Theo Nott
"So are you guys ready to leave this weekend?" Blaise said, coming over and throwing his arms over mine and Draco's shoulders as we walked down the halls.
Draco and I both shrugged, not really caring.
"It's going to be like every year." Draco mumbled "Boring and full of drinking."
"Yes, but this year we all have significant others." Blaise chuckled.
"Still doesn't matter. We were all shagging before we made it official. Am I wrong?" Blaise let go, walking in between me and Draco.
"Technically, you two were the only ones shagging. Sadie and I didn't like each other." I reminded him.
"You've always liked her," Draco replied.
"But you just wouldn't man up and talk to her," Blaise added.
I shook my head, "I did man up-"
"Yeah, this year." They both said and unison.
They were right.
I was always scared to talk to her. She always kept to herself and only talked to Pansy and Astoria. Mostly Astoria because they shared a dorm.
There was another reason, too, though. I was scared she'd leave. I never get attached because of that. Abandonment issues if you will.
And I'm still scared that she'll walk away, that she'll see a side of me that she doesn't like. My weak side. My weakest side.
"She's coming to your Manor this year, right?" Draco asked, trying to get a headcount.
I nodded.
"She never comes," Blaise interjected.
"Yeah, she tells Astoria she visits her parents because she's here during the year and it's the only time she can see both of them," Draco added. He had a look though. And then he spoke again "Why did she decide to come now?"
I shrugged, "Don't know."
"Maybe she's always liked you too. But just never said anything." Blaise smiled as Korrie and Pansy walked by.
I shrugged again, "Only she knows. Now let's get to class."
We walked through the doors and Sadie sat there, her head down and reading.
We were in Transfiguration so we sat right next to each other.
***
Sadie Myers.
My head was down and in a book, reading the same line over and over.
This wasn't normal for me. Usually, I was able to read through the pages quickly, but today was weird. Something was off. In my gut, something was telling me that I needed to see my father; talk to him and get answers for something. But I didn't know what.
"Hey," Theo said, sitting down next to me and putting his bag on the floor. "How are you?"
I chuckled nervously, hoping he wouldn't ask anything more personal. "I'm good. How are you?"
"Fine." He smiled, pulling out his books.
It felt weird between him and I. Weirder than normal. I should've told him, and he knew something was up, but I didn't have the courage for that conversation yet. And I sure as hell didn't dare to watch him leave me for so many lies I've kept.
"I wanted to ask you something." He stopped my thoughts and I looked at him, "Did you-"
He stopped and looked up and behind me. I felt someone standing there and I knew. My gut had stopped wrenching and my heart started to drop. My mind wasn't making the connections yet.
But as I turned around and looked into my father's teary eyes, something was wrong.
"Miss Myers?" He asked and I nodded. "Can you grab your things and come with me?"
I looked at McGonagall, her eyes knowing something. I turned to Theo who was confused.
I swallowed and nodded, grabbing my bag and walking out of the room.
I didn't say anything to Theo as I left, knowing that he'd make the connection and figure out that this was my father. But he didn't know why he was here.
The walk was quiet until we started to head up to the headmaster's office. "Sadie... This isn't easy." My father's voice was wavering and I said the first thing that came to mind.
"You're leaving again? Without me...?" My voice was low, not mad like I thought it would be.
But he stopped, pulling my arm lightly so that I would too. I looked up and at him.
"No. Not at all. I won't leave again until I have to." His tone was stern like he meant what he said. And maybe he did. "I didn't realize how bad it was for you, and I'm so sorry. I didn't see what your future would become if I left. And now I do. I'm so sorry-"
"What do you mean?" My face twisted in confusion.
My father grabbed my hands, sighing. And then he closed his eyes, a tear slipping down his cheek. "Your mother. She was... She's..."
My stomach turned, a feeling of sickness washing over me. I felt my skin pale and my mouth drop open. I felt the tears burning my eyes and my body starting to shake. My hands gripped my father's.
"Oh god." A heavy breath left my lips. "Oh, Merlin." Another. "Oh fuck." I was hyperventilating now, my chest rising and falling as I came to the realization. "She's dead. She's fucking dead. Oh my-" My knees gave out and I fell to the floor, my father coming right to my side and pulling me into him.
