Even before Reti and I crossed into the apartment, I could hear frantic pacing. I sighed as Reti whined, her head tilted in confusion. I rose my hand to the door, and realised I was shaking.
I was shaking.
Taking a step back, I swallowed a painful breath. Still, my hand shook. Was confronting Hawks really so petrifying? Or was it just the confrontation in general? Strange how when I would be around my parents, my siblings, the customers, I was always portraying such a display of confidence, acting like I was in some sort of comedy. A tragic comedy, one laced and spiked with misfortune lurking around every corner. Even when I was going to meet with Nao, having the intention to explain everything, I never felt nervous. Not even once.
But somehow, with Hawks just on the other side of that door, this conversation meant so much more. My actions, my words, my expressions, my everything would matter. There was no time for facades, I had to be real. But real was scary. And unfortunately, necessary.
Before I could backpedal, I gripped the handle and twisted it, keeping my head down as I entered. I knelt down and unleashed Reti, who happily trotted towards Hawks. I could tell that he stood still, I could feel a predatory gaze watch my every move. I was completely paralyzed, every fiber in my body humming with nervous energy. It was now or never.
"Hawks, I-"
My emerald eyes widened as I was swept up in a bone-crunching hug, his head buried deep in the nape of my neck. His wings were hung around me like a protective barrier, blocking out the light. "Bubbles," he whispered hoarsely, as though he had been crying. Maybe he had been. It was hard to see that being a reality, but at this point, nothing would shock me.
Except for Hawks.
"I'm sorry I've confused you so much, I don't realise what kind of effect I have on people until way after the fact," he admitted, his arms tightening around me. "I've gone and hurt you without even noticing, not even caring about what you felt. I just looked at you and decided you were mine, and I still think that, but fuck-" he choked, finally tearing himself off of my small frame. His hands slid from my shoulders up to cup my cheeks, his amber eyes desperate. "I don't want to upset you anymore, and I'm not going to bother hiding it, although people might frame me as a fool for this." He shuddered, and my eyes trembled, stinging at the corners. And here I thought I was the one suffering.
"I don't care what other people think. Bubbles, I'm not teasing you," he promised, his eyes hardening with resolve. "Damn it, I like you, and that makes me sound like I am in fucking middle school but I don't care. For me, I was hooked the moment I saw you, and not a single thing you've done has made me doubt that. If anything, your flaws, your actions, your own personal quirks have drawn me closer." He gently brushed aside a strand of hair that fell loose, his eyes softening. "I'm told I go too fast. And I have been too fast, to my own detriment, multiple times," his voice grew hushed, his eyes briefly losing themselves in some distant memory. "And even now, with you, I have moved too fast. Bubbles, when you left, it was then that I realised how I had messed it up. I... I won't deny to wanting you, I do, but...
"I just want you to be ready. Because I am, I know that, but are you?"
I really looked at him then. Really looked, not just the exterior, but I made sure to analyze him as a person too. He was fierce and brave, I'd witnessed that before when he rescued me from the car. He was dedicated and loyal, reaching out to me first and having never left my side. He was an honest friend, really questioning as to whether the people around me were actually good people. He was the first person to do any of these things, the first person to show me how... Not awful every corner of life was. In one month alone, he had me completely whipped. And so, I opened my mouth, ready to respond.
And then Nao's face flashed through my mind. The sting fresh on my cheek.
My heart fell. Nao...
My face fell. Tears threatening to spill at the corners of my eyes.
"I'm not," I croaked, and he stiffened slightly. He removed his hands from my cheeks and gently brought me in, holding me against his chest softly. "I'm not... ready yet," I admitted, and he hushed me gently, pressing my head against his chest. His hand ran up and down my back soothingly, and as he did so my arms managed to wrap around his. I clutched his shirt, burying my face in his chest.
He ran his hand through my hair, and cleared his throat. "Thank you for being honest," he said chipperly, and I felt my face wipe clean. He wasn't... Upset? "But you have to promise me one thing," he grinned, a devious look entering his eyes. I nodded, albeit slightly hesitantly. "You absolutely must sleep in the bed. You can't just cuddle with the dog, that's not cool," he stated, and I rolled my eyes.
"Fine, but the dog can cuddle on the bed anyways."
"Absolutely fucking deal!" He cheered, and hoisted me up and above his shoulder.
"W-Woah, I need to change first!" I explained, and he promptly dropped me on the ground.
"Right right, how could I forget. At least this way, I can feel all of your soft bits," he winked, turning around and throwing off his shirt.
