Okay, guys, this is the last chapter...
And oh yes it's messed up as usual but I really love it
TW: mention of addiction
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We were going through the trees, the only light sources were the moon and Amelia's flashlight. She was holding my hand tightly. I didn't remember how we got here, it all was blurry in my memory. The forest was scarier than usual, it was quiet, birds weren't singing. Amelia kept trying to ask me about the road but I wasn't talking.
"Hey, baby, I'm not sure we're going in the right direction... Maybe you will help me? ... I think we're lost... Y/N ... Y/N ... Y/N!"
"Yeah?" I raised my eyes to her.
"Have you heard what I said? I think we got lost," she stated squeezing my hand.
"We didn't," I muttered taking the lead. Had I already say it? I knew that forest better than myself. She maybe did get lost and she definitely led us in the opposite direction but I was sure where that tree was.
"So we were going this whole time from the place, not to it? And you didn't tell me?" she asked following me after I turned us around on 180.
"I was okay with just going somewhere," I shrugged and felt that my hand got empty, Amelia stopped.
"Then we can just continue doing it," she said looking into my eyes. I found a big stone and sat on it with my legs criss-cross. I had no answer as to why I reacted this way to that case, why I was so upset and why I made all that scene.
"You're probably tired, let's go home," I mumbled, Amelia let out a tired sigh and placed herself next to me. There was a moment of complete silence, no wind, no birds, no words. I even tried to breathe quietly to not ruin this instant of peace.
"You were there for me when I needed it and you were tired too," she said hitting her legs into each other like she was nervous, "so no, we are not going home until you feel better."
I didn't want her to stay up all night, it was a tough day for her too, but I was glad she wanted to be here for me. It was important to hear.
"Okay," I mouthed and was immediately pulled into her embrace.
Take it
If she gives you her heart don't you break it
Let your arms be a place she feels safe in
She's the best thing that you'll ever have
"I don't think I'll ever want kids on my own after seeing things like that," I mumbled. She stroked my hair and thought about what I said. At least I hoped she did, otherwise, a minute-long pause was just awkward. Tell me I didn't say something wrong...
"I don't think I want them too," she heavily sighed.
"Well aren't we soulmates?" I said sarcastically but she didn't even smile.
"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" she asked and placed a soft kiss on my head tightening her grip around me.
"Callie always tells me some random stories from her life," I whispered.
"Well... I was a mess most of my life and I'm sure I still am, so I don't know what story can change your mood for better, " she chuckled.
"Have you seen me? Y/N Y/L/N, never told my parents I'm still in the city, never properly grieved over my sister because I'm hiding every little sadness and pain I have somewhere inside, and never had normal relationships until you. If we are even normal," I murmured in a sarcastic voice.
"Okay then, we are two messes that met somehow to become normal one day," she stated.
"Normal is boring," I whimpered laughing a little and she heard it because I felt another kiss on my head and I knew she was smiling.
Kiss her with passion as much as you can
Run your hands through her hair whenever she's sad
And when she doesn't notice how pretty she is
Tell her over and over
So she never forgets
"You're right," she giggled, "a story then, I was high on my uncle's funeral and dropped my corner of the casket."
"That is the longest story I've heard, Amelia," I laughed again, "but wow you're really... not boring."
The woods filled with our laugh and I really felt better. She made me feel better. She was the only one who made me smile on the darkest day, the one who understood my privacy and didn't push me to talk about them unless that was what I wanted to. She was the one I fell in love with and I really wanted to tell her that but I didn't know how she would react to that.
"I told you I don't have anything," she said.
"Everyone has something," I whispered wiping the tear the fell from laughing but got no answer. After a minute of silence, I added, "but not everyone wants to share."
"Okay, mommy issues, can we go home now, I really need to pee," she mumbled so I pulled away from her arms and got up.
"Okay."
Wow, it really hurts when the person you love (even if she doesn't know it yet) doesn't want to share with you. What is she hiding? I've never felt this kind of feeling, I guess I've never loved someone before.
Amelia's POV
We were doing to the car in deep silence. Amelia Shepherd, now she probably thinks you don't want to tell her anything. Well, what was I supposed to say? How I almost died from an overdose, how my fiance ODed next to me in a bed, how my father was killed? All that obviously wouldn't make her feel better. And I don't want to bother her with dark stories when she's in the dark place herself. Shit. I don't even need to use the bathroom.
The ride to Meredith's house was quiet as well. She was staring through the window the whole time. I pulled the car to the house and stopped it.
"Y/N," I said pulling her out of her thoughts. What was going on in her head? I wanted to know so badly.
