraces me in her warm arms like she is my own mother. It feels so good that I do not want to let her go, but I have to. 'Come on in.' She points towards the enormous room which is filled with many people. A long stretched table is filled with food and expensive-looking plates, glasses, and cutlery.
Thor excitedly marched in, and I followed him. 'Hello, Lady Xanthe!' Volstagg greeted me happily with food in his hands. 'We meet again, Lady Xanthe.' Fandral says with a wink. 'Good evening, everyone.' I nod at the people with a smile on my face. 'You look good, Lady Xanthe.' Sif points at the dress I got handed before making our way over. 'Thank you very much. The same goes for you, lady Sif.' I tell her while taking a look at her beautiful gown.
Thor greets his friends too and sits me down right next to him. Loki had taken a seat on the other side of the table where it was less loud. His mother accompanied him, and he seemed to feel somewhat better after that.
I kept on with Thor, who included me in every conversation at the loud and enjoyable side of the table. There were a lot of stories that were being told about battles and memories. Thor even told some stories about him and Loki as children.
By now, I knew the lyrics to the song. Everyone was singing drunkenly after dinner. I sat quietly in the back while watching everyone participate in the dancing and singing, which was nothing for me.
"Men trærne de danser og fossene stanser. Når hun synger, hun synger kom hjem. Men trærne de danser og fossene stanser. When she sings, she sings come home. When she sings, she sings come home,..."
I softly mouth along with the words I have learned and gradually stand up and start walking. It was rather hard to make my way to the door of the crowded room, but everyone politely stepped away.
"When she sings, she sings come home,... When she sings, she sings come home,... When she sings, she sings come home,... When she sings, she sings come home,..."
Slowly, I open up the door to the outside world and take a deep breath. The music is gradually fading away, though I keep quietly singing the familiar words along as I look up to to stars.
"I stormsvarte fjell. Jeg vandrer alene. Over isbreen tar jeg meg frem. I eplehagen står møyen den vene. Og synger, Når kommer du hjem?"
Quietly, I sit outside on the stone railing. The cold night breeze blows through my hair, which I had let loose when I arrived here. I look up at the infinite amount of sky to be seen. Everywhere are stars and planets to be observed amongst each other. The golden palace shimmers brightly in the starlight.
Nature here is extraordinarily beautiful, too, with all the trees and the green grass. The dark black ravens flew past now and then. One of the birds lands fairly close to me and looks at me for a moment. Gently, I reach my hand out for him as he looks at it and tilts his head.
'You're one of Odin's ravens, are you not?' The raven spreads its wings and hops onto my arm. He tilts his head. He almost seems to understand and nods.
'He must be keeping a close eye on me. I understand.' Carefully, I stroke the soft darkened raven as it flutters with its darkened wings in the starlight. I look at its feathers. Dark, raven black.
'I miss my own hair.' My memories go back to me trying to teach myself a bit of magic today. To times when I wasn't so much of an outcast. It was a time when I wasn't afraid to be myself. Now I am living like my own alias.
Lightly, I focus on my palm, trying to conjure even the slightest of magic. The raven watches me closely as I close my eyes for a moment to breathe. I open them and see nothing of magic. The raven spreads its wings as it hops off of my arm and settles next to me.
While trying it again, this time, I focus harder while letting the numbness and serenity of the view feed my magic.
When thinking back of Loki and his mind-reading a stinging pain fills my head like when he tried to read my mind before. This time, it felt stronger, and I saw flashes of images, blips of memories that were not mine. I snap out of it with a sharp gasp and a killing ache in my head, which fades too slowly. The bird has flown off into the night as I open my eyes from squinting them tightly in pain. Tears from in them as if I had been punched in my nose.
Gradually, I turn my eyes to see Loki appearing rapidly with an angered cold expression on his face. Without his eyes or his words meeting mine, he sits himself down on the balcony next to me. He looks blankly ahead at the landscape and the broad view of the magnificently looking Asgard.
I want to speak so badly but can not get my mouth to open up or my mind to make up what to say.
'Whatever you were thinking?!' Loki asks, growling. He raises his hand ragefully to his head.
'What?' My questioning gaze turns to him as I whisper.
