"You really shouldn't have left it all until the last minute, you know." Alice says, sounding absently disapproving. She's lounging on her own bed with a book as Teddy races around the dorm, trying to finish up her packing for the Christmas holidays.
"Yeah, yeah." Teddy grumbles. They're all still a little bit hungover — Mary is wrapped up in a duvet cocoon, her eyes clenched shut tight against the pale winter sun that's streaming through the window. Though Alice is the most awake and put together, she winces at any loud noise and she hasn't actually turned a page in her book for at least ten minutes. The two of them, at least, had packed the day before, just before they had gone to the party, in a rare display of foresight.
"'M never drinking again." Mary moans from her bed. She peers out from the top of her duvet to scowl at Teddy. "I hope you realise how miserable I'm feeling right now — I haven't even asked about those bloody hickies!"
"I haven't asked about yours either!" Teddy snaps back, staring pointedly at the dark bruises covering Mary's throat and chest. Suddenly flustered, Mary retreats back into her duvet burrito.
Alice sighs from her bed and buries her face in her hands. "Please," She groans. "No shouting."
Mary grumbles, though her dark eyes still track curiously over the marks on Teddy's neck. They're nowhere near as numerous as the dark marks on Mary's own neck, but it's clear that she's dying to ask about them. As it is, she stays quiet and simply watches as Teddy flits about the room, throwing her things into one of her smaller trunks.
It's nearing 10am when Mary finally crawls out of bed, stretching leisurely and yawning with a wince. "Right," She sighs. "I'm starving. Will we go get a bite to eat before heading for the train?"
"Yes!" Alice says emphatically, throwing her book aside and heading for the door. She pauses just before leaving, and turns to Teddy with a raised eyebrow. "Coming, Ted?"
"Nah," Teddy shoves a couple of pairs of dirty underwear into her trunk, figuring she'd just wash them when she got home. "I'd better finish getting my stuff together."
"I'll bring you back a scone or something." Alice offers before ducking out of the dorms, followed by a smiling Mary.
Alone in the dorms, Teddy steps back and sighs as she looks around. She doesn't really need all that much for the Christmas break, but she's all jittery about the thought of facing James and having to tell him that she no longer had the map, and she needs a way to work out all her nervous energy. She already knows that James is going to be devastated, and the thoughts of disappointing him leaves an awful, sinking feeling in her stomach.
She's right in the middle of trying to cast a decent concealment charm on her hickies (she really can't deal with any more of Mary's staring at them, and she really doesn't need James to see them) when there's a soft yet firm knock on her dormitory door.
"It's open!" She calls without turning, figuring it's one of the younger girls coming looking for something.
When the door creaks open, however, it's Regulus Black that slips into the room.
Teddy whirls away from the mirror sharply, mouth dropping open in shock from the sight of him. "What the hell are you doing here?" She asks blankly, bewildered to see him in the middle of the Gryffindor girl's dormitory.
"Your friends let me in." He says, casting a bored look around at the furniture and decorations. He doesn't look particularly impressed by what he's seeing. In fact, there's something quite odd about his expression — the set of his jaw is strained and he looks almost too blank, as though he's trying too hard not to show any emotion.
Teddy is momentarily distracted by the idea that Mary and Alice had met Regulus Black outside the common room and had let him in. "What?" She asks, a little aghast and trying to hide it. "Why would they do that?"
"I told them I had to talk to you."
"Fuck. They're never going to let this go, now." Teddy groans, wiping a hand over her face. She's had a feeling that the girls might have an idea that something is going on between her and Regulus, and surely this will have only confirmed it for them. Merlin, but they're going to be insufferable after this. Still though, she steps towards him with a grin and steps up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips — she doubts they have enough time to do anything, but she can't stop thinking about last night and he's so pretty that she can't resist.
Regulus kisses her back for only a moment, his fingers coming up to brush gently over her cheek. It's a much briefer and sweeter kiss than they usually share, and when he pulls away from her mouth his gaze drops to her neck where she's managed to conceal at least half of the marks he had made the night before. Usually he would smirk when he catches a glimpse of any evidence of their time together, but this time his expression stays carefully blank.
