After school, my mother took me home and we had lunch like every day. She asked about Dinah and I told her she was gone too. But Dinah sent me a text saying she arrived at Troy's house and Ally was there and she was fine. It was a relief. Dinah said they were going to Ally's place and later they come back to my house. So, after my mom left for work, I was alone again. But not for long. Lauren just waited for my mom's car disappear around the corner to knocking on my door.
We stayed in the living room watching tv and eating a snack that she brought from her home. Was a little weird, but good at the same time that we were sitting on the couch, my face buried in her chest and Lauren had her arm around my waist. I didn't complain though.
"Look at that," she pointed at the tv as if I wasn't watching too. "He is ready to lose his head, literally." Lauren said excited.
Was disgusting. She put on a channel that I didn't even know I had on my tv and I didn't even know what we were watching. Was basically a guy who kills all the people he sees ahead. It was horribly wrong shot, it could be comedy than horror. But it was disgusting.
"How does someone have the audacity to shoot a crap like that?" I whispered.
"It's not crap," Lauren defended. "It's awesome. Of course, the quality sucks. But seeing people being butchered is really fun." she smiled.
I raised my head to look at her. "You scare me sometimes."
"I'm fearless," she shrugged.
"You're a psycho, I guess." I giggled.
"This too. But only on the weekends." Lauren winked at me.
"Idiot." I chuckled.
"How did you know me so well?" she said lovingly. I poked her.
"Oh really? Wanna play?"
Lauren raised an eyebrow with a smirk. Oh shit, that's never good. She moved to my side just to roll over me. Lauren sat on my lap, straddling me and quickly held my hands against the couch.
"Choose an emergency word." she said and I looked confused at her, but soon the panic was evident on my face. She just laughed. "Come on."
"What? Why?"
"So I'll know when to stop what I'm about to do to you." she looked me in the eyes. Lauren bit her lower lip.
"It's not a good idea." I said, but I was scared. I mean, she is capable of anything.
"So you don't want me to stop?" she whispered in her husky voice. I swallowed hard.
"I think you better not-"
"Okay then, you asked for it" Lauren smiled maliciously and she released my hands only to slide hers down my waist. "I hope you're ready, babe."
I looked at her in panic and she just continued with that evil smile of hers. I froze, I didn't know what to do or if I should stop her. But I really wanted to stop her? Lauren pressed her legs around me and I couldn't move. She leaned forward and brushed her lips on mine, but then she pulled away quickly and started tickling me.
"OH MY GOD!" I screamed. I tried to hold her hands, but damn she was strong and continued to tickle.
"I'm not stopping!" Lauren laughed out loud. "An emergency word would be good now, right?!"
I half laughed and half screamed as I fought her hands from me, but it was useless. "STOP! THAT'S ENOUGH!"
"I'll say when it will be enough." Lauren laughed harder.
I was already crying at this point, but she didn't care and kept tickling me.
"All right, all right." she stopped. "I will no longer continue on one condition."
I took a deep breath, trying to recover and nodded slowly. Lauren smiled broadly and cupped my face, leaning in and took my lips to hers softly. I smiled against her lips, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her closer. The kiss went from calm to fierce in a second, I couldn't hold back and not even her.
"Mila, we're home!" I heard Dinah scream, but I haven't even heard the door open. What does she mean we? "My God, get a room."
Dinah laughed when she found us in the room. Lauren didn't bother to move.
"What, who needs to find a room?" And now Ally also appeared and Lauren shook her head. She pecked my lips before lazily get off of my lap. "Oh."
"Hey girls." I cleared my throat and got up from the couch. "What do you have there?"
I pointed to the bags that Ally was carrying. They went into the kitchen and I followed them.
"Nothing much. Some little things for us to have fun." Ally winked at me as she placed the bags on the counter and she took out a bottle of vodka.
"What? No!" I said and looked at Dinah. She shrugged. "My mother will kill us!"
"She will not kill if she doesn't find out." Lauren came into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle and opened.
"I will not drink." I said decided.
"Me neither. Sinu scared me to hell and if she tell my parents I'm out of here." Dinah agreed with me.
Well, I see now that it was Ally's crazy idea. Ally looked at me with those puppy eyes. I shook my head.
"Lauren, give me that." I asked, she gave me a look.
