Harry and I have been sharing a bedroom for a week now. We've existed in this little bubble of evening snuggles with his hand in my hair and another in his book. My cheek resting on the butterfly inked into his skin with my eyes on a book. Morning stretches with our legs intertwined, and lazy kisses that we don't put a label on.
I've been working a lot, fitting in clients before we leave on tour again has been a little stressful but it's nice to feel in demand. Last week I worked on a Burberry Ad, A Gucci cover shoot, an appearance look for Doja Cat, and I worked on Kendall Jenner for a Skims shoot.
Harry had lunch with us that day which was more fun than I had anticipated. We all ate salads and I could not stop giggling about it for several minutes.
What the hell happened to my life and how did it end in me eating fucking salads with HENDALL!?
I wanted to post a photo so badly but I would never do that to them... so I sent it to Frankie instead.
I got calls in from Lizzo and Miley Cyrus about working together the next time I was in LA which was surreal. I already have Kacey booked for my return to LA and Mr. Malone also has me on his schedule.
I did tell Harry about that night with Austin, but it's not like there was anything to be mad about. He wasn't thrilled about the situation but he knows he has no business being upset about who I chose to spend my time with.
He did kiss me an awful lot that night though and he was very handsy, which I'm not complaining about. Jealous Harry is kind of hot if it's harmless.
Tonight is our last night in the city for a long while. We head back to LA in the morning to spend the week preparing for the North American leg of the tour. It will be strange to be back in that house. I'm interested to see what he did with my room, it'll be strange to see it bare.
The plan for the day is fairly chaotic. We've packed up everything that we're taking with us, but a lot is staying here. A lot of these things just feel like they fit here. Harry didn't use this apartment much but I think I'll like being here more often. I like how it feels here, I like how we feel here.
H is out right now at a radio show interview but he should be home soon, then we have some time before I'll work my last shift at the club tonight, and then Harry will join us for the show and party afterward. There will be dancing and drinking and karaoke under the disco balls, I can't wait.
Dante will be there of course, and Axel is stopping by. I've been assured that there will be no issues, no macho bullshit, just celebrating and fun. All the queens are so excited for an extra reason to party, but I know those bitches are going to make me cry. I'll miss them dearly.
They taught me so much, allowed me to flex makeup muscles that I hadn't used in a long time. They taught me every day more about identity and sexuality and how those two aren't even close to the same thing. They taught me how to love harder and have more fun. Not everything has to be so serious, sometimes you can put on fake tits and a wig and scream-sing to Christina Aguilera and just let life be good.
I'm currently eating a handful of goldfish and swaying around the apartment to "Infinity." It came on my shuffled songs and I couldn't bring myself to change it. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that my H and this Harry are the same person but it doesn't feel possible.
I'd been on the phone all morning catching up with Dad and Britt and finalizing plans with Frankie. This moment of normalcy to myself is a welcome change of pace.
"Pssst. PSSST," an unsettling whisper from outside the balcony makes me pause and promptly shove all the remaining goldfish in my mouth so that I have both hands free. For what, I'm not sure, I mean I'm a good hit, my dad taught me well, but what the fuck am I gonna do with two bare hands on a balcony?
Dumbass.
Okay, new plan.
I decide to stay low and try to sneak a peek at whoever is down there without being noticed. I crawl towards the balcony until I can stretch my neck far enough to see anyone below.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Harry burst out laughing so hard that he has to bend over to hold himself up. He bumps into a man running and apologizes profusely, mumbling something I can't make out.
I crawl to the end of the balcony and laugh with him. "Stop laughing at me! You were creepy whispering! I was being safe! Get up here, you're causing a scene."
His private security walks him to the door, smiling at the way he's still cracking himself up. I can hear him as he approaches our front door and lets himself in. I'm sitting on the floor now, my back to the open french doors, smiling like an idiot at the glowing man in front of me.
