Lena Boggs
"If our daughter doesn't want to talk to you, Logan. I'm not going to force her." I hear my Mom snap into her phone as I made my way downstairs the next morning. As I listened to her argue with my Dad, I quietly made my way towards the front door.
"Don't raise your voice at me, I am not the one who created this mess! You are the one who cheated." The voice crack in my Mom's voice makes my heart hurt as I slip on my sandals.
I could hear my Mom pacing back and forth in the kitchen as I slowly turned the door handle, trying my best to keep the door quietly as I pulled it opened. I needed to make my way to John B's house.
"Fuck you-" I shut the door behind me before rushing towards my car, but every time I tried to start the engine. It would die on me.
"You piece of shit!" I exclaimed slamming my fists down on the wheel. I huffed as I climbed out of my car in annoyance, slamming the door shut behind me before beginning my walk down to John B's house.
The sun was hot, the sweat began to pool on my forehead as I made my way towards John B's.
As I kick a small rock on my way, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the memory of last night. JJ had gone mad, I have seen JJ lose his temper way too many times to count but I have never seen him beat someone the way he did last night.
I wasn't sure how to think of it either. I mean, a part of me was genuinely scared but the other part of me... The small fucked up part, couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with me. Maybe feelings, in some twisted way.
The last time I had seen JJ so mad was when he found out what Rafe had tried to do to me, but even then he never laid a finger on Rafe. Sure they shared some words, he even threatened Rafe to stay away from me... But last night was something different, a part of him I could barely recognize.
JJ was laying on the hammock outside of John B'd house, his arm covering his eyes and one leg hanging over the edge. He wasn't aware of my presence yet and I wasn't sure if I wanted him to be. I didn't come here because I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to see him and verify for myself that he was okay but I am still not ready to talk to him.
Just my luck though, the wood from John B's deck creaked under my foot and I felt my whole body tense up as JJ immediately snapped his head in my direction. His eyes widen as he sees me standing there, sitting up so fast he almost fell out of the hammock.
"Lee." He says breathlessly as I stare back at him. I push a strand of hair out of my face, lowering my eyes to the ground. "Hey..." I mutter back, the awkwardness between us was enough to make me want to crawl into a hole and never come out to face this feeling again.
"I-" I cut him off before he could even begin I g his sentence. "I'm not here to talk... I'm... I'm here to see John B, is he home?" The words came out so fast, I was worried he wouldn't understand them.
But he did, as he shook his head slowly. "No... No, I'm here by myself, he's working I think. Or with Sarah, I don't know."
I smack my lips together before stepping back. "Okay, I'll come back later." I nodded before turning on my heels to walk away, but just as quickly as I turned, JJ had his hand around my wrist.
I felt goosebumps rise on my body at the contact of his skin on mine. A feeling that I missed, a feeling that I have craved for the longest time- But even since he moaned Kiara's name while he was me, it hasn't been the same. His touch doesn't leave me feeling satisfied anymore, his touch only reminds me of how distant our souls are. I longed for him while he longed for my best friend.
"Please stay." He whispers behind me, his chest pushed into my back as he stepped closer toward me making my breath hitch. "When can we talk, Lena? It's been a week..." JJ trials off, my chest beginning to raise and then fall at a faster speed.
His words reminded me of why I have been keeping my distance, snapping out of my daze I ripped my wrist from his hold and turned around to face him. "I don't want to talk, JJ. You don't understand how fucked up that was, you really don't." I snap at him.
JJ takes a step back in shock before regaining his composure. "Oh come on, Lena! You know I didn't mean anything by it, it's not like you were my girlfriend!"
I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest. "Whether I was your girlfriend or not, how would you feel if I moaned some other guy's name while you were balls deep in me? Huh?" JJ's jaw clenched at my comment as he straightened his back.
"Some guy like Ayden?" My eyes widen in surprise, suddenly taken back by the tone in his voice. It was almost like... Jealousy. Which was humorous to me considering everything that's been going on with him and Kiara.
"Oh, I'm sorry? I thought you told me last night that Ayden would never be interested in, and I quote, some Pogue like me," I cock an eyebrow at him. "So why exactly is his name being brought up in this?"
JJ groaned, throwing his hands up. "I don't get it! We fucking agreed that what we did wouldn't ruin our friendship, Lena!" He steps closer to me, anger clear in his eyes and completely avoiding what I just said.
I step forward too shoving my finger into his chest. "What do you want me to say? How the fuck can I ever forgive you for calling me some other girl while you were fucking me!" I shout at him.
"I mean for fuck sake you tell me nothing's going on with you two and then you're-" I'm cut off by the feeling of JJ's lips crashing down on mine and for a moment, everything vanished from my mind.
All I could focus on were the butterflies JJ caused to flutter in my stomach and the soft touch of his lips on mine. Enchanted by the way his hands ran up my back and pulled me closer to him. I placed my hands on his chest, clenching his grey muscle shirt as if he was about to disappear into thin air.
