I kept waking when I should have been asleep.
I didn't want to go home and leave Jamison. I knew he would be okay in rehab and that we wouldn't be able to talk very much for a while, but part of me wanted to stay in England just to be close to him. I also knew he wanted me to go home and move forward with my life.
I guess there's only so much you can do sometimes, right?
I sighed, got out of bed and began to double check my bags to make sure I had everything. I did. I went into the bathroom, took a shower and got dressed- it was definitely a bun day. I was about to fly over 4,000 miles. I didn't care how my hair looked. I gathered my hair into a bun and threw a wide headband over it. The only makeup I put on was mascara, hoping it wouldn't rub off over time. I threw on a pair of yoga pants, a loose t shirt and tank top.
I hated to do it, but it was time to wake Jamison up. I tapped his shoulder and said his name quietly so I wouldn't scare him.
He rolled over and rubbed his eyes. "Ugh, time already?"
I nodded. We ate a quick breakfast and left the flat.
During the drive into London, we barely spoke. Both of us had a lot on our minds and didn't want to upset the other with their thoughts. I was thinking about leaving and how much it hurt. I was also thinking about getting back to Tinkerbell, work and the rest of my life. I wasn't sure what Jamison was thinking, but it seemed to be heavy.
We walked through the airport holding hands and stopping for hugs. We got to the point where Jamison couldn't go any further with me. I burst into tears, which I knew was coming. I tried to fight the tears, but they still came.
"Shh," Jamison said quietly. "You'll have a good flight home and you will get to see Tinkerbell. I will be just fine."
"I know," I said. "I just don't want to leave you." We let go of each other, kissed one final time and said "I love you" before I broke myself away from Jamison. I walked away, looking back until I couldn't see him anymore.