"You really know how to kill the party." she rolled her eyes and took a mouthful of the drink before handing the bottle to me.
"There's no party." I snapped.
I put the bottle back in the bag. Ally began to take some snacks from the other. Only some drunk food and no more alcohol.
"What shall we drink then?" Ally asked.
"Soda." I winked at her and she gave a disappointed sigh.
Soon after we were all sitting in the kitchen counter and eating what Ally brought. We kill some natchos. Dinah had ordered two pizzas and we eat all too.
"My God where you found these chicken wings? They are delicious!" Dinah said with her mouth full.
"There are this place near my house," Ally said after eating a wing. "They have the best. I think it will be my new home."
We laughed and agreed with her. They were really delicious and I wanted more of them.
"I can take you there sometime. I know the place." Lauren said as if she had read my mind and nudged me lightly.
"Really? Thank you." I smiled widely.
"What about me?" Dinah, who was sitting on the opposite side of us and beside Ally said with a pout.
"Yeah, you too." Lauren chuckled and shook her head.
"Oh Dinah, you ruined their date." Ally laughed out loud.
"It's not a date." Dinah complained. "They go there to eat, duh."
"It's not a date, you can come in." I assured her. "Right?" I asked Lauren.
"Yeah, sure." she shrugged.
"See?" Dinah said to Ally, who just rolled her eyes.
"I can't eat anymore." Ally said, wiping her hands and mouth with a napkin.
"Good, then it's more to me." I said excitedly.
"Just... how?" Dinah questioned. "You ate more than all of us, Mila."
"Of course not." I denied. I looked at Lauren and she nodded with a giggle.
"I'm just hungry." I shrugged, finishing to eat one last piece and get cleaned up too.
"I guess I better get going." Lauren got up from the chair. "Sinu will be here in an hour and I really don't want to bump into her."
"I don't understand her," Dinah said thoughtfully. "I mean, you're not doing anything wrong."
"Well, it is wrong for her." I said.
"Wait, what happened?" Ally asked lost in conversation.
"They are living a forbidden love." Dinah said in a awn voice.
"Idiot." I rolled my eyes and Lauren giggled beside me.
"Basically, they're dating and Sinu don't want that to happen and Lauren are forbidden to stay here. Or meet Camila at all."
"We're not, dating." I looked to Lauren that showed no reaction.
"Yeah, then what the hell are you doing?" Dinah giggled.
"Dinah," I gave her a pointed look.
I didn't want to push Lauren or something about this. She was confused to understand and things were fine the way they were now. It was good that way.
"Yeah, I'll go now." Lauren smiled at me. "Bye girls."
"Bye, see you soon!" Ally said and waved at her and Dinah too. I followed Lauren to the door.
"Sorry, she just--" I began to say but Lauren didn't let me finish and joined her lips on mine. "I mean," I tried again, but she giggled and kissed me one more time.
"Good night." she whispered looking at me when I surrendered.
"Good night." I smiled like an idiot watching her leave soon after.
She clearly didn't want to talk about it, even though she left slip this in the morning after the party. But I knew she would continue to avoid it and I don't really care as long as Dylan wasn't involved. The whole thing of "I like you more" sucks, it was like she was saying that she was with him too. Or not. I hoped not.
"You two can't stay away from each other and says this is not a relationship." Dinah said when I came back into the kitchen and sat in the same place as before.
"I don't understand why she just didn't answer the question." Ally said thoughtfully.
"It's complicated." I sighed.
"Yeah, of course." Dinah scoffed.
"Dinah, come on?"
"No, Mila. I understand that you are together the way you two think is better, but you already told me how she is and I just don't want you hurt in the end." she said seriously.
"I thought you were on her side the whole time." I smiled. I knew she was right and it was her duty to act like that, but she had nothing to worry about.
"What? Since when?" she asked confused.
"Dinah, seriously?" I giggled. "You can't stop talking about her or say she's right and blah blah blah."
"Is that true?" Ally laughed.
"Hey, that's not the point. It's just that Mila was complaining all the time about Lauren when she was already completely fallen for her. I was just trying to open her eyes." Dinah defended himself.
"And I was right." she completed with a smug smile.
I rolled my eyes laughing. Well, she really was. I mean, I don't know how it happened but now Lauren and I are where we are now.
