Sid
I was displeased.
Displeased was too mild a word.I was burning from within after Asim tried to save Shehnaz.
My temper demanded me to say something. Something to hurt Shehnaz, to show her how much she affected me.
To just throttle her like a salt-shaker.Hoping to get some answers from her.
The disappointment on her face crushed me when she walked out of the cell.
Didn't she understand me?
I needed to payback Paras so that I wouldn't have to be the person who was favoured by him! And it would be a goodbye and I could dust my hands off him and ignore him after the show.
With my moti, I could return her favours all my life, because I wanted to be with her even after the show.The only tie that would remain after the show would be Shehnaz.
Only. Shehnaz.
But it seemed as if she didn't want that.I could sense it.And it made me frustrated.
I didn't know how to digest that possibility of her leaving me.
I had no problem in cutting off ties with co-actors and people I worked on set once the designated show is .That was how I worked.After that show shuts,my relationships with the team fades away as well.That's how I liked it.
But now the fact that I was desperately trying to be with Shehnaz and make her like me back was making me vulnerable.
Vulnerable to all the pain she kept dishing out to me.
She could go to her Asim now.I really didn't care.I shouldn't feel so much.
I walked off into the living room to change into my night clothes when I felt someone grab my arm.
I recognised the touch and half-turned to face her.
"Kya hua tujhe?" She rasped.Her face was devoid off makeup and yet her milky skin glowed.Her lips were glistening and she licked them nervously.
I felt the sudden inexplicable urge to kiss her and it drove me mad.
"Get away from my life Shehnaz," I yelled, pushing her shoulders lightly away from me, "Fuck off."
"Kya hua?" She repeated and I yelled at her to fuck off again and told her that I never wanted to see her again.
"Why?" She asked softly.
"Why, because....Because you're trash!"
Trash.
Why did I even say that?
Her hand which was holding my arm fell to her side limply and she looked surprised, shocked and hurt.
I observed her crestfallen expression and I almost regretted it.
I slowly half-limped into the room while her voice hit me, "Chal,mey ghand hi achi hu."
"Thik hai,great! Go get your sympathies from the camera, jaa."
Even though I was angry I still couldn't believe she ignored my verbal spat and was still coming behind me, murmuring something in a soothing voice.
Trying to console me.
I whipped around to face her and asked her to leave me alone.Mostly because I didn't want to say anything else to hurt her.
But she refused to budge, trying to coax me by kneeling next to me on the bed.
I averted her hands that were coming up to cup my face, I didn't need her touch to distract me.
It made me want to reach out and grab her.Not so lovingly.
Just grab her by the hair and kiss her.
Okay, I must have finally lost my mind being in this madhouse.
"Why are you behaving like this?" She asked finally.
"Because I went against myself okay! I went against my own nature to invest ny feelings when I shouldn't have.It's my mistake.I just shouldn't have had these feelings!"
I waited for her to retort with something but when she didn't I looked down at her irately and noticed that she was slightly speechless.
"Kya?" I barked and her cheeks coloured.
It was as if she understood.A glimmer reflected in her eyes and she left my wrists as if it burnt her.
"Mey tere liye paani lekar aati hu," she muttered and left me by the bedside.
My original intention to fish my night clothes from under the bed was forgotten.
I didn't want Shehnaz to know.
I just didn't.
I ran my hands through my hair and watched her fill water from the pipe.
She offered me my bottle of water and I took it from her and observed her meddling hands and the way she averted her eyes from me.
Then she left me alone with a sipper bottle and gently closed the glass doors behind her.
Rashmi who was laying down in her bed let out a muffled chortle.
Oh,great.
I got into bed after some thoughts began to clog my mind.
And I waited for my bedmate.
When she didn't return I wondered if she slept by the washrooms again. She always had the foul habit of sleeping there when she gets upset.It is the worst punishment she could mett out to me.
The living room lights were dimmed and Paras was sharing a bowl of bhurji with Mahira.
I went past them to the washroom.A swipe of relief washed over me seeing her wipe her face with a cleansing towel. But she could still decide to sleep off over there.
I blurted without preamble: "Mey jo bola,woh mey gusse mey bola tha, theek hai?"
"Kya?"
I didn't give an explanation,walking away.
But Shehnaz didn't return to the bedroom. I still continued to await her while shifting around uncomfortably and then finally dozed off a few hours later.
In the morning, however, I saw Shehnaz next to me. She was sleeping like we used to in the first week.
A very decent space between us and huddled in her own bedsheet.
Maybe she felt cold. Only her face was peering from the bedsheet that was wrapped around her like a sushi roll.
An adorable sushi roll.
I wanted to gather her in my arms,bedspread and all.
