I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! :)
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enjoy reading!
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Everything was the same; my heart beats erratically whenever Blake and I touch skin. But other than him sneering at me or vice-versa plus the small talks or the one word replies, we never really had a ‘nice conversation’ after years of being apart. Yes, that hurts a bit because we used to be fond of each other but now we can’t even stand each other. I can’t even look him in the eyes for a good minute.
Tuwing titignan ko siya sa mata, ang naaalala ko lang lagi yung pag ngisi niya sa’kin while his arm was draped over some bimbo’s shoulder while they were entering his room and to do for God knows what.
Sabi nga nila, change was the only constant in this world.
I guess I will never look at him the same way.
Anyhow, let’s talk about the good side ng pag-balik ko dito sa Cali. Miss na miss na ko ni Roland. Walang araw na lumipas na hindi kami nag uusap sa phone or Skype. Even in his busy schedule my boyfriend still calls me or answers my call. Sometimes, it scares me that their band’s going to be famous as fast as it is supposed to be. Ngayon pa nga lang na bago palang sila madami na mga fans at fans club nila. They are all good looking guys, great musicians, performers… plus they got my dbag of a boyfriend who’s extremely a good package to be their front man.
Nag-aalala ko baka pag sumikat na sila mas madaming mabaliw sa boyfriend ko, mas madami akong makakakumpetensya, and it fcking scares me that one day he’ll realize that I am not good enough for him anymore. Saka natatakot din ako kapag sikat na sikat na sila we won’t be able to have our ‘alone time’ as much as I want to. Hindi sa ayaw kong maging successful yung banda nila pero … I was just not yet ready for the change.
I know that’s selfish but what can I do.. I’m selfish. Self-centered btch.
: (
Oh anyway, andito na nga ko sa Cali. Katulad ng kinakatakutan ko, parang kami nalang talagang dalawa ni Blake ang hinihintay ni Dave bago siya bawian ng buhay. Just after the plane landed we made our way to the hospital not minding the btch that annoys me every time I ride a plane, yeah that btch called jetlag.
After one week being with him at the hospital, he died. He died smiling with Blake and me in the room pretending everything’s ok just to make him happy.
He died happy seeing Blake and me happy being ‘together’.
I never thought I’d cry that hard, I mean kala ko dati nung sinasaktan ako ni Blake yun na yung pinaka matindi kong pag iyak but I was wrong wala talagang kasing sakit ang mamatayan ka ng taong tinuring mong pamilya, ng taong naging parte na ng buhay mo. Pakiramdam mo ang sakit-sakit na ng dibdib mo and you keep on hoping for one miracle that he’ll still open his eyes. But it didn’t come.
Images of his casket getting lowered to the ground whirled around inside my head. Bodies and bodies of people coming towards us. Their comforting words bouncing around inside my brain. Pero alam ko na kung nasasaktan ako ngayon, alam kong mas nasasaktan si Blake dahil siya talaga ang pinsan at siya ang kasama talaga sa paglaki ni Dave.
And I thought I don’t care about Blake anymore, but the moment I saw him broke down and cried at the funeral. Hindi ko napigilan na hindi siya yakapin. Parang I will always have it in me, para siyang reflex na pag nakita kong nasasaktan si Blake wala kong magawa kundi yakapin siya.
Nagulat nalang ako nang niyakap niya din ako pabalik and cried at the crook of my neck.
Our parents know our history but they didn’t mind. They still feel guilty about what happened to us.
I know everyone’s grieving, I know he’s hurting and I was hurting too, but it hurts me more to realize that it still fcking bothers me whenever I see Blake breaking down and crying.
What was wrong with me? He did horrible things to me but I’m still here, holding him.
Siguro I will always care for him because in the first place, we were once best friend who cares and loves each other before we became lovers, yung as in real lovers.
I understand why he lost it, the ‘macho guy or bad boy cool façade’ because he and Dave were practically brothers.
