Kiss My Sass [Books 1 & 2]

By Puppy1899

207K 15.5K 5.5K

Featured in YARomance's 'Love-Hate' reading list as of 01/24/2022 Featured in TeenFiction's 'Funny Bones' rea... More

[book 1] chapter one: an introduction of sorts
[book 1] chapter two: new neighbour
[book 1] chapter three: my neighbour steals my chocolate milk
[book 1] chapter four: drunken dani
[book 1] chapter five: i commit a felony
[book 1] chapter six: i commit another felony
[book 1] chapter seven: the car ride of death
[book 1] chapter eight: study buddy from hell
[book 1] chapter nine: my twin gets in a fight
[book 1] chapter ten: i bunk with a psychopath
[book 1] chapter eleven: test time
[book 1] chapter twelve: semi-finals
[book 1] chapter thirteen: my window gets smashed
[book 1] chapter fourteen: confessions & revelations
[book 1] chapter fifteen: i'm officially an idiot
[book 1] chapter sixteen: kisses & awkward situations
[book 1] chapter seventeen: the cold shoulder
[book 1] chapter eighteen: so it begins
[book 1] chapter nineteen: the real james hastings
[book 1] chapter twenty: blast from the past
[book 1] chapter twenty-one: i unload my baggage
[book 1] chapter twenty-two: the search for my father
[book 1] chapter twenty-three: the ugly truth
[book 1] chapter twenty-four: the untold story of cade
[book 1] chapter twenty-five: field trip to penbrooke
[book 1] chapter twenty-six: niko's dirty little secret
[book 1] chapter twenty-seven: the birds & the bees
[book 1] chapter twenty-eight: ignorance is bliss
[book 1] chapter twenty-nine: i'm dating a liar
[book 1] chapter thirty: the other new neighbour
[book 1] chapter thirty-one: my mom ruins my relationship
[book 1] chapter thirty-two: finals
[book 1] chapter thirty-three: i commit my third felony
[book 1] chapter thirty-four: stitches & broken hearts
[book 1] chapter thirty-five: breakups & makeups
[book 1] chapter thirty-six: election day
SEQUEL?!
[book 2] chapter one: welcome back
[book 2] chapter two: i become a convicted felon
[book 2] chapter four: oh, niko
[book 2] chapter five: the end of the summer solstice
[book 2] chapter six: nothing rarer than a blissful dani
[book 2] chapter seven: we meet the future mrs. parker
[book 2] chapter eight: i get a mashed potato facial
[book 2] chapter nine: late-night rendezvous
[book 2] chapter ten: off to penbrooke
[book 2] chapter eleven: the curious case of leila
[book 2] chapter twelve: we meet the future mrs. parker...again
[book 2] chapter thirteen: dani parker, city councillor
[book 2] chapter fourteen: i make a fool of myself
[book 2] chapter fifteen: ring the bell, it's time for wedding planning hell
[book 2] chapter sixteen: nothing like some sisterly advice
[book 2] chapter seventeen: the boneheaded boys have a brawl
[book 2] chapter eighteen: dinner disaster
[book 2] chapter nineteen: just desserts
[book 2] chapter twenty: secrets
[book 2] chapter twenty-one: blackout
[book 2] chapter twenty-two: truth or dare
[book 2] chapter twenty-three: the aftermath
[book 2] chapter twenty-four: alex becomes a smitten kitten
[book 2] chapter twenty-five: literal heartache
[book 2] chapter twenty-six: sleepover with holden
[book 2] chapter twenty-seven: pre-rehearsal dinner mayhem
[book 2] chapter twenty-eight: the rehearsal dinner
[book 2] chapter twenty-nine: betrayal
[book 2] chapter thirty: nothing but the truth
[book 2] chapter thirty-one: the sting of a friendship breakup
[book 2] chapter thirty-two: my boyfriend meets my dad
[book 2] chapter thirty-three: alex and i share a secret
[book 2] chapter thirty-four: i become the most hated parker
[book 2] chapter thirty-five: my tires get slashed
[book 2] chapter thirty-six: when opportunity knocks
[book 2] chapter thirty-seven: i rescue two drunkards
[book 2] chapter thirty-eight: brenton's dirty little secret
[book 2] chapter thirty-nine: holden gives relationship advice
[book 2] chapter forty: no ship like friendship
[book 2] chapter forty-one: our favourite narc pays a visit
[book 2] chapter forty-two: the bachelor(ette) party
[book 2] chapter forty-three: mistakes and regrets
[book 2] chapter forty-four: old habits
[book 2] chapter forty-five: a new proposition

[book 2] chapter three: ain't no party like a parker party

510 53 25
By Puppy1899

"MOM WON'T BE happy when she sees your hair," Alex said. He was sitting on my desk chair spinning in circles while I got ready.