"I can't believe you crawled to the balcony! God, you are incredible." He takes his shoes off and slides them onto the rack, then he takes off the linen shirt he's wearing over his white tank top. "I felt so bad for hitting that man, I had to tell him "I'm so sorry, my girlfriend was trying to be a spy or something." He looked at me like I was truly mad."
WHAT DID HE SAY!?
"Your what?"
"Hm?"
"You said-What did-Y-You...your what?"
The shirt came off, he laid it over the back of a kitchen chair as he made his way toward me in a pair of jeans and a white tank top. His cross necklace rests on his chest along with a simple beaded one, white and light blue. His hair is floppy and his curls are bouncy, the humidity makes them more prominent.
He gets closer to me and drops to his knees. I can't do anything but stare in awe as he crawls up over my body. My crossed ankles rest beneath him as his shoulders hold him up to my face. He's smiling, he's beautiful. The sun is gracing his face, my golden boy, glowing inside and out as he looks at me.
"My girlfriend. Seems not enough, really. Seems too small, too arbitrary for what you actually are to me, but it's a simple and effective word to use for now, if that's alright with you?"
"You want me to be your girlfriend?"
"I sort of thought that you already were. I want you to be my everything, Jojo. I told you once, I want you around all the time."
Fucking hell.
The tears are pooling, I can feel them.
"You and me, huh? Who woulda thought."
He smiles a breathy laugh and says, "Me. I thought. I've thought about it for a long time. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that no matter what, at the end of the road it would be you and me. It's all been for you and me. I've known from the start."
"Of course you have, you're a butterfly, you know everything. You don't even live with doubts, do you?"
"When it comes to this? No." His lips capture mine and he leans in, his body is stroll stretched out over mine as I hold myself up on my arms. His kiss is gentle, it's sweet. The next one is as well, but longer.
They get longer and more desperate each time his mouth takes to mine until my chest is humming in satisfaction. "Wanna go kiss your girlfriend in our bedroom?" I mumble against his mouth, he smiles into our kiss and pulls away from me.
He's on his feet far too quickly, his hands extended out toward me to pull me up. When I place my hands in his he hoists me up and then catches me around the waist, lifting me into the air so that I shriek and cling to him like a giggling koala.
He kisses my chest, collarbones, and shoulder while he walks us upstairs and into the bedroom. Instead of tossing me down like I expect, he tosses himself down onto the bed and leaves me on top of him.
Cheeky boy.
My hands hold his face while I kiss him like they're trying to remind me that this is real. His tongue teases my own as his hands wander, drifting from my waist down to my ass. I whimper against his lips at the contact.
"What's wrong, Darling?" He feigns innocence as his hands grope my ass and my hips roll against him. "Does that feel good?"
"God, yes." My answer is breathy and needy.
"Probably feel better without these jeans, huh?" His hands run down the backs of my thighs and then around to the sides of them.
"Mhm," I mumble into his neck.
"Should we take them off?"
"Please."
Ever so slowly his fingers find the button of my jeans and slide them off my hips. His hands trace the skin of my bare legs. They are prickly with hair, dusted in red bumps, and scarred from clumsiness, but he traces them like they're precious.
My head hangs back over the end of the bed as he removes his own jeans and returns to my body, kissing each thigh until it tickles and then moving to my hips. He kisses the ink marked into my skin, he kisses the bits that I think badly of and the way his hips feel against my skin just might be enough to convince me that I'm perfect just the way I am.
My shirt is removed gently, each inch of skin bared is covered in kind kisses and deliciously needy sounds. Whimpers around my navel moans as his mouth captures each of my nipples.
It's only moments before we're both naked, bathed in warm sunlight and soft linen sheets. This is different. This is uncharted territory. Using my body for physical intimacy is something that I'm more than familiar with, dirty words and grabby hands are no stranger to me, but this was different.
Where I thought I had no sex drive, suddenly I can't stand the thought of not being with him. I want nothing more than to feel him and share this with him and revel in the pleasure that he can bring me, but not just my body. I just want to have sex right here at 2 o'clock on a Saturday afternoon in our bed, in our home.
