TW: SWEARING, YELLING, NEGLECT, EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS
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~~~~ Fundy's P.O.V ~~~~
"Yeah so Tubbo's been super busy with that, and Tommy has been doing literally nothing. Like fucking hell, the cabinet's barely holding on as it without that fucking Seth guy added to the mix." I explain to Jack. Unlike the others, I've remained pretty close with him. We'd been discussing L'Manburg politics for a while now.
We stood around the side of my house just inside the current borders of L'Manburg. We came out here for privacy from the business of the town. It may be a small town but it's a very energetic small town.
"Yeah I get it, look you know I live outside of town but I do come in sometimes. That Seth guy, he's got the town wrapped around his little finger. He goes about charming all the ladies and making deals with all the guys. It honest to god drives me nuts," Jack says.
Jack had been a leader of L'Manburg in the rebellion. His insight was important and he also gives us inside information about what was happening amongst the civilians without us needing to go in ourselves. Whenever we went in everyone was always on their best behaviour and all that.
Just then, a translucent body decided to float around the corner.
"Oh for fucks sake, now?" I whisper under my breath and look at anything besides the ghost.
"Huh? What?" Jack says confused and turns around.
"Oh hey, Ghostbur!" Jack waves happily and I sigh and look at the floor.
"Hello, son!" Ghostbur says to me completely ignoring Jack.
"Yeah, uh hi," I say irritatedly.
"I wanted to give you these Fundy!" Ghostbur says holding out a white bunch of flowers he had been holding against his chest.
"Yeah, thanks Ghostbur," I mumble.
"Oh were you two having a little secret chat? I'll leave these by your door Fundy!" Ghostbur ducks back behind the wall.
"He's fucking... it- it's its," I'm too bothered to be able to get out a proper sentence.
"Hey, that's heartfelt, man. He's trying his best, he's dead and he's trying to be a father. Look, there he goes again!" Jack gestures towards Ghostbur who's now floating about picking more flowers from people's garden beds. Little thief. He sees us and waves enthusiastically.
"I suppose Wilbur does remember me," I mutter to myself waving back.
"Wilbur? What about Dad?"
"It's more complicated than that Jack," I grumble. My ears flick back and forth annoyed by Jack's dimness.
Ghostbur somehow must have heard us because his head dips and he floats slowly back towards his crane. Thank god.
"Well done, he's walking off again," Jack says sarcastically.
"That's not my fault!" I retort.
"Well done, Fundy. Best son in the world to a dead dad who's trying his best-"
"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OK OK I'M GOING!" My lip flips and I yell angrily at Jack. I march out from behind my house and around the corner towards Wilbur's crane.
I pause when I get to the door at the back of the crane. Do I knock? Will he even hear it from underground?
"Come on Fundy, he's your Dad," Jack urges again.
"Alright, shut up Jack I'm doing it," I say. I stay still for a moment longer and then defeatedly raise my hand to knock.
The door whips open before I can knock and reveals Ghostbur standing there. I take a few steps back in surprise.
"Sorry for startling you Fundy. I just wanted to ask you to sign this book for me? I've been collecting lots of books you see? And this one's yours," Ghostbur reveals the book in question.
It was made of a red sort of leather and tied tightly shut with a leather string. My eyes widen as I recognise it almost immediately. I take it gently in my hands and untie the string and flick through the pages.
"My journal," I say rereading my notes on Schlatt. Everything I had written as an undercover spy for Pogtopia. The notes on Schlatt's health, the cabinet, everything. It was all here once again in my hands.
"Can you sign the front page please?" Ghostbur holds out a charcoal pencil. I eye it sceptically before taking it and signing the journal. I close it again carefully and tie it shut.
"Hey, I had a spy book!" Jack exclaims.
"Was yours twenty pages long? I did some good shit here," I hand the book back to Ghostbur.
"Thanks, Fundy!" Ghostbur smiles broadly and then ducks back inside. I sigh relieved, I feel like I can breathe again.
