𝖱𝖾𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒: @iloveverything333
Most people have all kinds of scars that cover their bodies. Each one tells a different story which makes them unique. Most scars are from simple accidents, disorders, or even surgeries. Scars can be from almost anything.
Just like everyone else in the world I have scars of my own. However these scars weren't from a simple scraped knee or burn, They were a part of my past that I couldn't imagine going back to. A part of me I didn't show but instead I tried to cover up and hide, afraid of what others might think.
I had large marks that littered my back from my shoulder blades down to my lower back. These marks weren't from any ordinary accident, they were from my childhood. My younger years were the worse years of my life, unlike most people who wished they could go back to those golden years. My mother left when I was little, leaving me with a drug addict who was never sober.
It was hard trying to live with the same person who never wanted me in the first place. I learned how to defend for myself most of the time. I was cooking my own meals at a young age, buying my own essentials with the money I might have 'borrowed from my father.
But the hardest part about living with a drug addict is that they are never in the right mindset which made me go from being his princess to a pest in his eyes.
I took many fists to the face, kicks to the gut, objects being thrown at me at full force but the worse form of abuse was the belt. Whenever I had done something my father didn't appreciate he would slash me across the back with a leather belt. Sometimes he hit me so hard it left marks which were the same marks on my back today.
Eventually, once I got older I filed a report on my father to the police. After many court cases, he was sent to prison for child abuse. That left me to live on my own which I preferred.
Along the way, after my dad was out of the picture, I met JJ and his friends, the pogues, who became the family I never had.
JJ and I had grown really close and with time we started to catch feelings which led to us becoming lovers. We always had each other's backs and we knew everything we could know about the other. Well sorta. I had never told him about my scarred back and past.
To keep him and the pogues from knowing, I never wore tank tops or bathing suits that showed a lot of my back when I was around them. Whenever I would join them for a swim or surfing, I would always wear a t-shirt over my bathing suit. Sometimes it got really hot not being able to walk around in a skimpy outfit since I lived at the beach but I was afraid they would worry or judge me for the marks so it was better for me to keep them covered.
—
Now, I stepped out of the shower, drying off my hair and wrapping a robe around my wet body. I exited the bathroom and entered my bedroom where I threw on some pajama shorts and a bra then I grabbed a bottle of lotion off my nightstand and squirted some onto my hands.
I brushed my fingers tips covered in the substance across one of the deep marks, rubbing the lotion into it. I did this every night in hope that the scars wouldn't heal up better and wouldn't be as noticeable.
As I was struggling to reach some of the marks that were in hard places to reach, I suddenly heard the sound of my window being opened.
I jumped, spinning around to be faced with JJ who was staring at me, his jaw hung ajar.
"Hi," I said nervously, sitting down the lotion and quickly grabbing a shirt out of my closet while I faced him so he wouldn't see the scars.
"Y/n" JJ called out, walking towards me and grabbing the shirt that I was about to throw over my body away from me. "Your back..."
"It's nothing, JJ. Really" I spat out quickly, hoping not to make a big deal out of it and move on to a different subject.
"What happened?" He questioned, looking at me with worried and concerned eyes.
"Nothing"
"That's why you wear a shirt when we go swimming" JJ mumbled mostly to himself as he put the pieces together, realizing why I was never seen in a bikini.
"No! It's just comfortable" I lied, shaking my head to try and play it off even though I knew there was no way I could.
"There is no way that comfortable in ninety-degree weather" The blonde argued giving me a look that said he knew I wasn't telling the truth.
"Just drop it, JJ. I'm tired and I want to go to sleep " I sighed, glancing over at my bed. I truly was tired and my comfortable bed was calling my name but then again I was just using it as an excuse to avoid the subject we had found ourselves on.
"Babe, just let me see" JJ grabbed my wrist, giving it a small squeeze to reassure me that it was okay.
"There's nothing to see, J" I denied, frustration clear in my voice as I pulled out of his grip slipping a shirt over my head to cover myself up.
"Why are you hiding this from me?" JJ asked, sounding upset and confused.
"I'm not hiding anything!" I replied raising my voice just a tad. I didn't mean for it to come out hostile but that was clearly what it sounded like cause I watched as JJ's face fell into a dejected expression.
"Darling, please just let me see" he begged, sadness filling up his big blue eyes. My lips pressed into a frown at the sight of him. I knew he just wanted to help in some way but I didn't want him to see my flaws.
"JJ....." I drawled as I slowly shook my head as my eyes glossed over with tears.
