A/N: This story sucks...why do y'all like it again?
Probably some mistakes..
........
Killua was practically shaking in his boots, literally. He was nervous as hell. At the moment, he was currently deciding on whether or not the outfit he had on looked somewhat presentable.
He had on a purple long sleeved shirt with a plain white t-shirt over it, some dark black jeans with some slight rips at the knees, and lastly, purple boots. The boots were a gift from his sister before she left, so it felt right wearing them for this date- I mean dinner with Gon.
Killua was running out of time, so he decided that even if he looked like a fool wearing it, this outfit was going to be the one he'd wear, he didn't really care anymore.
He fluffed out his hair with a brush, hating the color as usual. He used some water to brush his hair back into a ponytail, hating the way it looked, he hooked the rubber band around it again and created a bun.
He softly smiled, having his hair out of his face made it easier for him to apply some eyeliner to his horribly shaped eyes. Truth be told, he hated everything about himself.
He hated his hair because of its naturally white color, and because of the fact that no hair dye would stick to it. He hated how fast it grew. He hated how spiky it was.
He hated his skin color because people always assumed he was sick. He hated it because people always used it as a way of describing him. For example, "The pale skinned boy."
He hated his eyes because of their shape. He looked like a cat, he didn't like being compared to an animal, which is something else that people said when describing him. He hated the color of his eyes, the bluish color wasn't just one specific color. It was all different shades of blue and he despised it so much.
All his insecurities. All the things that made him ugly, hideous, unworthy of being seen. Made him disgusting to others. The things that were used against him in arguments, whether it be playful arguments or serious ones.
But whatever, right?
"Killua, are you ready?" Gon called from downstairs.
Killua looked at himself head to toe once again in the mirror. Hating what he saw. Knowing Gon would hate it too. Everyone hated it. Killua just knew it.
Accepting his ugliness, he walked downstairs, seeing Gon leaning on the counter, scrolling through his phone.
"I'm ready... if you still wanna go." Killua said shyly.
Gon looked up at him and his eyes widened. Gon loved the way Killua looked. He could just eat him up right there, if they didn't already have a reservation.
"Woah... you look great, Killua." Gon said in awe, a blush spreading across his face. Honestly, for some reason he felt honored to be in Killua's presence right now. I mean, wouldn't you?
Killua blushed and glued his eyes to the floor, he couldn't look at Gon, not now. "T-That's so embarrassing.." He replied to Gon's comment.
Gon chuckled as Killua continued, "But, thank you."
Gon nodded, though Killua didn't see it. He held out his hand, gesturing for Killua to grab onto it, hold it.
Killua was confused at first, so he just stared down at Gon's hand for a second, wondering what to do. He held out his hand and connected it to Gon's, interlocking their fingers.
Gon and Killua walked out the house and to Gon's car, their hands not separating the entire way. Gon, being the gentleman he was, held the door open for Killua. Of course, Killua couldn't help but blush at the gesture yet again, as he stepped into the car. He mumbled a 'thank you.'
Gon went to the driver's side of the car and started the vehicle. The expensive, yet elegant car roaring to life as a result.
A song started playing on the radio, a song Killua was very familiar with. It was one of Nanika's favorites before she passed away a few years before Killua left the Zoldyck residence, to become what he is now.
Gon heard the faint hum coming from Killua. As stated before, Gon loved Killua's singing voice. It was very unique and smooth. Addicting.
"You like this song?" Gon asked, turning the volume up on the radio.
"Y-Yeah... it was one of my sister's favorites..." Killua replied, blushing as he stared out the window, embarrassed.
"Oh, you have a sister?"
"Had...I had a sister."
Gon's eyes widened slightly in realization, "I-I'm sorry...." He said quietly, but loud enough for Killua to hear him over the music.
"It's okay, you didn't know."
Gon sighed and turned the radio up more, hoping Killua would start back humming again, which worked.
Killua was humming yet again to the song his sister used to enjoy. The song she'd play for the whole house to hear. The song she'd sing only for Killua and Alluka. The last song that was played when she was killed.
Tears threatened to escape from the corners of Killua's eyes, but he didn't want to cry. It's not that he couldn't, it's just Nanika wouldn't want him to.
She hated when he cried. She hated the sight of it, because it hurt her feelings. She didn't like hearing him sob, knowing he was in pain. She didn't like that the tears caused Killua's eyeliner to smudge and make him look like anything less than the masterpiece he was. She made him feel handsome, beautiful.
But, now that she's gone, those feelings of beauty have faded. They've faded into the atmosphere, they've been blown away by the wind. The wind pushing them in all directions, away from each other, never to be seen again. Not by Killua or anyone else for that matter.
With those feelings gone, Killua was left with insecurities, so many of them. Things people loved about him, he hated. He hated all of it. ALL OF IT.
He hated it. There was no love for them whatsoever.