I used my flat iron to touch up the parts of my hair that got ruined from the humidity. "Too bad because I like it." For the record, my hair looked fabulous, but I knew my mother would not be thrilled to see my bleached hair which was why I went the extra mile to look pretty tonight. If the rest of me was a ten out of ten, I was sure she'd overlook the one part that wasn't up to her standards.

I did a touch-up on my eyeliner and highlighter —yes, in the time I had spent at Cortland, I improved my makeup skills drastically— and I checked my reflection in the mirror. I decided to style my hair half-up half-down, letting my curtain bangs drop and frame my face. I snapped at Alex to get his attention before gesturing to the undone zipper on my dress. He grumpily halted his spinning and came up behind me to zip up my dress. I was wearing a lilac spaghetti-strapped fitted mini dress that clung to my body just above my mid-thigh.

Needless to say, I went from cute high-schooler Dani to hot college Dani.

I forgot Alex was still behind me until I felt a pinch on the back of my head. I yelped and turned around to see him holding a strand of my bleached hair. His eyes widened when he saw my furious expression. "Brent and I were betting you were wearing extensions to mess with Mom."

"It's my real hair, you buffoon!" With that, I escorted him out of my bedroom before slamming the door shut.

Brothers.

~*~

I didn't realize how much time had passed while I finished getting ready. By the time I came downstairs, the party was in full swing. Our backyard, which Mom had gotten remodelled last summer, was filled with as many twinkly lights as there were people. Servers were walking around with trays of champagne and hors d'oeuvres — something I still had no idea how to pronounce. Large tables and tents were set up, music was playing, and the water in the pool Mom got installed two summers ago glimmered from the orange and yellow lights of the setting sun.

I entered the backyard, smiling politely at Mom's colleagues and friends as I searched for my own. I graciously accepted a glass of champagne and a ciabatta square with smoked salmon rillette from a server walking by, nibbling on the salmon as I walked through the backyard. Seeing that no one I wanted to interact with was here yet, I sat at the backyard bar Mom rented, taking the occasional sip from my champagne as I munched on the salmon. My mini feast was interrupted when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Stefano Garcia, the son of one of the lawyers at my mom's firm. I think his dad dealt with family reunification cases, but I wasn't sure.

"Daniella." I hated the sound of my proper name, but that boy's accent made anything sound beautiful. Stefano's family was from somewhere in South America, but I never cared enough to ask when he was an awkward, pimply teenager. Now, he was a full-grown hunk of a man.

I took another sip from my champagne. "It's been a while."

He chuckled. "You look amazing, by the way. How's Cortland treating you?"

I flashed him my best smile, knowing he would retract his compliment as soon as he caught wind of me pigging out at dinnertime. "It's the same old, you know. Basically high school, plus the hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. What about you?"

"I graduated from North State last year," he answered.

I vaguely remembered he wanted to practice law. "So are you working at the firm?"

He shook his head and smiled, the whiteness of his teeth suddenly making me insecure. Seriously, the boy could star in a toothpaste commercial. "I actually got into modelling."

"Huh, you don't say." I couldn't say I was entirely surprised. He had the face and teeth for billboards.

"You know." He leaned against the bar counter. "I would love to catch up with you, maybe in a more, I don't know, intimate setting?"

Well, this conversation was fun while it lasted.

I let out a sigh and stood up, ruffling ciabatta crumbs off of my dress. "It was really nice catching up with you, Stefano, but I don't think that would be the best idea."

He took a step closer, his smile not faltering. "Come on, Daniella. What's the harm in two attractive and single adults catching up?"

"For starters, she's not single."

We whipped our heads to the source of the sound, where a displeased Brenton stood, his arms folded across his chest. Stefano was at least a head taller than my brother, but he backed away, probably well aware of Brenton's little temper issue.

"I was leaving anyway." He didn't say goodbye and disappeared into the crowd in the backyard.

I shot Brenton an annoyed look. "You didn't need to do that."

"Based on what I saw, yeah, I think I did," he said disapprovingly. His attention then shifted to my attire. "What the hell are you even wearing?"

I innocently shrugged my shoulders. "What's wrong with it? I think it's cute."

"Maybe for one of the girls I hired for Holden's twenty-first birthday, but not for you," he chided.

I gave him a flat look. Brenton Wilhelm Parker was the denotation of a hypocrite. "I'm not seventeen anymore, you can't police my outfits."

"Police, huh?"

I did not like the sound of this.

"I wonder how Mom would feel if she found out her daughter drove all the way from Cortland without a licence?"

"Brenton," I warned.

He snatched the glass out of my hands and chugged its contents. "Relax, I'm kidding. Now let's find our friends before you hook up with the next guy who gives you attention."