I just hold him tight. I volunteered to drive us home, knowing him baka sa iba pa ‘to dumiretso at kung ano pang kagag-uhan ang gawin. Hindi ko rin siya hinayaang magdrive because in his state I know we won’t be able to make it home.
Nasa manibela yung dalawang kamay ko nang kunin at hawakan ni Blake yung isa kong kamay.
Hindi ko napigilang mapatingin sakanya, his beautiful face was now tear streaked and had blood-shot eyes from crying, his lips and nose was now red too though he still manages to look breathtakingly handsome.
“Just.. I.. I just need to hold your hand.” He said looking out the window, avoiding my gaze. Puno ng hinanakit yung boses niya.
Tumango lang ako kahit alam kong hindi niya naman ako nakikita.
Tahimik lang kami buong biyahe pabalik sa bahay. Though I could hear his sobs.
Binitawan niya kagad yung kamay ko when I pulled up on our driveway.
Lumabas siya kagad ng kotse at diretso pasok sa bahay.
I know he needs alone time kaya kahit masakit sa dibdib kong iwan siya ng ganon hinayaan ko nalang muna siya.
Pagpasok ko ng bahay lahat pa rin kami tahimik until dinner. Hindi lumabas ng kwarto niya si Blake. Nabother ako baka kung anon g kagag-uhan na ang ginawa non.
Pagkatapos kong mag shower, kumuha lang ako ng tubig sa kitchen. Papunta na ko sa kwarto niya nang makasalubong ko si Therese, one of our helpers. May dala-dala siyang tray na may lamang pagkain, “Is that for Blake?” I asked.
She nodded.
I could tell that she was a bit intimidated by my presence, ngayon niya lang kasi ko nakita dito bagong hire lang daw kasi siya. “Alright, actually I am going to check on him too. You can hand it to me.” I said with my neutral face.
Again, she nodded and handed me the tray.
Konti nalang iisipin ko ng pipe yun.
Pagkakuha ko ng tray dumiretso na ko paakyat ng second floor, when I reached his door it wasn’t locked pero kumatok pa rin ako.
Dahil hindi siya sumagot, I barged in.
His room was still the same. Isang double bed in the middle of his room, tapos may magkabilang side table at lamp, sa gilid naman may study table siya, dun nakapatong laptop niya saka mga magazine and books. Sa kabilang side ng room niya andun yung flat screen tv na may mga xbox at kung anu-ano ding game console na nakaconnect, may isang couch at coffee table din malapit sa bintana na kalapit lang ng kama niya, from here I could see our backyard.
Nilapag ko lang yung tray sa coffee table niya, pag silip ko sakanya mukha naman siyang mahimbing na natutulog kaya dahan-dahan na kong naglakad palabas ng kwarto niya nang bigla siyang nagsalita, “Alix. Stay please, stay with me.”
When I turned to look at him, nag uunat na siya habang paupo na sumasandal sa head board ng kama niya.
Umiiyak pa rin siya hanggang sa pagtulog, maga na kasi ang mga mata niya.
“Oh am.. I’m sorry, did I wake you up? I just brought your dinner, you haven’t eaten anything yet.” I said not knowing what to do.
Hindi ko alam kung lalapit ba ko o lalabas nalang ulit ng kwarto niya hanggang sa tinap niya yung tabing space sa kama niya.
Sighing, I walked back to his coffee table and took the tray. Nilapag ko yun sa lap niya.
“Eat.”
“Stay.”
I rolled my eyes at him, para kaming nag uutos lang sa aso eh no. “Seriously Blake, you have to eat.”
Bumuntong hininga naman siya saka tumango at inumpisahang kainin yung Fritata. Umupo lang ako sa tabi niya while looking around his room.
“Will you please get me a T-shirt?” Kung ibang sitwasyon lang to baka tinarayan ko na siya, ayos makapag utos eh.
No choice, tumayo ako at nagpunta sa may closet niya, pagbukas ko nung pintuan nagulat ako nang makita yung picture naming dalawa na nakadikit pa rin don.
Napatigil ako bigla, it was our first anniversary. We were kissing in the middle of the football field in our school.