'Why were you in my head?' He asks slightly louder as he fills up with annoyance.
'I was not,... wait.' My brows furrow while watching Loki's irritation grow.
'How did you get in my head?!' He snarls in rage while turning his head. I flinch at his sudden anger. I turn my gaze off of him and move my eyes towards my fidgeting fingers.
'I did not - I am -,...sorry.' I try to open my mouth to him, but nothing decent comes out besides an apology. Nothing will do good after trying to do something I do not know the consequences of. He shakes his head while I apologise again. 'I'm sorry.'
'Do you think apologies will do?' Loki asks me seriously protective of his memories and thoughts. I can feel as if I am, too. I shake my head with a great feeling of guilt growing inside.
'No,' my voice softly whispers to which silence befalls. Most of the silences we have shared today were comfortable. However this one, this one feels like being watched by someone. I was watched but not able to do anything about it. Not knowing what or who has its eyes on you and what it does next.
'I am scared.' I tell Loki as I look back towards his tightly clenched jaw and his eyebrows rising.
'What?' A confused tone takes him over with a slight hint of sympathy found there too. The scared little boy was back for a second. I turn my eyes towards the balcony we sit on, away from him.
'I'm a scared little girl, lost and alone, stumbling in the dark.' My expressionless face has turned to utter exhaustion. My eyes hung low. I could not even give as much as a blink. 'There is not much that I know about myself.' Slowly, I nod at my own words as I see Loki turning his head for a moment. Loki is merely sitting next to me silently, his eyes gently turning towards me. His expression blanks slowly. 'How?'
'I do not know,... But I,- I saw something,... in your memories,...' My voice is almost shaking while I whisper. Meanwhile, the god turns his head, and my body fills with even more anxiety. He does not say a word, though I know he asks it.
I sigh deeply and slowly lift the longer sleeves from the dress to reveal my wrists underneath. Loki's eyes look down at my arms, and the scared little boy returns as he looks me in my eyes.
'Scars,' I speak unwillingly even though he has seen them before for a quick moment.
'May I?' He asks gently while holding his hand out.
I silently nod. He cautiously takes a moment to take considerate hold of my arm and examine it by turning it around and tracing the scars with his fingers. The scars were not usual. They were geometrically placed as if they had been done on purpose. Three rings around both wrists, the same goes for my shoulders, just above my knee, above my elbows, my ankles, and even my fingers, which I therefore always decorate with rings and gloves All of them were surrounded by the same three scars around them. As if I have been decorated.
As tears fill my eyes slowly, Loki releases his hand from my arm, to which I lower the sleeve. While biting my lip, I close my eyes and try to hold them back. I sniff and take a deep breath before going further on with talking.
'My whole life is built from lies. Everything is - nothing. Nothing more than words, nothing more than someone else in control, and - and it makes me feel so...'
'Manipulated,' Loki speaks softly as he now understands why I defend him.
With struggle, I can keep my tears to myself, though I can feel my broken expression trying to force a smile. I looked back up to see Loki still looking at me. His expression was only slightly softer than usual.
'So that is why you desire to learn so eagerly?' Loki asks me as I nod my head. 'You want to control something?'I shake my head while lifting my shoulders hopelessly.
'You did not have to tell me that.' He says rather softly while understanding the pain.
'I know,' numbly I nod my head at him. 'It is a fair deal.'
After those words, silence falls between us. Both of us look away deep in thought at the magnificent night view from Asgard's palace balcony. For what seems comfortable hours, we look up at the stars and planets above our heads uninterrupted. The silences and the crickets made everything I have done worth it, though it is still wrong what I did. I still have no clue what I have done. Slowly, I lean back against the pillar behind me. A tiny yawn escapes from my face as I cover it up with my hand.
'I can escort you to your room.' I take a look at Loki who says it without looking at me. My eyes linger on his face, lit up by the light of the stars above. I take my eyes to my hands as they nervously fidget.
'I don't want to,...'
My eyes gradually move back towards the view. If Loki thought staring would go unnoticed, he is wrong because I now can feel his eyes looking over at me. Trailing my gaze and tired tear-filled eyes and my fidgeting hands.
'... not yet.'