"Shh, she's not dead." His hand was on my cheek, his other wrapped around my back. "Your mother's on life-support, but most likely won't make it."
I cried harder, breathing heavier.
"It's okay. It's go- going to be fine." His voice cracked as he hugged me tighter.
I felt safe, warm, here in his arms. It wasn't right. After all of these years and here we were... like nothing had ever happened.
It wasn't right.
But in so many ways... it was.
"D-don't leave me," I sobbed, "I miss you."
My father pulled away, tilting my head up and wiping the tears from my face. "I won't ever leave again without you, my purple flower."
I nodded and cried harder as memories from my childhood flashed throughout my mind; memories of him and me.
"Can we go and see her?" I asked, "Mum... can we?"
He nodded "Of course."
***
We sat in the waiting room at St. Mungos, waiting for the healer to come and take us to her.
Dried tears mixed with mascara stained my face. My hands trembled and my leg bounced up and down. Now and then, I would sniffle, wondering what my life would've been like if my mother didn't turn to drugs.
Unfortunately, that's all I ever thought. I always thought about how things would be so much more different.
"You can see her now." A healer came up, both my father and I standing quickly and following her. "Now before I let you go in there, you're going to see many tubes and different machines. All things that are keeping her alive. We can talk more about the choices of her future later."
I nodded and walked into the room, seeing exactly what the healer was talking about.
My mother laid there on the bed, a tube in her throat and so many other things. It looked like she was a patient from one of those muggle hospital shows.
I sat next to her side, grabbing her hand and avoiding all of the tubes that were connected to her.
My father looked at me and smiled sadly, "You look like her." He said. "I didn't realize that you'd grow up to look more like her than me. Everyone used to say, when you were a baby, that you were my twin."
I chuckled, as tears started to roll down my cheeks once again, and shook my head. "After you left, mum always complained about how much I looked like you."
I remembered the times that I would be in the kitchen, cooking or doing the dishes, and she'd walk in, a bottle in her hand, and tell me how much I resembled my father.
"I think that's why she is the way she is... why she's here. As I grew up, she started to see more of you in me and that's when a lot of the drinking and doing drugs got worse." I wasn't in a happy memory mood, all the bad times coming back to me. "She hated you and hated me because I was just like you... because I am just like you."
"That's not true." His voice was low and sad, "She's always loved you. She's just had problems." He came closer, standing next to me "Before we had you, she had the same issues, but when she found out she was pregnant, she wanted to change and she did."
"Well, she obviously didn't want to keep that change," I remarked, my anger finally showing through.
I heard my father sigh and mumble a 'I'll give you some time alone' and then he walked out, shutting the door behind him.
I sat there, rubbing my thumb over the tubes in my mother's hand.
"Why?" I asked, knowing that she couldn't hear me. "Why didn't you love me enough? All I asked was for you to get better, to be my mother... but why wasn't I enough for you to do that?" The tears didn't stop, just becoming heavier and faster flowing.
"I tried so hard for you. I tried to be good enough. All I wanted was for you to love me. I just wanted you to tell me that I was enough and that you were trying." I squeezed her hand. "Why wasn't I good enough?"
I sobbed and rested my head on her bed, "I love you."
I just sat there and cried.
No matter what I did for her, it wasn't enough. I'd put my all into everything, and I'd always get the same thing back each time.
Absolutely nothing.
All of the cooking and cleaning... Nothing.
All of the working and earning money... Nothing.
All of the coming home and taking care of her so that she'd live... Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
I was nothing to her. No matter how hard I tried.
I was just a person.
Not her daughter, not her favorite... Just a person who was nothing.
I sat up, letting her go and wiping the tears from my face. I looked at her and stood up with shaky legs, "I am nothing to you and you don't care. No matter how much I love you..." My voice cracked and I turned to leave the room, but before I did... "If you come back to me, you have to get better and prove that you love me."
And with that, I left.
It's not like she could hear me... and it's not like she was coming back.
She was plugged into the wall, clinging to life for nothing.
My father stood there, against the wall. "Can we go now? I don't want to be here anymore."
He nodded and took my hand, apparating back to the school.
Was I even enough for Theo?