*Mature content warning*
Two months is a lot of time in the life of a seventh-year Hogwarts student. Two months means finals are approaching, and my time as a student is also coming to an end. However, while the past two months have felt incredibly long, not much has happened since Dumbledore revealed my grandmother's past to me.
I decided not to tell Sadie. Yet. I figured it was too soon, and she loved Griselda Gwendolyn, not Leta Lestrange. I didn't want to change her view of our grandmother so soon after her death. I would tell her eventually, but just not now. Not while she was still grieving. She was definitely in better spirits lately, and she was being much kinder to me and my friends, but I could still see the sadness in her eyes from time to time. Especially when I visited her as a cat in her dorm at times when she felt most vulnerable.
The only person I told was Sirius, not because I enjoy keeping secrets from my other friends, but because I needed time to come to terms with this new information before I shared it. I knew I couldn't keep it from Sirius though, and besides, I wanted his help figuring everything out and uncovering my past.
He helped me do research on Leta Lestrange because, while I had heard about her, I never knew exactly who she was. I wish I could have gotten to know her then before she was forced to hide her identity.
Sirius was shocked to find out exactly how pureblooded I was, coming from two of the most well-known pureblooded families in existence. However, he wasn't upset like I thought he might be. Instead, he just didn't care. I don't know why I thought he would. Sirius spent a lifetime running away from blood prejudice, I should have known he would love me no matter what.
He was, however, very interested in the group Dumbledore was planning to create as a resistance against Voldemort (I also decided to start using his real name to reduce my fear of it). Sirius was a bit annoying about it, actually. He never shut up about it. So much so that Dumbledore called him to his office to give him more information. Sirius told James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Alice, and Frank, all of which thought it was a brilliant idea. All but me. We were too young. Too young to be fighting in a war. Our lives hold so much possibility, I don't want to see it ripped away from the people I love. Not to mention I had to think about Sadie. I am her legal guardian now that I'm 17. If something happened to me... she would be completely on her own. We have no other family.
Sirius knew I was hesitant about joining what Dumbledore was now calling "The Order of the Phoenix", and so he didn't talk about it much when I was around which I was thankful for, but I also felt bad. I knew he wanted to participate in this war more than anything, to be a hero and save the wizarding world from a dark wizard, but all I wanted was for him to be safe. To have a long and happy life with him.
Sirius and I were talking to lunch one afternoon the week before exams when he mentioned it to me for the first time in weeks. We held hands as we went, and he suggested it casually as to not bombard me with his request.
"So... I know you're on the fence about it but... the Order is going to meet this summer. Dumbledore has been recruiting witches and wizards from Hogwarts, the ministry, and from all over the world to help and give us some information on the spread of the war. I just... I just want to know that you won't be upset if I join" He stated quietly, and I could tell this made him nervous. He wanted my approval, and I wasn't sure I could give it to him because my fear was holding me back.
"Sirius... I want you to be happy. I want you to do this if it's what you think is right but... I don't know if I can" I sighed, shaking my head. He looked down in disappointment. "I won't hold you back, but I'm terrified this isn't going to be as fulfilling as you think it is. I'm terrified something will happen..." I trailed off.
"Hey, nothing is gonna happen" He stopped me in the hall, grabbing my other hand and swinging them both between us. The crowds in the halls were thinning out now as students walked towards the great hall for lunch.
"How can you know that? You're trying to mess with something way bigger than yourself. Something bigger than any of us. It's not going to be like school or defense against the dark arts class, or even dueling club. Out there it's just life and death and... and I can't lose you the same way I lost my parents" I rambled, tears welling up in my eyes. The realization hit Sirius and he looked shocked for a split second before grabbing my shoulders and pulling me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around him, blinking the tears away.
"I'm sorry... I didn't think..." He shook his head, burying his face into my neck so only I could hear him.
"It's okay... I just don't know how much I trust Dumbledore after what he told me about my grandmother. It was almost like he used her and my parents as pawns... not really caring what happened to them as long as he got what he needed..." I shook my head, pulling away from Sirius and averting my eyes. I knew he thought very highly of Dumbledore, so I felt bad admitting this. "I hate even thinking this way because Dumbledore used to make me feel so safe, but I feel like I can't look at him the same way"
"I understand, I really do. I'll think about it, okay? I'll talk it over with everyone else and see what they think, and we can decide as a group. Does that sound fair?" He asked, looking hopeful. "I just don't want to stand back doing nothing, and I don't want you to hate me if I choose to fight back" He took in a sharp breath, like just the thought of that hurt him.
