Lena Boggs
August 1st came around much quicker than I would have liked. I was still recovering from my goodbye with JJ but Ayden, Kie, and Sarah made it much easier by distracting me. I figured I would give JJ and myself some time apart, I felt like seeing each other so soon would be like adding salt into a wound. I let JJ spend his time with John B and Pope, even though it made me sad to not be able to hang out all as a group as we have always done every summer.
It was hard... But as each day passed, slowly it got easier. Ayden played the biggest role in that, which I wasn't sure how to feel about.
Sarah's all for the idea of Ayden and me, she's the one constantly telling me that I needed to give another guy a chance especially now that JJ and I had called it off.
Kiara was a different story. When she first found out that JJ and I had agreed to stay friends and only friends, she was surprisingly against the idea.
"L, you're being stupid... You both are. Don't you guys see how good you two would be together?" She told me. I found it irritating that she was making my move on from JJ harder, placing doubts in my mind, and making me wonder if it was the right thing to do... But at the end of the day, I knew she was just trying to be a good friend.
"Yeah, Logan I'll see you there next week." My Mom says as she speaks into her phone, I lean against the doorframe staring at her. She gives me a small smile once she notices me.
"I'll ask her if she wants to come, Logan." My Mom frowns as she looks over at me and sees me roll my eyes. "Bye." She presses the end call button before putting her phone on the counter.
"I'm meeting your father for lunch next week... He wants you to come as well." She tells me, to which I just roll my eyes and make my way towards the fridge. "I'd rather not, thanks." I deny, pulling out my Pepsi bottle and unscrewing the cap.
"I don't even know how you're being so... So normal with him. It's only been like, what... A month and some?" I groan before taking a sip of my drink. My Mom leans her side against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Holding a grudge does no one any good, honey." I laugh sarcastically. "I think when they cheat on the woman they took vows with, there is an exception." I argued, slamming my drink onto the counter.
My Mom frowns before waving me off. "I don't want to get into this again, Lena. I'm sorry." She disregards, turning and making her way towards the doorway to leave the kitchen. Guilt washes over me, as I inhale deeply.
"Wait, Mom..." I call after her, she looks over her shoulder at me. "Are you busy today?" She turns back to face me fully, shaking her head. "No, why hun?"
I grin. "Do you want to have a girl's day?"
"So my love," My Mom places her elbows on the table and rests her chin on her hands as we wait for our food to come out, "Why the sudden need for a girl's day?" She looks at me suspiciously.
I sip my straw, an innocent look in my eyes as I smile at her. "What makes you think there's a reason? Maybe I just want to spend time with my amazing Mother whom I adore."
She tilts her head down and stares at me through her eyelashes giving me a look that said, don't bullshit me Lena Boggs that every daughter knows all too well.
"I told JJ I'm in love with him," I confessed, my voice low in a mutter as I flash her a guilty snap. "You told JJ you love him?"
I huff air out of my nose. "Not just that I love him, Mom! That I'm in love with him," I frown at her. "Jeez woman, keep up." I joke, playfully giving her a sad smile.
My Mom sees right through my playful tone, "Oh honey, I'm guessing it didn't go well?" I found myself suddenly interested in the patterns of the restaurant table, dropping my gaze down not wanting to look at the pity in my Mom's eyes.
"That's an understatement..." I mumble sadly before taking a deep breath.
I told my Mom everything that had happened between Kie and JJ, as well as JJ and I... Leaving out a few details that my Mom did not need to know if you get what I mean by that... I told her how Kiara and the rest of the group found out, and our arguments. When I told the part where JJ confessed his feelings for me, drunk and then again at our house the day after, my Mom's expression has changed over ten times.
"So, yeah... Basically, we've decided to put our feelings behind us." I sigh, collecting hair into my hand pulling it up into a high ponytail, and resting my arms back on the table.
"That is... A lot to take in, Lena." She admits, wide-eyed in shock. "How do you feel?"
I can't help but giggle at her question, "You sound like my therapist." I told her, only receiving a look in return that told me she wanted me to be serious.
I huff, slouching my back a bit and shrugging. "I don't know... It sucks, Mom, because I really thought that we were going to end up together. I know we're young and-" My Mom cuts me off. "Age doesn't matter, you feel what you feel honey." She argued in a gentle tone, before gesturing to me to continue.
"Right... But anyway, it is what it is, Mom. Plus, there's Ayden now so it just makes it all the more confusing." I shrug, trying to push down the heavy pain weighing down on my chest.
"Oh boy," She sighs. "You know, Lena... Love isn't supposed to be easy," She starts, and I know right away I'm in for a long speech. "It's meant to push you in ways you never expected, and sometimes it's painful but that's how you know it's real, my love."