"What's up with you?" Teddy asks, tilting her head. "You're being weird. Weirder than normal, I mean."
The door clicks quietly closed behind him as he steps properly into the room. Teddy steps back to give him space as he digs in the pocket of his robes for a moment before pulling something out and tossing it at her. Something soft hits her chest, and she manages to catch it before it falls to the ground. Once she has it in her hands, she stares at the fabric a little blankly.
They're her purple knickers, the pair they had been joking about just the night before.
"What, you get bored with them?" She asks with a confused grin, tossing them carelessly into her trunk.
"I got bored with you."
Teddy just tilts her head, nonplussed. "What are you talking about?"
"The whole thing was Alecto's idea, at first." Regulus steps further into the room, casting a disdainful eye over her messy bed and trunk, which is still only half-packed. "She can be cruel like that, sometimes. But once the idea was proposed, the others thought it would be funny to watch it play out. Sorry for keeping the knickers for so long — Amycus insisted. Said he wanted proof that I actually went through with it."
Teddy just watches him as he steps around the room. A cold, anxious feeling is beginning to brew in her stomach. "Black," She says carefully. "I don't understand what you mean."
"Fuck, you're slow." He sighs, running a hand frustratedly through his hair. He turns then, and sends a baleful look in her direction. "How are you not getting this? It was all just for a laugh, Potter."
It feels a little like the floor is shifting right underneath her feet, and Teddy finds herself hyperaware of every breath she takes. Very slowly, her brain begins to replay all the times she had seen Regulus with his friends whispering in his ears every time she had been near, and the menacing, secretive grins they had sent her way when she had walked passed. She had assumed that they were just being their usual nasty selves, but now the context behind all those looks is beginning to rewrite itself.
"All of it?" She asks thickly. She feels dirty, all of a sudden, and wants nothing more than to sit down heavily on her bed and lay her head in her hands.
"Yes." Regulus says. He sounds tired. "All of it."
"You-" Her voice cracks a little, which is utterly mortifying. "You said you didn't tell any of them. You said that Evan only knew because he guessed."
Regulus' jaw clenches, and he shrugs a single shoulder. "Didn't exactly plan the first time. That was all you, sweetheart." It seems like the pet name just slips out, and Teddy flinches at it. It feels like a mockery of intimacy. "I didn't have to tell them anything — your knickers spoke for themselves."
Her breaths are sticking in her chest a little, but she forces herself to nod as calmly as possible. She doesn't want to appear upset in front of him, but she can't stop her voice from breaking when she speaks. "You really are the worst, you know that?"
"Yes." He can't quite meet her eyes — his gaze keeps tracking all around the room. "I know."
It hurts more than she was expecting. Maybe it shouldn't be a surprise at all — should she have recognised the signs that it was all a joke to him? Had there even been any? It's not that she had actually expected him to care about her, but she hadn't expected... this.
Despite herself, her eyes trail over to her dresser. Regulus follows her gaze, and spots the wildflowers he had given to her all those weeks ago. They're utterly unchanged from the day he had presented them to her, bright and purple and fresh, not a wilted leaf in sight. They even wave merrily in some non-existent breeze, vibrant and whole.
He snorts when he sees what she's looking at. "Ah, that's all it took, is it? A couple of weeds from the greenhouse and you just bend right over. I'll be sure to let the others know."
The turmoil in her stomach freezes over, and then all of a sudden Teddy is angry. Regulus has always had that effect on her, she supposes — pissing her off seems to be one of his hidden talents. He's always been able to push her buttons, to push her right to the edge of fury. Right now is one of those times.
When she clenches her fists and strikes out with a quick hard punch, he doesn't make any move to dodge the blow. She had aimed for his nose, but she catches him on the cheekbone instead, causing him to stagger backwards a step. Her eyes are blurred with tears that she absolutely refuses to let him see her shed, and perhaps that compromises her aim.
