Tomioka Point of View :
It's been 4 years since the battle against Muzan, and despite that, I still remember it very clearly and every detail about it. Many lives were sacrificed that day... part of me hoped that I would die in that battle because I was never supposed to be here, but unfortunately for me, I didn't. So many valuable lives were lost, yet here I am, the most useless of them all.. still breathing.
All the Hashira are now dead except me and Uzui-san... most of them died in the battle, but some of them died due to the awakening of the demon slayer mark. These marks were supposed to shorten one's life to the youthful age of 25, but... I'm currently 25 and still alive. I wanted to be dead, but fate was against me. I was peacefully waiting for my death at the butterfly mansion, but it never came. I was informed soon later, my body adapted to the condition much quicker than others. I was disappointed, to say the least. Here I am now... sitting alone peacefully inside my house.
Mitsuri-san, obani-san, Himejima-san, and Muichiro-san all were killed in battle. I was never too close to them or bothered to try to get to know them as at the time I feared the loss of losing someone close if I got close to them. Even though I wasn't too bothered by their deaths... apart from I felt the guilt of not being able to protect them.
Rengoku-san, I was never too close with either because I refused to approach any of them, but when his death was announced in his battle with upper moon 3, I felt bad. I wasn't too bothered by his deaths, but he brought that positivity to the hashira group and some of the younger players looked up to him, which included Tanjiro. His death impacted most of the group, even Sanemi was startled by it. Overall... he was a nice guy that tried to help people, I sometimes admired his positivity even though I never showed it.
Shinazugawa-san.... hated me for some reason, it didn't bother me though. I tried offering him Ohagi one time, but it didn't go well as planned. He... died at the age of 25 due to the demon slayer mark he awakened, he shared a fate I desired... but life was denied. He was angry most of the time, some people called him a hothead. Sometimes I wanted to tell him "calm down" but I decided against it knowing it will just backfire.
Uzui-san... retired before the battle, and he lives now peacefully with his wives. I never had a problem with him, his common usage of "flamboyant" did annoy me... but I never showed it nor let him know, which was probably for the best.
Then there was Kocho... her death... broke me the most out of all the pillars. I never wanted to get close to her, but we were frequently assigned to missions together and her frequent attempts to have a conversation with me brought me closer to her. I didn't want to get close to her... but something about her just.. caught my attention. Even though I never said it, I did enjoy her company and the conversations I had with her. There were times I had a "tingling" feeling in my heart that I never expressed to her. That "tingling" feeling I realized was love after her death, but by that time it was too late. After her death, I found out how she died, which only broke me further. I learned she was consuming poison for a long time and then during the battle, let upper moon 2 absorb her to kill him. I felt even more guilt when I found out she told all the hashira except me... my heart was shattered... once again... I couldn't protect someone close to me... sabito.. my sister... and now Kocho. She spent too much time with me to the point I couldn't ignore her, I got attached to the point I had to care about her.
"CAW, CAW, CAW, kocho shinobu dead !"
Those words still haunt me to this day... I always knew she was hiding something behind that smile of hers. Inside... she was sad... angry.. and thirsted for revenge. If only... I knew sooner, I would have been able to stop her. I still regret to this day not knowing her true intentions.
What keeps me going nowadays is seeing young slayers grow and mature into adults, they moved on with their lives... Tanjiro married Kanao ... zenitsu got with Nezuko... even the loud boar inosuke married Aoi and here I am... sitting in my room not knowing what I will do with my life. That's why a part of me wished the demon slayer mark killed me... but it didn't.
I sigh and decide not to think about it as looking into the past will only worsen my guilt and regret of not being able to protect them. I go outside to get some fresh air after my deep thinking. It was a windy day... the breeze softly brushed my face. It was a nice feeling. I spend most of my days like this... sulking over regrets and guilt... going outside and enjoying nature... or occasionally... shopping for my necessities. I only remain in this world because I wanted to see Tanjiro... and his friends grow up... it's the only thing that brings any spark to my heart these days.
As I enjoy the evening breeze, I see the sun setting down... I immediately head back inside. I never stay awake late because then the moon is out and the moon always reminds me of kocho and the feeling of guilt dawns on me again.