"I know I've said this already, but you look absolutely gorgeous, Killua." Gon said suddenly as the song ended.
Killua blushed again and nodded, he couldn't find the courage to reply to Gon's statement yet again. He was embarrassed, but there was also a feeling of glee, of happiness.
Killua loved that Gon looked past all of the negatives Killua possessed. He loved how Gon could make those negatives seem positive. Almost as if they never even existed. At least, that's how Killua felt when Gon complimented him.
"What was her name?" Gon asked quietly.
"Who?"
"Your sister, silly." Gon said, chuckling a bit.
"Nanika.." Killua replied hesitantly.
"Her name was truly beautiful, still is."
"Yeah, well the meaning behind it, isn't."
"Well, educate me." Gon suggested.
What? Gon was interested in learning about meanings behind names? That's a first. Most people didn't really bother to ask for the meaning behind someone's name, it wasn't important to them since it wasn't their name.
"Her name literally means, 'something.'" Killua replied.
"Something?" Gon questioned.
"Yep. I asked my parents what her name meant, since it seemed like all of their kid's had somewhat meaningful names. Some good and some bad, as you can see."
"Well, I feel like the meaning behind her name can be interpreted in different ways, just depends on how you go about doing it, I guess." Gon said with a shrug.
Killua pondered on that statement for a moment, deciphering it in a way. Trying to understand exactly what Gon meant.
"So, any other siblings besides Nanika?" Gon asked suddenly, breaking Killua out of his thoughts.
"Yeah."
"What are their names? And the meaning behind them?"
"I'll tell you their names, but the meaning can wait till another time."
"¿Por qué?" Gon asked, some of his accent seeping through his words.
"Huh?"
"Guess what it means. You wanted to learn spanish, right?"
"Well yeah..."
Killua replayed the conversation in his head, breaking everything down so he could figure out the meaning of what Gon just said.
"Is it... why?" Killua hesitantly asked. It would be so embarrassing if he got it wrong.
Gon nodded, not taking his eyes off the road.
"But, to answer your question, as to why I won't tell you the meanings today is simply that you can ask them yourself. Whenever you see them, if you ever do." Killua explained.
"Well okay. That's fine. So, what's their names?"
"Well, Illumi is the oldest. He's the one who shot up my car. Milluki is the second oldest, he's a fattie who loves to make fun of me for some reason. Then there's me. The odd one out. After me there's Nanika and Alluka, they're twins. But as you know, Nanika is no longer with us. Lastly, there's my little brother, Kalluto. He's really shy and quiet, but mostly a mama's boy."
Gon nodded along to each name Killua mentioned. It must've been nice to grow up in such a large family like Killua did. No matter what, you'd always have someone to talk to, someone to protect you.
"It seems that your family likes Shiritori." Gon pointed out.
"Yeah, they do. But, what about you? Any siblings?"
Gon shook his head, a small frown forming on his face, "Nah." He answered simply. He could tell Killua was waiting for him to continue, so he did.
"My dad, well he's an asshole. He got with my mom, married her, ya know, the whole romance thing. He took advantage of the fact that my mom said she was waiting till marriage to have sex."
"So, after they married, my mom finally gave in, she had sex with my dad. After the first time, my dad kept asking, so their sex life was somewhat consistent, multiple times a week, a month."
"A few months later, she took a pregnancy test, found out she was pregnant, with me. My dad was happy, so happy he ran around town with the pregnancy test yelling that she was pregnant to anyone and everyone he saw."
Killua softly smiled. His dad seemed like a pretty good person.
"My mom had me, premature. My dad started denying that I was his child, even though I looked exactly like him. Glad I don't anymore though."
Gon chuckled after saying that, Killua did too. As Gon turned on his signal light and got into the turning lane, he continued.
"After I was good to go home, my mom ended up getting in a car wreck, a bad one. She ended up not being able to breathe on her own, barely breathing when she got to the hospital. Shortly after, she died, leaving me in my father's care."
The light changed to green and Gon turned, getting onto the next street, trying to hold back tears as he did so.
"My dad became a drunk. He drove me to my Aunt's house, rang the doorbell and waited for her to come to the door. He started cursing at her, hitting her even. All while I was on the doorstep, asleep. The last thing he said to her was, 'Take this damn premature baby. He's the reason his mom is dead. I'm not keeping this burden of a child, you deal with it.'"
Killua's eyes saddened, he reached out to grab Gon's hand, intertwining their fingers once again.
"Nobody has seen him since, so if I did have any other siblings, I wouldn't know."
Killua didn't like what he just heard. How could anyone say that about their child? Say that about any child period? Neglecting a child was never right, whether it be physically or mentally, even if they don't or didn't understand what was happening. It was wrong, either way.
Killua thought he had it bad, and physically, he probably did. But mentally, Gon had it worse.