Though he doesn't try to stop her from hitting him, he does take another step back out of her reach. "Amycus and Barty thought it would be funny if I told you today." He says dully, brushing the pads of his fingers over his reddening cheekbone. "First Bagman, then me — I think they thought the double whammy of humiliation would be especially effective."
"And you went along with it," Teddy's voice shakes with unbridled fury. "Because you're a spineless, hateful, weak little worm of a man. All you ever do is what other people fucking tell you to do — your friends, your fucking family. Are you utterly incapable of coming up with a thought of your own inside of that thick skull of yours?"
For the first time, his stiff blank expression cracks into a bitter smile. "Big words from a little girl who's never faced any sort of hardship in her life. I think you're just angry that you were stupid enough to spread your legs for me. I'll admit, you were easier than I had thought you would be."
Teddy's nails are biting into the palms of her hands so hard that she feels the tell-tale sting of blood being drawn. She wants nothing more than to punch him in the face all over again, but he's stepped away from her now and it feels a little as though she's rooted to the floor.
"Why me?" She asks stiffly. It's a stupid question, probably, and she sincerely doubts that there's a good answer, but she needs something. She needs there to be some kind of reason for why she's hurting so much right now. "You could have done this to anyone — why did you have to do it to me?"
"Why not you?" He sounds bored now, as though all this is beneath him. "Your family took my brother from me. Besides, Alecto has always despised you even before you broke her nose. Your little fight just made her want to see you hurt even more."
She's still struggling to wrap her head around all of it — she feels so stupid. She had known from the start that doing anything with Regulus Black was bound to explode in her face, but she never thought for a second that it would happen like this. She thinks back to how he had acted towards Otto, when he had seemed possessive and perhaps even jealous; had that all been an act, just to twist the knife even further?
Sighing loudly, Regulus takes a step towards the door. His gaze flicks once more towards the flowers, and he looks at them with an odd, indecipherable expression on his face before tearing his eyes away and raising a haughty eyebrow at her. "Are you finished wasting my time? There are others more deserving of it."
"Get out." It barely comes out as a whisper, quiet and weak.
"Merlin, are you about to cry?"
"Get out!" Teddy grabs something from the bedside locker without even looking at what it is and hurls it at him. Mary's bottle of moisturiser bounces off his chest harmlessly and thumps to the floor, and Teddy grabs a textbook from her bed and throws that too. It only just misses his head, and that's only because he manages to duck just in time. "Get out! Get out, get out, get out!"
The next thing she throws is one of Alice's crystal balls for Divination, and it shatters on the wall right by his head. The broken glass seems to finally hammer the message home, and he steps towards the door at last. Teddy stares at his back as he opens the door, taking in his broad shoulders and long legs, and wishing dearly that she could be angrier. Under the anger that's burning on the surface, there's a sickening sense of upset sinking like a weight in her stomach. She doesn't want to feel sad, she doesn't want to feel betrayed, and she doesn't want to feel pathetic or used or dirty. She wants to wrap her anger around herself like an armoured cloak.
"I hate you, Regulus Black." She whispers, fists clenched tight.
"Glad to hear it." He whispers back, before disappearing out the door.
🗡🗡🗡
The train ride back to London is long and quiet. Mary and Alice chat quietly amongst themselves, and occasionally try to bring Teddy into the conversation with little success. She sits curled up on the train seat opposite her two friends, staring out the window and feeling like a caricature of a melodramatic teenager.
At one stage about halfway through the journey, there's a brief pause in Alice and Mary's conversation. They share a significant look with each other, communicating without words, and then Alice turns towards Teddy with a tentative smile.
"Teds, you know you can talk to us about anything, don't you?"
Teddy tears her attention away from the rolling hills blurring passed the window and blinks at her friends. "Yeah," She says, "Of course."
Mary bites at her lip, before reaching out and placing her hand over one of Teddy's. "I know that you're usually the one who throws the punches," She jokes, "But if you need me to beat up Regulus Black, I swear I will."