Napangiti ako nang makita ko ‘to, naalala ko bigla yung dating samahan namin.
I heard him cleared his throat kaya napabalik ako sa katinuan. Nakita ko na nakatingin siya sa’kin bago binalik yung atensyon niya sa pagkain. Hindi ako nagsalita, naghanap nalang ako ng t-shirt niya.
“I don’t have the strength to tear it down.” He
Ok that’s it.
Lumapit ako sakanya saka ko inabot yung T-shirt. I cannot be here anymore. I was about to walk out when he grabbed my wrist to stop me.
“Alix. I’m serious. Please stay.” He pleaded.
“I think I’m gonna lose sanity without you. I need you, please stay with me.” He said with pleading eyes. Isa yun sa mga kahinaan ko, pag ginamitan niya na ko ng ganong tingin hindi na talaga ko nakaka-hindi sakanya.
Tumango lang ako saka tumabi sakanya.
Kumain lang siya nung Fritata pero hindi niya talaga ginalaw yung pasta with meatball, wala talaga siyang appetite. After that nag punta na siya sa bathroom to wash up pagkatapos nun tumabi na din siya sa’kin.
Nakakabingi talaga yung katahimikan na bumabalot sa loob ng kwarto niya. Wala sa’min ang gusting bumasag ng katahimikan na ‘yon.
Nung una naiilang talaga ko, isipin ko palang kung ilang babae ang naikama niya dito tapos dito pa ko hihiga. Uhg.
Nakatalikod lang siya sa’kin I shift uncomfortably hanggang sa napagdesisyunan kong umalis nalang pag tulog na siya ng mahimbing.
I was about to get up and leave him when I hear his silent crying and sobs.
Ayan na naman yung didbdib ko pakiramdam ko ang sakit sakit din.
Hindi ko namalayan na umayos ako ng higa, itinaas ko ng kaunti yung unan ko para mas mataas ako sakanya saka ko siya niyakap at pinaharap sa’kin. Nagulat ako ng dahan-dahan naman siyang humarap at niyakap lang din ako pabalik saka siya umiyak sa dibdib ko.
Akala ko nung una siya lang yung umiiyak, hindi ko din namalayan na wala na din palang tigil yung pagbagsak ng mga luha sa mukha ko.
Cuddling, we cry ourselves to sleep.
It doesn’t feel right but I know this is what we really need. We need each other’s comfort.
****
Pagkatapos nung gabi na yun, hindi ko na siya nakitang umiyak pa nung sumunod na araw pero hindi pa rin talaga siya bumabalik sa normal.
Wala akong maisip na tamang salita na pwedeng sabihin sakanya tungkol sa pagkawala ni Dave, dahil ako man pakiramdam ko kahit anong sabihing pakikiramay ng ibang tao sa paligid ko it just hurts too much.
Hinayaan lang namin siya nila Bobby, pero ako… syempre ako to ee. Kahit anong masasamang bagay ang ginawa niya andito pa rin ako sa tabi niya.
Nanunuod kami ng Supernatural sa kwarto niya nang bigla siyang nagsalita, “I need to do something, will you please come with me?”
I was surprised, alam mo yung way ng pananalita niya, ganitong-ganito bago kami nagbreak. Yung mga panahon na inseparable pa kami sa isat’t isa, I told you the old Blake was freaking charming.
Yung mata niya parang nagmamakaawa na sana pumayag ako. He’s utterly handsome talaga fck.
Kahit mukhang ilang araw na siyang hindi nagshi-shave hot pa rin tignan mas nagmumukha siyang bad boy with that stubble on his jaw.
“Now?” I asked. Tumango lang siya saka tumayo papunta sa closet niya.
Pakiramdam ko naman kailangan niya talagang gawin yung sinabi niya so I nodded in response.
“I’ll get change, will wait for you outside.”
A genuine smile tugging on his lips and he then he nodded.
Now I wonder kung ano ba yung kailangan niyang gawin.