Sweet cherry parfaits what this boy did to my fragile heart. Conveniently, I forgot all about his scandalous words, gathering my clothes together and rushing to the bathroom to change.
When I came out, he was already settled, his feathers scattered across the bed in a chaotic fashion. He held an Endeavor manga above his head, his eyes scanning the pages, eating up every scene with voracity. I smiled softly, crawling into bed beside him. I patted the covers after I had settled, and Reti hopped up beside me, curling up around herself on my left side. I faced her and laid my head on her feather-soft belly, sighing comfortably. Broad hands gripped my waist and spun me around to the other side, before large arms locked me in. A violent flush bloomed on my face before I managed to say something.
"Why couldn't I be next to Reti?"
"Because she doesn't deserve your cuddles," Hawks huffed, squeezing me tighter.
"Are... Are you jealous?" I asked incredulously, turning my head up to face him.
He pressed my head back down to the mattress. "So what if I am, it doesn't matter. Just stop talking and go to sleep," he sighed, shifting slightly. I shivered slightly, trying hard to focus on my drooping eyes rather than the man behind me. But it was hard. Excruciatingly hard. Especially with his warm breath against the back of my neck. Still, though, it was hard to deny the comforting presence of Hawks behind me. Something about him just made me feel...
Safe. Loved. I gently placed my hand on his, tracing my thumb along the back of it. I didn't want to lose this feeling.
The second day of my days off rolled around, and I was throwing on a couple of clothes, preparing for my outing. I wore a white skirt and a vivid green button T-shirt that was tucked in. I hoisted a backpack over my shoulder before I left the room, making a beeline for the door. Hawks rolled his head back on the couch, his eyes locking on to my retreating frame.
"Yo," he called out. I felt a sharp shiver of shock run down my back. "Where ya goin'? He asked playfully, getting up and sauntering over towards me.
I robotically turned towards him, breaking out in a cold sweat. "I'm going to get my things from my parent's house," I stammered, and he hummed curiously, leaning forward.
"Well then! Let's make a trip out of this," he exclaimed, throwing on his own shoes. I paled.
"There's no need to do that! I don't want to burden you," I tried to reason but he served me with that knowing grin. He wordlessly - although not without a winning grin plastered to his face - whisked me into his arms bridal style, ruffling his feathers. "Oh no, Hawks, you know I'm afraid of heights," I begged, already shaking in terror.
He pinched my cheek, twisting my face to look up at him. He smiled softly, flicking my nose. "Just watch me, and not the ground then," he suggested. I nodded timidly, and before I knew it we were soaring in the air. I gasped and clung on to him, eyes wide. Like he bade me, I kept my stare fixated on him, on his elegant wings that glided across the wind current as though he were skating on ice. I reached out and gently grazed my hand along his feathers, and he shuddered, letting out a hot gust of air. I glanced up at him, only to notice his cheeks rosy.
"Hawks, are you... blushing?"
"No, that's the wind," he denied, keeping his eyes on the destination ahead of him. I smirked, keeping my eyes on him as I once again dragged my hand on his wing. He turned beet red at that, a slight frown struggling to remain on his lips.
I giggled. "I think you're lying to me."
"And I think you're nasty," he snapped, his molten-gold eyes shimmering with some sort of desperate plea.
"Aw, but you know, I think you like it," I teased, and his eyes hardened.
"You're definitely going to pay for this," he promised, "but for right now, we're here." I turned to face the shop as his feet touched the ground. A couple of people whispered in shock, staring at the two of us. I nodded to him, but before I turned around he grabbed my arm and leaned next to my ear. "If they try to convince you that you're wrong and that you should stay, I'm right there with you," he breathed, and I smiled gratefully. He let go of my arm and I stepped through the door, the ringing bell triggering a wave of nostalgia. My mother glanced upwards and her hand flew to her mouth.
That pink hair.
Those saddened golden eyes.
I took a step towards her, reaching my hand in my pocket. Then stepped through the floor, wood splintering as I cried. My right foot was lodged inside the broken flooring. "DAMN IT!" I spat, "I'm not even with you for five minutes, and already my life is hell." I pulled myself out of the whole, brushing off the dust. I took the keys from my pocket and slammed them on the counter. Her eyes widened in shock, desperation surging forth in a cruel wave. "I'm not staying, just grabbing my stuff." I swerved around the counter and strode up the stairs. Hawks trailed behind me, waving a friendly hand to my mom.