"I could never hate you Sirius" I shook my head, reaching up my hand to cup his cheek. He leaned into my touch and turned his head to kiss my palm. He then grabbed my hand again and turned towards the great hall so we could continue walking.
"You know, I was thinking... and I think you and I need some time alone for once" He sighed as we walked into the great hall and saw all our friends sitting in our usual spot.
"Oh, yeah? When is that gonna happen?" I chuckled, thinking about how busy we are with finals coming up.
"How about you meet me in the Gryffindor common room tonight at eight. I've been planning something romantic" he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows up and down suggestively. I rolled my eyes but of course agreed, assuming he was only joking. Besides, I could never say no to that face.
***
Later that night Sirius met me in the common room and without letting me ask any questions, he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the portrait hole and up the stairs. Curfew was at 9, so he had the invisibility cloak tucked under his arm for when we had to return to the common room. He led me through corridor after corridor but refused to answer any of my questions pertaining to where we were going.
"Sirius you really didn't have to do anything special for tonight" I complained as he dragged me through the castle corridors. "We aren't even celebrating anything..." I trailed off, thinking. "Are we?". He looked at me and smirked, shaking his head.
"No. Sometimes I just like to go on a date with my girlfriend. Is that so weird?" He asked jokingly, causing me to roll my eyes.
"Well, our dates usually consist of Hogsmeade trips. And most of the time we aren't alone" I pointed out.
"Exactly. I wanted to do something special for you. We never get time to ourselves anymore"
"Anymore? When were we ever alone together on a regular basis?" I laughed.
"Okay, I guess that is true. We never have alone time, but it's now more than ever. I think James is keeping an eye on you" he nodded. "You're like a sister to him," He told me. I smiled to myself, touched.
"That's... Sweet of him. Lily is keeping an eye on you too I hope you know" I bumped his shoulder playfully. "She says if you do anything to hurt me she'll hex you into the next century"
"Well it's a good thing I'm not stupid enough to do that" he chuckled, pausing to kiss me and then continue walking, our hands entwined.
"Can you just tell me where we're going?" I groaned, tired of this surprise.
"No need. We're here" he smirked as we turned a corner and he led me to the astronomy tower staircase.
"The astronomy tower?" I asked, feeling confused.
"You'll see why when we get up there" he responded, dragging me quickly up the stairs. We finally got to the top and I saw nothing but a dark and empty tower that I was all too familiar with. I gave Sirius a questioning look and he gave back an encouraging smile, then let go of my hand and took a step forward. In an instant, he vanished from sight and my eyes widened.
"Sirius?!" I exclaimed, searching around and hoping to see him smiling or laughing because of some stupid prank. His head popped out of nowhere, but it was only his head, just floating there and smiling at me like a dummy. I looked at him in shock.
"Are you coming or what?" He laughed, pulling his head away and vanishing again. I shook my head, then moved my foot forward. As it inched closer to the spot in which Sirius disappeared, I noticed my foot started to dissolve into nothingness as well. Once I had half my leg through, a hand shot out and grabbed my arm, pulling me through to the other side of the enchantment. I saw Sirius and I glared at him.
"What are you up to?" I asked him, more confused than ever.
"Invisibility charm. Didn't want anyone to interrupt our date" he winked, and that's when I noticed how the scene around me had changed. Turning my head, I saw pillows and blankets spread out on the floor. Food had been set up on plates set on boxes, which were basically makeshift tables. Around the whole scene were candles, about a dozen of them shining bright to light up the dark tower. I was at a loss for words. I opened my mouth but nothing came out, so I closed it again and swallowed hard.
"Sirius...." I whispered, taking another step forward to look at everything set out. The food was no doubt courtesy of the kitchen house-elves, and it mainly consisted of sweets.
"Heh, I've never actually done anything like this before" he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Do you like it?"
"Do I like it?" I asked incredulously, turning to him. He raised his eyebrows awaiting my response. "Sirius, no one has ever done something like this for me before. I absolutely love it" I walked over to him and he took me in his arms as I wrapped mine around his neck. "And I love you as well" I smiled and leaned up to kiss him, then pulled away just enough so that he trailed after me. It was fleeting and oddly not satisfying. He pulled my hips against his, causing me to bite my lip.