Sa mga lumipas na araw wala akong ibang ginawa kundi manatili lang sa tabi niya. Nasaktan ako ni Blake pero alam ko he will always have a place in my heart.
Saka alam kong kailangan niya talaga ko. Kahit wala akong ginagawa pakiramdam ko nagtataksil ako kay Roland kaya hindi ko muna siya masyadong kinakausap. Dinadahilan ko lagi si mommy.
I know it’s wrong but I just can’t talk to him for now, next week aalis na ko… igugugol ko muna yung oras ko sa taong may kailangan sa’kin.
Oo tanga na kung tanga pero hindi niyo ko masisisi eh.
He’s Blake.
“Tell me Blake why the hell did you bring me here of all places?” I asked coldly habang patuloy lang kami sa paglalakad. Pinarada niya lang yung sasakyan niya dun sa isang abandonadong building and started to walk into the woods.
Alam ko naman kung san kami pupunta ang nasa isip ko lang bakit kailangan doon pa kami pumunta at bakit kailangan kasama niya pa ko sa gagawin niya.
Hindi naman siya sumagot at patuloy lang sa paglalakad, habang tinitignan ko mabuti yung nilalakaran ko ayokong mapatid ng mga logs.
Pero siyempre hindi maiiwasan yun, I stumble slightly after him at mabilis niya kong nahawakan sa kamay. This time I didn’t flinch, pero binawi niya pa rin kagad yung pagkakahawak sa kamay ko, reaching to rub his neck.
“All good?” He asked.
Pinagmasdan ko yung mukha niya kung bakit parang bigla nalang siyang kinakabahan, kanina pa din kasi siya tahimik nung nasa kotse palang.
“Yes, thanks.”
We walked the rest of the trek in silence. It was weird, familiar talaga sa’kin ‘to ilang beses na kaming nakapunta dito. It was like our haven, whenever we’re here all the stress and tension suddenly goes away. Kaya lang sa hindi ko malamang dahilan pakiramdam ko mali na andito ko kasama siya.
Naglakad pa kami for another 8 minutes bago namin marating yung secret place namin nung mga bata pa kami.
Ikinagulat ko na hinawakan niya ko sa kamay. Our fingers interlocked and I let him tug me along. Yung kabog ng dibdib ko bumibilis na naman.
I sucked in a breath of surprise. Walang pagbabago this place was still as amazing as the first time Blake brought me here.
His body moved behind me. His hand rested on my hips, naririnig ko na yung paglagaslas ng tubig. Nakakrelax para tuloy gusto ko ng sumandal sakanya.
But deep inside something felt so wrong. Parang hindi talaga tama.
Bright green ferns dangled down from the trees, begging me to run my fingers across them.
Napaka bango ng simoy ng hangin, iba talaga ang freshness ng nature. The air was crisp, inhaling my lungs with purity. Pinagmasdan ko lang yung paligid, napakaganda niya talaga parang lahat ng bigat ng sama ng loob mula sa pagkawala ni Dave unti-unting nawawala.
Rapids were rushing over the rocks, causing my body to twitch with desire to run through the water.
Isa to sa mga namiss ko sa California, this place. Our place.
I glanced over my shoulder and met his eyes, which were studying me curiously. “Why did you bring me here. I thought you need to do something?” I asked, staring intently at him.
Hindi ako mapakali sa tingin na binabato niya sa’kin. His lips twitched slightly na para bang nag iisip pa siya kung anong isasagot niya. My breath caught in my throat as he leaned closer to me.
“Yes, that’s why I brought you here. I need to bring you here like what I promised to Dave.”
Nung una hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung ano ba talaga ang gusto niyang ipahiwatig hanggang sa lumuhod siya sa harap ko.
“What the fck Blake, get up!!” Sigaw ko sakanya habang hinahatak ko siya sa braso patayo.
Tahimik lang siyang tumungo at inaalis yung kamay ko.
“Alix. I’m so sorry…” Paninimula niya, hindi ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang ginagawa niya.