"Another typical day..." I say to myself
I prepare myself for bed before the sun sets fully. Despite the constant thought of guilt and regret, I sleep relatively fast, perhaps because sleeping is a way of escaping reality. Soon after, I was fast asleep.
- Inside his dream state-
"Giyuu! " A boy with a similar voice calls me, I turn to see it Sabito. I was startled and dumbfounded by the sight of my old friend.
Excitingly, I say, " Sabito!! You're alive !!??" as tears form around my eyes
"No.." Sabito replies
His response left me confused. How am I seeing him?? Is he a ghost? I slowly wipe away my tears and calm myself down
"Your dreaming Giyuu" Sabito says
His response left me shattered again, but I came to terms with the reality that this is most likely a dream because sabito couldn't be alive.
" I see..." I reply
" So how is your life," He asks "I've been watching over you"
His statement made me feel the guilt that I have felt for the longest time, I wanted to tell him how I truly felt but all that came out of my mouth was a simple
" I'm fine"
"Is that so... giyuu, don't lie to your friend now." He says
After that statement, I went deep into thought. This dream... is not normal, something is wrong about it. All the dreams I have had were either reliving my past or nightmares of not being able to save my friends. On top of that, I am aware that this is a dream, something I have never come to realize in my previous dreams until I woke up. I start to question whether this is a dream or not because this didn't feel like one.
" You feel guilt? Don't you" Sabito says
I did feel guilty, but I didn't want to tell him that, instead I went to deny it but knowing sabito, he can probably read me like a book, so it was best if I decided to stay quiet I thought.
"You changed..."
"There is nothing to feel guilty about Giyuu"
Suddenly, I couldn't control my actions, so I blurted out:
"There is "
"Don't tell me you feel guilty about my death, Giyuu"
I didn't say a word, I couldn't, I was frozen in place not knowing how to react to his statement.
"So that's what you feel guilty about. Giyuu you have to come to the realization it was a risk and choice I made to protect the people, don't feel guilty about actions that I made and choice."
"It should have been me!" I blurt out
Sabito gives me a weird look, a disappointing one. It was clear to me he was disappointed at what I just said, he should be... After all, I'm pathetic, all my life I have been protected, never the one to be protected.
"I... I should have died... you should have been alive... Not me... I'm not deserving of this life, so many people sacrificed so much for me... a useless person who has no role in society anymore, I should just die... no one would care-
Suddenly, I felt a slap across my face
"Did you... forget what I told you that day!" He yells
I was confused at first but then I realized what exactly he was talking about. I made a similar statement about myself because of my sister's death and he slapped me in the face that day, yelling at me if I say again that this friendship is over.
I suddenly get up, fearing he might break the friendship
"Giyuu... I'm sorry but I warned you saying I won't hesitate to end this friendship if you ever stated that again" He says in an angry tone
My heart just shattered, and I realized the full extent of what I just said. When I said I should just die... I not only disrespected His death but the death of my fellow demon slayers and Hashiras. How pathetic... I thought to myself, I can't do anything right. The only response I could think of was:
"Sorry," I say in a bland tone
"Sorry? You don't sound sorry " he states
Without thinking I say,
" I truly am sorry."
"Then why did you say it, Giyuu you know how much I told you not to think like that, so... Why"
I couldn't take it anymore, every word he says just makes the guilt grow inside me. I suddenly say everything out loud to him
"I can't... the feeling of guilty is too much! I couldn't save you! I couldn't save my sister! I couldn't even do the job of Hashira, right? I couldn't protect the person I loved or any of my comrades! That's why I think this way, Sabito! It's difficult, I'm the only hashira who is still alive and all I feel is guilt because of being the only one alive!.... I regret it... regret it all... I'm sorry... I truly am..."
Wow... The great water pillar is whining... What kind of man am I... I thought to myself. I suddenly looked up. The sight surprised me... he was wearing a smile.
"What exactly do you regret Giyuu"
I stay quiet, thinking about the question carefully, and then I give my response.
"I... regret.. what I said... people that sacrificed lives for me... wanted me to live and enjoy a life... what I said disrespected you and the people that have died, you wanted me to live a happy life... and I couldn't because of the guilt I felt... that's what I regret."
