Lena Boggs
My night back at John B's left me feeling... Unsure of things. It was one specific moment to be exact, I had agreed to spend the night considering I haven't seen all of them in a while.
Everything was going just fine, until everyone but JJ, and John B decided we wanted to go to sleep. I had woken up sometime during a private conversation between JJ and John B, and shamefully once I heard my name— I decided to pretend I was still sleeping so I could listen in.
"How has she been?" John B asked in a hushed tone, the smell of marijuana lingering in the air as JJ coughed silently.
"I... I don't know. She's trying to be strong, you know how Lee is. She doesn't want people to see her as a downer so she hides her emotions." JJ answered, and I didn't miss the sound of concern in his voice. "Yeah... She's always been that way, hasn't she?" John B sighs.
"For as long as we've all been friends," JJ agrees. "It scares me, JB. I just want to make sure she's okay." I feel my heartache in my chest realizing how much distress I was putting JJ in.
"Of course you do, JJ. It's obvious why." John B whispered, taking me by surprise.
"What do you mean?" JJ asks after a long pause. "You know what I mean." John B argued back, I felt my pulse began to quicken, realizing that maybe I'm listening in on a conversation much more private than I had initially thought.
"Obviously not, John B, or else I wouldn't have to ask!" JJ whispered back, stubbornly.
John B chuckled softly at what he viewed as JJ's denial. "You have feelings for her. You always have, I just don't understand why you got together with Kiara in the first place when it's been quite obvious you've only ever had eyes on Lena."
There's a pause again, one that begins to make me sweat as my heart beats like crazy in my chest.
"She's... She's too good for me, she'll always be too good for me. You know it too, JB. She'll end up like, a Kook but a Pogue at heart because she'll go to university and then get a job that makes her good money... And I'll be stuck in the same loop, just like my old man."
John B groans under his breath, trying to be quiet so he doesn't wake everybody up. "But you're leaving out the part where she's good for you."
"Do you think I thought that I was good enough for Sarah Cameron? Kook fucking princess? You don't think I had the same doubt that you are having right now?" John B disclosed with him, chuckling. "I did. But I knew that I couldn't fight my love for her- Come on man, I'm being serious don't look at me like that," John B groans.
"Pussy whipped." JJ fake coughed, I did my best not to laugh at that moment.
"Okay, fine. How would you feel if you sat back and watched Lena fall in love with someone else? Like really fall for him, married and kids... Attending her wed-" John B's cut off by JJ. "I get it! Okay, I get it!"
Feeling like I've heard enough of their conversation, invading their privacy too much already. I pretended to yawn as if I was just waking up.
I groan, rolling over onto my pillow in my bedroom and just laying still.
I couldn't stop repeating their conversation in my mind, nothing I did to distract myself worked. I wasn't sure how I felt anymore, I knew I still was in love with JJ– I think I always will be, but... It just felt too hard, and the pain he's caused me always finds its way back in reminding me of why I let him go in the first place.
I had waited for JJ to love me for so many years, what if it was too late for that now? What if love just wasn't enough?
I roll back onto my back, finding it incredibly hard to stay still. Crossing my arms over my chest I stare at the ceiling, a memory flashing through my mind as I thought about what I should do.
Sarah Cameron? John B is fucking mackin' on Sarah Cameron of all people? I roll my eyes as I turn on my TV trying to process why my best friend decided to fall in love with the Kook princess herself out of everyone else on the island.
"Fucking John B," I muttered to myself, clicking through a bunch of movies that I wasn't interested in watching. Ultimately I decided I couldn't find anything, and out of frustration from the argument earlier- I threw my remote across my room.
"Woah there, Lee B! Trying to knock me out?" I gasped in shock, finding JJ standing near my window with a teasing smirk on his face. "JJ! What the fuck, how did you get in through the window?"
JJ shrugs, stalking over to my bed with his shoulders slouched. "It was unlocked."
I could tell something was off, there was a look on his face that gave it all away for me. "What's up, J?" I asked, shoving his shoulder lightly as he falls back down on his back.
"Me and John B had an even bigger blowout after y'all left." He muttered. "I just don't get it, bro! What happened to P4L? What devil possessed him into liking some Kook on Figure 8!?" He exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.
"Doesn't it just pissed you off too?" He looks up at me, and I nodded. "Hell yeah, it does. Just like you said, P4L." I agreed with him, my hand dropping onto his shoulder.
"Do you want to stay here tonight? I don't want you going home to your house..." I whispered, JJ looking into my eyes filled with concern. "Yeah... I'd like that Lee B." He smiles at me.
"Okay! Here I'll sleep on the floor, you can have my be–" John B touches my arm, pulling me back down before I can stand up off the bed. "Woah Lee, we can share a bed," He chuckled. "It's not like we haven't before." He added.
I look down at his hand on mine, secretly liking the way his touch felt on my skin before looking back at him.
JJ's followed my gaze, sitting up slowly. "What... What are you doing?" I say breathlessly, as he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. "What?" He smirks at me, his hand dropping on top of my thigh.