Hindi ko din maipaliwanag yung kabog ng dibdib ko, parang hindi na din ako makahinga ng maayos dahil sa ginagawa niya. There’s a lump in my throat. I can’t even utter a single word.
My lips were parted as I stared at him breathlessly, questions whirling restlessly in my mind.
“I am so fcking sorry.” Muling sabi niya habang nakatingin na siya ngayon sa mga mata ko at muling hinawakan ang mga kamay ko.
Nakita ko at narealize ko na kung san siya humihingi ng sorry. Bigla ko nalang naramdaman na kailangan kong maging matigas.
He was asking for my forgiveness.
Binawi ko yung mga kamay ko sakanya, and stared at him coldly. “Why Blake? Why are you sorry?” I asked sternly.
“Sorry for what? You’re sorry for hurting me on purpose? For throwing our friendship away? For making me feel like a crap? Treating me like a crap? Or for-” Hindi ko namalayan na umiiyak na pala ko habang nilalabas ko lahat ng sama ng loob ko sakanya.
“For everything!” He cut me off, I smiled sheepishly.
Tumayo na siya mula sa pagkakaluhod niya saka siya tumingin sa mga mata ko, “I’m so sorry Alix, for everything I did, for everything I’ve put you through.”
I grimaced. Alam niyo ba yung feeling na ang tagal ko tung hinintay. Itong pagkakataon na ‘to. Ang tagal tagal at ngayong nangyayare na bakit ganon hindi ko makuhang maging masaya.
Umiiyak na naman siya sa harap ko, alam kong itong Blake na ‘to, he is the Blake that I fell in love with. Ayokong makita siyang ganito dahil lumalambot kagad yung puso ko. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and turned around to walk away pero pinigilan niya ko.
Hinapit niya ko sa bewang saka niya ko niyakap patalikod para pigilan sa pag alis.
Umiyak lang siya sa likod ko, hindi ko alam kung bakit pero umiiyak na rin talaga ko.
“For every night you cried yourself to sleep, for every day you felt so lonely. For not being there when you needed me, for being the number one a-sshole. I am so sorry for everything.”
“Please forgive me Alix.” His breath fanned my neck that caused shiver down to my spine.
Kakaibang sakit sa dibdib yung nararamdaman ko, hindi maipaliwanag.
Hindi ganon kadaling magpatawad eee. Sasabihin nila kung Diyos nga nagpapatawad ikaw pa kayang tao lang?
That’s the point tao lang din ako.
But this was all you want before right? You wanted him to kneel down and ask for your forgiveness.
A part of me said.
I closed my eyes for a moment. I shook my head, tinanggal ko yung mga kamay niya sa pagkakayakap sa bewang ko saka ko muling humarap sakanya, “You… you don’t know how long I have waited for this moment Blake.”
I leaned closer so I could caress his face with my hands. Brushing away his tears, I whisper
“I prayed to God for this moment and I also prayed that I will have it in me to forgive you.” I said trying to smile.
He just kept his mouth shut, hinawakan niya yung dalawa kong kamay sa pisngi niya, kitang-kita ko ang sakit at pag-sisisi sa mga mata niya bago siya pumikit at dinama ang mga kamay ko. “Because I knew forgiving you will be hard.”
At dahil dun sa sinabi ko napamulat siya ng mata and a frown fell on his lips. “But I know I will Blake. I know I will.” I reassured him.
He mumbled a thank you and enveloped me in a hug.
“God, I missed you terribly.” Sabi niya habang nakayakp pa rin sa’kin.
Ang sarap sa puso na mawalan ka ng bigat na nararamdaman mula sa nakaraan. Sinandal ko lang yung ulo ko sa dibdib niya. I missed this.
Oo andun pa rin yung sakit, pero ayoko ng mamuhay ng may galit.
“I missed you too Blake. Let’s start over for Dave.” I said as I closed my eyes, naramdaman ko naman na tumango siya.
Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap sakanya saka ko ngumiti. “We’re related now; you should start acting like an overprotective big brother.” I smiled sheepishly, trying to lighten the mood. Medyo napatahimik siya nang mabanggit ko yung pangalan ni Dave ee.
He shook his head in amusement and said, “Dam-n right.”
We spent the whole day catching up for the years apart; we spent all day in our haven talking about what had happen for the last 2 years. He talked about his uni and football career. About his love life, medyo nagkaron ng katahimikan nung sinabi niyang di na siya ulit nag-girlfriend kasi hindi daw siya makahanap ng mas tutumbas pa sa’kin.
Nawala yung awkard silence when I told him I may be the perfect one in his eyes but someone will come along and will be perfectly right for him.
***
Week after that talk, naramdaman kong unti-unti na kaming bumabalik sa dati ni Blake. Pero hindi talaga mawawala yung bigla kaming magkakatinginan sa mata and will have an awkward silence.
Pero everything felt like normal, we go to park, jog together every morning, go to amusement park. We even shopped together, tinulungan niya pa kong bumili ng mga pasalubong para sa mga kaibigan ko sa Pinas at para kay Roland.
Tapos pinuntahan pa namin lahat ng friends namin dati tapos nagulat sila dahil ok na kami.
Sa three weeks na magkasama kami at yung one week na para kaming katulad na nung dati pakiramdam ko bumabalik yung mga butterfly sa tyan ko kapag may sinasabi siyang sweet at may ginagawang nakakapag pakabog ng dibdib ko.
Pero I pushed the thoughts away, hindi pwede kasi magkapatid na kami ngayon sa mga mata ng tao at lalong lalo na, mahal ko si Roland.
Pero akala ko ok na talaga until one night we came home from a party.
Wala kaming kasama sa bahay. Mom is out of town but will be back the day after tomorrow para ihatid ako sa airport while Dad had an emergency call at the hospital.
We were laughing in my bedroom about something that happened in the party earlier. We were both drunk and lying in my bed.
“And do you still remember when your fist landed on Chase Gregor’s face on our sophormore year?” He asked while laughing at the memory.
“Chase Gregor? The junior who dated a freshman? Hahahahaha! Yeah I remember that.” I said shrugging.
“He keeps on hitting on you and can’t keep his hands to himself.” He muttered dryly.
“That bastard dared to touch what was mine can you believe it?” He asked turning to look at me.
Heart. Stay. Still.
Unti-unti na naman siyang pumapasok sa sistema ko.
Napatigil kami pareho, “Yeah.. He had the nerve. He thought you can’t beat his ass because you’re just a sophomore. ” I said trying to lighten the mood.
Ayoko yung ganitong usapan, yung pag uusapan namin mga nakaraan.. lalo na yung time na kami pa.
Nagulat ako when he pulled his hand to caress my face, “I guess I was that possessive.”
“Yeah… you were.” I said smiling. Tumigil naman siya sa pagcaress sa mukha ko nung ngumiti ako.
“I think until now. I really never wanted to share you.” He added while studying my face.
Yung kabog sa dibdib ko bumibilis na at parang nagkakanda pilipit yung mga laman-loob ko, kinakabahan na naman ako sakanya, langya naman lagi nalang bang ganito kahit lasing ako ganito pa rin epekto niya sa’kin.
Hindi ko mabasa yung expression sa mukha niya, basta nakatingin lang siya sa’kin. Yung mga tingin niyang tatagos ng kaluluwa mo.
Napakagat nalang ako sa labi and then I saw how his eyes turned dark while looking at my lips.
And then for a second he looked pained after that he closed his eyes as if he’s battling with his own demon.
Pagkamulat niya nakita ko na naman yung familiar dark eyes niya, it was really really familiar… kaya lalong bumilis yung kabog ng dibdib ko.
He sighed exasperatedly, “Dam-n Alix, why do you have to do that? You know exactly how I always wanted to bite that lip.” He sounded annoyed before he pulled my head and crashed his lips to mine. Three seconds later he slipped his tongue between my lips
I froze… and then melted.