That startles a laugh out of Teddy. "What the hell do you mean?"
"Oh, honestly, Teddy," Alice says. "We're not complete idiots. You've been acting differently around him for a while, and it's been difficult to miss the way he's been staring at you all the damn time! Besides, I've never seen him seek you out to talk to you as much as he has this year."
"Plus, the hickies!" Mary jumps in eagerly. "He must be part vampire or something — you always come back looking positively chewed up!"
"Nothing gets passed you two, huh?" Teddy forces a smile, and touches at her neck self-consciously. Her concealment charm had been entirely successful, leaving her throat smooth and blemishless. They're still there though, blooming across her skin beneath the magic. Alice watches her, brow furrowing into a concerned frown.
"Did you..." She begins, fidgeting nervously with her fingers before apparently deciding to throw caution to the wind and just come out and ask outright. "Did you two break up?"
"No! Merlin, no." Teddy snorts, scratching compulsively at her neck. "We weren't together, or anything like that."
"You weren't?" Mary looks as though she isn't sure whether she wants to grin or not — her face is caught in an odd, inbetween expression that looks like a grimace. "So it was like a friends with benefits type of situation? Bold, Teddy!"
"We weren't friends, either." Teddy grumbles, a flush creeping up her neck.
"Fine, just-two-people-with-a-complicated-relationship-with-benefits, then."
"Oh, shut up." Teddy rolls her eyes, but she's smiling a little now as well. It really is a relief that her friends know — she absolutely hates keeping secrets from them, and the guilt of it has been eating her up inside. Still though, this is the last topic of conversation she wants to deal with right now. "I don't want to talk about him."
Her friends can often be silly and miss social cues, but they read this one loud and clear. They both send her encouraging and understanding smiles before leaning back into their seats as Alice picks their conversation about music up as though they had never stopped talking about it in the first place. In turn, Teddy turns her attention back out the window — she's grateful to have friends who know when to stop pushing her.
No one has ever hurt her like this in her life — while annoying, James had been utterly militant when it came to protecting Teddy from people who might fuck her over or hurt her feelings. But James wasn't around, and she had trusted someone she really shouldn't have. It's left her feeling truly stupid, and her confidence is shaken. It's probably silly to wallow — they hadn't really been anything, anyway — but Teddy can't stop thinking about his pretty grey eyes, or the way his dark curls fell over his face when he fucked her, or the way way he would curl up naked against her after they had shagged every single time, or how eagerly he'd encouraged her to sit on his face. Had she really missed all the signs that he was just messing with her on the behest of his friends? Was he really that good an actor?
The more she thinks about it, the angrier she gets. That's her problem, she supposes — James has always been good-natured and cheerful, eager to make the people he cares about happy by sharing everything he has with them. He's a natural carer. Teddy, on the other hand, has always had a bit of a temper. She holds onto her anger even when it cuts at her, jagged and sharp. This is going to be one of those times, she knows it already, and her anger is made bitter by the fact that she feels humiliated. What makes it even worse is that it's only now that she realises that maybe the way she had been looking at Regulus had been beginning to change. After all, she feels betrayed — yet she should never have trusted him in the first place. She honestly can't even put a finger on when that had happened.
They're almost in London when there's a tentative knock on their compartment door. Teddy doesn't bother looking round, still staring moodily out the window as she chews on a cauldron cake. It's only when she hears Mary's high-pitched "Oh, hello!" that she turns to see who's come to bother them.
"Hi." Otto Bagman stands in the sliding door of their compartment, smiling tiredly at them. He looks terrible — his hair is wild and a little unkempt, and there are dark circles under his eyes as though he hadn't slept at all. His smile doesn't reach his eyes, and looks rather strained. "Sorry to bother you, girls. Um- Teddy, I was wondering if I might have a word?"
Though her stomach had knotted with guilty unease at the sight of him, Teddy manages to muster up a return smile for him. She imagines it's probably just as strained as his. "Sure, Otto."