"I chose tonight" he started, keeping me close and continuing to trail after me so that occasionally his lips brushed mine. I had to arch my back in order to stay away, a smile on my face as we continued to play this little game. "because there isn't a cloud in the sky. The stars are shining brighter than ever" he finally caught my lips with his once more, and I giggled into his mouth which caused him to smile wider against mine.
"Well then let's enjoy it while it lasts" I responded quietly, touched that he thought of me and planned this for us. He nodded his head, his nose just brushing mine, and lead me over to the blankets. We sat down in the middle, and he leaned back against a pillow while pulling a tray of desserts towards us.
"Pumpkin pasty?" He picked one up off the plate and offered it to me. I smiled and nodded, taking it from him. He took one as well and we enjoyed them silently as we studied the stars above us. The weather was starting to get hot, but as it was nighttime there was a slight breeze in the air which made the temperature just right. I was wearing a floral skirt and thick sweater, which started to make me feel a little warm due to the candles. I rolled up my sleeves and then broke the silence.
"Pick a shape," I said quietly, taking my eyes away from the sky to look over at Sirius. He gave me a confused look as he chewed his pumpkin pasty.
"Come again?" He asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Pick a shape. Or an object, an animal, anything. The first thing that comes to mind" I smiled at him. He thought for a second then shrugged.
"I don't know... An umbrella" he chose off the top of his head. I nodded and came closer to him. I took his hand in mine and pointed his finger towards the sky. I searched for a second, then moved his hand through the sky from one star to another. Eventually, I had his full and undivided attention as each star connected in his mind to form the shape of an umbrella. I looked at his face and smiled again when I saw the amazement.
"How..." He trailed off, still looking at the stars. "Do that again" he looked at me. I took his hand and began to trace out the shape of a heart. Once I put his hand down again I moved away to take my original seat again. He pouted a little but didn't say anything about it. "Where did you learn how to do that?"
"My dad loved astronomy. Well... Mum did too but my dad loved it even more. It was his idea to literally name me 'star'" I chuckled. "When I was young he would take me to this open field at night and we would watch the stars. He taught me about muggle constellations and all that, but he also showed me how to make my own. It really isn't too difficult. You just need to know the right place to look" I shrugged.
"You miss them a lot, don't you?" He studied my face as I looked down at my lap, nodding.
"They're my parents. Of course, I do," I answered softly, then looked back up with a sad smile. "I wish they could have met you. You would have gotten on really well with my dad. Rumor has it he was a trouble maker in his Hogwarts days as well" I told him. He reached over and took my hand in his, and we remained silent for a long time as we admired the stars again. I wonder if Sirius was trying to find different shapes.
As I looked at them I thought about how they have shaped my life. Not only in the small moments, like learning about astronomy with my dad. Or even the stories my mum would tell me about them, like that time she convinced me that each star represented a child that has yet to be born, and when a star disappears from the sky a woman becomes a mother and that's where babies come from. That thought almost made me laugh. But the stars and what lay beyond them seem to have changed me into who I am today. I look into them and I see my past, my future, but not my present. My present is down on earth, with Sirius, Sadie, and all my friends. My name, and what my name means to me, is something I have lived by almost my entire life. I was named after a star because I am something to reach for. Something to be admired by all. Well, that's coming from my mum at least. I had lost that part of me for a long time after she and my father died, but Sirius restored it in me. He's given me my confidence back. I just wish my parents and my grandmother could see where I am today and just how far I'm willing to go...
"Sirius" I spoke quietly and he hummed in response, still looking up at the sky. "Do you ever think about the people you might have met if you say... Took a different walk home or stayed a little longer in the supermarket?" I asked randomly. He looked over to me, again with the same confusion in his eyes.
"What are you on about now?"
"It's just... Do you ever think about all these people you could have met but didn't because of the choices you've made?" I rephrased but still got no response. Letting out a sigh, I continued. "Sorry for the random question, it's just I've been thinking a lot about it lately. The unimaginable impact that our mundane choices have on our lives really gets to me. Think about how many times I might have died if I made different choices. Maybe I'd be homeless. Maybe I'd be famous. Maybe I'd even be rich. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed by the impact of my choices that I can't choose anything at all because I'm afraid that... that maybe today will be the day I make the choice that changes everything" I ranted. Once I finished we were silent, and Sirius scooted a little closer to me.