"I don't have many possessions," I explained. "Maybe a couple of stuffies, my guitar, and two books I've read over and over," I explained. I found a conveniently empty box, and picked it up. "We can put the stuffies and books in this box, but I'm not sure what to do about my guitar," I admitted a little sheepishly, and he grinned, ruffling my hair.
"Don't worry about a thing, sweet cheeks. Hawks is here to save the day, aren't I so amazing," he crooned, complimenting himself before looking around. He had to tuck in his wings to avoid smacking them into all of the furniture. His brow furrowed. "Where's your room?" I pointed to the out of the way closet looking door and nodded my head towards it. He opened it and his eyes widened in shock. "You're joking," he scoffed, and I shrugged.
I waved my hand in it's direction, nodding once again. "Please, wander through my childhood bedroom," I offered as I slipped in with the box and began to pile the stuffies in there. I grabbed two books and took a picture of me and my sister. I huffed quietly, tracing her face before stuffing it in the box.
While I did so, Hawks' sharp eyes snagged on a photo album of me as a kid. His eyes slid to my frame, before tucking it in his coat unnoticed. He figured it would be nice to peruse photos of me as a kid. I turned around and he straightened, and I raised an eyebrow. "Do you mind packing up my guitar? The case is right there," I nudged it with my foot. He smiled and hummed, packing away the instrument.
I went back down the stairs, and just as I was about to make my escape, my mother calls out to me, freezing me in place.
"Are you really leaving me...?" Her voice broke. It was so convincing, so genuine. It hurt.
"Yes, she is," Hawks replied for me, his tenor voice loud and clear. "She's got a good place to stay, a decent job with kind coworkers, and the number three hero watching out for her. You couldn't ask for anything more, right?" He asked lowly, and she stepped away with a hand over her chest. I don't know what kind of glare he gave her, but it was enough to leave her shaking. "C'mon Bubblegum, it's about damn time I get that payback we discussed," he smirked playfully, and I glared at him, rolling my eyes so hard it hurt. The moment we breached the outside world, Hawks had wrapped me up in his arms, his wings beating as we ascended into the sky.
"You've got cute stuffies," he commented, looking in the box. I grew flustered, but if I tried to move the box it would just fall and decend, forever losing my precious memories due to a stupid mistake. "Are you going to throw them all over the bed?" He asked curiously, and I snorted. He leaned back slightly.
Well, that was fucking adorable.
"That was the plan, don't get jealous of a couple of inanimate objects now," I warned, and he rolled his eyes.
"I'll only get jealous if you pay more attention to them than me," he explained. We landed on the balcony and wandered inside, and I threw the box on the ground and stretched my arms.
"Finally, home sweet home!" I said without really thinking, sighing in exquisite relief. His eyes widened, his heart legitimately stopping in place.
He was silent for a moment, before whispering softly, "You called this place your home..."
"Hah? What was that?" I asked, turning around.
"Hmm? Oh nothing," he trailed off, before snapping his fingers. "Oh right! It's payback time," he reminded joyfully, and my stomach dropped as he neared, his fingers curling into claws as a devious shadow passed over his face. His shoulders heaved as he chuckled, instilling dread.
"Oh no," I barely whispered.
Bubbles crosses her arms, her face twisting in annoyance. "I still remember what happened, and I haven't forgiven you for that."
Hawks chuckles as he wraps an arm languidly around her small frame, bringing his lips close to her ear. "Aw, but shouldn't we let the readers know? I'm sure they're dying of curiousity," he says that last part to the camera, winking conspiratorially. She gives him an exasperated look, shaking her head.
"Umm, how about no? We promised that neither of us would ever speak of it again," she states sternly, and he rolls his eyes as he twists around behind her back, draping both arms over her shoulders lazily.
"Fine fine," he assured, making sure to give her a quick peck on the forehead before deftly covering her mouth. Her eyes widen in shock and she begins to struggle desperately, causing Hawks to smile gleefully. "Basically I had her pinned to the floor and I pressed my mouth to her stomach, giving her raspberries until she laughed herself blue and fainted with tears streaming her pretty little cheeks. Me obviously being me, took the opportunity to sketch a little mustache on to her lovely face," he grins, releasing her.
She whirls around on him, leg raised and poised for harm. "HAWKS!" She cries as she nails him directly in the crotch. His eyes crinkle in pain and he clutches the hurt bits, falling to his knees. He presses his head to the floor, still twitching.
"W-Worth it..."