"So Ghostbur just collects books now?" I ask Jack.
"Yeah, it's to try and get his brain all fixed up," he says.
"Oh shit, that makes sense," I say finally putting the pieces together. Ghostbur returns with a book and quickly shoves it into Jack's hands before skittering off again. He floats back into the crane but I see him still watching us shyly through the cracks in the wood.
"That was weird," I say. Jack nods in agreement and then opens the book to the first page.
"What does it say?" I ask.
"Write me a book new person," Jack reads.
"He doesn't know who you are," my eyes widen. Wilbur forgot Jack? But he was a part of the original L'Manburg rebellion. How could he have forgotten?
"Wait, Jack, you can take this chance to brag about yourself. Say that you're really rich and sexy and have all the women. That all women fall in love with you instantly!" I dash over to Jack and allow a mischievous expression to coat my face.
"Alright alright, book of Jack Manifold..." Jack starts to write and I give him ideas. Eventually, Ghostbur came back out of the crane and took the book from Jack.
"He's a quiet fella, isn't he?" Jack noted and crossed his arms.
"Not usually, I think it's just because you're here," I say. Ghostbur comes back out of the crane with a smile.
"Thank you Mr Manifold for writing me such a lovely book. It's good to know that you're such a nice guy!" Ghostbur said sincerely. I heard Jack "awe" and I rolled my eyes.
"Fundy, why is there a red fence around your house?" Ghostbur asks.
"What?..." I turn and look back at my house. I sigh when I see it, someone had pranked me. I knew it was one of our friends. But they were taking the piss about how I was now an orphan. I growled softly and turned back to Ghostbur.
"See Ghostbur, I used to have a father, whose name was Wilbur. And well, he may or may not have exploded. So now technically, because he's the only one who knows where my Mum is, I am an orphan," I turn away from Ghostbur and jack and project into the wind.
"And someone thought it would be funny, to build a fence around my house to stop the orphan killer from getting me," I roll my eyes as I finish yelling to nobody. I hope the universe heard me at least. When I found out who it was they were going to be in a fucking world of pain.
"Well, that's not very nice of them. I was stabbed to death by my dad," Ghostbur adds nonchalantly.
"What?" Jack says.
"Woah Woah Woah Woah, hold up. You didn't blow up? You were stabbed to death by my Grandpa?" I clarify. Ghostbur nods his head. My thoughts start muddling together. Why would he do that?
"Guys I have to go, I'll see you later Jack." I walk away quickly before he can reply.
****
I trudge through the frozen forest trying to distract myself. Wilbur was killed by Phil. Why would Phil do that? Wilbur was his son.
It was no secret that Wilbur wasn't the favourite child. But it was hard to tell who was the favourite. Phil favoured one of them, he must have. But he never showed who it was. He was equally distanced and engaged with all of them. I think it's Technoblade, there was always some secret understanding between the two men.
I never knew my mother. When I was born she left Wilbur with me almost immediately. I have no idea why, Wilbur might have but Ghostbur doesn't remember shit. Wilbur used to tell me stories about her. How wonderful she was, her kindness, her curiosity. Some woman, leaving her child with a man who was barely able to look after himself.
He left me alone a lot, went out every day to work on his rebellion. As a hybrid, I grew quickly and didn't need Wilbur for long. But it still hurt. Why didn't he want to stay with me? It only got worse as I got older. When I was young we'd play together, and he'd stay with me for as long as he could. But as soon as I knew how to feed myself and look after the van, he was gone nearly all of the time.
The memory of him made my blood boil. Who did he fucking think he was? Leaving his own child alone. Fucking bastard. My emotions filter into my body and I start walking faster. I take my hands out of my pockets and clench them tightly.
