the girlfriend experience, james potter
𝒔𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓, 𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟕
chapter nine, LOST CAUSES AND GAME PLANS
✧ ━━━ · ✦ · ━━━ ✧
"IT'S GENIUS IF YOU ASK ME."
"Shut up, Peter."
James scratched his head as he tried to process what he was hearing. His oldest friend . . . an entrepreneur genius. And he had no idea. "Can we recap please?" he asked, rubbing the heel of his hands against his eyes so that his glasses popped up onto the top of his head.
Sirius sighed ─ he was the only one out of his friends that didn't agree with telling James about Bronwyn Ward's Girlfriend Experience ─ and cleared his throat, "People pay Bronwyn for her to date them for a week so they can get used to the "dating lifestyle"," he said tiredly, making air quotes with his fingers.
James blinked at his dark-haired friend, almost waiting for the part where one of them tells him they made it all up. "Bronwyn?"
"Yes," Peter nodded.
"Bronwyn Ward?"
"Yes."
"The one my mum still thinks I'm going to marry?"
Peter cocked his head to the side, "Yes?"
James couldn't quite tell whether it was the person involved or the thing she does that baffled him more. "She dates people to give them experience?" He hadn't so much as moved from where he sat crossed-legged on his bed, staring up at Sirius and Peter as they both explained to James Bronwyn's business. Because apparently, he hadn't heard of it. And dumping all of that information onto him now all at once wasn't helping his overloaded brain comprehend what he was hearing.
Peter nodded his head once, almost like a punctuation stamp, "That's right."
James tilted his head to the ceiling, his forehead creasing, the dents slowly deepening as he thought about the information some more. "Strange objective, don't you think?" he asked his friends.
Remus shrugged from where he was hunched down over a book. He didn't look up as he spoke, "She's rich Prongs, don't question her business concept."
James hadn't decided what he thought about this Girlfriend Experience his friends were telling him about. He didn't have an exact number on how much Bronwyn was making from this, nor did he have any references from past customers, so frankly he didn't even know if it was successful or not. He was still stuck on the fact that it was Bronwyn Ward for him to be able to evaluate the rest of it.
The second most puzzling part about this all though? How did he not know about it, but everyone around him apparently did? "Okay," he drawled, "but how do you all know about this?"
Peter looked down sheepishly, but after a second, you wouldn't have thought he seemed embarrassed, to begin with. He shrugged lightly, and addressed James' question, "Someone told me about it in fifth period last year when I cried to them about being single," he said, and Sirius' brows furrowed at the lack of shame that didn't come with Peter's statement. "It was all the buzz. I considered it once actually."
Sirius chuckled dryly. It was easy to believe the first part of Peter's answer, but Sirius couldn't quite wrap his head around the last nonchalant fact. "You considered feeding into that deceiving, scammer of a bitch and her so-called "business"?" he asked sceptically, his neck jutting out.
Remus rolled his eyes, his tongue hitting the roof of his mouth, "Don't sound so surprised, Padfoot," he said. "That was her aim ─ to pick up losers like Wormtail who need help in the dating scene. No offence, Pete."
"None taken."
James didn't like the fact that he was sitting silently as his friends discussed something that was still very new to him rather casually in front of his eyes. "What about you, Moony?" he asked Remus, one brow sloping upwards. "How did you find out about it?"
Remus' mouth hung open, "Uh I don't live under a rock?"
James' face contorted as he became increasingly offended. Sirius watched as his closest friend's lips parted, and he winced slightly. "Seriously, mate. I'm surprised you didn't already know."
Peter tried a feeble smile, "Yeah, I always thought your parents made you two hang out like all the time."
James thought about this fact for a moment. Both Bronwyn and James' parents ─ though it was mostly their mothers ─ had pushed the two of them as close together as possible since they were kids. They might not be the best of friends ─ or friends at all, albeit ─ but surely their history meant she would at least confide in him about something she knew to already be very public.
"I don't think she'd want her parents finding out about this, do you?" Remus questioned, and all three of them made a face as if to say guess not.
James threw his head back, so it rolled gently from side to side, as he stared up at the ceiling, "So all the times I've seen her on a date with someone," he said, "and I didn't tell her parents, I actually could have had her exposed as a con-artist?" he finished staring blankly at Sirius, who grimaced slightly.
Peter took a large stride forward, "Oh my God─ She's not a scammer!" he said, his last nerve being lost to his friends. "She's just smarter than all of you. I mean, come on, Prongs, you could use some of her help, Jesus." As soon as the words had left his mouth, Peter glued his lips shut tight, and they pressed together in a straight line.
Sirius looked as though he could have hexed, no, killed Peter on the spot. "God, don't put ideas into his head-"
James' hurt subsided after a few seconds when he got to thinking about it. By this point, this far down the chasing-Lily-Evans-line, even he can admit he needs all the help he can get. And lots of students go to Bronwyn in confidence for the same reason he would. He shouldn't be ashamed by the fact he needs dating help, right? Even if she is the one to provide him with it.