"She keeps denying." Dinah insisted. "Ally you don't know what I've been through. And what I saw."
I looked at Dinah and she just gave a smirk. "Dinah, shut up."
"What? No! I want to know everything." Ally complained with a pout.
"No, you don't!" I said. "Help me clean this up before my mom gets home."
"Ally has always been one of us, she deserves to know." Dinah said decided.
"She already knows enough."
"I only know that you slept together, that's not enough." Ally pointed out.
"Oh My God!" I blushed. "That's not what happened."
"Enlighten me then." she said staring at me.
"More clean and less talk." I pointed at the counter that was a mess.
They finally gave up and helped me clean up the mess we made in the kitchen. Ally insisted on wanting to drink the vodka but I didn't allow her. My mother couldn't dream that something like that was in her kitchen.
-
It was Thursday and I didn't want the week came to an end. This meant that Dinah would have to go back to her house and I'd be alone again. Well, have Ally, she said she would stay permanently in her new/old house and even though she tried to hide, she was getting ever closer to Troy again. But she'd kill her if any of us tried to say something about it.
In the past few days that passed were more fun than I imagined. Well, Dinah and Ally made everything better. Not to be alone in my house Dinah spent time with Ally in her house in the morning and when I arrived from school they were at my house.
Lauren kind of disappeared. I saw her at school, but then during the break she'd disappear. She didn't invade my room the last two nights too, or during the morning. I sent her some texts, she said she was busy with something. I really didn't like when she disappeared. Not knowing what she was doing or with who she might be. I always thought the worst.
"So, what are we going to do tomorrow." Ally commented.
We were sitting on my bed. I was in the middle and they were on both sides. It was already evening and we had dined earlier. Now we were doing nothing and listening to music on my laptop while I checked my tumblr.
"We're grounded." I reminded her.
"And if it's something other than a party?" she suggested.
"She didn't say anything about that, Mila." Dinah commented.
"Well, if she believe that we're going to do something innocent, we can work something out." I shrugged.
"All right, let's not do anything of that kind. Just hang out." Ally assured me. "There's a caffee which is not so far away."
"That's what you will do on my last day here?" Dinah whimpered.
"What? I thought you--" Ally started talking but Dinah cut her.
"It's my last day." she said quickly. I chuckled. "But it's better than being locked here in this room."
"Don't say that about my room, thank you." I poked her.
"I don't know how you do it." Dinah sighed dramatically. "Or are you waiting for a certain person--"
"Ugh Dinah." I complained and then my phone started playing on her side.
"Mila, who is That Nasty GND?" she asked confused.
"Lauren." I giggled and tried to grab the phone from her hand, but she answered the call.
"Speak of the devil and he will appear." Dinah said in an amused tone.
"Give it to me!"
"You are aware what is your name on her contacts?" she commented.
"This is my phone, give i to me!" I said annoyed.
"Oh, really?" Dinah looked at me. "That's really cute."
"What's cute?" I asked. "Dinah!"
"Yeah, that's not going to happen. Her mother is like a security guard downstairs." Dinah chuckled.
"Ally, help me out here?" I asked, but she was lost in her own phone.
"Hm, what?" she looked at me and then to Dinah.
"It's easier if you stay here with us." Dinah said. "Okay, bye."
I was about to take the phone from her hand. "What? What did she say?!"
"Calm down, she's going to talk to you." Dinah laughed out loud of my despair and handed me the phone.
"Hey." I smiled. It was so good to hear her voice.
"I can't believe I'm still That Nasty GND." Lauren said disappointed. "I thought we were past that point."
"Okay, I'll change later. Happy?" I rolled my eyes. She was an idiot.
"Good. I'm really happy." she laughed softly. "So there's no way you can escape from home today?"
"No, I'm sorry." I sighed.
"Too bad. And tomorrow?"
"Hey, she can go with us tomorrow." Ally said on my side.
"We're going out tomorrow, you could go." I said hopeful even though she probably heard what Ally said.
"Yeah," she paused. "I was thinking of just the two of us."
"What you had in mind?" I asked.
I hadn't seen her for two days, it would be really nice to be alone with her, but I also didn't want to be away from the girls.
"Hey, I had an idea." Ally clapped on my side. Dinah jumped scared.
"Damn Ally, we're here, you don't need to do that." she complained.
