I want to find my person!
Not the person but A
I'm in pandemonium,
Isolated by day.
I want to find my person,
I've been single for decades.
A result of atypicals:
Wronged bodies without aid.
"I want to find my person,"
I say. Met with replay,
"Don't worry, you're young."
"Find yourself before you say..."
I want to find my person.
But I've already found me.
I'm right here as always,
Living me without we.
I've been there, done that.
Bowed on all my stages.
10 years is enough,
I've learned through its changes.
And to you, I reply,
"My person, not the, A, or any."
The decades have told me,
This wisdom, holds many.
Because what use is learning
"Who you are,"
When you only know yourself
as only a self so far?
What challenges can you face,
When only your own you can trace?
And how can you love best,
When yourself you've loved lest?
I want to find my person!
You tell me it's not necessity.
I understand. I truly do.
But how can you say it so bestly,
when you, yourself, are a two?
I've listened, I'm aware,
And I hear you forgetting.
As you become paired,
And I see you for wedding.
"I want to find my person!" I cry.
You say, "Don't you fret!"
I say, "Fine, I won't try!"
But I can't give up just yet.
All I want is to love
and be loved in return.
A romantic at heart
with a mind left burned.
In my repair, I sought
a far different song.
Some tune that held true,
No lies to live on.
I heard one speak of freedom,
"She belonged to no one,
And belonged to everyone."
Maybe that was my song?
So I gave my love to the world,
And it grew like a cancer.
Down on my own knees,
In hopes they would answer.
But what I found wasn't freedom,
Or maybe I just couldn't see,
That with freedom comes a bit
of time spent being free.
I spent way too much,
Lost in love's earnings.
And when my head cleared,
My heart was still yearning.
I found being freed,
Was costly, you see.
I felt unlike myself,
No takebacks, silly me.
So I gave and they took,
And I tried to price myself rightly.
But they cried out, "More, more!",
Until I lost all to them nightly.
I knew what to do.
Gave way to my healing.
Relearned my strength,
Continued with me-ing.
"I want to find my person," I decided.
One who doesn't take greedily.
One who doesn't see free signs,
But treasures curbed leniently.
Don't get this twisted!
I know my self worth,
And my love I do own.
I'll sell you these words,
"Love needs a good home."
I loved how I needed
And I chose to give freely.
It felt right at the time,
To give what's left to the needy.
I saw those like me,
Needing love we've forgotten.
And I can't help but give,
what I've stored in my longing.
So me became we,
And we sold love for fees.
Learned the missed takes,
Of giving love for free.
The cost of love can be nothing,
The world knows transactions.
But it depends on the buyer,
How to price its true magic.
I sold love to lost bidders,
Trading nothings for somethings,
I learned giving love,
Takes everything within nothings.
We have to let loose.
Go, and give back in doses.
Discover the lossless,
Now, we know what true loss is.
And if I find my person,
I don't want to bomb them.
Despite my mind's health,
I want to love them, not wrong them.
And I understand the danger,
Of a love left ungiven.
"What's wrong with you?"
Well, I've already lived it.
There are few who truly get
The game being played.
Some say it's losing.
Some say there's better days.
But when I took you aside,
In smiles I informed you,
How I wanted my person.
Did you see what my truth is?
"My sadness is growing,"
Is the the proper translation.
I thought you might hear it.
I tried to proclaim it.
Another twist! You might say,
"This is why you're not ready."
But I've told you and told you
How myself became steady.
I know my own light,
And I know how it wanes.
And I told you in hopes,
you might know me the same.
Again you told me,
But I don't want to hear,
"Do you, be you, know you."
You are what I fear.
For decades I've been
One word inside, too.
And two words inside three:
I love you. See, two?
Don't you know how I know?
This is why I tell you.
I've already lived, as you say,
As a we, me, and you.
I've given my all
4 years trapped in twos.
The rest were my own.
"What now?" What say you?
I begged you before,
"Don't let them take my light!"
But now that it's back,
I can light my own night.
I've learned many lessons,
But still can't you teach me?
Or have I lost you to old words,
I no longer need preaching?
I want to find my person,
And I'm advised not to chase.
But I barely am seeking,
What's in mind was erased.
I just yell to the night,
In hopes that they're listening.
Do our calls sound too similar?
Negated through glistening.
You ask what I need?
I say, "My night's getting darker."
I can light it myself,
But my phases grow longer.
It's stretched out with time.
My nights feel the same.
I change up my stars,
But they aren't to blame.
I know they can't fix this,
I've worked on it myself.
Brought stars to my skies,
Shone bright through the hell.
You ask what I want
Out of finding my person?
One answer, "Me too."
A night lit by two ones.
I want our light and our fears
Of what lay in its shadows.
I want our favorite, "Good mornings!"
To the sun's misty meadows.
I want our wolves and their songs,
And to weep with their crying.
I want to give peace to those,
Who might see us as dying.
I want to share our dark paths,
empty streets and cool assphault.
Walk bare in their quiet,
Or dance until day fall.
I want our crickets in fury,
Shouting out for existence.
Or a simple chirp in reply,
To a night left in silence.
Two moons that remain,
See long nights alike in lasting.
And if one lives by day,
We can talk next our passing.
"Two moons!?", you proclaim.
"How the tides they will change!"
But isn't that the point,
If my nights are the same?
We may not sync up,
But that's the beauty of night.
And I've found all my stars,
But two moons just feel right.
"Two moons," you sigh.
Am I such a lost cause?
There are planets that spin
With more moons than Earth's all.
They twist and they turn,
Snatching lost comets.
Kept all to themselves,
Who cares when they caught it?
They get to hold on.
They say, "Finders keepers."
But my planet let's go,
She's happy with me here.
She isn't greedy,
She loves me the same.
She refuses to sell short
The sound of my name.
I tell her, "I'm bored,"
So she won't hear I'm lonely.
She tells me I'm fine,
That we'll talk in the morning.
I ask, "Is it hard
To let others in?"
She says she is fine
With me as a friend.
So I remain hers
And she remains mine.
Watching them dance,
Having fun in their time.
Some have their twos,
Fours, tens, and twenties.
Swirling and twirling,
Maintaining their bounties.
I ask her for two,
At least one to stay.
The others can pass,
We can go separate ways.
But maybe my world
Can't catch such a moon
And my shadows must cast
Long like high noon.
But really I ask
For simply the one
Because I love myself
My moon's found its sun.
The sun, just a star,
I've caught its reflection.
I've been lonely so long,
I know the best method.
So you tell me again,
As if you all know me.
As if being single,
Is something so glowy.
"Do not fret, lunar child,
You are young and fair."
"But fairness..." I say,
"...is two sharing night's air."
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8/13/21