I knocked on the door of Jamison's flat. I was a little nervous but not ready to show that or any other emotion.
He threw the door open.
"Willa! Come in, love." We went into his living room and sat on the couch. I sat a little further away from him than I normally would have. I just couldn't sit next to him and be happy like nothing had happened.
"I am so sorry. I should have talked to you instead of going out. I'm not good at sharing my feelings and drinking doesn't force me to do that. I need to go back into treatment because I can't lose you." Jamison's hazel eyes shone as he looked at me.
"Okay but are you willing to put in the work? I can't do inconsistency and you know that."
The room got quiet after that. I could hear birds chirping outside.
"I would do anything I need to so I can keep you," he said quietly.
"They get some help and find a way to show me the progress you're making. I can't keep worrying about you all the time. I have a whole life that I left behind to try to save you and what happens? You fucking drink while I'm here."
Jamison's gaze was on the floor. He couldn't even look at me. I felt bad but he had to know the truth and the truth hurts sometimes.
"You didn't have to try to save me," he mumbled. "Why did you even try?"
I sighed.
"Because I love you. That's why. I know in the end it's your choice on whether to stop drinking or not but I just wanted to do what I could."
Another pause.
"I'll look into it," he said. "Or we could do it together?"
I nodded. I'd help but not choose for him.
"What were you doing while you weren't talking to me?"
I scooted closer on the couch.
"Crying. Eating. Contemplating my life. Usual heartbroken woman stuff."
Jamison looked upset. "I'm really sorry, Willa. I've never wanted to hurt you."
"I know, but you did. Let's fix this together."
I grabbed his laptop and we began looking at sites for nearby rehabs.