Later, Vanessa could only conclude that she'd fallen into a destructive pattern of completely forgetting what she was supposed to be doing, saying and thinking whenever Green touched her. When he wasn't touching her, she felt twitchy and irritable, like a junkie in search of her next hit. As soon as they came into physical contact elation replaced irritation and she forgot all about who she was and why touching him was a bad idea.
Then he let go of her, or they both had to let go because they realized they were about to get naked in the middle of a coffee shop and while people in San Francisco were unusually forgiving about public displays of affection, that was sort of where they drew the line.
"Are you okay?" Green asked, reaching out to squeeze her hand.
"Fine," Vanessa said and pulled her hand away. Her skin tingled where he'd touched her and she hurried to take a bite of her ciabatta sandwich to distract herself.
They had found a café on the other side of town. It had taken them nearly an hour to walk there and it had nearly been long enough for her blush to subside.
Green sighed. "I probably shouldn't have kissed you."
"No, you shouldn't have."
He frowned at her. "You shouldn't have tried to reject me."
"Considering what just happened, I think it's obvious that I should have."
"Oh, yeah?" Green said, folding his arms. "Because it wasn't me who tried to wrestle you to the floor to have my way with you."
Vanessa felt the blood rush back to her cheeks. She wished the madness of being physically close to him came with amnesia, but no. She remembered every moment of the kiss and her own fervent attempts to take it further.
"That's why we should put an end to this," she said. "Every time we kiss I... it gets out of control."
"You mean, you get out of control."
"You weren't exactly passive, either," Vanessa snapped.
While she had been trying to get him on his back, he had been doing his best to get her out of her clothes. Her t-shirt was torn in three places and the button of her jeans had been ripped off.
"Of course not. I couldn't let you have all the fun."
Vanessa glared at him, but he just smiled innocently at her. That smile did things to her and she suddenly wanted to get back to where they left off in the café. He must have noticed because his smile widened and he leaned closer.
She could move the rest of the way, she thought. It would be so easy to reach out, grab hold of him and pull... she took a large bite of her sandwich instead.
"Werewolves out of control are dangerous, you know that," she said between chews.
"Only when they're out in public," Green said, leaning back again. "Which is why I think we should head back to the hotel and... settle this."
Vanessa shook her head. "That would make it worse."
"Worse?" Green hissed. "How can it be worse? It feels like I have ants crawling under my skin and every time I look at you I..."
"You know it's always worse after," Vanessa said. "Well, usually. Unless they're absolutely awful in bed in which case..."
"Stop throwing your past lovers in my face!" Green roared.
Vanessa paused in her eating. As did everyone else in the café. Honestly, they should not go to cafés. They clearly couldn't handle being out in public.
"That's not what I was doing," she said in a low enough voice she hoped the other guests wouldn't overhear. She glared at them until they all resumed their conversations at a slightly higher volume than before Green's outburst.
"Fine, then stop throwing my inexperience in my face," Green hissed at a slightly lower volume.
"I'm not... what? What do you mean inexperience?" Vanessa asked, blinking.
"Like you can't tell."
"Can't tell what?"
"That I haven't... you know," Green said, looking uncomfortable.
"Haven't what?"
Green's expression was a mixture of defiance and acute embarrassment.
"Haven't been with anyone," he whispered.
"Been with who where?"
He glared at her and Vanessa finally understood. Well, she didn't exactly understand, but she got what he was trying to say.
"What? No one?" she asked.
He shook his head.
"Why not?"
He shrugged. "I told you, I was waiting for my mate."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't be attracted to other people."
"It did to me. I never saw the point of starting something with someone I didn't want anyway."
Vanessa considered that. She supposed that if you weren't lonely, were in fact surrounded with people who loved you, and you didn't particularly need external validation and you prioritized deep connection over physical pleasure you would wait until you found someone you really liked.
It scared her a fair bit to think that he felt that way about her. Never mind the mate bullshit. Someone as discerning as Green would reign that in and take in who she was. He'd been traveling with her for days now. Had seen her at, if not worse than at least pretty bad, and he still liked her. She found that both scary and flattering.
