My second plane landed in Detroit and I was exhausted. Long flights wear me out every time. I was worried on top of my exhaustion because I hadn't heard from Jamison. He didn't have to be at rehab for another day and I had made sure he wouldn't be alone very much- Malina had agreed to hang out with him at his flat to make sure he didn't get any ideas to drink before he left for rehab. He wasn't answering my messages.
It took an hour to get home from the airport due to a wreck on the interstate, but I felt relieved as soon as I got out of my Uber and walked through my front door.
Tinkerbell sat on my bed like she knew I was coming home. She immediately jumped off my bed and rubbed her head on my legs. I picked her up and gave her kisses.
"Mom missed you so much, Tinkerbaby," I said quietly. "Were you a good kitty for Seth?"
Meow.
Purr.
"I'll take that as a yes," I told her. I texted my mom and Seth to let them know I was back and to thank Seth again for watching Tinkerbell.
I lay across my bed- I did not feel like unpacking. That took more energy than I had at the time. I don't know how long I lay there before I fell asleep.
I woke up three hours later to my phone ringing. It was Malina.
"Willa, Jamison snuck out while I was asleep and I don't know where he is or what he is doing," she stated.
DAMNIT. I was afraid this would happen, but what could we do? Lock him in his apartment?
I sighed. "Okay, Malina. There's not much we can do until he shows up. He's supposed to be at rehab at 11 am tomorrow. I'm so disappointed in him."
"Me too," she sighed. "You think he will make it?"
"At this point, I really don't know. I'm just really tired right now. I guess this is why he hasn't been answering my messages."
We talked for a few more minutes before hanging up.
I sat on my bed and turned on some music so I could wake up and think.
This is out of my control, I said to myself. I couldn't control this from minute one and honestly, I was tired of trying. I loved Jamison but did I really want to spend my life worrying about him every time he didn't answer his messages? No. I needed to have my own life, not one intertwined so deeply with Jamison's. Especially when he didn't seem to want to be helped. It's a well known fact that treatment doesn't help if the person doesn't want the help.
I was just done. After years of worrying, I was all out of options and patience.
I knew what I needed to do.
I immediately sent Jamison a goodbye message.
Jamison,
I have tried so hard to get you to a good place in your life. As of now, I can't be there for you anymore. Your mom called and let me know that she can't find you anywhere but yet you have an intake tomorrow morning at 11 am. I can't keep worrying about you all the time like this. I love you deeply, but until you stay sober for 6 months or more, I can't stay in contact with you. I need more consistency than what you are giving me. I really hope you do get and stay sober.
Love you bunches,
Willa
I blocked his number. I was done with everything. Next, I called Malina and told her that it was over between Jamison and I. She was sad but understood. I lay back down across my bed and cuddled with Tinkerbell. Not one tear fell from my eyes.
I was sad at the ending of the relationship, but looking forward to what was next. I decided to take a nap and see what the future would bring.