His thumb rubs lazy circles with perfect pressure around my clit, working me slowly, not overwhelming me with sensation. My hips straddle his own and my need is at an all-time high. I'm practically panting into his mouth after just a few minutes.
"More, I need it, please." My hips grind into his thumb again and he hisses at the pressure it puts on him, his own need becoming overwhelming.
"Anything you want. Anything for you,- ah, fuck." I take him into my hand and placed him in the perfect position for me to grind my hips against. His swollen head meets my aching clit and we both moan at the sensation.
I can only handle that about three times before I lift off of him and line him up. As soon as he's in position and I move to sink down onto him, Harry's hand takes a firm hold of my jaw, pulling my head up to meet his eyes. "Wanna watch you. I want to see how good I make you feel."
I smile lazily back at him and then my jaw falls open as I sink down onto him. His whole body tenses, his eyebrows furrow, and his jaw flexes as he fills me.
"That's it. Oh my god, that's heaven. Just like that, my darling girl, you feel so fucking good." He sounds like sin. His voice is even lower than normal, raspy with need, and dripping in pleasure.
When I finally settle onto him I'm panting, my thighs are shaking, my whole body is overwhelmed by the feeling of being this full again. My chin still rests in his hands but my eyes are closed. My fingertips are digging into his chest and torso. His hand squeezes my ass cheek and causes me to moan at the extra stimulation.
I jolt my hips up at the sensation and instantly throw my head back, ripping my face out of his hand. I cry out as I sink back down fully, and then we're off.
It's addicting, the feeling of him. The way he watches me ride him, the way his hands hold me so firmly, so confidently, like he built my body himself. The way he moans my name as he thrust his hips up into me deeper.
His body is incredible, every muscle toned as flexed as I look down at him. They look especially delicious when he pauses for a moment, holds my hips steady as I'm sitting up on my knees, and then leans up to watch himself enter me at a torturously slow pace. Over and over he watches as he rolls his hips up into mine, panting hard and whimpering when I clench around him.
When I can't take it anymore I lean forward, laying my body against his to kiss him again. His thrusts are rougher at this angle, I can feel my body vibrating in anticipation for release.
"...made for me, absolute perfection baby, so good." He's mumbling into my neck as he kisses me over and over, both of us becoming incoherently needy as we build closer and closer to ecstasy.
And it is ecstasy, It's pure, blinding bliss. The kind that sets your body on fire and then fills you with warmth. When I finally regain my ability to form a thought I'm laying on Harry. My sweaty cheek is pressed against his shoulder and his hand is drawing shapes on my back. Our breathing is heavy, the air is thick, but the moment is perfect.
Perfection encapsulated in a single moment in time.
My alarm rings and I groan into Harry's shoulder. "Fuck! I'm gonna be late on my last day!"
Ah, reality.
"What are they gonna do, fire you?"
"Shit, maybe. They're unpredictable."
"Good thing your other boss is so chill, huh?"
"Oh my god. Fuck "daddy," I'm gonna call you "Boss" in bed. Yeah Boss, right there! Just like that!" My mocking tone sends him into a fit of fake rage, he rolls us over and cages my hips in with his knees, and then proceeds to tickle me wildly until I'm screaming through my laughter for him to stop.
We're both laughing hard as he picks me up off the bed and shoves me toward the bathroom. "Get in the damn shower before you say some more stupid shit!"
~
My final night at the club was even better than I thought it would be. They had the whole place covered in flowers, my station was decked out in balloons and tinsel, there was a cake shaped like titties, it was absolutely perfect. Harry surprised me by coming back just before performances, just in time for the farewell toasts. Those bitches did make me cry, and as soon as I was finished Harry was taking my picture.