"Let's go to my place. Now. "she said and I looked at her confused.
"Wait a minute." I told Lauren.
"She wants to go out, right?" Ally asked me and I nodded. "You say you go to my house and sleep there, then you can go and your mother won't need to know."
"I liked the idea." Lauren commented.
"It's a good plan." Dinah agreed.
"So let's do it!" I said excitedly.
"Give me the address and I meet you there." Lauren said.
Ally said her home address to Lauren and soon after I ran downstairs and try to convince my mom. She thought it wasn't a good idea since the last time the three of us hung out together things didn't end well. But Ally assured her it was just a sleepover party. Somehow she listened to Ally.
After that I packed my things and we left. My mother gave the speech of days ago, we made it clear that she didn't need to worry. And I had to make sure I was going to school tomorrow. I didn't want to, I mean, it was the last day that Dinah would be here and I wanted to be with her. But that was no excuse for my mother.
It wasn't long before Ally parked in the garage of her house. Damn it was beautiful. I started to think she wouldn't stay in the city for me, but the house that she had. Inside her even more beautiful. I mean, it wasn't much, but it was comfortable and had a beautiful design. The house didn't have two floors, but still looked great and cozy. Right after we get settled, Lauren sent me a text. I had already changed the name as she asked.
Lolo: i'm on my way, are you ready?
Me: tell me where we're going
Lolo: surprise ;) but it's nothing fancy
Me: good, i wasn't expecting anything fancy
Lolo: you don't like fancy?
Me: i didn't said that
Lolo: okay then :)
"Lolo hun?" Dinah said with a giggle while spying over my shoulder.
"Hey, have you heard about privacy?" I hid the phone away from her.
"Yes, but that doesn't apply when it comes to you." she winked at me and gave me some space anyway.
Lolo: we're just going for a ride
Me: okay, i'm waiting
Lolo: okay ;)
I put a skinny jeans, my allstar and a cropped sweater. She said it was nothing fancy and I don't have anything fancy anyway. I put my hair in a loose ponytail and a little makeup. I didn't believe that I was getting ready to go out with Lauren. I mean, a while ago I never thought I'd be doing this.
"Wow, you look good." Ally commented when I showed up in the living room.
"Thanks." I said and winked to her.
"Too hot, hot damn." Dinah said with big smile.
"Ugh, thanks Dinah, now I can't get that song out of my head." I rolled my eyes.
"And you shouldn't." she laughed with Ally. Then I received another text.
Lolo: i'm here, come on babe, time to go ;)
Soon afterwards we heard the noise of a horn outside.
"Your girl is here." Dinah winked at me. I blushed, but I laughed trying to disguise.
"Don't come home too late." Ally said before I open the door.
"Okay, mom." I rolled my eyes and opened the door but I didn't believe what I saw.
My jaw dropped when I stepped outside. Lauren was on a motorcycle. She had this black leather jacket she used when she took me to the airport that day and with a pair of skinny jeans of the same color and combat boots. She took off her helmet and looked at me with a evil smile on her lips. I had to take a few seconds to recover.
"Where did you get that?" I asked in awe.
"Matty lent me." she shrugged. "Come on." Lauren gave me another helmet.
I put before climbing on the motorcycle. I had never been on one of these and it scared me a little. Even more with Lauren riding.
"You are beautiful by the way." she said with a smile before putting her own helmet.
I wrapped my arms around her waist awkwardly.
"You have to press tighter than this if you don't want to fall." she said and I tightened my grip around her. I could hear her laugh softly.
"Ready?" she asked.
"Not really." I confessed.
"Don't worry, babe." Lauren said. "You're going to love this."
I really didn't need to see her to know she had a smirk on her face. She skidded off the rear tire before took off. I squeezed her even more if possible. Oh My God where the hell did I get myself into?
I was scared even before it started, but I didn't need. Lauren was not crazy as I thought she would be, and in fact she was riding calmly. I had no idea where we were going, but she commented that it was a small tour of the place since I hadn't come out to explore. I was really enjoying it. Everything was so colorful, bars, restaurants still open and all drew attention. Lauren made sure to pass in several places just so I could take a look. After a while she led us to the Sunset Place.
"That was... wow!" I commented excitedly when I got off the motorcycle.
Lauren giggled, taking my helmet. She had parked a few metres from the place.
