Hinata : *gives Suga coffee*
Suga : hey sweetie
want mommy to chaperone you on your first school field trip-
*looks at clock*
It's 12.02 pm
Suga : ...
Hinata : ...
Suga : FUUUUUUUUUUK!!! WE'RE LATE FOR THIS GOD DAMN BULLSHIT!!!
Suga suddenly went rouge and almost burned his own house
what an inspirational mom
Suga : KAGEYAMA!! WAKE UP!! WE'RE LEAVING IN NEGATIVE 6 MINUTES!!
Hinata : *tries to get some attention*
Suga : GO WAKE UP FUCKING KAGEYAMA!!
Hinata : *tries to watch TV*
Suga : NO TIME FOR DORA!!
in the car
Suga : MOMMA GONNA GO THROUGH TIME!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
Hinata : ...
Ukai : can we get some ice cream when we get there?
Suga : dad what are you doing here?
Ukai : I've been locked in here since last Friday
Suga : oh yeah that's good, oh look
there's that freak I've been telling you about
Himekawa : welcome to the park, thank you for bringing your fucking kids
Suga : alright we're here
Hinata : ...
Suga : what?
at the park
Suga : okay Hinata go and play with your friends
Hinata : ...
Suga : don't touch me!! Go and play with your fucking friends
well, hello, Nekomata, you look great today
Nekomata : oh hey Sugawara
look at you, outta the house by noon
Naoi : I'm here having a nice picnic with my boss
Nekomata : I need more coke
Naoi : we packed pepsi
we're here to celebrate her breakthrough role as a butt pimple cure spokesperson
...
Naoi : don't ask how
at the middle of the park
Himekawa : this is a poison ivy, they are extremely nutritious
*eats poison ivy*
*vomits poison ivy*
I was incorrect
technical difficulties
Himekawa : my name is Himekawa and I've been park ranger for a month
later
Himekawa : excuse me, Seijoh man
please do that in the bathroom
moments later
Himekawa : I love working in the outdoors not because I'm freewill
cuz I'm hopeless
Himekawa got stuck in a tree
Himekawa : aren't these trees beautiful, they are the oldest living beings in the park
Ukai : oopsy
Himekawa : I was wrong
Ukai : please, I need you to help find my family or I might never come back to civilization
Himekawa : as park ranger it is my responsibility and honor
it'll also give me ample time to fill you in the 31 dangers of styrofoam, number one-
Ukai, runs away : oh fuck that
Yahaba : no running
at the playground
Yahaba : you! In the slutty outfit, you're not getting preggo in my jungle gym
interview
Yahaba : y'know I'm surprise that they let me be field trip supervisor after passing out last time
a month ago
Yahaba, wakes up and his hair is blue : which one of you dick twitches dyed my hair?
I'm gonna go back to sleep, when I wake up, I want this fixed
Later
Yahaba, he's bald : God damn it
Back
Yahaba : now I never take my eyes off the children, not even to go to the bathroom
At the bathroom
Yahaba : not sanitary
Back at the playground
Yahaba : I have a technique
I let out only a little bit, let it absorb, let that evaporate, and start back at square one
•
I found the fourth graders, they're inside each other
•
I need pill
•
I drink to forget, but I always remember
Tendou : *runs*
Yahaba : no running you piece of shit
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Tendou : I'll run as much as I want to, I run to forget last night's choices
I had cheesecake
I'm just loving life
and I-
*trips*
Kaori : help!! I'm being attacked!!
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Kaori : I have decided to spend 4 days in the wilderness to helps with my creative concentration
later
Kaori : lay up my concentration camp!
Konoha : working for a blind fashion designer fucking blows, her latest clothes line cost us a pretty penny and sensual harassment suits
Onaga : we convinced her to go to Cancun for a few days just to get her out of the office
yesterday
Onaga : welcome aboard to our nonstop flight to Cancun will be 15 minutes
Kaori : oh my gosh, this flight must've cost a fortune
at least we aren't traveling with any poor ppl, amirite?
back at the park
Kaori : high five!
Kuroo : ...
Kaori : *misses*
you're the first Asian employees I've hired
Kuroo n Onaga : ...
Bokuto : what's wrong with Asian asshole?!
Kuroo : hey babe, where have you been...?
Bokuto : you left me at fucking McDonald's!! I wasn't loving it!!
Kuroo : things hadn't been so great with me and my girlfriend, obviously we can't be nice to each other
but we can fake it
Back at home
Kuroo : so I hired an acting to help us with our relationship
Bokuto, got his hair stuck : help!!
Akaashi : so let's start with some acting exercises
Bokuto : YOU SAID THERE WILL BE NO EXERCISE!!
Akaashi : ...
Kuroo : babe this guy cost 200 dollars!
Bokuto : WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!?!
Akaashi : no, I'm not worth 200
I thought it was batshit crazy when he offered me that much, but then I saw his owl looking boyfriend with Parkinson's and it all became so clear
•
he's retarded
back at the park again
Kuroo : babe this is my boss
Bokuto : stop being blind, it's bad for your eyes
Kaori : I'm so sorry, I didn't realized you were gæ
I've made so many jokes...
Bokuto : eat my sweat
Kaori : look fella I don't swing that way, despite my perfect body
at the middle of the road
Kaori, takes off jacket : finally I'm alone-
Oikawa : watch out, you almost hit that lesbia-
everyone in the car has brain damage now
Atsumu, driver : we're here!
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Atsumu : usually company picnics excite me, but things haven't been the same for me ever since my brother left me for a bitch
Osamu : my ass is his now *proceeds to kiss Suna*
Atsumu : 'Samu!
•
they kept following me around
antagonizing me
•
*opens the next one*
Osamu : hahahah
Atsumu : *opens the next one*
Suna : *snaps a photo*
Atsumu, on the phone : hello?
Suna : is your refrigerator running?
Atsumu : yes why?
OsaSuna : your gæ
Atsumu : *cries*
•
I'll tell ya, these assistants are persistents
OsaSuna : *throws an egg at him*
Atsumu : OH MY FEELINGS!!!
Later
Atsumu : everyone's been asking about you, Aran
Aran : keep asking, that whole family cast me out
Atsumu : only because you think you're str8
Aran : I am str8
Atsumu : well you can tell that to mom, and mom, and our donor dad, and his transsexual partner, and their mystery dog
Aran : Atsumu...
Atsumu : no, Aran, you're the only straighter in our family that means it's a mental illness
Aran : I thought you as my brother you'd be accepting me
Atsumu : they have gæ camps that can fix you, Aran
Aran : those don't work-
Kaori : HOOT HOOT
Atsumu : oh my god, that's blind fashion designer, Kaori
Aran : yeah that's my boss
Atsumu : I wish mine was as cool
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Usuri : and that's why you should have raccoons than dogs
Oikawa : fuck you and fuck raccoons!
Usuri : last week I told my assistant
last week
Usuri : Unnan, arrange for me to host a company picnic for our top performing branch this week
Present day
Usuri : I got these assholes
•
Moniwa, you're 20 ft between children, where's your shirt?
Moniwa : please don't make me wear it
Usuri : who here has the number for his parole officer?
Everyone : 🙋♂🙋♂🙋♂🙋♂
Moniwa, wearing a shirt that says rapist : the shade of blue is disgusting
Atsumu : *comes back*
Usuri : well well, look who's back after his blowjob break
Atsumu : bitch, I came for 3 men before noon
Usuri : been there, done that, when could I get s promotion?
Kenma : when could I get s promotion?
Usuri : someone I'd be willing to sleep with is literally anyone else
Atsumu : and you ppl want equality
To be continued....