"What's this really about Estella?" He asked softly, squeezing my hand. I looked at him and frowned a bit.
"A few things I guess. It started with my grandmother I suppose. Things that she or I could have done differently to save her, and then I brought it to my parents, and somehow it turned into you" I breathed. Sirius gave me a worried look.
"Me?" He asked slowly.
"Things I could have changed in my past to meet you sooner. Things I could have changed just last year to be friends sooner or... More than friends" I gave a small smile. "It's really been driving me crazy. I've come to the conclusion that if I had my life to live again, I'd find you as soon as possible" I looked into his eyes. The same grey eyes that I had admired that day in Diagon Alley when we first met. The only difference between then and now is that they are no longer filled with confidence or curiosity or even eagerness, but with love and lust.
"I wouldn't change a thing" he finally answered and I looked at him in surprise.
"Really?" I asked unbelievingly. "Not even the months that I hated you?"
"Not even those" he laughed. "We ended up together in the end. That's all I could ever ask for" he shook his head. "I have a confession to make. I planned this tonight... Because of what happened to your grandmother. I figured that you needed... A break, I guess". I smiled at him, squeezing his hand as he had before.
"I'm not as upset as I should be. I only spent two months with her every year. We were never close, not even when I was little. I'm only trying to make sense of the whole thing. Sadie on the other hand... well, let's just say those two were much closer. Sadie was golden in her eyes" I sighed. "I'm fine, but thank you for the effort. I've never had someone to care for me like you"
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He tried coming closer to me and I smiled.
"Good. But it's taking some getting used to" I replied, teasing him by scooting away when he came closer. He sighed and rolled his eyes at me.
"You're very cute but you're also very far away. Please come be cute over here" he opened his arms to me and I laughed, finally scooting closer to him as he wrapped one arm around my back and used the other to pull my legs on top of his so that I sat on his lap. "Now this is comfortable" he smirked. I nodded, draping my arms around his neck and leaning my head closer to his. Our breaths mixed in the night air. His smelt of pumpkin pasties with a slight undertone of spearmint gum, which made me smile again. Our noses just brushed each other's, barely touching. I studied his face as the candles lit him up, making him seem as if he were glowing. The light reflected in his eyes as they scanned over every inch of my face. I moved my hand to cup his cheek, using my thumb to stroke his soft skin. The moment felt surreal as if I were in some dream and I would wake up at any moment. His touch grounded me, so I moved my fingertips over his cheek and made my way down to his soft pink lips. Our eyes locked together in the same moment, and the need to be with him was so overwhelming, I had to keep myself calm by chewing on the inside of my mouth. Sirius reached up and took my hand away from his lips so that he could lean forwards and plant them on mine. I felt that familiar overwhelming fluttering feeling in my stomach as he took my breath away. I felt faint and jittery at the same time. The rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins made me believe that I could run a mile right then and there. It's that indescribable happiness I feel every time I see or kiss Sirius, which I also could never quite get used to. I reached my hand up and tangled my fingers in his long hair as he licked my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I could hear my heart beating in my ears as I opened my mouth and allowed the kiss to deepen. Sirius' hands trailed down my body, making me moan into his mouth. We pulled away for air, and as I breathed heavily Sirius moved down to my neck and started to suck on my sensitive skin. I tilted my head to the side to allow him even more access.
"Sirius..." I breathed out as he found my sweet spot. He smiled against my skin when I said his name like that, then continued to nibble which drove me absolutely insane. "Shouldn't we be quieter?" I realized suddenly and he pulled away just enough to talk.
"Don't worry about it" he lightly kissed my skin, giving me goosebumps. "I cast muffliato" he finished his sentence by kissing me again on the lips. I shifted off of his lap and laid down on the blanket, a pillow supporting my head. Sirius moved as well so that he lay by my side, but the top half of his body was still hovering over me as we shared a passionate and exciting kiss. I slowly bent one of my knees up, my skirt slipping higher up my thigh as I did so. Sirius pulled away when he felt my movement and looked me in the eyes, unsure and breathing heavily. His hair was hanging in his face and I brushed it out of the way with my free hand, then took his off my neck and placed it on my bare thigh, just under my bum. We didn't break eye contact once as I held Sirius' hand there. He was giving me an anxious look.
