Lena Boggs
"I don't know Mom, I don't want to leave you alone." I gave her a look, biting down on my finger names as I leaned against our kitchen counter.
My Mom sighs, as she sets her mug onto the counter in front of me and pulls my hands into hers. "Lena, it has been two weeks my love. I promise I will be okay, you can even text me every hour if you're more comfortable that way."
I knew she was right, it's been two weeks since she came home from the hospital- But it feels like it's been longer. I've kept a close eye on her, which also gave me a reason to avoid hanging out around Kiara and JJ, and due to what Sarah's been telling me it's better that way. It seems they've skipped a few steps and have begun kissing in front of the others now, still not putting any label on whatever they were.
I didn't even have to see it, the thought was enough to make me feel sick.
Not only has it been two weeks since my Mom got out of the hospital, but it's also been two weeks since I've spoken to JJ, and since I've kissed Ayden.
Ayden and I have grown closer, just the other night he spent the night at my house, and yes... There's still some kissing going on, but I've made it clear to him that I'm not trying to get involved with anybody else while I'm recovering from everything that's been happening in my life.
So far he's been supportive, but I know at some point he'll want something more from me... Something I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to give him. Commitment.
Sometimes I feel bad. Like I'm using him, but I try not to view it that way. I was in love with JJ for a long time, those feelings can't just go away... It's alright if I kiss Ayden a little bit to help speed up the process of moving on... Right?
"Yeah, I guess you're right." I huff, blowing hair that had fallen in front of my face. "When did I become an overprotective parent?" I cringe, making my Mom laugh out loud.
"Speaking of overprotective parents... Can I ask if something is going on with you and Ayden?" I couldn't help but avert my eyes from my Mom's. She gasps overdramatically, "I knew it!"
I shake my head before she gets too excited. "We're not dating, Mom. I'm not even sure I want to date him... We're just," I thought about it for a second debating on what to say. "Getting to know each other?" It came out more like a question.
"Mhm, well. I'm just happy you're not hurting over JJ anymore, kiddo." I fake a smile as I force out a laugh at her comment, knowing just how false that assumption was. Maybe I've just learned to get better at hiding it.
"Well, I'm going to go get ready. Knowing John B, he'll come knocking on my door if I don't get down there soon enough." I exaggerate a sigh, smiling at my Mom as I make my way towards the stairs. "Yeah, you better get going. John B has no patience at all."
As I got to my room, I found myself beginning to panic over seeing everybody tonight. John B was having a fire at his house tonight and he made sure to tell all of us it was a mandatory fire. I knew it was more so directed at me considering I have skipped out on all invites the last two weeks, other than hanging out with Sarah or Ayden.
My Mom had seemed more lively this last week, she was going back to work on Monday and she seems to be eating better as well as sleeping better... When Dad left, she barely ever slept, and if she did... She would sleep on the couch because she couldn't bear to lay alone in the bed they once shared. But recently, she's started sleeping in her room again- I love it, do not get me wrong, but I can't help but wonder if something was going on that I didn't know about.
I decided on changing into a pair of grey sweatpants and a simple tube top, nothing fancy or over the top considering I had no one to impress there anymore. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail before making my way back downstairs.
Just as I reach the end of the stairs, my phone buzzes in my hand. "I swear to god if that's you telling me to hurry up, John B," I said out loud to myself as I checked my lock screen.
Ayden Sower
Doing ok?
I smile to myself before typing back a response.
Yes. I wish u were coming
Ayden Sower
So do I. Text me if you need anything!
Just as I go to lock my phone after sending Ayden a heart in response, it buzzes in my hand.
John B
hurry up u turtle
"Fuck you, John B," I muttered to myself before shoving my phone in my pocket before finding my Mom sitting on the couch with a bowl of ramen noodles in her hands. I lean down and place a kiss on her cheek, "Love you. I'll text you!" I said as I made my way to the door.
"I love you, to! Be safe, I'll answer!" She calls back as I slip my feet into some vans before making my way out the door with a smile on my face and trying to push the nerves in my stomach away.
"There she is!" Pope shouts, standing up from one of the chairs near the fire as I came into view. My eyes immediately linger on JJ's arm that was wrapped around Kiara's shoulders, I could tell by the way he was staring at the ground that he was avoiding looking at me.
Pope runs over to me and wraps his arms around my waist before spinning me around. "Pope, oh my gosh." I laugh as he sets me down with a wide smile on his face. "How many have you guys given him to drink?" I glance over at my group of friends.
"Only about, like, six?" Pope answered for them, and as I look back at him, his stare was elsewhere- I knew instantly that he was staring at Kiara and JJ, the way his smile faltered and the pain that flashed through his eyes so fast that if I hadn't known about his feelings for Kiara I would have never noticed.