"Please, it's okay. You can let me in, you can show me" He implored caressing my face in his hands as he gave me a small reassuring smile. "It's okay, baby"
I paused, staring up into his beautiful blue eyes that appeared to sparkle at me. I didn't want to let him in. I didn't let anyone in only because it scared me. I was afraid if I told about my past and why I had those scars, that he would care for me at the moment but then later he would backstab me because of my flaws and I couldn't bear to imagine what it would feel like to reveal my deepest secrets and then get left cause he knew the real me.
But this was JJ Maybank who was standing in front of me. The same boy who had sweep me off my feet every day. The same boy who was caring and understanding. Half of me knew he wouldn't judge or leave because he knew but there was still that chance that he could.
"Can....can I trust you?" I questioned as I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding in.
"Of course you can, darling," JJ said softly taking my hand into his, giving it a small peck with his lips which made a small smile shine on my face but it quickly faded.
I took a deep breath letting go of all my negative thoughts before slowly turning around and JJ carefully lifted up the shirt to uncover my scarred back.
"Oh, baby..." I heard JJ muttered under his breath at the sight.
A few wet tears welled up in my eyes until it became too much and overflowed letting a small tear run down my cheek from the demons that were crawling into me from my childhood. I squeezed my eyes closed to stop the tears the best I could and pushed those evil thoughts and memories out of my trail of thought.
"It's it okay if I....touch them?" He whispered, trailing his fingers down my shoulder.
I nodded and before I could blink I felt his soft fingertips delicately brushing over one of the scars which made me flinch but I took a deep breath, calming down at the feeling of his touch.
"Can you tell me what these are from?" He asked, calming placing small kisses behind my ear. "It's okay if you don't want to"
I hesitated closing my eyes, I had never let everyone get this close, this far into my personal experiences. But I knew JJ had a similar past and present so he would understand. Wouldn't he?
"Belt...slashes" I slowly murmured while tears slipping from my eyes.
"Belt?" JJ repeated, hurt and sadness clear in his raspy voice as he moved in front of me to see my tear-stained cheeks.
I nodded wrapped my arms around his torso and burying my face in his chest to hide my crying state. JJ quickly hugged me back, holding me tight to his chest. He planted kisses on my head and whispered sweet nothings as I cried into him.
"Who did this?" He implied as he tenderly rubbed my back with one hand as the other reach down to lift up my chin so I was looking at him.
"Dad" I muttered, my voice cracking at the last syllable. I watched as JJ's face dropped into a disheveled expression. I knew he was thinking about his own father and now he had someone who knew what he was going through.
He pulled my head back into his chest holding me even tighter if that was possible as I began to cry even harder into his shirt, soaking it with salty tears.
"Shh, please stop crying, baby, you're making me cry" he sniffled before letting out a small laugh as I watched tears slid down his cheeks as well. He wiped my tears with his thumbs before wiping his own with the back of his hand.
"If you cry you'll make me cry harder" I giggled, reaching up to wipe his tears for him. I hated seeing tears welling up in his usually bright eyes.
"Then you should stop crying" JJ chuckled leaving a wet kiss on my nose. "Or I'll......"
"Tickle you" he finished after a long pause.
"Don't-"
Before I could finish, a blurt of laughter erupted from my scratchy throat at the feeling of his fingers dancing over the most ticklish spot on my body.
"Stop!" I giggled as we fell back onto the soft comforter of my bed and he continued to tickle me until I was a laughing fit. I knew he was just doing this to cheer us both up and it really was working.
"JJ!" I squealed, trying my best to push him off me so I could actually stop laughing and breathe for a second. Eventually, he grew tired and flopped on the bed next to me, both of us still laughing from our previous tickle fight.
"Did I cheer you up?" He breathed out, looking over at me with a big goofy grin which had me smiling the same as he was.
"Yes, thank you" I mumbled as I scooted closer to him so I was nuzzled into his chest, cuddling into him. JJ's hands had found their way to my back, gently rubbing up and down my scars which now I didn't mind.
"Do you want me to put lotion on these? I saw that you were struggling earlier" JJ whispered, referring to the marks. It had been hard trying to do it myself and I really did need someone to help.
"Um, yeah that would be great" I responded before rolling over on my stomach and watching as JJ got up and grabbed the bottom I had been using earlier.
As JJ sat down on the edge of the bed next to me, pulling up my shirt, I suddenly felted a pair of warm lips against my back, where one of the marks so happened to be. I smiled to myself as he left a trail of kisses down each lash.
"I don't want to see you wearing a shirt over your bathing suit anymore. You're too beautiful to be covered up, okay?" JJ proclaimed, squirting some lotion onto his hands before massaging it into my back around my bra which felt amazing.
"You're the best, JJ" I stated as I looked up at him to see a smirk grow on his face.
"I know, right?"
𝖠/𝗇:
𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗈𝗒𝖾𝖽 :)