Why should I pretend to care about Ghostbur? Everyone was so sad about Wilbur's death. They all said he was a great guy. A great fucking guy and a great fucking friend and a great fucking brother. Well, he wasn't a great fucking father. I have to remember him through this second-hand sorrow from everybody else. They're all so torn up about him. Such a great son and wonderful friend, oh don't the tears just pour!
Yeah, maybe I could go and hide in my room. Maybe a normal kid would cry about their dead Dad but not me. No way was I crying for that bastard. Sure, I could give in to the blues. But what the fuck for?
My feet walk faster and faster and then suddenly I'm running. I sprint through the forest kicking up snow as I run. I speed down the hill towards L'Manburg with no destination in mind. My thoughts whirr like propellers and send me reeling.
Why should I have a heavy heart? Why should I start to break in pieces? Why should I go and fall apart for him?
I wasn't gonna.
I don't even notice the afternoon slowly turned into the evening as I run towards L'Manburg. I sprint through the town square attracting unnecessary attention from passerby's. I run right up to Philza's front door and pause for a minute.
I bend over pressing my palms on my knees trying to catch my breath. I needed answers. I force myself to stand up straight and take another deep breath trying to calm myself. I give my tail a flick and I knock on the door.
It only takes a moment for Philza to open it.
"Fundy, come in," Phil says with a small smile.
"Phil I found out something really interesting from Ghostbur," I walk into the small centre room and turn to face Phil.
The room was small. Chests lined the walls filled with things. A table sat in the corner next to a crackling fireplace. A chimney ran up the wall to the roof and a kettle was hanging over the fireplace. I didn't spend much time looking at the space.
He sighs as he closes the door and turns to face me. He puts his hands inside of his long sleeves and I see the brightness in his eyes that was there a moment ago fade. He knew why I was here. He knew full well.
"Phil please, at least spare me the details of how my father died," I plead. Phil sighs again and looks at his feet. He looks back up and walks over to the fireplace.
"I know you killed him," I say, my voice breaking slightly. Phil was still and silent, like a lake. He raised his head and turned away from the fireplace and looked me in the eye.
"It was awful. Basically, I was coming to L'Manburg. As I was walking my crows flew ahead, one of them flew back to me and told me that Wilbur had walked away from the crowds. I knew something was very wrong. I flew up with the crows and they lead me to a tunnel in the side of a hill. On the other side of the hill was L'Manburg. Wilbur was there, in a room with a lot of buttons. No not buttons... writing, my apologies. Writing, all over the walls. I knew what that room was... and I'm sure you do too Fundy."
Philza looked broken. His expression was sullen and tired and should have belonged to a man much older than Phil. He had taken his hat off revealing his messy blond hair. His kimono looked dirty and his appearance dishevelled in general. When was the last time he cleaned up? I notice that the house is messier than when I last saw it too. Random cups and bowls sat on windowsills and chests. Tools were scattered in a small pile in the corner.
"I know, I know," I say bringing my eyes back to meet Phil's.
"I couldn't stop him. I couldn't stop him and I saw everybody distraught and depressed at how all their hard work had been blown up. So, I took it upon myself to..." Phil trailed off.
A moment of silence passed between us. The only sound that could be heard was the crackling of the fireplace. My eyes were drawn to the wings tucked behind Phil's back. I could see clearly that one was not as large as the other. One was missing feathers, permanently, and the other was thick and full.
"What were his last words?"
"He said, "do it, Phil, kill me". Those were his last words."
"Was it quick?"
"I would say so," The room went quiet again.
"Boo!" I yelped and spun around to face the sound. There was nobody there. I dashed to the window and saw Ghostbur floating away towards the town square.
"He is scaring me!" I yell and turn back to Phil who also looked surprised.
"He thinks this is a joke!" I yell and swing open the door. I stand out the front of the house looking around frantically, but Ghostbur is nowhere to be seen. The sun had set and stars were lighting up the night sky. The lanterns over the town square and out the front of houses were my only light.
"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?!" I yell into the wind. No reply. As per fucking usual. I stomp back inside slamming the door behind me.