"That was the intention." she smiled widely. She took my helmet and we walked to the entrance of the place.
"You want to eat first? We still have about half an hour." she said looking at her phone screen.
"Half an hour?"
"It's not over yet." she winked at me with a smirk.
"I'm starving." I said with a smile.
"Alrighty then." she smiled back and took my hand. I intertwined our fingers and she led the way.
The night was good so far. I couldn't deny that it was good to be like that with her. Without stress or something. She was being very sweet and it was a side that I thought Lauren didn't have. Or I just always think the worst of her. In fact, she shows how reckless she is, so it's good to still see this good side of all that.
Another small tour inside the place and I was still in awe. We just had to hurry a little because we wouldn't have time to go to the next place she still hoped to take me. Then we came to a place called Town Kitchen & Bar. We sat outside and then someone came to take our orders. She ordered two Cheeseburger Sliders and Chicken Wings, of couse.
"You always come here?" I asked as we waited.
"Are you serious?" she chuckled.
"Oh, no, I meant that. I wasn't hitting on you or something." I smiled awkwardly.
"Sometimes. I usually go out with Matty and this usually is be in some parties or be doing anything on the streets." she said.
"Then why did you bring me here?" I questioned.
"I thought you would like." Lauren smiled genuinely.
"So you're just pleasing me?" I cocked an eyebrow.
"I wouldn't say it that way."
"You don't do anything like this, Lauren." I smiled.
"I can do if I'm with you." she supported her elbows on the table and stared at me. I was sure that my cheeks were burning in red.
I had already seen how it is going out with Matty. Twice actually. That was the lifestyle she had. It was not for me, it was the opposite of what I was actually. Dinah on the other hand loves parties, but if I'm not with her, I'm not going anywhere. But Lauren could well lead me to do what she liked to do. Instead she was doing what I liked.
Our orders arrived soon after. It didn't take too long but I was getting hungrier. We ate in silence, but Lauren was enjoying the way I devoured the cheeseburger. Finally I attacked the chicken wings. I didn't know if this was the place she said she would bring me, but the chicken wings here were even better than we eat the other day.
"How do you do that?" she asked when she finished eating.
"What?" I asked but I covered my mouth while chewing. "Sorry."
"All this hunger," Lauren laughed. "I don't know how you can eat all this."
"But it was only a small cheeseburger. And some wings." I said with a pout after I cleaned me up with napkin.
"Still." she shrugged. I laughed and rolled my eyes. People needed to calm down and let my appetite alone.
"Well, we still have time. Ready?" she asked after checking her phone again.
"Yeah, depending on what it is, I am one hundred percent ready." I lifted my thumbs at her. "I just need to go to the bathroom first."
"All right, I'll get the check."
After a few minutes when I came back, Lauren was already waiting for me standing near where we sat. She smiled widely when she saw me.
"Ready?" she asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. "Where are we going now?"
"How good at bowling you think you are?" Lauren raised an eyebrow.
We went to Splitsville Lanes, she said it was already late and the place would close in about an hour, but still we could spend some time there.
I was sitting on the couch while watching Lauren do strike after strike. I mean, how is it possible? And I was thinking twice before attempting to play. I really was a disaster. Dinah was proof of that and she always had fun with my failed attempts back in NY.
"Okay, your turn." Lauren said. "Let's see if you're as good as you told me."
Small detail. I said I was great in bowling. Why the hell did I say that?
"Yeah, of course." I cleared my my throat and got up. Choose a ball and walked to the edge of the runway. I just stood there. It wasn't long before Lauren realize that I lied. I heard her laughing behind me.
"Oh, I knew it was bullshit." she giggled. "But I thought you were going to prove otherwise."
"Ugh, you're so good." I turned to look at her. "How am I supposed to beat strike after strike?" I said frustrated.
"Relax. Here," she ran up to me. "Let me teach you."
I turned to face the runway again and Lauren took my side. She instructed me how am I supposed to throw the ball and what position to take. I nodded in understanding and prepared myself.
It was horrible. The ball didn't come halfway and went straight to the right side. I growled and Lauren just laughed. Great, Dinah wasn't here, but Lauren could take her place.
"You sucks, Camila." Lauren giggled and I gave her a pointed look.
"Shut up." I rolled my eyes.
