Song: Can I Sleep in Your Brain by Ezra Furman
"I'm scared," I whisper into his ear as I lay wedged between his arm. My body reclines looking diagonally around the room. A feeling of paranoia washes over me, making me feel as if I were being watched. It feels like HYDRA is still watching me. Even when I thought they weren't on my trail any longer, they were still waiting for me. I won't be able to leave the apartment without Bucky by my side for fear of being followed by them. It's not like I want to leave the apartment anyway as everything I could want is in this building.
"I know," he says quietly. He has his hand on my head, brushing my hair back and out of my face. The way he looks at me tells me he's trying to guess what I am thinking about.
"I felt so empty before," I explain as a fearful shiver trails through my body. "I didn't even remember you. I barely recognized your face, James. I did terrible things and didn't feel any sort of remorse. Now all of those feelings I never felt, I am feeling now. It's so hard," I whisper, afraid to say too much. My voice cracks as I try to hold back the tears. Under HYDRA's command, I did terrible things. I remember the face of every person I had ever done anything bad to. After Wanda used her powers on me so much of my own mind was revealed to me. I do, however, feel an empty spot in my mind. I see fragments of memories with faceless bodies and distorted voices. I don't remember anything before HYDRA first took me. If I try hard to think about what was in the void, all I feel is fear. I cannot remember how I got to HYDRA in the first place. Was I born in their facilities? Did someone leave me on their doorstep like someone would leave a baby at the fire station?
"I know how bad the feeling is. I'm so sorry you have to go through this," he responds after turning the television off. His brunette hair frames his face and his eyes have slight bags proving to me he hasn't slept in a while. He looks utterly exhausted and worn out. He wears a long-sleeved blue henley shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His metal arm reflects the light from the lamp nearby and a watch rests upon his other hand. He's clad in dark denim jeans that are just snug enough to accentuate his features. His hand reaches up and holds my face, calming me down. I close my eyes and lean into his touch, not wanting him to pull away.
"You're the only good thing I seem to remember. Every time I look at you I remember more of the moments we spent together. I think about how you cleaned up my back or how we had to spend hours in the car together finding something to talk about so it wasn't awkward," I bring up with a small, sad smile on my lips. "You're the only good thing in my life. I don't know where I'd be without you... You bring out the good in me," I tell him. I open my eyes to see many emotions on his face.
"I'd spend an infinite amount of awkward hours in the car with you if that means we can be together," he grins. He slowly lets go of my face and places his hand on my hip, pulling me closer. My breath catches in my throat while I immediately tense up. Not because I don't want him to touch me, but because I'm slightly nervous. "Is this okay?" he asks for my permission. I bite my lip as I evaluate my options.
"Yes, very," I stumble over my words and a chuckle erupts from his chest at my nervousness. I bring my dainty hands to grasp his forearms as I look up at him, my eyes switching back and forth between his blue eyes and light pink lips. He licks his lips before leaning forward and placing a small peck on my lips.
"What about this?" he inquires, ensuring he doesn't do anything I wouldn't like. I nod but he shakes his head to dismiss my gesture. "You've gotta tell me, babe," he whispers in my ear, his breath hot on my neck. My heart seizes in my chest and the butterfly feeling fills in my gut. I don't think he's ever called me babe before but I think I like it. Heat pools in my lower half making me feel both slightly aroused and eager.
"Mhmm, yes," I murmur in response. He kisses me once again, his lips hot on mine as he holds me close. My tongue darts between his lips, earning a small laugh from him. His metal hand holds the small of my back, holding me steady. With the heat still in my lower abdomen, I let out a small moan into the kiss, giving in to his hold. Once the sound escapes my lips he sucks in a sharp breath.
"Erin," he warns after pulling away from the kiss. "Don't tease me," he says so quietly I almost missed it. His eyes show that he's conflicted, he can barely believe what is happening.
"I'm not teasing you," is all I say back once I open my eyes. My hands grab the fabric sleeves from his shirt as I push him back onto the couch. He drags me down with him so I'm straddling his waist. I feel him shift under me as something begins poking my thigh. I don't think twice about it as desire and desperation overcome me. Our mouths clash together desperately and his tongue traces over my bottom lip before delving into my mouth. It's not nearly as gentle as it is rough and full of passion. His thumbs dig into my hips causing me to buck forward into him, my pelvis grinding against his. "Bucky," I moan out craving more. I pepper kisses all down his neck before pulling his shirt over his head. He pauses to watch my reaction and I faintly remember what happened last time we attempted to get intimate. I just give him a reassuring smile as I leave a trail of kisses down his chest. His head falls back over the edge of the couch, clearly liking what I'm doing. His chest heaves while his grip on my hips tightens. There are many perks to having sex with a supersoldier. Whatever we do to each other won't hurt us. For anyone else, his fingertips digging into their skin would make them ache and earn bruises.
His eyes watch my body as I begin pulling my shirt off as well leaving me resting on top of him in my bra and pants. His warm, human hand reaches behind my back and attempts to undo my bra. After moments of struggling his face pleads for help.
"The design has changed a lot since the forties," he sheepishly comments and I burst out laughing. A blush of embarrassment appears on his face.