"I'm so done with this guy, I'm so done with this guy," I mumble repeatedly under my breath. I stomp upstairs and sit down on a bed. I brush the angry tears from my eyes and they stick to my cheeks. I huff feeling more and more upset.
Philza leaves me alone. I lay down and fall into a restless sleep.
~~~~ Philza's P.O.V ~~~~
I watch Fundy stop up the stairs wiping his face angrily. He had every right to be upset. I sigh and walk to the window. I watch the world outside silently. Eventually, I see Ghostbur float out into the empty town square and stand thoughtlessly in the middle. He looks up at the sky shading his eyes.
Clouds rumble as they gather overhead. It had been overcast for a while, it was well due to rain. Sure enough, the heavens opened up and gentle rain started to fall. Slowly at first and then gradually getting harder. It had been a while since it rained, the clouds opting to snow instead due to the freezing weather. But I guess the rain has to come down eventually.
I sigh. I gave Wilbur the world and he threw it away. He left all these broken pieces behind him leaving us to deal with them by ourselves. Fundy was trying to cope but was struggling more than he wanted us to know. I know I'm not doing well. He wasted everything, there was nothing left to say.
I watch as Ghostbur reaches a hand out to the rain. It steams as though the water burns him. His ghostly form seems to dissipate with each drop of water. I take a breath and pick up my hat from where I'd left it on the table. I put it on my head and walk outside.
I walk over to Ghostbur who doesn't notice me at all. I put my hands behind my back and raise a wing over his head to shield him from the rain. Why should I have a heavy heart?
~~~~ Tommy's P.O.V ~~~~
I sit in the armchair in the living room clutching Ghostbur's book to my chest. The fire crackles quietly beside me as I watch the rain through the window. Niki went to bed a while ago, Quackity came back for the night and is in his room too. Fundy, Tubbo and Dream still weren't here.
I look down at the pages and run my hands over the words. I read them in my mind. The letters were smudges but still legible. Things I remember, L'Manburg, sparring with Techno as a kid, Niki, Fundy growing up, Sally the merling, and so many other things. All things he would remember, all things I can see Wilbur being a part of.
I feel like I can hear his voice, I feel like he's closer to me now. The real him, not Ghostbur or the person he became in Pogtopia. But Wilbur, my brother. Fundy's Dad, Phil's son. Our leader. I know he's still here with me, his memory will always be with us.
I close the book and hug it close to my chest. I cozy into the blanket wrapped around my shoulders and sink deeper into the armchair. I'll keep you with me.
~~~~ Fundy's P.O.V ~~~~
I had woken up and was eating breakfast with Phil downstairs at the small table. We hadn't said anything, last night's events were still fresh in our minds. I can't believe Ghostbur, he thinks it's all a fucking joke. He's fucking ridiculing us. The fire had long died out and the sun was still yet to rise over the horizon. We'd woken early, probably because neither of us could sleep.
"I can't believe Ghostbur," I mumble and clench my fists.
"Fundy, we both know he doesn't understand things," Phil reasoned and sipped from his mug of tea.
"He's ridiculing us, Phil! I lost my Dad, you lost your son and now his Ghost doesn't even give a shit about us!" My voice was slowly raising with my boiling anger.
Phil sighed and stood from the table. He walked over to a long chest and pulled out two fishing rods. I stared at them confused. Phil looked at the rods for a short moment before looking back at me.
"Fundy, let's go fishing," Phil said. I sat frozen in my seat. Fishing? I've always wanted to go fishing. Phil leant a rod by the door and took one with him outside. I scramble to my feet and take a rod and quickly chase after Phil.
"Screw you, Wilbur, I'm going fishing," I mumble to myself.
"I know a good spot, the water won't be frozen," Phil says. My happiness of covered with surprise. My stomach was doing flips and my mind was running at a million miles an hour. I always wanted to go fishing. As a kid I wanted Wilbur to teach me, but there was no chance of that happening.