"You needed the bathroom, let's go," she opened the door and got out making her way to the front door.
"Wait!" I yelled when I quickly got out of the car myself. She turned around and looked at me but didn't say a word, "I want to share with you it's just..."
"It's just what?" she snapped. Wow, "it's just what, Amelia? Tell me do you even want to pee?" she shouted.
"I don't," I lowered my eyes. Shit. Now I screwed up.
"Great, you know what? I almost thought we were great together, that hey here we are two messed up people who made it work but apparently nothing can be flawless. I guess two 'minuses' don't make a plus after all."
I had never seen her like that. She never yelled like that. In fact, she always smiled, even when it was out of place.
"I'm sorry," I said. Her loud words one by one were destroying me, "I don't want to tell you stories not because I don't wanna share with you, but because I don't have good stories, they're all kinda dark," I mumbled.
"I don't care," she said in a calm voice.
"Well, I care," now I was the one who yelled. Great.
"I don't see the point to continue this conversation, I'm leaving," she whispered looking me in the eyes. They were full of past pain and anger, like everything she was holding inside found its way to exit her body.
"You can't just leave," I chuckled from the confusion of what just had happened.
"I sure can and I sure do," she passed me by not even glancing at me.
"Are you saying this is it?" I asked. For the first time, I was shaking and tears were gathering in my eyes because of her. She made me feel like crap, like a piece of shit, like I just ruined everything when I just wanted to protect her. And even though it hurt, maybe it was for the best, maybe she wasn't so unselfish after all. Damn it, Amelia, she's the most unselfish person you've ever met. Cut that out.
She stopped and turned around looking at me, her eyes were wet as well. Maybe it was in fact right person wrong time? Or maybe we were just too broken to be together. Or too stupid to realize what the hell we were doing now, fighting in the middle of the night.
"I guess that's what I'm saying," she said calmly, "I guess this is it."
I felt a tear falling down my cheek and quickly wiped it off. That phrase threw me off the wagon completely.
"Can I just ask you one question?" I tried to not make a scene. Well, more of a scene than we already did. So my voice was quiet, calm, and not shaky. At least that was what I hoped it was like, "what were you thinking about when we left the woods?"
"That I love you, Amelia Shepherd, that I'm so fucking in love with you that I can't think straight," she yelled with a sad smile on her face, "that I'm so in love with you that-."
"Stop, I got it," I whispered raising my palm to shut her up. She was looking at me for some kind of reaction or response but I didn't say anything.
"That is my answer, great. How did you say? May we meet again?" on that cue, her voice got normal again, "well, may we meet again, Amelia."
She turned around again and went down the street. I froze on one spot, my eyes followed her every step. Shit. She loved me. She loved ME. That scared me for sure. Every person I've loved had died. And I was afraid to let myself feel this way again. That was why I stopped her. But the truth was, I loved her too. Loved her, shushed her and let her go.
I came to my room, laid in bed, and hugged the pillow like it was she.
Back to Y/N's POV
I was going to the hotel and thought about the conversation we just had, how I snapped at her, how I told her I loved her. Why? why why why? Why I had to fall for someone who isn't right, who is broken like me. A person can't walk with two broken legs, why have I thought we could? I was right, don't trust anyone and you don't feel pain. Why did I even snap? She gave me a perfect reason why she didn't want to tell me. But the fact that she's so secret all the time is just AGH. I can't I just can't.
"Y/N!"
I raised my head looking around. It's midnight, who the hell is calling me in the middle of the street? I turned right and saw Arizona.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. I was really confused.
"I couldn't sleep and decided to calm myself down by walking around," she nervously smiled, "are you okay? You don't look good."
"I am great," I fake smiled.
"I know you're lying, Callie told me about your fake smiles," she said sternly. Damn it, Torres.
"I think I just broke up with Amelia," I mumbled. You think? You sure did it.
"Oh, I'm sorry," her sight changed instantly, it became filled with compassion, "why?"
"Honestly," I chuckled, "I don't know. It was so stupid and I yelled and I don't even remember what. And I regretted this fight instantly as it happened. And then I told her I loved her and she shushed me. So yep we totally broke up."
I felt a knot in my throat like I was about to cry. But I immediately swallowed it. Screw feelings.
"Maybe she had a reason to ignore what you said?"
"I have no idea," I shrugged, "why couldn't you sleep anyway?" I tried to change the subject as not to burst into tears.
"I packed all my things, and I have a flight tomorrow noon but I'm so freaking out," the smile left her face.
"Well, if that makes you feel better, Callie loves you so much and she's freaking out too," I said.