He looked over at Peter, his expression the most serious it has been since the whole shebang was revealed to him. "Do you think so?"
Sirius answered a question that was not aimed at him before Peter even had the chance to open his mouth, "No, absolutely not."
"A hundred percent yes," Remus said candidly, nodding his head once.
Peter cringed, and he hated to be the one to bring the suggestion to light. He hated hurting any of his friends, full stop. He looked as though he was trying to crawl inside himself as he spoke, "I mean . . ."
"James," Sirius let out a puff of air, as though he couldn't even fathom his best friend accepting the other two's suggestion, "mate, why would you give her your money when you're a wanted by like half the girls in our year? You're too good for that shit."
Remus pursed his lips together, embarrassed for Sirius for what he was saying. "Yeah," he said, "but the one girl he does want to date, thinks he's a complete undateable twat." Remus paused, mulling over the decision of whether what he wanted to say next was a total dick move or not. He decided to say it anyway ─ James was only going to benefit from hearing the truth, even if it was brutal. "And she wouldn't be totally wrong-"
"Remus," Sirius spoke flatly, but any one of them could tell he was one strike away from his breaking point.
James pouted, "Am I?" he asked Remus, now ignoring anything Sirius said because he had concluded the dark-haired boy was never going to tell him the truth. "Am I actually undateable?"
Remus' head bobbed from side to side as if he was weighing out the various options. He knew the answer even before he began debating it. "Well," he sing-songed, resisting the urge to wince because that would most definitely not help James in any way shape or form.
"Pete?" James squeaked, his neck sticking out.
Peter flushed bright red, "I wouldn't say undateable, exactly, but-"
"That's it then," James' hands flew to his sides, and he uncrossed his legs, to stand in front of the door. He needed to address the whole room collectively.
Peter felt a light rush of relief at the thought that he might not have completely broken James, and that James might actually choose Peter's plan over crying about what was said about him. "If we're looking at it from Lily's standards," Peter said, hoping to brighten James' spirits and excite him about the future possibilities that can happen with Peter's plan, "then maybe The Girlfriend Experience isn't a terrible idea."
Remus' lips pressed together, "I agree," he said. "And I know Lily better than either of you." He wasn't just speaking to James now. Because Sirius still looked incredibly displeased with how this was playing out.
"How much did you say it was?" James asked.
"Fifteen galleons," Peter answered.
Sirius waggled his finger in the air, and when he shook his head, his hair flopped from side to side, "No, no, no, he doesn't need to know because he's not going to do it."
James considered all of the words that were being thrown about. If he really broke it all down, it would sound something like this:
On the one hand, he's currently failing at the dating scene. He sucks. Like, if it was an exam, he'd be at the twenty-percent/grade F mark. He's running out of options here. And Bronwyn may be the one to grant him his biggest wish, the saviour in the storm. A storm that's been terrorizing him for a good few years. She could cure him of that. And sure, James' initial reaction to finding out his oldest friend runs a business in which people pay her to date them was a little shocked, and surely frazzled his brain, but now he might actually need her help, it's not that ludicrous, is it? Just because it was the last possible thing he would have guessed she does in her free time does not make it absurdly funny, does it? This could be his breakthrough. Even if it's her that breaks it for him.
But, on the other hand, Bronwyn doesn't like him. And he can't say he's her biggest fan either. She may have a better track record than him in terms of an understanding of what it's like to thrive in a healthy relationship but it's far too humiliating for him to confess to her of all people that he needs the help she can give when he can simply ask his friends for advice, or at least score a date with his one true love on his own terms. That way it's a fair fight.
Finally, he sighed and spoke, "I guess it is pretty ridiculous."
Remus' laughed haughtily, "Face it, Prongs," he said. "You're a lost cause. I don't see any other options here."
James had never been called a lost cause before. He didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit. It was a new sensation for him and it almost put everything into perspective. He didn't want to think Remus was right, he didn't want to accept being called a lost cause but maybe it was a step in the right direction. Instead of denying that he doesn't have a chance with Lily Evans, he should appreciate that and go about it differently. He can at least admit that he has near to no experience with relationships so maybe that is what's missing ─ he doesn't know how to treat a girl. There's no point trying to get the girl if he doesn't even know how to tackle being with the girl.
Bronwyn's onto something here.
Remus could see the cogs in his brain churning; Sirius feared that James was going to make a mistake here, and Peter just wanted to know what it would really be like if he had been the one to have signed up for The Girlfriend Experience.
If anyone were to walk into their dorm room right about now, what with how stuffy the ventilation was, and how thick the tension that hung in the air was, they could have guessed a life-altering decision was being made. And if you asked James Potter what was happening, that would be exactly what he would say in response.
"I'm going to do it."
Sirius didn't get the chance to open his big mouth in protest before James was out the door. As his footsteps receded down the spiral staircase that leads to the Gryffindor common room, the other three exchanged various glances. Sirius' consisted more on the irritated side, Remus seemed pleasantly proud that James was trying to change, but also dubious that this was going to end up with James harassing Lily further, and Peter was excited that he had made a good suggestion for once and was delighted that his best friend might finally get the girl he has dreamed over for too many years.