The queens performed all my favorite numbers in all my favorite outfits, they even did Super Trouper in Mamma Mia outfits. I cried. My favorite performance of the night was a surprise guest performance by Dante and Harry, who didn't perform in drag but did play acoustic guitar and provide harmonies for Dante's performance of Moon River from Breakfast at Tiffany's. I cried a lot during that one.
Once the show ended most of the crowd went home and the regulars remained to have a final party. The queens got changed, The DJ set up a karaoke station for us with a kick-ass gold tinsel backdrop, and Harry took a turn playing bartender.
He looked absolutely adorable but he did in fact spill grenadine all over his black shirt. Lucky for him I'd worn one of his shirts to the club last week and left it in the back when I got too hot, so he did a quick change into something a bit more casual.
Axel showed up right as the party was getting started, he greeted me with a tight hug and a big kiss on the cheek. I quickly reintroduced him to my boyfriend and Dante and then let the gang fawn over him for several minutes. He acclimated just perfectly.
Drinks and dancing were immediate, the lights were low, the music was loud, the disco balls made everything a little more magical. Karaoke was a blast, Harry and Reggie sang Endless Love, Axel and Dante did a rendition of Don't Go Breaking My Heart. There was a lot of Whitney Houston, too much Beyoncé, some Meg Thee Stallion that had me and Dante shaking ass, Ariana Grande, even some Frank Sinatra. Harry and I even did another round of Benny and the Jets on the piano.
But the best moment of the entire night and maybe my entire life was standing next to Harry Styles, hearing the song start, and hearing that sexy motherfucker sing "Her name is Noelle."
We screamed Teenage Dirtbag at the top of our lungs. He did the arm thing and I swear I felt the wet spot in my panties. It was the greatest moment of my life, and Dante was so fucking drunk that the only picture he got is blurry as hell.
It's 3 am now. We're in the car on the way home. The poor driver has had to deal with our drunken giggles from the backs seat. Everything seems to be hilarious right now, there is not a serious bone in my body right now, just tequila and titty cake. "Do you want ice cream?" Harry asks.
"Uh, yea!! I like ice cream." I smile into a little happy dance at the thought and we're laughing once again.
Harry pulls himself up and asks the driver if he wouldn't mind please stopping at a 24/7 store. When we pull up Harry jogs around to let me out. His arm goes around my shoulders and my fingers gently laced with his as we walk in and find the goods.
I'm grabbing an ice cream sandwich when I look over and see Harry fiddling with his hair in the small mirror hanging on the rack. I pop up behind him and place a kiss on his cheek, using his shoulders to give me the little boost I need. He smiles at me in the mirror and then pulls his phone up, snapping a picture of the two of us smiling like idiots. He pulls it up again and I cover his eyes, hiding behind him.
"I like that one. You okay if I post that one on my account? My personal account of course."
"Yea, duh. I don't care! It's cute! Okay, let's go, I'm getting sleepy." Harry spends a couple of seconds posting it to his story and then we're off, ice cream in tow, headed for home.
We eat our ice cream quickly so that it doesn't melt, and we manage not to make a mess which is impressive in our state. We make it all the way home, up the stairs in one piece, and fall into the foyer giggling as Harry catches me before I can eat shit.
"Clumsy, clumsy girl! What am I gonna do with you!"
"Hmmm, take me to bed and ravage me!" I throw my arms back dramatically and attacks my neck with growly kisses.
"I'll ravage you tomorrow night Darling, let's just get some sleep tonight, yeah? We go back home tomorrow." He helps me slip my shoes off and we both stumble toward the stairs, helping each other up.
"I'm already home."
"LA isn't home anymore?" He asks.
"It is. So is here, and Germany, and Wisconsin, and London, and Timbuktu. S'not a place. It's you."
____________________
hey, hi, hello
holy shit, i love y'all.
who's ready to go back to LA?
Excited for a couple glimpses of there life on tour this time around? Me too.
you can find me on twitter @/stachestyles_
or on tiktok and ig @/ stachestyles
i love you. thanks for being here.-mo🦋