"Okay, let's try another way." Lauren took another ball and handed it to me. I thought she was going to explain everything again, but she positioned behind me and held my waist. I think she felt that I was a bit tense because I heard her giggle. "Relax." she whispered.
She gave a few steps behind me. Her hand went over my shoulder. "Tilt your shoulders slightly forward." she instructed. She placed both hands on top of mine. "Put the ball between shoulder and chin."
Her hand went a little below my waist. "Place your ball-side foot behind, not much." I tried to stay calm. But it wasn't easy with her hands on my body and whispering under my shoulder. "Bend your knee slightly."
"And you have to keep the wrist firm." Her hand returned to the top of mine. She held carefully. I took a deep breath but all I could think was in her hands on me. "Keep your eyes on the target. Swing your arm back and forth."
"I got it." I managed to say. God, she was really teasing me with this whole thing.
"Now you run, and when you release the ball do the movement that I told you before." she finished and turned away to give me some space.
I prepared myself, trying to remember everything she had just told me. What was it again? Damn. I tried to clear my mind and follow her instructions.
Then I ran and did everything exactly as she had told me. I was really hopeful, but this time it was less worse than my first attempt. I managed to drop a pin in the left corner.
"Not bad." she smiled.
"Hey, that's great!" I said excitedly.
"You just dropped a pin." Lauren chuckled and I pinched her lightly.
"That's better than nothing! Don't spoil my happiness, thanks."
"If you're saying." she raised her hands in defense.
"Okay, let's do it again!" I ran and caught another ball.
I think she would regret later for taken me in that place because in the next half hour I tried stubbornly to make a better play than the other. She seemed to be having fun anyway. And me too. After many failed attempts of one or two pins, miraculously I managed to make a strike.
"Did you saw that?!" I screamed excitedly and ran to her arms.
"That was awesome." Lauren commented in awe. She wrapped my waist and hugged me tightly.
"Now there's only four to beat me." she winked at me after she let go of the hug, but still with her arms around me.
"I can do it!" I said confidant and she giggled.
"Yeah, of course." she scoffed. "Maybe another time, we gotta go now."
"Really?" I pouted.
"It's late and the place is going to close soon." she pecked my lips and I smiled.
"Okay then." I sighed. I really wanted to stay.
She got something us to drink before we leave the place and go back to the entrance of Sunset Place and we went to where she had parkedd.
We left the place back home. If I thought she would go quietly as before, I was totally wrong and I should be right to be scared. Soon after we left the place, Lauren drove like a madman. She went between the cars in front of us and I really thought we were going to die at any moment.
I held tight around her while she continued to make risky maneuvers along the way. She had lost her mind?! Where we passed people honked furiously and she really didn't care. We passed between two cars and she almost broke the mirror of one of them.
After much desperation on my part and her fun, we arrived at Ally's place. I couldn't go down. I still had my arms tight around her waist. Lauren took her helmet and laughed out loud.
"Wow, that was exciting." she said proud of herself.
"I can't move." I said and Lauren chuckled.
"I don't mind you stay that way." she commented.
"You're an idiot." I said joking. I took off my helmet and took a deep breath.
"I know you loved, babe." she said and I got off the motorcycle.
"You're totally crazy!" I complained looking at her. "You could have killed both of us."
"But I didn't." she smiled smugly.
I rolled my eyes and she laughed softly. Lauren took my hand and pulled me close. I smiled at her and cupped her face.
How did we get to this point? I couldn't deny that it was good seeing her and exciting. It was something I would never do in my life and my mother couldn't dream that something like this happened.
"I have to go." she said with a sigh. She intertwined our fingers and I stroked her hand with my thumb.
"Why don't you stay with us?" I proposed. "Ally won't mind."
"Sorry, I really have to go." she smiled weakly. "I have to go find Matty."
"Hm, all right then."
"See you tomorrow." she winked at me.
"Okay." I smiled. "Good night."
I took a step back but she pulled me again. "Hey," she smiled and pulled me gently until I was closer to her.
I leant forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She smiled and captured my bottom lip with hers gently before let me go.
"Good night." Lauren whispered and let go of my hand. She smirked at me before putting her helmet again.
I chuckled and shook my head. Before leaving, of course she show off again, skidding the tire before get out of place and disappear from my sight.