I follow Phil as we take the winding path to the L'Manburg docks. One of the only parts of L'Manburg that remained intact after the explosions. It was so early nobody had even set up their shops yet for the morning rush. It was totally quiet and very peaceful.
The smell of the sea wafted to my nose instantly calming me. I could hear seagulls cawing somewhere along the coastline and the gentle sound of the currents hitting the giant supporting poles under the dock. The sea by L'Manburg was always calm, there were never any waves. But I guess it was wild enough to avoid ice forming on it. Philza sets down a buck I didn't realise he had brought with us and starts setting up his rod.
Phil showed me how to attach the hook, sinker and bobber to the fishing line and how to put bait on. He showed me how to cast the line and was patient when I couldn't seem to get it to go out far enough.
I knew I must have looked like a gasping fish. My eyes were wide open, I didn't want to miss and single instruction. I didn't want to miss a moment of this.
~~~~ Philza's P.O.V ~~~~
I teach Fundy how to set up his rod. Something that my father taught me and this his father should have taught him.
I knew Wilbur loved Fundy, he loved him very much. But he didn't understand him. He was caught in his own life. Missing Sally and trying to create a revolution and raise a son all at the same time. For a while, Fundy was everything. Wilbur's whole life revolved around his son. All I heard about in his letters was how much fun they had together and how fast Fundy was growing.
But as I watch Fundy now, I knew that I was missing pieces. I was well aware that Wilbur drifted from Fundy. Less news about his son and more news about the progress of the revolution. Fundy raised himself mostly. I don't know how he managed to do it. I'm sure he was picked on by other children. He was an easy target. A neglected child with no mother, bullies would have loved that.
"Alright Fundy, pull the rod back over your shoulder like this and make sure you hold the line. Then you flick it forwards and let go of the line and it should fly. Just remember not to let go of the rod, alright?" I instruct.
"But how do I catch a fish?" He asks innocently. It astonished me how childlike he was. Fundy appeared much older than he was, being a hybrid he grew so quickly. Technically, he was about three or four years old but he appeared to be about twenty. But his maturity sat somewhere in the middle.
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," I say. Cautiously Fundy draws back his line and flicks it forward exactly like I told him.
"I did it!" Fundy says surprised. I chuckle and pat him on the back.
"Well done Fundy," I say. I pick up my own fishing rod and cast the line. We watch the bobbers bob on the water for a little bit.
"Right, now when the bobber bobs below the water or when you feel a bite, pull back quickly. That will catch the fish, and then you reel it in," I explain. Just then I feel a tug on my line. I pull back quickly and the water where my bobber thrashes about. I quickly reel in my line and sure enough, there's a small codfish on the end.
"Just like that!" I say triumphantly. I hold out the fish on the line for Fundy to see. A gobsmacked smile crossed his face and he quickly turns back to his line eager to catch his own fish. I unhook the fish and put it in the bucket I filled with seawater when we arrived. It circles the small space.
"They're not biting," Fundy says. I smirk and turn back to him.
"Give it time, fishing is all about patience," I tell him and put my rod to the side for a moment.
"Phil I think I fucked it up," Fundy says worriedly.
"No no, you're good," I reassure him. We watch his line together and wait for the bobber to dip below the surface.
I watch Fundy for a moment. I regret not being there for him and Wil. Fundy needed a parent, I could have stepped up. Tommy could have easily moved in with Tubbo's family for a while, we were all very close. But I chose not to, I chose my son who was fine instead of a grandson who needed me. I regret not replying to the letters as much as I should have. I regret not sending letters to Fundy. He grew up on stories about me, it's a miracle he wanted me to be a part of his life at all. I'm so grateful for that.
Fundy may have been brash and didn't have much of a filter, but he was an incredible man. He was working for Tubbo in the cabinet whilst dealing with Ghostbur at the same time. He was amazing. I'll never understand how he feels about it all. I can only be there for him.