"Yeah that definitely makes me feel better," she chuckled.
"Hey, do you wanna go to the bar maybe?"
"Yeah, why not," she shrugged and we headed to Joe's bar.
Amelia's POV
I couldn't sleep and emotions were filling my body. I need a drink. Fuck, Amelia, stop, change the subject, you can't drink. But I really need it. It's all too much. I just want to get drunk and laid. Yes, that's the plan.
I got up from the bed, took the money and the car keys, and headed downstairs.
Arizona's POV
Y/N and I were sitting at the bar table, her back was facing the door and she was telling me about her friendship with Callie. I also found out a lot about Y/N, she was such a good person and I was glad Callie found a friend like her.
"So she broke up with Penny almost immediately as they moved?" I asked. Y/N was already tipsy and finishing her third glass while I was still on my first.
"This is all you wanna know?" she laughed, "but yes. And she talked about you a lot."
I was still nervous but with every her word I felt how my mind was calming down little by little.
"And if you're still worried, let me tell you, she loves you so so much, and... do you love her? Tell me," she was talking so slow and her tone really exposed her drunkenness.
"I do," I smiled, "I do love her."
"Well, then why are you worried? Everyone has flaws, but if you love someone, you'll accept them. Because love is unconditional, and if your feelings change under different circumstances then it's not love," she mumbled. That girl had a point. And I wish she could just take her own advice, "I told her I loved her and I think there's always be a place in my heart for her, but she didn't say it back, so," she chuckled, "Joe, one more please, so I can't go to her. But youuu, you and Callie said it to each other, so don't worry, everything will be just fine."
She was rambling already but I got what she tried to say.
"I got it, maybe don't drink that one?" I pointed at a glass Joe gave her and spotted someone entering the bar with the corner of my sight. Amelia? "I need to use the bathroom, I'll be right back," I said hoping they would talk.
"I hope you really need it, otherwise you're the second person who's leaving me behind today!" she yelled and made a sip.
Amelia's POV
I entered the bar and my eyes immediately landed on Y/N. What is she doing here? Damn, that's like our first meeting. She was sitting in the exact spot she was that first night. Only now she was wearing my clothes and not an oversized hoodie. My clothes fitted her so well, she was so perfect, so angelic, she was everything I wanted in this world.
"I hope you really need it, otherwise you're the second person who's leaving me behind today!" she yelled. She was already drunk and that phrase made me shiver a little. I was the first person.
So, Amelia, you either drink or makeup with her. And you need to decide now because... Arizona just smiled at you? Such a sly person. Okay, here we go.
I made my way to the bar table and leaned on it looking at her. She wasn't paying attention, she wasn't noticing me.
"Tough day?" I asked with a weak but soft smile. She abruptly turned her head like she wasn't expecting to see me and as soon as she saw me a tear fell down her cheek.
"Kinda," she said lightly laughing through tears as it was the exact way we started our first conversation.
I wish I could just take all her tears for good, her laugh was so pure that it would heal everyone in this world, I swear. Her wet eyes with a little glowing from the alcohol in her system were still so deep and soft when she looked at me. She sniffed and wiped the tears off of her face before looking at me again.
"What are you doing here?" she asked calmly, her voice was caring and as much pain as she felt (I knew she did) she was still glad to see me. Her eyes told me that.
"I wanted to get drunk," I chuckled and she held her breath for a second. I scared her, "but then I saw you."
She gave me a sad smile and started to bring the glass to her lips to finish the drink when I stopped her hand.
"Listen, I'm not gonna lie to you, your words caught me off guard and I got spooked but..."
"But what?" she whispered putting the glass back on the table.
"I think that we were accidental, and you're totally right, we're broken. And that's good for us as we'll never be normal and boring. I know we can make it work, I know we do because I love... I love you too, Y/N."
She stared at me for straight eternity. It felt like one for sure because I didn't know how she would react after today. She didn't move and neither did I while the world continued living, people continued talking and drinking, even my heart was beating. My heart was alive next to her, my body wasn't. But the second she would leave me, my heart would've died. And it would've been like that for the rest of my life if she hadn't responded. She cupped my face in her hands in her special childish manner and my body came back to life. She brought our lips together to a soft, warm, and sweet kiss.
At that moment with our lips connected I realized that now I really had something to tell her over and over again. Something kind, good and incredible. I had a story. Our story.
She's the best thing that you'll ever have
She'll love you, if you love her
On days when
It feels like the whole world might cave in
Stand side by side and you'll make it
She's the best thing that you'll ever have
She'll love you, if you love her like that