I squeeze his hand to let him know that I was there, his eyes finding mine again before smiling softly and leading me towards the others. I placed a kiss against Sarah's cheek as I sat next to her, which she returned by wrapping an arm around me. "We weren't sure you were going to come, Lena," Kiara says to me, a look of pity on her face. "How's your Mom?"
"She's alright, doing better I think. It's hard to say, she's not very open about her feelings." I replied. "But I don't want to talk about that, I just want to have fun with my best friends."
"That's my girl!" John B claps as he stands from his chair walking towards a cooler. He pulls out a bottle of vodka and a six-pack of cheap beer. "Pick your poison, Boggs."
My eyes widened. "How did you afford- Did you guys steal a bottle of vodka!" I exclaimed as John B laughed at me. "No, Sarah brought it with her. You know, from Kook-land." He assures me.
Sarah leans into me slightly before whispering so only I could hear. "I thought you might need it tonight."
Have I ever mentioned how thankful I am to have Sarah?
"Ah, the perks of Kook friends." I joke, throwing an arm around her shoulders and leaning my head against hers. "But give me that Vodka, I need to let off some steam." I extended my hand towards John B, and the second the bottle was in my hand, I was twisting off the lid.
Everybody raised their eyebrows. "We have some mixers inside, Lena. You want a coke-" John B's offer was cut short as they watched me wrap my lips around the top, chugging two big gulps of the burning liquid.
I pull the bottle away, cringing hard before raising the bottle into the air. "That's our girl!" Pope cheers before ripping the bottle out of my hand and taking a sip himself, but ending up coughing out the liquid before he could even swallow it.
"What is wrong with you? That shit is disgusting!" Pope gags as everybody laughs.
As the night went on, it wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. We all just drank and spoke about stupid shit, and I found myself sitting between Kiara and Sarah feeling the effects of the liquor I had been taking. "Our boys are so stupid." Kiara laughs as we watch Pope, John B, and JJ playing around with sticks pretending as if they were Star Wars characters.
"Yeah but, we love them." Sarah giggled, as they both leaned their heads on each of my shoulders. "I couldn't imagine having nights like this again, you know..." Kiara confessed. "I can't imagine my life without any of you in it."
I laugh softly before she turns to both me and Sarah. "I'm serious. I love each of you so much, I couldn't imagine if one of us stopped being friends... Like fuck, Lena it has felt so weird hanging out without you recently. I mean I get it, you have stuff to deal with but please don't make it a regular thing..." I gulp as guilt washes over me.
"Promise me?" Kiara's eyes stare into mine, her beauty never failing to amaze me, reminding myself again why JJ would fall for someone like her. "I promise, Kie."
She smiles before nodding, and just as she turns to face the boys again... JJ runs over to her, stops right in front of her, and makes eye contact with me. There's something in his eyes, something I can't put my finger on and it's easy to tell he's drunk by the way he almost trips over his own two feet. His eyes fall back on Kiara, a small smirk playing on his lips before he leans down.
My eyes go wide as he cups her cheeks, my heart falls to the pit of my stomach as he captures his lips with hers for a few seconds, but those few seconds felt like a lifetime.
As he pulls away, he pumps his fist in the air and steps back. My eyes never left him as he points towards Kiara and shouts, "Best kisser on The Cut!" His eyes flicker to mine, and I knew...
He did it to spite me. He knew what he was doing, he knew what he did the second he said those words... The second he pushed his lips against hers.
I couldn't think. I refused to cry in front of everybody, I refused to let him see my tears.
Kiara laughs as John B begins to poke fun at JJ with jokes I don't hear as I stand. Sarah tried to reach for my hand, but I'm quick to move away.
"Lena? Where ya going?" JJ mocks and at this moment, I had no idea who that person was, I knew JJ liked to be cruel to Kooks, and I have always laughed along because it was never directed at me... But I never, ever thought he'd turn his cruelty towards me.
"Bathroom." I choke out not turning to face my friends as they watched me rush off into John B'd house.
I slammed the bathroom door closed behind me before leaning my back against the door and sinking to my knees, my hand covering my mouth as I began to sob into my hand.
I could physically feel the pain in my stomach as I thought back to what JJ had just done.
He knew he was going to hurt me, he wanted to hurt me and I couldn't understand why. Being drunk was no excuse anymore, nothing could excuse his behavior.
As I wipe the tears from my cheeks, I push myself onto my feet and pull open the door deciding that I have had enough.
I'm surprised when I step out and find JJ leaning against the wall, his eyes on the floor before he looks up at me. Regret, written all over his face letting me know that he heard me crying.
"Lee-" I cut him off, taking him by surprise as well as myself when my hand collided with his face with so much force, his head turned sideways.
"I..." He pauses before looking at me again. "I deserved that."
I push past him, knocking my shoulder with him as I make my way through John B's living room but before I can get out of the house, JJ grabs my wrist.
"Wait, Lee please!" He pleads, and I turn to face him just as the words fall from his lips. "What games are you playing JJ? Why are you purposely trying to hurt me?" My voice raises, as tears welled up in my eyes.