"Phil I think I fucked it up," Fundy says again.
"You've done nothing wrong, sometimes the fish just take the bait without the hook," I say. We reel his line back in and put more bait on it. I let Fundy do it this time, I see his nose crinkle when he hooks the worm on the end of the hook. I laugh and little and bait my line as well. We throw our lines out and try again.
"Phil, look," Fundy says. The sun was rising over the water in front of us.
"Woah," I say. The golden light reflects off the water making it sparkle and the clouds in the sky are touched with pink. The water reflects the surrounding coastline and the bright sun. It was beautiful.
"Do you want me to tell you when to pull?" I ask Fundy. He nods and focuses on his bobber.
~~~~ Fundy's P.O.V ~~~~
I watch the water intently hell-bent on catching a fish. But one thought looms above me like a raincloud.
I was meant to do this with Wilbur. He was the one who was supposed to teach me how to fish, not Phil. I was happy that Phil had brought me to fish but I couldn't help but think of Wilbur. I don't know why I cared so much. Wilbur was a dick. He never spent enough time with me, I was always by myself. Why should I be the grieving son and lie saying that I miss him? I had no reason. I'm not like the others. They all seem to have fallen into some darkness like the clouds have blocked out the sun. Not me.
But I guess the happier memories have a way of controlling my emotions. I look away from the end of my fishing line and instead stare at the water. I let my memories run freely, I want to remember something good about him.
I have a fantastic memory, I assume it's a perk of being a hybrid. I remember for a while, we were close. When I was young I took up every moment of Wilbur's life. When I had nightmares, Wilbur would pick me up and cradle me to his chest. He was so tall that when he lifted me I felt like I was flying. I would fly into the air and fall into the softest and warmest and the most welcoming clouds. He'd hold me and sing lullabies until I fell asleep again.
When I was learning how to walk, I used to hold his hand and walk in front of him. I used to fall backwards and step on his feet all the time but Wilbur never minded. He just helped me back up and we'd keep walking. Sometimes he'd swing me up in the air. It made me laugh so hard.
Our favourite place to go was a small lake near the van. I couldn't walk very far because I was still little. I remember we used to spend hours there. Wilbur was always humming tunes. But whilst we were there he sung so many songs. Happy, boisterous songs that made me giggle and clap along with him. We'd spin in circles and Wilbur would bend down and take my little hands in his giant ones and dance with me. He'd dance with me and pick me up into the air sending me reeling with laughter. And then he'd hug me. I felt like the most special kid in the world with a Dad who gave the best hugs and sung the best songs. I let the memory fade away revealing the bitterness I was feeling.
Some father now.
"Wait ready?" Phil says shaking me from my thoughts. My muscles tense with premonition and expectation.
"Now!" Phil says quickly and I whip back the rod. I feel sharp tugs on the end of the line. I did it! I actually did it!
"Yeah, you caught a fish!" Phil cheers and I frantically reel in the line.
"I caught it! I got it! I got it!" I yell excitedly as the fish comes out of the water. I can see it's a Codfish, significantly smaller than Phil's but a Cod nonetheless. Phil shows me how to take the hook out of the fish's mouth and puts it in the bucket with the other fish. I watch it swim around in the bucket for a minute still astonished by what I've been able to do.
"Alright, now what we do now since we don't want to eat them, is we throw them back." Phil picks up the bucket and goes to the end of the dock where we were fishing. I follow close behind him and watch as he pours the fish back into the water. They swim away almost instantly.
We set up and cast our lines again.
~~~~
HELOOOOO EVERYBODY
I won't say much because you have a part 2 to read :)
... oh dear Y/N is nowhere to be found in this chapter ...
Evil author moment mwahaha
LOVE YOU ALL DON'T BE AFRAID TO REACH OUT FOR HELP <3333
I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY/NIGHT/EVENING/MORNING <3<3<3