My thoughts froze right along with my body, but then something inside me warmed up and dissolved and I kissed him back.
I fcking kissed him back.
Yung mapupusok na halik na tagos sa kaloob-looban mo. He rolled on my top and positioned himself between my legs and kissed me hard, lustful and passionately. I’m slowly feeling dizzy with his kiss.
He su-ck on my tongue while caressing my sides, starting from my hips slowly caressing my skin under my top, way up to my waist and the side of my breasts.
“Ahhhh..mmm..” Pag ungol ko nang lamasin niya ang kaliwang dibdib ko.
And then another unstoppable moan escaped my throat as he bit on my lip, I grabbed a fistful of his hair and he growled in response as he continues to kiss my senses away.
*******
3 days.
3 days na kong nasa Pilipinas. Pero hindi ko pa rin sinasabi kay Roland na andito na ko. Nag away kasi kami bago yung flight ko, ayoko muna siyang makausap o makita.
Ilang beses niyang hindi sinagot tawag ko.
Sus, sabihin mo hindi mo lang siya kinakausap kasi you’re guilty about what you and Blake did.
Napapikit ako nang maalala ko.
I feel so disgusted with myself.
Paglapag na paglapag ng eroplano tinawagan ko kagad si Maine para sunduin ako. Agad akong umiyak sakanya pagsakay namin sa sasakyan niya.
Wala siyang sinabi kahit isa, hinayaan niya lang ako umiyak habang yakap niya ko. Sinabi ko din sakanya na wag sasabihin kahit kanino na andito na ko.
2 days after, sumugod naman siya dito sa bahay. Kanina, iyak siya ng iyak hindi niya din alam gagawin niya sa problema niya pero alam ko naman na she’s overreacting alam ko naman na papanagutan siya ni Jake.
After niyang maglabas ng frustration pareho lang kaming tulala sa mga problema at guilt namin, until her boyfriend called her kaya ayun… mag isa na naman ako dito sa bahay.
Alam ko once or twice a week pa rin umuuwi dito si Roland kahit wala ako. Minsan naka-chat ko siya andito siya sa kwarto ko ee.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
Miss na miss ko na siya. Tama yung subconscious ko, ginagamit ko lang yung away namin para hindi muna ko makipag kita sakanya. I feel so disgusted with myself and I feel so guilty. Hindi ko pa siya kayang harapin.
Naupo ako sa kama ko and leaned on the headboard, I flipped open my laptop, agad na nag popped message sa’kin ni Roland sa Skype.
I felt bad. I felt 10 times guiltier.
“Baby, I am really sorry for shouting at you. Please call me. I miss you terribly. I love you so much and I hate fighting. ”
Saturday 5:04 pm
“Baby I can’t focus. I fucking miss you.”
7:27 pm
“Dam-n, tell me you’re not going to extend another week”
Sunday 4:39 pm
“3 fcking days Andrea, 3 fcking days without calls or messages. What’s wrong with you? : ( ”
Monday 3:04 am
“There’s no goodbye between us right? I hate fighting, please don’t be stubborn. I really miss you”
6:30 pm
“Please tell me you’re coming back to me. I love you so, please come home baby.”
7:09 pm
“I beg you baby, come back to me…”
8:23 pm
Hindi ko namalayan na bumagsak nanaman yung mga luha sa mata ko. Parang pinipiga yung puso ko sa sobrang sakit ganun din yung baga ko, para pinipiga dahil nahihirapan din akong makahinga.
Nahihilo na ko sa sakit na nararamdaman ko.
With shaking hands, I replied
“I’m home. And I’m breaking up with you I’m sorry I cannot do this anymore. Leave me alone.”
8:42 pm
Yes, that’s how much of a coward I am.
: (
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!!! Hahahahaha! Ayan I’m back, landi ni Drei eh no? lol VOTE AND COMMENT!!! BRACE YOURSELVES, MAS MADRAMA PA NEXT CHAPTER :P
4:56 pm
3/17/2015
-iamhilarious-