"I don't want to hurt you, Lena." He tries to deny it, but it is way past me believing his useless words. "Bullshit! You have done nothing but hurt me, what was that shit out there, JJ!"
JJ goes to answer but I'm not finished talking. "No! Fuck you, JJ seriously! You say you want nothing to change but you do stuff to constantly hurt me!" I shout, pushing his shoulders so we stumble back farther into the living room.
"I don't even know who you are anymore, my best friend would have never done these things to me. My best friend would have never tried to hurt me!" Tears begin streaming down my face. "I get it, JJ. You don't have feelings for me, the entire time we spent hooking up meant nothing to you... I get it!"
"That's no-" I cut him off again.
"I get it, Kiara makes you happy and I want that for you! I don't want to come between you guys, but stop trying to hurt me. Stop fucking with me, and stop pretending that you care about me. Because we both know that ever since I told you I love you, you haven't cared about me at all. I'm done JJ. I'm fucking done!" My tears were blurring my vision so much that I couldn't even see JJ's face.
"I'm not just some sex doll, for you to use for your own enjoyment." I snap at him, waiting for a response that doesn't come.
"Nothing to say?" I laughed sarcastically as I wiped my eyes, "I figured."
As I turn around, my heart plummets to the ground. Kiara stands with tears in her eyes, staring at us with her hand covering her mouth. John B beside her with Sarah holding onto his arm, John B's eyes flicker between me and JJ.
"You guys..." I don't even give John B any time to say anything, guilt eating me alive and the heartache I felt made my feet move before my mind could catch up.
I pushed through my best friends and began running, passing Pope on the way.
"Lena!" I heard Kiara calling after me. "LENA!" She screams, but my feet stomp against the ground so hard as I run away from John B's house, my head spinning and chest burning.
I pushed the door to my house open, stumbling in from the alcohol in my system and slamming it shut behind me. "Lena?" My Mom gasps as she sticks her head out from the living room, her face falling as she notices the tears running down my cheeks.
She rushes over to me immediately. I wrap my arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder as she holds me.
"It's okay, baby. It's okay, it'll all be okay..."
As I lay in bed, my heart begins to beat faster as I hear knocking at my window. I swear if it's JJ I'm punching him in the face, I tell myself as I push myself out of bed.
I gasp as I find John B smiling at me through the window, as I unlock it as quickly as I can. "John B, what are you doing here?" I ask him, shocked as I help him climb through my window.
John B reaches into his backpack and pulls out two cans of beer. "Want to crack open a cold one? I want to forget this night too."
I can't fight the smile on my face as I take the beer out of his hand, sitting on my bed with him. "Why do you want to forget tonight?" I question him, taking two large gulps of the cheap beer.
He shrugs. "Sarah and I were arguing about Topper, I don't want to get into it."
I hum in response as John B stares at the pictures hung on my wall, my eyes following his gaze to the one of me, him, and JJ from the sixth grade fair. "You know she loves you a lot, right?"
John B just nods in reply before looking at me again. "I never knew you were in love with JJ, Lena."
His eyes are soft, as he stares at me. "You could have told me, you know..." I sigh, as I wrap both my hands around my beer. "There was the rule, and-"
"I would have never gotten mad at you, Lena. You know that... I care about your happiness more than any stupid rule." He tells me, calling out my bullshit.
"It wasn't just the rule... JJ never had feelings for me the way I did for him, anyway... I always hoped that maybe he would, I mean we were hooking up for a year, John B... But I get it, I mean it's Kiara and she's so-" John B cuts me off. "Hey! I love Kiara too, but don't you ever downplay just how amazing you are too, Lena. JJ is an idiot, we have always known this... But now I can see just how big of an idiot."
I stare down at the ground as he adds, "I mean it you know... You're beautiful and so amazing, Lena. Don't ever let JJ make you think otherwise, or anybody for that matter."
"How was Kie?..." I ask, remembering the look on her face as she stood in front of me and JJ.
"More worried about you than anything else..."
I sigh, chugging down the rest of my beer before throwing the empty can onto my floor and laying down on my back. "When did things get so messed up?"
John B chuckled, laying down with me.
"When you fell for someone like JJ." I laughed wholeheartedly.
"Hey, you fell for a Kook!" I argued, making him laugh along with me.
"Well, then I guess we both have some weird taste when it comes to relationships." He tells me, making me smile lightly.
"Yeah, yeah we do. At least yours loves you back, though."
Silence fell over us, as John B places his hand over mine while we stare up at my ceiling.
As shitty as everything felt, I was happy to have these moments and these people in my life who made going through the bad times, just a little more bearable.
"Oh, god... I'm lying where JJ's naked ass was, aren't I?" I burst out into a fit of laughter.
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Hello, so I am trying to get as much chapters as I can out before I start working on the 7th because then I won't have as much time to update as consistently haha
I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did, all love
xoxo
A