The drive back is quiet and I just stare at the view the whole way there. The Summer was coming to an end and so were so many other things.
People will show you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be. I knew now that there's a difference between being patient and enabling toxic behavior.
Topper and I both freeze when we see Rafe's jeep in my driveway. "Do you want me to come in?" He asks.
"Stay here?" I ask him and he nods. He leans over and kisses my forehead before I get out of the jeep.
I could not express how much of a comfort my friends were to me right now. I was going through hell but I knew I wasn't alone. I smile at him.
I walk up to the house and find Rafe on the couch. He looks panicked as hell. "Ev where were you?" He asks as he stands up.
I barely move when I lean against the wall. "What's wrong?" He asks me when he notices how numb I am being.
"Where were you?" He asks me. "John B's." I answer softly and he rolls his eyes. He shakes his head in disbelief. It actually has started to amuse me, the way he lies and keeps things from me.
"Were you with someone else at Barry's?" I ask him and watch his face change. He drops his mouth open and looks extremely surprised.
"I know something happened. Can you just be honest with me?" I ask him calmly.
"Ev, I was coked out of my fucking mind. I have no idea what I did- I don't." Rafe tells me. He sounds flustered and panicked.
"Did you sleep with someone else?" I ask. "I don't fucking know." He tells me.
"Ev you have to understand, I was losing my mind over what went down with Ward I- I almost had a fucking OD Ev." He tells me and I shake my head.
"So you're not saying no?" I ask him, my voice breaking a little. "I'm saying I don't fucking remember." He tells me.
"So if JJ remembers seeing you and you don't remember it - then it means it happened." I tell him trying to process this.
"I can't believe you're taking JJ's fucking word for something like this." He says. "Why would he lie?" I ask him.
"Why would be lie? Why would he lie? Don't be fucking stupid. He would lie because he fucking hates me and ruined my life that night. He would lie because he's trying to take everything I fucking have-" Rafe begins yelling and I shake my head.
"But Rafe. You got with someone else, while I was out there looking for you, scared out my mind-" I begin.
"Look Ev, I was too coked out, it doesn't count." He says and I look at him in disbelief.
"It doesn't count?" I repeat and he nods. "Ev, I have been living a fucking nightmare." He begins, his constant self pity was disgusting me at this point.
"Rafe you slept with someone else-" I say and he cuts me off. "I was provoked-" He begins. "Look can we please just forget this-" He starts and I cut him off.
"Forget this? Rafe do you realize what you've done?" I ask him. I couldn't really cope up with him right now. He had done the wrong thing but actually expected me to cancel it out because he was going through a tough time?
"Look I'm sorry. I just need you I-" He begins taking a step towards. "Stop." I say. "Just- just tell me how to fix it." He says.
"I can't do this with you anymore." I say to him. He looks at me for a second and nods.
There's a silence we both sit in for about three minutes. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but I don't think I cared too much.
I stand up and walk towards my front door. I hold it open for Rafe and he sighs when he notices. He gets up and walks next to me.
It looks like he's about to say something, but he doesn't. He walks out instead. I close the door behind him and lean against it.
Everything begins to hit me extremely hard in this moment. I felt like I had lost my friends and Rafe both.
Just then my phone buzzes. 'Please come tonight if you feel up for it.' A message from JJ says. I text Topper saying everything is fine.
It was around 9.30pm right now. I decide that if I stay in this house by myself I'm going to find myself spiraling down a really depressive night.
I take a shower, taking time to look after myself. I end up exfoliating and doing skin care masks for a whole hour- just to feel like I'm picking myself up, putting myself back together.
I put on a little makeup. I shuffle through my clothes and my heart stops when I see my little black dress from the first night at the Pariz.
My fingers feel the fabric a little, before I take it off it's hanger and place it into a little laundry bag, which I tuck away in a drawer of my wardrobe.
I do the same with some of Rafe's clothes but I honestly own too many and didn't have the mindset to do this tonight.
I change into a cute green romper (picture below) and dry my hair. I grab my phone and keys before heading to my car. My parents told me they'd be back tomorrow night.
So at least this was the last night I'd be completely alone, it comforted me to know they'd be home soon. I text Topper, asking if he wanted to come to the party which he says no to. I drive to John B's.
There's quite a few people at the party. Mostly some Pogues and kids from the cut. I shuffle through a few people to look for my friends. My eyes meet Kiara's.
Kie runs over to me and hugs me. I give her a small brief about what happened and tell her the reason I'm here tonight is to forget it.
She comes to my rescue as we both down two shots in one go. "Plenty more of where that came from!" She tells me and I smile.
"Holy shit Ev!" Pope yells as he and John B make their way to me. They both practically jump over and hug me. I wrap my arms around them.
It felt so good to be surrounded by my friends right now. I wished Sarah and Topper could be here. Just as I down my next shot, I hear someone behind me.
"Ev?" I turn around and see Sarah. "Sarah!" I say at once as I pull her into a hug. She holds me for a really long time.
I realized she's probably at the party because she's made up with John B. I knew that hanging out with the Pogues was practically a hate crime against the Kooks right now. I felt better knowing Sarah was in on it with me.
"Is Rafe okay?" She asks me and I just nod. I didn't want to get into it right now. I smile when I see her hug John B.
I knew they'd figure it out, they always came back to each other. We all huddle together, so happy to have each other.
I hear Kie telling Sarah what happened with Rafe and I. I was glad someone else was telling it, I'd do anything to forget it at this point. I'm on my fifth shot for the night and I only got here thirty minutes ago.
I smile as Pope slips his arm around me and kisses the side of my head. "We're so happy you guys are here." John B says smiling.
"You know there's one person who couldn't wait to see you here." Kie tells me as she scans the room. Everyone begins to smile. "Where is he?" I ask them.
"Ahhhh I think he just saw us!" Pope says as he gestures in front of us, across the room, where JJ is standing and looking in shock. "Here comes the booyyy." John B jokes.
I notice him smile lightly when he sees me. I knew I was slightly drunk right now but seeing JJ made me the happiest.
I don't hesitate as I let go of Pope and Sarah, and walk up to him. "Ow ow owwwww" I hear Kie hoot behind me.
JJ watches me with a confused expression on his face. I knew he had no idea what was going on and was so surprised to see me here.
Just then in that moment I realize I have nothing at all to lose, but only to gain. "You came." He says, stuttering lightly. I nod before I take his face into my hands, crashing my lips into his.
It doesn't take him even a second to react as he wraps his arms around me, kissing me back instantly. I can vaguely hear the others hooting behind me over the music at the party. I taste the alcohol in his mouth and I smile a little.
He pulls away for a second, holding my jaw lightly as he looks at me. I watch his eyes as they trail my lips.
He smiles at me before kissing me again. He doesn't waste a moment before his tongue slides into my mouth and his hands reach lower to grab my butt.
My mouth moves against his in the most magical way. I am somehow transported back to our first kiss on the docks at John B's, which ironically wasn't too far away right now.
One of his hands grabs my jaw and turns my head to the side lightly, deepening the kiss. I taste him and begin to feel so consumed by this kiss.
He squeezes my butt lightly and I bite his bottom lip. This kiss was driving me insane. I didn't care very much how many people were seeing this right now, and I know he didn't either.
The kiss get so sloppy and wet, driving me insane. I knew both of us had been anticipating this for a while now. I was tipsy as hell and right now, JJ was all I wanted to do.
The others are smiling at us, they finally stop staring when they realize it's a little gross to watch. "That was a lonnnnnnng time coming man." Pope says while smiling.