I held my breath as JJ slowly began leaning closer to my face, his eyes dropping to my lips. "JJ..." I whisper as his lips brush against mine.
"Lee..." He whispered back, I closed my eyes as his lips brush against mine again. Fuck it.
I push my lips onto him, the room around me began to spin. Butterflies exploded in my stomach, I could swear I was on the moon.
JJ pulled me in closer to him. My hands running through his hair, pulling at the end of his roots. He groaned against my lips, and I swear I could feel his groan in my stomach.
He slowly lays me down, hovering over me. Suddenly, I am very aware of what is happening. "Wait," I mumble against his lips, pushing my hands against his chest. "What's wrong?" JJ asks, panting a little bit as he tries to catch his breath.
"You don't want this?" He asks again, a look of panic on his face. "No... No! It's not that I just," I sighed. "The rule? No Pogue on Pogue macking?" I remind him.
JJ rolls his eyes. "Fuck," he places a kiss on my lips. "The," another kiss on my nose. "Rule... Do you want this?" He asks.
I stare into his eyes, any ounce of responsibility I had was thrown out the window. Without answering, I pull him back down onto me by the collar of his shirt and pressing our lips back together.
Thinking back on it, our group owes John B the biggest thank you for bringing Sarah Cameron into our lives. Sarah's been there for us in so many ways, me especially.
Not only that... But if John B never gained feelings for Sarah, I'm not so sure that JJ and I would have ever happened.
"We can't tell anyone, JJ!" I said as I frantically threw his clothes at him, my bed sheet wrapped around my naked body. "What are you doing? Get dressed!" I whisper-shout at him, growing more irritated as a smile grows on his face.
JJ pulls his boxers up his legs before grabbing my hips and pulling me in between his legs. "JJ-" I stop as he places wet kisses on my stomach, covered by the bedsheet.
"What if we didn't stop?" He suggested. "I fucking loved last night, Lee." He looks up at me through his lashes, his fingers toying with the sheet covering my body. My heart was beating out of my chest at the idea of possibly having another night like that with JJ.
"Our... Our friends, the rules-" He covers my mouth with his palm, silencing me. "I said this last night already. Fuck the rule, our friends don't need to know."
He waited for my answer, watching as I debated it in my head. This was an opportunity, this was a way that I could have JJ to myself... Maybe he does, or eventually will... Feel the same way for me.
It didn't matter what happened in our lives, JJ would always be the one person I always wanted. I knew that for sure, I didn't doubt that for one second.
I nod in agreement, gulping as he smirks and pulls me down onto his lap. I giggle as he pressed a kiss to my throat, "But we have to make a promise, Lee B." He said seriously.
"We have to promise that this is no strings attached, only sex okay? No feelings... And it never ruins our friendship." I stare deeply into those eyes I loved so much, I knew the agreement was doomed the second he said it because I already broke it. I am head over heels in love with JJ Maybank, he was it for me.
"I promise." I lied.
I pushed myself out of my bed, throwing on some new clothing and pulling my hair into a bun before making my way downstairs.
"Len-" I slam the front door behind me, not bothering to answer my Grandma as she called out to me. I knew where I needed to go, what I needed to do.
My heart was racing in my chest as I sprinted to The Chateau, smiling softly to myself... Listening to my heart this time.
I could hear my brain telling me that this wouldn't end well, that I would end up getting hurt but I didn't care. I needed to know for sure, I had to. It was the only way that I would ever know, why would I give up without even trying? That's not me, I don't give up.
I swear, when I listened to my heart I could always hear the sound of my father's voice- Only making me sprint faster as I approached John B's house.
I push his front door wide open, Big John stood in the center of the living room with his eyes wide in surprise and a sandwich in his hand. "Hey, Lena." He greeted me, maybe if I wasn't on a mission I would have found the sight humorous.
"Hey Big John, do you happen to know where John B... Or JJ is?" He nods slowly, putting his sandwich back down on his plate. "John B is with Sarah. JJ was here about thirty minutes ago, but he had to leave to go home I think he said." My eyes widen, shouting a thank you as I turn around and leave.
The second Big John told me where JJ was, I felt something deep in my gut. Like something just wasn't right.
I pumped my legs faster, needing to get to his house as soon as I could.
I stop, panting as I stand outside the Maybank residence. I spot JJ's red dirt bike the second I got there, doubling over and placing my hands on my knees as I pant.
"Fuck I have to stop smoking," I muttered to myself, coughing slightly as I slowly approached his front door. I sighed, sucking in a deep breath before pushing the door open. It was quiet inside, too quiet. It sparked a fear inside of me knowing that this was unlike the Maybank's household.
"J-" My words got caught in my throat as I look to my right, the sight rocked me to my core.
JJ stood in front of Luke who was passed out on the couch, eyes glistening with tears. There was dried blood in the corner of his mouth, and a new cut on the side of his face.
Tears swelled in my eyes as I followed the extension of his arm, realizing that...
JJ was holding a gun straight at Luke's head.
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SECOND UPDATE!!!
Xoxo,
A