"Estella... I-" but I cut him off by pulling his face towards mine and connecting our lips once more. My heart sped up as I moved his hand higher up my thigh. He pulled away once again and looked down at me. I gave him a look of confusion. "This... This is becoming a little heated. You are aware of that, right?" He asked. He seemed, in a way, undecided.
"Yes I... I'm aware of that" I felt the corner of my mouth twitch with a smile but I tried to remain serious.
"And you're... Okay with that?" He asked again. I bit my lip and looked down at his body. He was wearing jeans and a tight black t-shirt. I looked back into his eyes and smiled slightly, pulling his face towards mine again for a slow, tentative, and lingering kiss.
"Does that answer you're question?" I whispered against his lips, and he was still breathing quite heavily. Sirius had pulled his hand back and it now lay on my hip. I took it again and placed it back on my upper thigh, looking him in the eyes for confirmation.
"Let me ask... are you okay with this Sirius?" I asked gently, knowing that this might be a touchy subject for him. He took a breath before answering.
"The only girl I was ever with... I didn't love her and I have never regretted anything more." He finally admitted to me, even though I knew the story already. "But you... I love you so much" he traced circles on my thigh, gaining a little bit more of his confidence back. I bit my lip at the unfamiliar sensation. "So yes... I'm okay with this" he chuckled. "Just can't believe you are too" he looked unsure again. "I don't want you to feel like you need to do this... It's certainly not what I intended to do with you tonight" his eyebrows knitted together with worry. I slowly took Sirius' hand away from my leg and sat up so that I was sitting on my knees in front of him. He followed my lead and sat the same way across from me. I picked up his right hand and put it on the left side of my chest.
"My heart..." I started, moving his hand over to the left side of his chest "is yours" I whispered, letting go of his hand so that I could gather the hem of my sweater in my hands and pull it over my head. Sirius' eyes never moved past my chin, afraid that he might overstep his boundaries, which was different from when we usually make out and I end up in my bra and underwear.
I reached behind my back and unclasped my bra, letting it fall in between us. I felt the air hit my bare chest and a shiver went up my spine. At that moment I felt so exposed. I had never been naked in front of a boy in my entire life, but at the same time, I felt safe. I knew Sirius wouldn't judge my body, and I had no doubt in my mind that he would still love me just the same as he did five minutes ago.
"You can look at me Sirius" I reached for his hand to hold it with mine. After a long internal debate with himself, he willed his eyes to move lower and he examined my body. I saw his adam's apple bob on his throat as he gulped. I took it one step further and brought his hand up to my chest, allowing him to cup my breast. He took in a shaky breath as I held his hand there. I could tell that, while Sirius wasn't a virgin, he had never done something quite like this before. Something so intimate. I reached my free hand up to the back of his neck and he lifted his eyes back up to mine.
"Words cannot describe how beautiful I find you right now" he spoke so softly that I almost didn't hear him. My heart was beating erratically as I pulled him closer to me once more, closing the gap between us as Sirius made himself familiar with my body. I pulled away for only a second to pull his shirt off. I threw it to the side and traced my fingers lightly over his stomach and chest.
"It's only fair this way" I teased, reaching up to kiss him again. Sirius pulled me towards him and our chests made contact, taking my breath away for the thousandth time. He laid me down on the blankets as he had before, and when he did I lifted my hips so that he could help me pull off my skirt, then I helped him pull off his pants. As our kiss intensified, I found that all my nerves seemed to hit me at once. The fluttering feeling in my stomach was replaced by an anxious pain. Sirius positioned himself between my legs, his hands moving all over my body like he was trying to memorize every curve, every bump, every dip. The air felt humid now, and we were both beginning to sweat. I had myself propped up on my elbows, watching him as he leaned down and kissed my stomach. I leaned my head back and moaned softly, feeling a tingling sensation in my stomach now. "Oh, Sirius..." I moaned again as he kissed below my navel. He pulled away and smirked up at me.
"If you keep saying my name like that then I won't be able to hold myself back much longer" he chuckled shakily. I smiled to myself, happy that I had this effect on him. Sirius sat up now, his hands on my stomach. He looked me in the eyes like he had before. "Are you really sure you want to go any further? The last thing I want to do is pressure you, Estella" he rubbed his thumbs back and forth over my skin. I looked at him and nodded my head, but I hesitated a little and he must have noticed because his face fell. "No... You don't want to..." He whispered, looking away but I shook my head, reaching forward and putting a finger under his chin so that he would look at me again. He gave me sad eyes.
