While the scouts were screaming in terror, you were paying attention to your surroundings. A fierce battle was being waged on the other side, yet you were told nothing. All your friends were here, betrayed by the so-called "Warriors", Reiner, Annie, Bertholdt. Why? It was impossible to answer yet, you just knew that it had something to do with Eren and his Titan. From the beginning, all those moments. It made you laugh. While you thought you were going somewhere, his plan was to get closer to Eren. Was any of what he told you true?
A scream rang out from the other side of the wall. Reiner certainly. Suddenly, something flew across the sky, thrown by the Beast Titan.
Bertholdt. You knew it. It was a strong feeling. Ah. So, he was going to continue with his plan and never look back, at you, at your relationship. No, he was going to continue with his mission, and you knew that even if it was going to kill you, he wouldn't change.
And yet, you wanted to see him. One last time. You were going to die anyway. If not here, mentally you were, dying. How could your first love turn out to be the person who had betrayed everyone, your world, you?
Did he share the same feelings when you confessed that day? When he told you, me too? Or was he just messing with you?
You grabbed your ODM gear and lifted yourself towards the wall. You had to see him. Just once, see his determination. You wanted to say that you loved him despite everything. What did that make you? A traitor? A fool? Maybe both.
-Oi!! No! shouted your captain, Levi, still kneeling next to the commander Erwin.
-I'm coming back, captain, I'm coming back! You answered.
Levi had no way to bring you back. Once up there, you saw the city completely destroyed before your eyes. A city destroyed by him, the man you saw, currently fighting Mikasa. Ah, so you were hiding your abilities well. Always pretending to be shy. Much stronger than anyone thinks.
He suddenly turned to you, once he landed on another roof, alone.
What were you doing here, he thought. Mission, mission, mission, the only words that kept repeating themselves since this morning. Since he had set foot in this city, in this damn world. You still looked so sad. He had betrayed you; it was normal. At what point could he still think you would have understood. You didn't have the elements of his betrayal. You could never understand. But his urge to go back to you, to join you on the wall, to apologize, to say "let's go away, far away, I know a wonderful place" was so strong. And yet forbidden. He tried to scream, but his voice wouldn't let him. It was stuck in the back of his throat. He wanted you to hear that everything was true, that you had made his time here better. Even if he hadn't shown you enough, he wanted you to know that what had kept him from going crazy or developing the same effects on his personality as Reiner had, was all thanks to you. He had really loved you, he loved you. He didn't want to go on, but he wanted to go home to his dying father. Since when did you start making him question his wishes?
He couldn't protect you anymore, but what he could do was yell at you, to get out of the way of the debris that was crashing into you, from the other side of the wall.
-Y/N, if you stay here! You are gonna die! Please leave! Go back! it's too dangerous.
Ah. Until the end then, he tried to show you his feelings.
You could hear what he was saying, but once he was gone, what would be left of you? Your family. They had all died in Shiganshina. You had nothing left. Bertholdt was the one who had given you hope, for the short time, that a new family would be possible.
A new family... hopes... in this world?
It was laughable. You looked at him. Tenderly. Hardly you could not hate him. How is it that feelings can be stronger than all those dead people? You closed your eyes and a shy smile appeared on your face.
-I love you! you screamed. I love you! Sorry I wasn't enough for you! I wish I could have cleaned the blood off your hands. I wish we could have gone on together! I would have liked to be the one to accompany you to the end! I love you!
Please don't do this, he thought. The mission, home, Dad. He needed to stay focused on those things. Not on your smile. Not on your laugh. Not on your soft hands. You weren't part of the same world, but he figured if you were, he would have done anything to have you around. Why weren't you from Marley?
He wanted to shout that he loved you, but before his mouth could make a sound, before you could hear what he wanted to say, something came over you. So quickly, so strongly. A tear rolled down your cheek. You tried to reach out your hand.
-NO!!! he screamed, reaching for you.
The last words. Then blackness. Complete blackness. A blackness so heavy. You were falling. So far. So deep.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, you thought. Almost every two/three day you have this same dream. Nothing changes, every detail is the same, everything is always the same. And it seemed so real.
You woke up, your mouth moist, your cheeks wet. You gently put your hands on them to feel that you had cried.
-Again? you mumbled in exasperation. I'm 17, damn it.
You slowly got up from your bed, still in the clouds of your too early sleep. You looked at the clock. 5:45.
Your eyes wanted to close. You walked slowly to your bathroom. You could hear your mother in the kitchen. How does she always get up before you? You walked in and closed the door directly behind you. Maybe a little too much, feeling the handle shake slightly. Your mother was about to get another dark glare at you after your shower. You took the timer that was next to the sink. 5 min.
You jumped into the shower. Quickly you started with your hair then scrubbed your face, wiping away the tears that should stop coming, if possible.
You continued your movements on your body. Your back was so numb from your week's work in the storerooms of the local convenience store. Only one more week and you'd be back at school. Which meant that the rich would be going home next week too. You had to act now to try to get something for yourself to put away. The timer rang. Ah what you would do to have 5 more minutes. You began to wipe yourself, your thoughts taking over.
You blessed your mother every day for bringing in enough money to feed and house you, since your father had run away leaving you in debt. But while your mother still allowed you to be alive today and not so unhappy, school was another story. You didn't want to end up in the supermarket all your life, and to do that you had to look beyond, studies. Except that paying for studies when there is only one small salary for 3 people is impossible. Since your sister is too young to work, there was only your mother and you.
What they didn't know was that every weekend you asked Connie to train with you. And since you met him nine years ago, your agility has become something quite noticeable.
The first time you broke in you were with him and Sasha your other best friend from 7 years ago. You were walking around the golden district, and you were looking at which house was the best, in which one of you will live one day. Then you saw it. The purse on the kitchen cabinet of a big house, on your right. A few bills were scattered around. It was calling you. While the other two were laughing loudly, you saw the owner of the house, come out and ask to make less noise. It was time. She hadn't seen you. Unknowingly, the two idiots were distracting. You slowly inserted your hand into the window opening and unlocked the latch that allowed you to open it completely. You inserted yourself, took the purse and reproduced the same maneuver in the opposite direction, jumping over the garden gate to land in the perpendicular street where the three were talking. You joined them from the opposite direction, asking them to move on. You apologized to the lady for the noise, as well as for the wallet, and you continued. The feeling that was developing in you was incredible, you had been able to steal $207 which was extraordinary. Only the rich keep so many cash on them at all times. You looked at your friends and asked them what they wanted to eat; you would pay. Your two friends looked at you puzzled. Sasha started to list what she wanted to eat. You decided on a highly rated Italian restaurant and for the first time you tasted fresh pasta, a handmade pizza, piping hot. Such a wonderful feeling. And you didn't want it to be the last. You didn't know if you should tell your two friends yet, but the idea of having accomplices was exciting. You then told them what had just happened, and they both looked at you with a puzzled look.
-OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! Sasha shouted.
-STOP SCREAMING! shouted Connie.
You couldn't help but laugh. Yes, you had made the right choice. What would life be like without them?
-I need accomplices... you murmured. I can't do this, alone, forever. Would you be tempted to join me in this? You asked, looking at them one after the other.
Sasha nodded vigorously.
-If it's to eat this every day, no problem.
Connie was more hesitant. After a long pause he said:
-I don't think I really need it... but seeing both of you like this and knowing that it can help you... yeah, count me in!
You two hugged so hard that Sasha let out a loud burp.
Since that summer evening 3 years ago, you have broken into more than 30 homes, always with the same excitement, without ever being found once. And you weren't counting on that last point changing. Next year was going to be college and you needed the money, not a jail cell.