I then look at Sabito, he comes closer to me and suddenly hugs me. I was surprised but I return the hug.
"Good to know you care, giyuu," he says
That reassurance felt good, I never wanted to upset sabito because it usually means what I did was wrong. But another thing has been bothering me... this doesn't feel like a dream. It felt different, I felt it was weird before, but it's different now... it almost feels real ... too real. I could be overreacting, but this doesn't feel right.
"Sabito..." I say with my usual tone
He looks at me expecting a question
"Is this truly a dream?" I ask him with curiosity, I wanted to know.
"It is giyuu, but this isn't an ordinary dream," he says with a calm tone
I was confused by what he meant, not an ordinary dream... I thought to myself.
"Hey, giyuu... what you said about regret ... if you were to go back and start again after my death, what would you do."
This question left me startled. It's one I never thought about ... I think to myself. I never bothered to think such hypothetical questions because I knew it would not be true but here is sabito asking them. I think for a while then reply :
"I would try to save the people I couldn't, I was too blind by the guilt to see what was happening in the present, I was careless and let some of my comrades die " I reply
"Including your lover ?" He replies with a cheeky grin
A sudden blush forms in my face, I could feel my face burning up, I haven't felt this before. Of course ... this wasn't real as this was a dream ... but this dream felt so real.
"She would be the first one that would come to mind, to protect " I reply
"She was the only pillar that bothered to talk to me even though I didn't want to, took care of me when I was injured and I often relate with her because of the death of her sibling"
I add on
"So you love her ..." Sabito says with a teasing tone
"Yes... I do, but I realized it too late ..." I reply
"It's one of the many things I regret not doing while I had the chance to"
"Giyuu... when I said this wasn't an ordinary dream... I wasn't lying" Sabito says with a serious expression
I look at him and see the seriousness on his face, my interest Peaked because he kept repeating "This wasn't a normal dream" which piqued my interest.
"What ?" I say with a rather confused tone
"Tomioka Giyu," he says with a bold voice
This startled me for a moment because he called me by my full name and with a sense of excitement/solemnity. I look at him, waiting to see what he says.
"If you wish to return to the past and be given a 2nd chance .... shake my hand Giyu," He says
I look at him, with a shocked expression. A 2nd chance ....? No way this is possible I thought, I brushed it off as a joke, so I shook his hand.
"Very well that giyu" He states as he smiles
All of a sudden, my body starts glowing. I couldn't comprehend what was happening, I looked at sabito with disbelief.
"Good luck giyu, use your 2nd chance well, me and makomo will be watching you." He states as he gives a warm smile
I had many questions in mind I wanted to ask him, I was still confused about the whole situation of what was happening but then suddenly...
"Sabito !!" I yell
Then I see I am in bed, realizing it was a dream I quickly calm down and reassure myself of what just happened was nothing more than a dream.
I see that the sun is rising, but then I head to the kitchen to make some tea as I normally do. But as I was gathering ingredients, I noticed everything was out of place, which I found weird. I decided to grab some sugar but when I grab the bag that has sugar, it was empty. I was confused now because I know the sugar was full yesterday. I originally dismissed the fact that everything was out of place, but the sugar ... it was full yesterday. Then I hear something :
"CAW CAW!!! REPORT TO OYAKATA-SAN IMMEDIATELY!!!!"
I freeze, everything in my body froze. Oyakata-San? Master? He died years ago in the battle .... and these crows, I haven't used them in a while. I was starting to think it was another dream but then I think about what sabito said in my previous dream.
"Use your 2nd chance well."
It wasn't possible.... it was impossible, there was no way I'm in the past I thought. I look around my home. Then I froze again... my haori and my
blade. They were there .... hung ... I haven't worn my haori in so long .... and my blade... it was destroyed in the battle, but there it was ... perfectly fine. I slowly start to think to myself that I truly am in the past. There was only one way to tell.... which was to investigate. I put on my hair and grab my blade and start heading to headquarters.... or where it was.
I was still in denial that I'm in the past, nonetheless, I knew I had to figure out if this was real or not. As I was approaching headquarters, I heard some words that made my heart stop.
"Ara Ara~ Tomioka-San, you seem to be in a hurry"