"I want to Sirius. I love you and I know that I will never love anyone as much as I love you. It's just that..." I sighed, as this was hard for me to admit. "I'm scared, okay?"
"Scared that... I'll hurt you?" He tried to read between the lines. I shook my head again.
"No... I'm scared that things will be different afterward. That I'll be different, somehow" I bit my lip. It wasn't easy for me to admit something scared me. Sirius leaned forward between my legs and kissed me softly.
"If it makes you feel any better... I'm scared too" he smiled. I raised my eyebrows at this. I knew that Sirius was hesitant, but I thought that was mainly because he was so worried about me. It didn't even cross my mind, the toll this could have on him, and it made me feel a little shitty.
"Y-you are?" I croaked out.
"Terrified" he chuckled, tucking my hair behind my ear like he always does. "So you're not alone. You're never alone. You have me, and you always will" he assured. I nodded my head, feeling a little bit better.
"I'm okay with continuing if you are" I smiled, blushing just slightly. He raised his eyebrows teasingly.
"Hm, a little eager are we?" He joked and I shoved his shoulder back as he laughed at my red face. He smiled down at me and kissed me slowly again, getting back into things. His hands moved up and down my sides again, then eventually rested at my hips. Pulling away from the kiss, he slipped his fingers underneath the waistband of my underwear slowly. He looked at me one last time for confirmation and I nodded my head, lifting my hips slightly so that he could slip them off and toss them to the side, leaving me completely exposed. My knees seemed to lock together, and Sirius noticed that right away. Maybe it was just the idea of showing him more of my body than anyone has ever seen before, but I felt shy. He moved around my legs and leaned down to kiss me again, trying to get me to relax. It worked. I was soon lost in his kiss and my legs separated while I was distracted. I tangled my hands in his hair and tugged, finally getting a moan out of him. Sirius' hand slipped lower between my legs and I knew what he was doing, and instead of feeling afraid like I had before, I forced my legs even further apart. His hand lightly touched the sensitive area, and I gasped which broke our kiss. He kept his hand there and I closed my eyes, trying to control my breathing. When I opened my eyes again I saw him staring down at me.
"Is this ok? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable" he started to move his hand away and I hissed with pleasure when he grazed me again, so I clutched his arm to keep him there. Shaking my head, I looked back up at him.
"T-this is f-fine" I stuttered. A smile slowly found its way onto his face when he realized I didn't feel pain, but pleasure. He began to put pressure on the area and continued to rock his finger back and forth. I tried so hard not to moan but failed terribly.
I laid back into the pillows and arched my back, gripping the blanket underneath me. He pulled his hand away and I relaxed again, breathing heavily. However, a second later I felt his hot breath over my sensitive core and my eyes shot open looking down at him between my legs. He made eye contact with me and slowly reached his head down to kiss me, immediately evoking a moan from deep in my throat. He stuck his tongue out and issued one lick from bottom to top, stopping just after my most sensitive part. I squealed a bit at the sensation, and he grinned, clearly much more confident now than he had been before. Without warning Sirius went to town, eating me out like I was his last meal.
"Sirius! Oh, shit..." I moaned, arching my back again, grabbing his head to keep it in place. Sirius grunted a bit when I did this, followed by a soft moan of his own which sent vibrations through my body. I squealed again, having never felt anything like this in my life. I felt myself getting closer and closer to my release, and I tried to warn Sirius, but he didn't stop. Instead, he sent me into a spiral that was filled with moans and probably some profanity, but I felt as if I were in absolute bliss. Once I came down from my high I looked up at him as he smiled down at me. He looked down at my chest and kissed my collar bone, right where my tattoo was placed.
"I'm afraid this might ruin the romance but... You looked incredibly sexy while doing that" he kissed just above my breast as I tried not to smile, my face going red again.
"That... was incredible..." I sighed, running my hand through his hair. He grinned, clearly proud of his work. I looked down and noticed how hard he was, seeing as the tent in his boxers was poking into my leg. I reached for the waistband of his boxers and he smirked at me when I did. The both of us pulled them off and they ended up with our other discarded pieces of clothing. He was very stiff down below and seeing it made me just a little bit nervous again. Sirius saw me looking and his face flushed a little so he planted another short kiss on my lips. As he was pulling away I traced my hand down his stomach and made to touch him. His eyes widened and his breathing hitched as my fingertips lightly brushed the delicate area.
