Mark Masahiro
The whiff of hand sanitizer and antiseptic agents greeted my consciousness as I found myself lying down on what appears to be a hospital stretcher. It 's the kind of smell that is so intense, your stomach starts hurting. I can hear a faint whispering from a certain group of girls that sounded so familiar. I suddenly feel the dull pain that was on the back of my head and realized I was on a left side lying position.
I slowly opened my eyes and saw the light blue curtain drapes that I often see in a hospital set up dividing two hospital beds for some privacy. A low groan escaped my throat as I tried to change my position. The left side of my body was starting to get numb.
"Mark? He's awake!" Jane's face immediately popped infront of me looking a little relieve seeing me opening my eyes. She called on her company and soon, another girl's face appeared infront of me.
"Mark! I'm so happy you are finally awake." Saya's beautiful face was close to crying. She caressed my face with her pretty fingers and I flinched from how cold those fingers were.
"Saya? Why are you here? Where am I? What happened?" I asked moving my face away from her touch. Saya and me have been civil with each other since that time I came back to Japan. When she heard about my mother's death, Saya did everything to make her self available despite the demand of her work as an idol and came back to Thailand along with Kana to comfort me. She had repeatedly asked for my forgiveness for acting all cunning and hateful towards the relationship I had with P Vee.
With everything destroyed before she could even start her wicked plans, I can only smile and pretend there's nothing wrong. I could never hate the girl so I tried to embrace our friendship once again with Kana as the mitigator. We don't often see each other because of their hectic schedule in the entertainment industry but we made sure to keep in touch.
So seeing Saya at the moment made me so confused. Is she supposed to be in Korea right now? Is this some kind of dream I am having?
"Mark. We are in the emergency room. You've got a nasty laceration on your head and the doctor have to stitched it all up. How do you feel? Is the local anesthesia still working? Do you want me to tell the doctor to prescribe some analgesics for you?" Saya told me looking over at Jane with an attempt to tell her to call some medical assistance.
Then the realization suddenly came like waves and I bolted up in an instance. My head immedially started spinning from the sudden change in the position I made as I remember what had happened before I found myself lying there.
"Hey, calm down Mark. Your wound might open up again. You should lie back down." Jane put her hand in my shoulder holding me down. Saya did the same to my other shoulder.
"P Vee! Where is he? Is he alright? Jane? Where is P Vee?" I asked Jane in a frantic manner moving my eyes around searching. I started to panic when my eyes weren't able to see him around. How can I forget about him? The last time I saw him he, he...
"Calm down Mark. You have to think of yourself first." It was an unintentional impulse that I brushed off the hands of the two women who holds me down. I was too impatient to hear and know what had happened to P Vee and I don't need no consolation or whatever from the two.
"Where is he? Just tell where is he and I'll go to him." I told them in a tone that was so direct and needy. The two of them looked rather hurt by my indifference but I couldn't care less. My insides are on a haywire and I won't be at peace until I see P Vee again.
"Where is he? Tell me!" I yelled in a half crazed manner as my whole body trembles from the anxiety. The last time I felt this way was when Masa oniisama was shot by some obssessed fan of Saya back then. It's like being thrown into the deepest part of a limbo and you do not know what to do to get out. It's the worst feeling in the world. The feeling of not knowing. Why do I have to feel it all over again?
I remember breaking his heart after walking with him under the snowy night in the city of Sapporo. Half dazed, I walked blindly down the snowy streets putting as much distance between me and the man I still love with all my heart.
I have made my decision that night. It's to turn down P Vee's love once and for all. I decided to choose my new life at the present, the kind of life where he is not a part of. Though it may be empty compared to the ones I had when we were together, it's the one closest to my reality. It's the one where I could hurt my self less.
I lied to him when I said I didn' t love him anymore. The truth is his presence made me realized how I had been living my life for a year without him. It's the darkest and worst time of my existence. Yes I had played around with some girls in a desperate attempt to fill that missing part of my heart P Vee took away with him when he left. But no one can seem to replace him in my heart.
So when he came to see me coning all the way from Bangkok, I was ecstatic with happiness especially when he declared his love all over again. My heart had been very happy being with him this past few days.
Still I chose to reject him, hurt his feelings and let him go. It's because I was too afraid that he'd left me all over again. It would be the death of me when that happens. I had enough hurting in this life time of mine.
But fate really wanted to play dirty with me. The bitch made sure that he'd gave me as much hurt he thinks I deserved whatever choice it was that I made. The thing that happened a year ago that brought demise to my Masa oniisama happened again. This time, the culprit had gotten to the right person. Only there was another person who sacrificed himself for me. P Vee put himself in front of the line to save me. It was like what I have done for him when we were kids.
And now I don't know what had happened to him after I heard that gun shot. I fainted after losing a lot of blood from the wound at the back of my head. Kana's deluded fan must have hit me really hard with the back of the pistol leaving a laceration on my skull. I saw a blurry image of P Vee and the girl toppling down to the ground before everything else went all black. I don't know who fired the gun and whom it had hit. I just silently prayed that it was me instead.
"Mark...please..."
"Aren't you gonna tell me? Why is it so hard for you two to tell me?" I snarled at the two friends of mine when a nurse came to check on us and what's causing all the ruckus.
"Hey nurse. Do you know what happened to the guy I was with when I fainted? His name is Vee Vivis. His a 23 years old Thailander. Do you know where he is? Is he in this hospital too? Can you take me to him?" The nurse must have thought I am losing my mind because of the way I have interrogated her. I am already out of the bed and was standing talking to her in a desperate to tone.
"Sir I think you should go back to bed. The anesthesia the doctor used before he stitched you up still has some side effects in you. Please rest for a while." He told me pushing me gently back to the bed.
"Why is no one answering me? What is wrong with all of you? Where the hell is P Vee!" I became hysterical before I could even stop myself. I don't know if it's because of the drugs they have given me but I am feeling extremely anxious and it's getting worst every minute without a news about P Vee. Can't they see how I am suffering? Why is it so difficult to answer my question? Are they hiding something from me?
"Sir, please. Calm down."
"Mark relax. We will tell you about it after you have calm down. We will wait for Kana and Pran ok? They are still sorting things out at the police station. They'll be here soon." Jane tried to sooth me rubbing my back when I had seated back down the bed.
"You can tell me news about Pran's and Kana's whereabouts but not P Vee's? What the hell Jane! You are only making me more restless!" Then I broke out in tears crying helplessly while covering my face with my two hands. I can no longer hold on to my sanity as I think of what may had happened to P Vee. From all the thoughts I am having, not one of them is pleasant enough to calm me down. The image of my Masa oniisama sprawled down on the icy pavement swimming in his own blood flashes in my mind. What if it happened to P Vee too?
What would become of me when P Vee really died? I'll surely lose my mind. It's my fault. It'll all my fault again. Why do people around me keeps on dying? Not P Vee! No!
I can only cry helplessly in the arms of my two friends. My whole body shook as I cried like I have never cried before. The feeling I have right now is unbearable. I want to make it stop. Please somebody make it stop.
If only I was a bit nicer to him earlier. If only I have given him another chance. Maybe I have prevented all this from happening. If I had said yes to him, maybe we are sleeping soundly beside each other in the comfort of a hotel room.
"Gome ne Mark. We are sorry." Saya bring me into a hug whispering the word sorry in my ears again and again. Her voice was close to crying too.
"I'm sorry too Mark. I'm really sorry." Jane said following Saya. This time, I cried even harder like some wounded animal. My heart couldn't take it anymore.
If this is all a nightmare, can somebody wake me up now?
Please?
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