"Vanessa? It would be great if you could say something right about now."
She looked up at him and realized that her next words would be crucial. She could say something mean and taunting and he might finally give this up and leave. Or he would double down on his attempts to convince her that she was wrong and he was right and they should be together.
Vanessa frowned. She could size most people up in an instant, two if they were being deliberately mysterious. It was a skill she'd had to learn as a kid to avoid the worst of what it had meant to grow up in the pack of the white wolf. Yet she had spent days with Green and she still wasn't sure what made him tick and every time she'd tried to anticipate his actions, she'd gotten it wrong. It wasn't just frustrating, it was dangerous.
"Vanessa?"
Right. He wanted her to say something. Since she couldn't predict his reaction she might as well tell him the truth.
"I respect your choice," she said.
Green blinked. "You what?"
"I respect your choice. I think it's great that you've lived your life the way you've wanted to live it and that you have stayed true to your own wishes. It's what I'm trying to do as well."
Green peered closer at her, as if trying to see if she was taking the piss. Then he nodded.
"I suppose I have to respect your choices as well."
"Said with the tone of someone swallowing glass."
"No, I mean it. We're different people. We've grown up differently, we think differently. It would be strange if we'd lived the same lives."
It was Vanessa's turn to regard him closely in search of falsehood and Green noticed.
"Fine. I might not like your history, but your history isn't mine to like anyway. It's yours. I like the person you are and without that history you wouldn't be that person."
Vanessa stared at him. That was surprisingly deep and insightful.
"I am a pretty deep and insightful person," Green said with a grin and Vanessa realized that she'd said that last part out loud.
"Yes, well," Vanessa said and cleared her throat. "Moving on to something completely different. Your sister wanted you to assist her with her delivery,"
"Yeah, I know. I'd promised her I'd be there, but that was before I met you," Green said seriously. "Abby knows that."
"I think you should be there for her," Vanessa said and bit into the bread with relish. This truly was the best sandwich she'd ever eaten.
"Please don't start this again," Green irritably.
"Start what?"
"Listen, I don't care what you say. Last night, and this morning, did mean something to you. I understand that that scares you, but I'm not letting you push me away," he said with a ferocious glare in his eye.
Vanessa blinked and then she realized what he thought she'd meant. She smiled at him.
"You should be there for her," she repeated. "Family is important to you."
"You're important to me! I'm not going to take off and leave you here to..."
"I'll come with you."
"... get up to all sorts of... what?"
She reached out and took his hand. It felt perfect in hers and for once she decided to enjoy that rather than fight against it.
"We'll go together. I have an engagement party to go to, remember? And you can introduce me to your sister."
Green stared at her.
"You'll go with me?" he asked as if he couldn't quite believe her.
"I will."
"To meet my sister and family."
"That's what I said," Vanessa agreed and attacked a sun dried tomato that had fallen to her plate.
"Do you promise?"
She looked up at him. His dark green eyes were focused on her as if his life depended on her answer.
"Yes, I do," she said.
"Pinky promise?"
"Oh, for the love of..."
"Good," Green said and returned to his own sandwich. "I'll hold you to that."
"I said I'd do it."
"Mm. But you haven't met my family yet. They can scare off anyone."
"It'll just be your sister and her husband, I think I can handle them," Vanessa said confidently and speared a sausage.
"Nope. Most of my family and our pack is going to be there for the baby and they will be falling all over themselves to impress and interrogate you."
Vanessa paused with the last piece of her sandwich half-way to her mouth.
"Oh. Ah. Surely it won't be that bad?"
"It will be bad," Green said.
"I suppose I can always reject you if it becomes too much."
Green laughed and as usual his laughter somehow managed to wrap around her like a hug.
"No, you won't. Not now that I've learned exactly how to shut you up," he said and kissed her.
Vanessa let herself sink into the kiss for a moment, but when her inner beast roared for her to take over and claim him, she pulled back. They were still in a café and besides, they had a road trip to set off on. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Finding her latest conversation with Letitia, she typed three words: we'll be there.