That was enough to get me to smear my salmon all over his face.

~*~

I was sitting on the bathroom counter as Brenton wiped his face with a towel. "Is there something you'd like to say, brother dearest?"

He looked at me with so much sincerity in his eyes, for a second I wasn't sure if that was my twin. "Dani," he started. "Are you on your period?"

"Are you asking me to soak your pillowcases in pomegranate juice while you sleep?" Fun fact, Brenton was anaphylactic to pomegranates.

He chuckled, holding his hands up in defeat. "Fine, I'm sorry. You're a loyal girlfriend, you can dress any way you'd like, and I won't tell Mom about your licence."

I teasingly ruffled his hair. "My baby brother's the sweetest."

He let out an aggravated sigh. "For the last time, it's only seven—"

"I don't care." I grinned at Brenton when he scowled at me. "It's almost dinnertime, let's go."

Brenton opened the bathroom door and we stepped out as we made our way to the backyard. Not too far ahead did we see Holden, who was watching us with amusement.

"Is this bathroom buddy thing a twin thing or are you two just weird as shit?" Before either of us could retort, his gaze flickered to me. "Damn, Parker, you clean up pretty nicely."

Brenton wedged his way between us. "She has a boyfriend, remember?"

I rolled my eyes and shoved Brenton. "Shut up, Holden's all grown up now."

"Exactly." He twirled a lock of my hair in his fingers. "And I'm not into blondes."

"It's caramel, thank you very much," I snapped, yanking my hair from his grasp. Why did everyone hate my hair so much? I thought it looked great.

The three of us chatted away, talking to each other as if we didn't all reunite a few hours ago. We sat at an empty table and continued talking. Holden was sharing college stories about him and Brenton at Birch Mount, while I listened, not at all surprised by my twin's antics. Speaking of my siblings...

"Have you guys seen Alex?" I asked.

Brenton nodded. "I saw him in the front with his friends. He was showing them the drone he got for his birthday."

Alex got a drone for his thirteenth birthday? All I got was a cancelled birthday party because I forgot to do my chores. Was it weird to say I was jealous of my little brother?

The sound of hushed voices caught my attention and I watched the idiots at my table with curiosity. When they caught me staring, Holden held up a napkin to cover his face and he leaned in. "Amber's here," he whispered.

"What? Where?" With my best friend also at Birch Mount, I didn't get to see her as often. I spotted her standing a few feet away, her eyes scanning the backyard. "Amber!" I stood up and waved at her, not before abruptly being pulled back in my seat by Brenton.

"Hello!" he cried. "Ex-girlfriend, remember?"

"Remember when I warned you about this three years ago?" I said snarkily.

Amber walked toward us, a shy smile on her face when she saw my twin. "I think I'm going to sit with my parents."

I rolled my eyes as I got up and went toward her. "Shut up, you're sitting with us." I threw my arms around her and squeezed her tightly. Amber hesitated for half a second before hugging me back. "I know, so stop acting weird," I whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry," she whispered back, which resulted in me pinching her bare arm.

"You have nothing to apologize for, okay?" I grabbed her hand and made her sit in the seat farthest from Brenton. I gave Holden a stern look, and he got the memo and stood up, sitting in my old seat beside Brenton, while I took his seat to sit beside Amber. "Isn't this fun, guys?"

Silence.

I couldn't say I blamed them, this was probably awkward for Brenton and Amber, but that was too damn bad. This was exactly what I warned these bozos about back when they first got together, but I wasn't going to let their failed relationship ruin my friendship.

"So," I turned to look at my best friend. "Any plans for the summer?" With Amber being an only child, her parents usually took her on an expensive family getaway to the tropics each summer.

"I'm actually staying in Stone Creek all summer," she answered. I kicked Brenton under the table when I saw his disgusted expression. "I got a job working as a veterinary assistant here for the summer."

"That's awesome," Holden said, attempting to keep the atmosphere cheery.

I nodded. "But why a veterinary assistant? Isn't that pretty random?"

Amber giggled as if I had asked the dumbest question ever. "I'm studying veterinary sciences."

"Since when? You killed your hamster in your kitchen garbage disposal in the third grade!"

"That was an accident!" she testified. "And you swore you wouldn't tell anybody!"

"Well, forgive me for wanting to keep those poor animals alive," I argued.

"If she's working there, then they're doomed," Brenton said in an icy tone.

"Brenton!" I scolded.

He rose to his feet. "If anyone needs me I'll be at the bar."

"I thought his personal trainer told him to cut back on alcohol?" Holden mused as Brenton stalked off.

"When has that ever stopped him, Rollins?"

"Fair enough," he said before chasing after his best friend.