James was glad his friends didn't follow him as he charged out of the Gryffindor lounge. He didn't know how he was going to get into the Slytherin common room (he'd done exactly that with his invisibility cloak before, but he didn't think about that before he left and it was no doubt Bronwyn would report him for using it to enter Slytherin territory anyway), or what he was going to do if Bronwyn wasn't there, but he figured he'd work it out when he got to it.
James hated the Hogwarts dungeons and opted to only enter them when he had to, when it was only necessary. Well tonight, was one of those circumstances.
He couldn't quite tell whether it was a fleet of luck finding Andromeda Black strolling through the dungeon hallways just as he arrived but he already knew she was going to be his gateway into the snakes' common room.
Cracks broke out on the girl's forehead as soon as James Potter waltzed into her view frame. James didn't give her the chance to ask him why he was where he was before he strode right up to her, "Let me in will you?" he asked.
It didn't take a genius to work out where James was referring to here. Andromeda spoke candidly, "No."
Never once in his life was James ever prepared to beg a Slytherin for anything, but he was too sure that his game plan to get relationship experience was going to work that he couldn't let any time pass to change his mind. Now was surely going to be the only time: "Please?"
Andromeda cocked her head to the side. James was becoming too familiar with the feeling of being patronised today. "What business could you possibly have in there?"
"I need to talk to Bronwyn." The words felt weird coming out of his mouth.
"I can assure you, she doesn't need to talk to you," she scoffed.
James couldn't let her walk away just yet. "I'm assuming you know about The Girlfriend Experience?" There was a sense of urgency in his voice.
Andromeda dismissed that urgency immediately. James knew she knew. Of course, she did ─ she had been Bronwyn's best friend since their first year. But he felt it was the only way to grab her attention. She shrugged, nonchalantly, "Haven't a clue, good night-"
Her back was to him, but James caught her arm before she could make her final exit. "Andromeda."
James noticed a sense of reluctance as she turned back to face him. He practically pleaded with his eyes ─ not a proud moment of his ─ and she chewed the inside of her mouth, her eyes wandering about the halls as if debating with herself.
So many things could go wrong if she let him (of all people) inside the Slytherin lounge. He could tell her cousin, Sirius, the location of the common room, and who knows what mayhem that could do. Bronwyn won't be happy if she granted James Potter the ability to talk to her late at night after already having spent an evening with him at Slughorn's dinner party.
After a moment or two or maybe ten, Andromeda squared her gaze onto his. She didn't say anything ─ she didn't have to. Just by staring into his eyes, he learned everything that she was thinking. You tell anyone how to get in here and I'll slice you in half. It was a fair enough threat, James thought. He had a habit of sneaking into other common rooms and causing havoc. To James, there's just something about doing stuff you're not supposed to, you know?
She still didn't say anything but this time, when she turned around, James could tell something was different. She sighed as she walked, slower this time, as if waiting for him to catch up with her. A few silent and uncomfortable seconds passed, but they had now made it to the ancient stone wall, that stretched across almost an entire new corridor, that James knew to be the entrance. He had gotten inside before, just not on his own.
Andromeda looked at James with an essence of severity, "Turn off your ears."
James' face contorted in puzzlement, "I don't quite know how I can-"
"Turn around then."
James didn't know what he had done to infuriate her so much, but he obliged, and while he swivelled round to face the opposite wall, covering his ears with his hands, Andromeda muttered something that was too muffled for James to translate. When he turned back around, the stone bricks that were once concealing a large portion of the wall was now sliding to one side, revealing the Slytherin common room.
James would have loved to have revelled in the looks he got from the Slytherin students dotted around the lounge, but he felt as though he didn't have the time because he had already spotted Bronwyn, sitting in a velvet armchair, over by the far window. He wanted to analyse every part of the interior design, but he was too focused on making it over to her, alive and preferably in one piece.
Bronwyn noticed him striding over to her before he made it to the bay window at which she was sat, and not only did she not like him being here, but she also disliked the amount of purpose he walked with. She let her book fall onto her lap, as she rolled her eyes, "Just when I thought you couldn't get any more embarrassing, you show up here-"
James came to a halt in front of her, "Please stop talking for just one second," he clenched his eyes shut, and couldn't seem to gather himself in preparation for what he was about to say.
It was very hard for Bronwyn to keep her mouth shut in the period of time that James had his eyes closed. 1) Because he looked constipated and Bronwyn wanted to tease him for it. 2) She needed to know how on Earth he got in here. 3) And she wasn't quite sure whether he wanted to know this one but, why was James Potter seeking her out at this time of night?
Her question was answered after another moment of awkward silence. And even then, she was unlikely to want it answered:
"I never thought I'd say this," James said, his eyes now fixed soberly on hers. "But, I need your help."
———————————————