Mistake? She was the most beautiful occurrence in my life.The most.
Because I'd woken up the morning song,I had some time to admire her.
It was so rare to see Shehnaz sleeping.She seldom napped in the mornings, she was always running around the house chirpily like a butterfly.
I delicately tucked a stray hair behind her ear and propped my hands over my head to observe her. She let out a huff of breath and I noticed that her cheeks were flushed.
She was feeling cold.I wrapped my blanket over her torso and grabbed my bottle off the counter next to our bed.
I decided to go for a smoke against my better judgement while the others began to wake up.
Same old, work in the kitchen, cleaning the toilets and making our beds.
Shehnaz made our bed when I walked in and I looked straight at her and smiled .She gave a hesitant one in return and my smile dropped.
Before I could confront her,another song began to play and everyone stilled.
We were already given instructions to sport workout clothes so we were expecting guests.
"Chal," I murmured to Sana and walked out,shoving my hands in my sweatshirt.
Shilpa was leaning on the green bed,sporting a white crop top and tomboy jeans.
"Why are you all coming out so slowly? Lagta hai kisi ko interest hi nahi hai!"
"Arey nahi, Rashmi and Mahira are in the washroom,aa rahe honge," Paras replied and came forward to greet her.
We all repeated the gesture.
Shehnaz,ofcourse excitedly engulfed her in a hug.
She pulled away and shook her hands, "You are so beautiful."
Shilpa laughed, "Thank you, thank you.Par yeh na tum sab ko bolti ho!"
The sun was warm and toasty.
We spread out our yoga mats on the grass and sat there while she instructed us for different breathing exercises.
I was fascinated by Yoga but for me a real workout is to sweat it out and train in the gym.So I felt barely nothing as we stretched in different poses.
"Ab hum karenge couple yoga, theek hai?" Shilpa dusted her hands and stood up, "Aap ki hisaab se pairs bana lo," and she she set up the pedestal where the yoga poses were being displayed.
Mahira immediately scuffled onto Paras' mat and he gave her a loud kiss on her cheek.She giggled like a schoolgirl.
Shehnaz was behind me,still ruminating in her thoughts while the rest were scuffling around to their partners.Arti was looking at me expectantly as I whipped my head around.
I held on to one of Shehnaz's neon running shoes that was facing me.I tugged at it making her let out a gasp and she slid closer to me.
"Chup chap yaha aake baith," I said.
We observed the poses on the easel and I watched her struggle to hold my hands as she lifted her legs up,making contact with my feet.
She was too adorable.
I observed her making faces as she tried to hold herself up.The surrounding chaos and laughter seemed to dim.
It was only Shehnaz. She looked like an angel.I felt a sense of tranquility bu just holding her hands.
I massaged her palm tenderly and threaded my fingers in hers,pulling her close.
"Aahh," she said,losing her balance and I still didnt let go off her hands as she lowered her legs.
I saw the next pose and grinned.
"Thanks huh Shilpa," I said and she laughed.
I did a high plank on the mat and waited for Shehnaz to replicate it over me.
She got on me like she was riding a horse and I chuckled, "What are you doing?"
"Wait,wait," she muttered.
"Arey opposite side Shehnaz," Shilpa laughed and then went over to Arti.
Shehnaz held on to my legs and I felt her small feet on my shoulder.She had stripped her shoes and socks and her little feet were trying to find a balance.
I kissed the toes that were dangling off my shoulder blade, "That's it baby."
I hollered for Shilpa's attention but she was busy tending to Arti and Asim.
"Yaar mujhe balance nahi ho raha hai itni der," Shehnaz mumbled, falling flat and I laughed, easing down on the floor.
She was holding my legs close to her chest, taking a few breaths.
"Again Shehnaz, come," I said, pushing my body up and she replicated it more firmly this time.
"Wah wah," Shilpa commented finally strolling over to us.
"Abhi,yeh next--" She was turning the page on the easel and we were already competitively scrambling to the next position.
I held her down and balanced her legs on my shoulders and we were breathing hard.
"Kya?Tu gussa hai mere se moti?" I muttered.
"No."
"Pakka?"
"Haa,pakka," she smiled, still under me.
"Mujhe sab samaj aagaya abhi k tu kya soch raha hai theek hai na?" she mumbled with a small smile, "Tu tension mat le, jab hum bahar honge,mey tujhe disturb nahi karungi...Mey nahi aungi tere piche..."
My heartbeat stuttered for a moment.
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Just read a few sidnaaz ffs of yallsuckas she's so good that I got a complex and felt like dropping this ff.How can someone literally impersonate people's personalities in fiction, everything she writes is so realistic and adorable!
So shoutout to her!🥰🙌