"Here, let me show you," I tell him as I take his hand and teach him how to unclasp my bra. It falls free and I slip it off my body. My breasts bounce out of my bra, now unsupported and bare. With his metal hand still on my hip, his other hand comes forward to palm my breast. I toss my head back in pleasure, a small moan leaving my lips. My hands trail farther down past his chest and my hands stop at the waistband of his jeans. He twitches under my touch, my fingers lingering just between his skin and jeans. His hands move to unbutton my pants and I briefly stand up for him to pull my pants down. My heart beats so fast at the thought of being half-naked in front of him.
"Is this okay?" He asks and I smile at his cuteness.
"Shh, I'll tell you if it's not, how about that?" I reassure him and he nods. I kick my pants to the side and he unbuttons his own jeans before throwing them right next to mine. His boxers are pulled tight against his thighs and his bulge catches my eye.
"Staring doesn't do anything, you know," he tells me with a grin. I gulp before he picks me up and carries me to his bedroom with my legs still wrapped around him. He pushes the door open and kicks it shut before gently dropping me onto the bed. He climbs on top of me, his large frame towers over me. He kisses me, leaving little pecks on my neck. As he trails further down, his kisses become more aggressive before he begins sucking on the thin skin near my collarbone. I close my eyes and let out a whimper of satisfaction. He sucks harder until his lips pop off leaving a mark. He makes his way further down, his hands softly brushing against my skin. His finger trails down before hooking on my panties. He gives me a look wanting me to let him continue and I give him a small nod. He pulls my panties down my legs before tossing them across the room. His hands leave the mattress and instead, he places them on my knees to push my legs apart, leaving room for him. My heat pulses as he brings his head down and his steaming breath warms me even more. He leaves a kiss on both of my inner thighs before leaving a kiss on my clit. I let out a sharp gasp as his tongue peeks out and licks me where he just left a peck. I shiver under his touch while his hands come up, holding my thighs. Almost instinctively, he licks his lips, then mine, tracing the shape of my vulva with the tip of his tongue muscle. With every touch on my core, I can't stop myself from moaning his name. He presses a tantalizing lick to my clit, causing my legs to naturally clench around his head, my thighs trapping his ears stopping him from hearing my sensual whines. His eyes don't leave mine as he looks up through his lashes to watch my reaction. A moment later, I feel the intensity piling up and the pressure about to explode.
"J-James," I whimper and he immediately pulls away. I give him a frown and he smirks. He pulls his boxers down and his bulge springs free. Pre-ejaculate drips off his tip onto my thigh making me ache for him to be in me. However, anxiety briefly washes over me, making me think for a second. "I've never... you know. So I'm not sure what-"
"Sex? You can't say sex?" He laughs at me and I giggle. "I don't care if you don't know what you're doing. Hell, I haven't had sex in decades. I'm a little rusty," he explains and I look down at his rigid dick.
"Definitely not rusty," I say with a straight face. He blushes before leaving a kiss on my cheek.
"If you're not ready we don't have to do anything. I won't be-" He starts and I cut him off.
"I want you to fuck me, Barnes," I spew out, desperate for his touch again. Without a word he grabs the tip of his head and sensually rubs it along my entrance, getting me ready. After a moment later I realize he is just teasing me. "What did I just say?" I question in annoyance and without any hesitance, he slowly pushes his tip into me. My juices coat his shaft as he pushes into me deeper. I clench around him as I let out a cry at his large size.
"Fuck," he mutters as he places his head in the crook of my neck, repeatedly leaving pecks on my collarbone. He slowly pushes in and out of me, letting me get acquainted with his member. I was expecting there to be a pinching pain but there is only a pleasurable tightness. He pumps into me, his pace picking up. His metal arm grabs my hips to pull me into him more making his thrusts deeper. I let out a moan right into his ear earning a groan back. He takes his muscular hand and places it on my neck, holding me down onto the bed. I take his hand off of my neck and place it on my hip before grabbing his metal hand and bringing it up to my throat once again. His eyes widen in surprise for a moment before he thrusts into me harder. My lips grip his member as tight as I possibly can and with every thrust my heat pulses beneath him. The grasp his metal hand has on my neck tightens making my core drip in pleasure. "I don't want to hurt you," he whispers in my ear. At that statement, my walls tighten as the pressure builds once again. The heartbeat in my clit makes me buck into his thrust, wanting more.
"Faster," is all I moan out in response. He obliges, his thrusts becoming faster as I start to twitch under his grasp. "Bucky, I'm gonna-" I start and before I can even finish my sentence I let out a whine as the pressure is released and a rush leaves my body. With my breath hot and heavy on his neck, he begins to do the same. His face contorts as he lets out a groan, signaling he's about to finish in me. With two more thrusts, his grip tightens on my throat and his come fills my heat while I finish my own orgasm. He slowly pulls out before falling next to me, his hand leaving my neck and falling limp at his side. His come spills out of my entrance and onto his bed beneath me. His naked body stands up from the bed, leaving me in the room by myself before he returns with a washcloth in hand. He sits next to my heaving body as my chest tries to regain the air I lost. He slowly opens my legs and begins cleaning up the mess we made. The warm towel brushes between my thighs as he attempts to soak up his own fluids. He looks at my flushed face and gives me a small smile. I give him one back before he speaks up.
"I love you, Erin," he spills out before bringing me in for a hug. Our naked bodies cling together as I run my fingers through his hair.
***
A/N: Whew, finally. Also, this is like my first time writing shmut so hopefully it's decent enough. Also, some crazy shit is gonna go down at some point soon so you better buckle up.