I frowned as I watched their retreating figures. "What happened between you guys? First Holden and Maya, and now you two?"

Amber looked at me deflatedly. "I don't even know where to begin. Where's James?"

"Let's focus on your breakup instead," I suggested.

She raised her eyebrows in concern. "Are you guys okay?"

"Something came up and he couldn't come tonight," I answered honestly. 

I didn't realize I would miss James this much. I figured I'd be so busy with unpacking, catching up, and enjoying tonight that I wouldn't even realize he wasn't here, but I was wrong. This was my first visit to Stone Creek since I started college that I came without my boyfriend. I stared at the silver promise ring on my right middle finger, the ring that signified a commitment to always be there for each other, and a promise that was slowly breaking.

~*~

By the time dinner rolled around, I had to beg the boys to eat with us. Brenton, Holden, and even Alex all begrudgingly agreed, and the five of us ate together. Mom did not hold back with the dinner menu, which consisted of lobster and shrimp ravioli, ribeye steaks, braised chicken thighs, rice, salad, and roasted potatoes. At least, that was what I could fit on my plate. My company sucked, but my dinner was phenomenal, and it almost helped me get my mind off of James.

"I'm getting coke," I said as I stood up. "Does anyone want anything?"

"Can you get me iced tea?" Alex asked.

I nodded my head before leaving our table to retrieve the drinks, praying no fights would brew in my absence. As I waited in line for the beverages, the music paused and Mom took the centre stage. She looked as flawless as always, wearing a beautiful red gown with matching red lipstick, her dark hair styled in a fancy updo.

"Good evening, everyone," she spoke into the microphone. "Thank you so much for joining us on this lovely day."

I smacked a mosquito crawling on my neck.

Yeah, some lovely day.

"I hope you've all been having a lovely time, but I must admit, tonight's festivities had an ulterior motive."

I knew it! I knew she had a big announcement. She didn't look pregnant, so what could it be?

"Some of you may have heard, Mayor Morrison abruptly stepped down from his role as mayor and has left Stone Creek."

I was clearly not a part of the inner circle because this was the first I was hearing of this.

"As such, the Stone Creek council needed an interim mayor to fill in until the mayoral election, which is set for next spring."

I did not like where this was going...

Mom smiled, and even from where I was standing, I could tell it was a rare genuine smile. "I am beyond pleased to announce that I have been appointed as the interim Mayor of Stone Creek."

Cheers and applause erupted across the backyard at my mother's revelation. My brothers jumped out of their seats and ran up to the stage to congratulate her while I stood in place, taken by surprise from her news. Don't get me wrong, I loved my mother and our relationship had never been better, but Mom in campaign mode brought out an ugly side of her, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to relive that. When she was just campaigning for mayor it almost ruined our relationship, so I was apprehensive to see what would happen if she was actually in the role. Still, despite how I felt, I was proud of her and she deserved the applause, so I joined Brenton and Alex on stage.

"Congratulations, Mom."

For the second time that night, she had another genuine smile on her face. "Thank you, sweetheart." She squeezed my hand lovingly. "We will talk about your hair tomorrow."

Any warmth on my face disappeared. Again, why did everyone hate my hair?

~*~

The rest of the party was fairly uneventful. My brothers and I raided the dessert table, Holden was sharing stories of his and Brenton's latest greatest adventure, and Amber was pretty antisocial for most of the night. She only spoke when spoken to, otherwise, she remained quiet. Brenton, on the other hand, was a little tipsy and could not shut up. Okay, I lied. He passed tipsy two shots ago. Three years later and he was still the same lightweight drunk.

"We should take him inside," I told Holden. The last thing Madam Mayor needed was for her son to cause a scandal with his underage drinking. 

We both put one of Brenton's arms over our shoulders and carried him inside. I ignored some of the odd looks we were getting, while Holden kept telling people that Brenton had food poisoning.

"I told him not to eat gas station enchiladas, but he doesn't listen," Holden said to a couple as we lugged my brother up the stairs.

Brenton's eyes were half open and he smacked his palm against my face. "Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me. Now get your fingers out of my face before I bite them off."

"I missed you," he drawled, earning an eyebrow raise from me.

"What do you mean? We've spent the whole day together."

"Kiss me," he sang.

I grimaced in disgust. "He better be talking to you, Rollins."

"Not a chance in hell, Parker."

"Amber," Brenton whined. "Kiss me, I'm sorry for everything."

"Dude, she's not—"

I smacked Holden.

"Parker, what the f—"

I smacked him again. "Shut up, I want to hear what he says."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," the drunk, lovesick Brenton wailed. "Give me one more chance."

Why was he asking Amber for another chance when he was the one who dumped her? I peered at Holden who looked just as clueless as I was. What the hell happened between those two?

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