I stare deep into her eyes as my heart starts beating faster as my mind wanders to JJ, listening to her words. "My favorite movie as you know is The Fault in Our Stars, and there's this one line... Something about falling in love was as easy as falling asleep," She chuckled. "And I remember just thinking how unrealistic that way was, from my experience. Because it wasn't easy, it is scary and it sometimes doesn't leave you feeling peaceful and satisfied like sleeping does," She reaches over, placing her hand over the top of mine.
"But... Even though love stinks sometimes, it's the moments where you feel like... Like you're on top of the world that makes it worth it, that makes you want to keep trying... It's when you know you have something to fight for." A small breath leaves my mouth, letting her words sink in.
"Can I ask you something, sweetie?" She squeezes my hand, I don't have the words to respond... So all I do is simply nod my head, swallowing hard. "Does JJ hurt you more than he makes you happy?"
I thought about it, really thought about it.
"Before recent events... He made me happier, the happiest I've ever been. But, recently? I feel like all I've done is cry." I admitted, my Mom smiled at me in sorrow.
"Well, you only know what's best for you Lena. I know you're smart, I trust any decision you make." She lets go of my hand, and I catch our waiter heading toward our table with our food.
"But I hope you know I am not very happy with JJ at the moment." She says, sassily sipping her straw making me giggle.
As we begin eating our food, I can't help the burning questions I wanted to ask her about my father. I debated it in a while in my head, before ultimately just saying, Fuck it.
"Mom?" I blurt, my Mom wipes her mouth with a napkin and hums in response.
"How are you okay with what Dad did? Why do you act... So normal with him now?" I bit my lip, hoping my question didn't upset her.
Instead, she grins at me and nods as she thinks. Before laughing to herself, "I'm not okay with it, honey... But growing up, I've always been taught to never hold grudges. I know your father hurt me, and I'm not sure I can ever forgive him for that... But I would hate myself if something happened to him, and the last thing I ever said to him was cruel. I'm not a cruel person, my parents raised me better than that. So I hold my head up high, and I try to be civil... At the end of the day, he is still the man I married and the man I fell in love with."
"And he loves you very much too, seeing his love for you... Makes being nice to him much easier as well." She added, her eyes flickering between mine.
I hum, taking another bite of my food.
The rest of our meal consisted of small talk, something I always enjoyed with my Mom. As we left the restaurant, I gripped my phone in my hand and suddenly stopped.
My Mom stops with me. "You alright, honey?" She asked me, scanning over my face with a worried expression. "Do you... Do you mind if I go somewhere for a bit?"
Realization flashed across her face, her lips pulling up into a small smile before nodding at me. "Of course, honey. I'll meet you back at home, okay?"
I kiss her cheek. "Thanks, Mom."
My fist knocked against the door softly, my heart pounding in my chest as I waited for the person on the other end to open it. Just as I let out a shaky breath, the door opens a crack.
"Lena?"
I smile nervously, "Hey Uncle Kenny... Is uh, is Dad here by chance? Or is he at work?" My uncle pulls the door open wider with a wide smile across his face.
"Yeah, yes he's home, come in... Come in Lena." Uncle Kenny says, gesturing for me to walk inside.
"Thanks," I said, as I made my way into the living room. "I'll go get him for you... He's missed you, Lena." He tells me, before leaving me alone in his living room.
I found myself looking around at the pictures hung on his walls, of our family. Uncle Kenny is my Dad's brother, I'm not that close with his family but they are all really nice when we have big family barbecues.
"Bug..." I whip around at the sound of my Dad's voice behind me.
We stood there, staring at one another for a second before I ran toward him and crashed into his chest.
"Daddy." I sobbed, holding onto him for the first time in what seemed like forever. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I don't hate you, I could never hate you." I cried as his hand rubbed my back.
"I know, bug. I know. I'm the one who needs to be apologizing to you..." He pulls me away from him, holding me by the shoulders with tears in his eyes. "I never meant to hurt you. What I did was selfish, and thoughtless. You are my daughter, you come before anyone else," He says to me.
"I love you." I sob. "I'm proud to be your daughter, Dad. No matter what happens you're still my father."
He pulls me back into his chest, and even though nothing was fixed. Even though I haven't forgiven him for hurting my Mom and breaking our family.
I needed this with him, because he still is my father.
"I love you too, Bug. Always and forever."
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I know this chapter is short, but it's important for the chapters/events to come I promise!
Tell me, who do you prefer Lena with? Ayden or JJ? :)
All love,
Xoxo
A