"Estella you... you don't have to do that" he sighed as I continued to move my fingers up and down.
"I know I don't have to. I want to" I smiled at his face as he closed his eyes and hung his head, moans escaping his lips. He did this for me, I'm just returning the favor. I wrapped my hand firmly around him and moved up and down at a steady pace, not really knowing what would feel good for him. He seemed to be enjoying it though, so I quickened my pace and even ran my finger over the tip a few times which caused him to inhale sharply each time.
"Just so you know... If you keep that up this won't last very long" he chuckled breathily. I hid my smile and nodded, taking my hand away. I put both of them on his shoulders as he positioned himself at my entrance. He took a moment to calm himself down from my previous actions so that he could hold out for as long as possibly needed. He touched the tip to me and I bit back a moan, humming with pleasure instead. He pushed himself in a little bit further and I grabbed his chin, forcing him to hold eye contact.
"Look at me" I whispered, and he nodded. He continued to push in until our hips met and he was completely buried inside of me. I dug my nails into his back, probably leaving scratch marks. I breathed heavily as I whimpered and looked back into his eyes. He was sweating now, but the pleasure was etched onto his face. Our eyes met once again and he gave me a look, silently asking once more if this was alright and if I was alright. I nodded my head, a signal for him to continue. He took in a shaky breath and pulled himself out, then pushed back in.
Holding himself there for a minute, I realized that I didn't know just how much I loved Sirius until now. I kept that thought and that wonderful feeling with me as Sirius continued to push himself in and out, the small pain soon vanishing and leaving me in a world of bliss.
"Shit, Estella..." Sirius moaned, his thrusts slowly becoming faster.
"Sirius!" I gasped as he picked up the pace, biting down on my lip and humming in pleasure. It still hurt a bit as he stretched me open with each thrust, but every time our skin collided he rubbed against my sensitive bundle of nerves down below and I forgot all about the pain each time.
"That's it, say my name. You can be as loud as you want" He breathed heavily, smirking down at me as my mouth formed the shape of an "O" and I let out a moan. Sweat prickled his forehead and his now damp hair clung to his skin. One of his hands remained on my hip, guiding himself into me, while the other gently moved down my hip and to my thigh, gripping my leg and hiking it up against his waist. I moaned again.
"Sirius... oh Merlin" I arched my back off the floor, and Sirius groaned in response. I'll have to remember that he likes seeing me do that. He kissed my neck and left a trail of wet kisses leading down to my breasts where he sucked and nibbled on the tender skin, all while not even missing a beat as he pushed into me over and over.
"Thanks to your teasing earlier I'm not sure I'll be able to last much longer" He gave me a playful glare, slowing down a bit seeing as he was out of breath. "You also look so sexy right now it's driving me insane" He huffed, tracing his hand over my left breast, down my side, and back down to my hip where it was previously resting.
"Well, in that case, let me try something before all the fun is over" I grinned, pushing him away a little bit so he slipped out of me. My legs felt very shaky and a little bit like Jell-O, but I got to my knees and pushed him down onto the blankets and pillows instead. He gave me a questioning look but seemed to understand when I straddled his lap.
"Fuck..." He groaned, throwing his head back as I grabbed him and positioned him at my entrance, slowly lowering myself down onto him. This position felt much different, but I almost liked it better. I enjoyed being in control, and Sirius seemed to enjoy the view of my body on top of his.
I started bouncing up and down a bit, and when I felt tired I ground my hips into his which drove him insane. He had his hands on my waist, gripping me tightly as I bounced. I leaned over to kiss him as I continued moving up and down. I could tell he was getting close when he began thrusting upwards, meeting me halfway. I cried out as I reached my release, collapsing onto his chest and grinding my hips to ride out my high. Sirius thrust a few more times before pulling out and finishing, his stomach covered in the proof of his pleasure.
I lay beside him, half my body still on top of him. We were both sweaty and exhausted, silent until our breathing calmed down and we were brought back to earth. Sirius reached down and brushed some of my hair out of my face, then cupped my cheek.
"That was..." He trailed off, not able to find the right word for it.
"There are no words that could describe how incredible that was" I smiled, laughing a bit.
"I love you so much" He smiled back at me. I scooched up so my face was level with his and planted a soft kiss on his lips.
"I love you too" I sighed, leaning my head back on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as we both looked at the stars above us.
It couldn't get any better than this.