Sad Smiles & Old Scars {Bucky Barnes}

Ch. 14

Song: The Man Who Sold The World by Nirvana (David Bowie Cover)

"Remember what?" He asks. "I know I didn't tell you I have a metal arm, but I was worried what you'd think. Not everyone's seen something like this- " he starts and I cut him off.

"Please, no," I trail off as he steps closer to me, trying to calm me down. "The farmhouse with the family. There was a young girl. Y-You killed her parents right in front of her and tossed them on the bed she was hiding under. She choked on her parents' blood! You grabbed her from under the fucking bed and threw her over your shoulder before putting her in the backseat of your car," I yell as loud as I can directly into his face. I recite everything I can remember as the incident plays in my head. He takes a step back, his face dropping, and his eyes widen in what looks to be guilt as he must remember something.

"I-" He starts to say as he backs into his room. My lip curls up into a disgusted look.

"I fought for my life, you murderer. I fought for my life that you ruined," I step towards him, anger written on my face. His arms fall to his side, still unclad. I can't stop staring at his metal arm. The arm that held my father by his neck, cutting off his air supply. The same arm that grabbed me and slammed my head into the car door. "Tell me, did you know I was the little girl? Did you only take me in and help me to make yourself feel better?" I snap, venom in my voice. I step into my room, shut the door behind me, and lock it. I fall to the ground, my head against the door still listening.

"No, I didn't know," his voice comes through the door as a whisper. I feel him lean against the other side of my door.

"Do you remember?" I question and he doesn't respond. He put me in this position. He made me who I am. It's his fault I was suffering while HYDRA used me as a little puppet to kill and hurt others. He killed my parents in cold blood and I wish he had killed me too. I shouldn't have been forced to work with HYDRA, the organization that assisted in murdering my family. I should have died with them so at least I wouldn't be where I am now. "Do you fucking remember, Bucky?" I growl.

"I do," he mutters. "But I wasn't myself. HYDRA was controlling me," he tries to justify his actions. You could've killed me, or lied, or done anything instead of bringing me with you.

"You knew how bad it was and you still brought me to them," I say in defeat. He doesn't say anything through the door for a while. I quietly stand up and grab my duffel bag. I take out the dirty clothes and grab other clean ones and refill my bag. I grab the rest of the money in my dresser along with a few weapons and I pack them into my bag.

"I'm so sorry, Erin. Please believe me," he says through the door. I want to open the door and slap him or even comfort him. I don't know what I want to do. I don't want to be in this position. I shouldn't feel guilty for being upset and hurt. I shouldn't feel this pathetic need to comfort him. He hurt me.

"That's not even my name," tell him. "That's a fake, made-up name because I can't remember my real name. I lost my name and my family. You took everything from me," I continue on. Once my bag is fully packed, I walk over to my window. "And saying sorry isn't going to make up for the hell you turned my life into, Barnes."

I open it up and throw my bag down into the platform of the emergency exit stairs. I follow, climbing down the ladder and landing next to my bag. I keep doing this until I reach the ground. I run around to the front of the building and to where my bike is parked. I'm not sure what time it is but I can tell the sun will rise soon. I start my bike, the small engine purring beneath me. I fasten my bag to my back before taking off. The wind whips my hair around my face and cools my body. I glance back at the apartment before it's out of my sight.