"Fuck, Kiara." Echoed in my mind, Kiara. All the butterflies died, and I pushed JJ away from me with a rough shove. He stumbled back a few steps before looking at me with wide eyes, his lips swollen and shirt wrinkled.
"This, this... No!" Tears prickled in my eyes as I run a hand through my hair. "You can't just kiss me, we can't just pretend everything is okay!" JJ steps forward but I push my hand over in front of me gesturing for him to not approach me again. "Lena we made a promise that this wouldn't ruin our friendship, we promised-"
"That promise was never going to work!" I shout, aggressively wiping a tear from my eye. "Lee, why are you crying?" JJ asks in a panic.
"Because! Be-Because of you and because of me, because of Kia-Kiara." I choke on a sob as I step back, wiping more tears that had fallen. "Kiara isn't my girlfriend, Lena." JJ tried to defend but all I could do was simply shake my head.
Laughing in an unhumorous way as I slap my hands against my thighs, giving up on trying to wipe away any tears. "Yeah but she likes you!" I exclaimed, a sad smile on my face. "And you like her... and I'm just, I can't do this anymore."
"Do what? Do what anymore Lena, we weren't doing anything. Our arrangement-" JJ tries to step forward again but the words that flew out of my mouth made him freeze.
"That arrangement meant fuck all to me the second we agreed to it, JJ," I shout. "I have feelings for you! I have had feelings for you since the eighth fucking grade!" JJ's eyes widen, his mouth falling opened before closing shut again.
I look around laughing even when I didn't want to, everything just felt so unreal. "And I'm tired of trying to get you to love me the way I love you, I am tired of feeling hurt every time I see you with another girl... Especially Kie. And she is my best friend! I can't do this to her, I can't..."
I sighed, blinking away my tears and wiping my cheeks. "And I won't do this to you, I won't get in the way of your happiness because if she makes you happy then I want that for you! But most importantly," I stop for a second, staring into these blue eyes I love so much and feeling the last bit of my heartbreak into pieces. I have nothing more to give, no more pain to spare. "Most important I am doing this for me."
JJ's eyes held an unreadable emotion as he remained speechless. I lick my dry lips, "I can no longer be the girl you come to when Kiara is busy or when you are bored. I love you JJ, and I always will... But I can't do this anymore..." I finished, and with every fiber in my body, I forced myself off that porch.
My feet hit the ground with such force as I ran away from the boy I loved with tears flowing down my cheeks.
I knew I needed to do it. I knew I had to let go, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. It didn't mean that it would suddenly all be okay, I crashed down on the lawn outside my house as I gasp for air in between sobs.
My one hand clenching my chest as I search my pocket for my phone.
My vision blurred as I tried to text the person I felt I needed, for the first time it wasn't JJ. For the first time ever my first thought wasn't him, and maybe that was a start. Maybe that was a sign that soon enough all would be okay, but right now I just needed to feel this.
Ayden, I need u. Can u come to mine? Please.
"You sure you're okay?" Ayden asks, handing me a Tom and Jerry's ice cream and a single spoon. My knees were pulled up against my chest on the couch in my living room as Ayden sat down beside me.
"No... But I will be." I sigh, shoving a spoon full of cookie dough ice cream into my mouth. "I believe you will be too... I know it hurts, but you did what you needed to do for yourself." Ayden tells me, his voice gentle as he speaks.
When I don't answer, Ayden looks around. "Where's your Mom?"
I glance over at him and then back at the small television that was playing an episode of Friends. "She's at work, won't be home until like, I don't know maybe seven."
"How's it been with your Dad?" I shrug in response. "I haven't spoken to him, and whenever I hear Mom talking to him on the phone it is always fighting. I can only imagine divorce papers soon." Although it hurt to say it, I knew that it was true.
After a few minutes of silence, Ayden turns towards me. "I have a question."
I raise my eyebrows at him, noticing how nervous he suddenly looked. I set my ice cream down on the coffee table, "Ok. Shoot."
Ayden inhaled, closing his eyes for a second before looking back at me. "You can one hundred percent say no because I know you have a lot going on... But my family got invited to this, I don't know what it is. Party type thing... MidSummers? Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me," Ayden rubs the back of his neck. "I realize it's more of a Kook thing so if you don't want to because of that, or because of-"
He begins to ramble, and I can't help but giggle at how nervous he had become. It surely was a new sight for me to see and I couldn't help but find it adorable, I reach over and touch his hand. "I would love to."
Ayden smiles widely at me. "Really?"
I nod. "I need a good time. I mean I'll need to find a dress, but yes. I'll come with you."
Ayden leans forward and wraps his arm around me, pulling me in for a hug which I reciprocate gratefully. "We'll have the best time," He tells me.
"I promise."
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This was rushed and I am sorry but I hope you enjoy!
The next chapter will be pretty long!
I haven't proof read but I'll do that tomorrow, I'm tired haha
Xoxo
A