She gets up and follows him out of the compartment, ignoring the pointedly raised eyebrows from Mary. This far into the journey, there's very few people in the corridor of the train, but Otto leads her down towards the end of the carriage for additional privacy anyway. He pauses just before an empty compartment, and turns to look at her before he slips inside.
"Ah... If you're not comfortable being alone with me- that is, I completely understand, after last night, if you would prefer not to sit alone with just me in an isolated space-"
"Oh, don't be stupid." Teddy says, waving a hand. She's too tired and upset to be polite like she usually is around him. "I know that wasn't really you. Come on, let's sit."
With that, she virtually shoves him inside the compartment and then follows him in, before taking a seat on the cushy bench. Fidgeting, Otto sits opposite her and takes a deep breath, as though steeling himself for the coming conversation.
"Teddy," He begins. "I really don't know how I could ever apologise enough for my behaviour last night, but I have to start somewhere. I am so sorry. I swear, I've never done anything like that before-"
"You were dosed with a love potion, Otto." She interrupts, slumping back against the bench. She's already exhausted by this conversation. "It wasn't your fault, and I don't blame you for any of it. For what it's worth, I'm sorry — Carrow only dosed you to get at me."
Otto takes another breath, but he stops wringing his hands when he realises that Teddy genuinely isn't angry. "Love potion or not, I'm horrified by my behaviour. Genuinely, Teddy. I know that your brother doesn't like me because I- well, I have had quite a few girlfriends over the past year or two, I admit that, but I would never try to do anything without permission, never-!"
"I know." Teddy shifts in her seat and glances out the window. The view had begun to change from rolling hills and green scenery to the familiar grey buildings and flat landscape of London. "How much do you remember?"
His cheeks burn scarlet. "Oh, er- well, it's blurry. But I remember, erm... I remember feeling like I would die if I didn't touch you. Whenever you would look away from me, it felt like my lungs would shrivel up without you looking my way. It was... well, it was awful. I remember begging for your attention. God, it made my brain stupid. I genuinely would have done anything for you. It was a little scary, actually." He scratches the back of his head. "Erm, I know that I... touched you. Teddy, I really am so sorry, I never wanted to do anything so disrespectful to you."
The memory makes Teddy's own face burn, but she keeps her expression neutral. "You weren't in your right mind."
"Still, though." Otto looks agonised. "Merlin, how do you not hate me?"
Teddy smiles tiredly. "What's the point in hating you for something you couldn't control? What they did to you was awful, and I'm sorry you had to go through it."
"Yeah, well, you shouldn't have had to go through it either." Otto runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even further. He smiles weakly at her, though it looks a little bit more genuine this time. "It was a good thing Black was there, at least. I never would have been able to forgive myself if something had happened to you, and my head was fucked up enough from the love potion that I can't even say for certain that I wouldn't have tried to touch you more."
Teddy's expression falters a little at the mention of Black, but she pulls herself together swiftly. "Yeah." She says quietly. "Lucky."
"And," Here he begins rubbing his palms on his thighs, as though he's nervous. "I have other things to apologise for, as well."
"Merlin, Otto." Teddy laughs for real, propping her feet up beside his legs on the seat. "We're going to be here all day."
He grins guiltily, then shrugs. "I've just been such a prat!" He says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his thighs. "I mean, first with the abandoning you in Hogsmeade thing, and then with the ignoring you for weeks, and then with the party incident — I don't even know why you agreed to talk with me, honestly."
Teddy cracks another smile at that. "You're right, you should get out of my sight."
It's Otto's turn to laugh now. "Oh, you truly are a wise and benevolent woman to suffer my company." He bites his lip then and sighs. "I am sorry, though, Teddy. I was a dick."
The Hogwarts Express' whistle screams as they approach King's Cross Station. Further down the carriage, Teddy can hear the sounds of doors opening and closing as students begin to pile into the corridor. With a sigh, Teddy heaves herself to her feet and holds out a hand to Otto.
"Stop beating yourself up." She says, and hauls him up to his feet as soon as he takes her hand in his. "I'm not holding any grudges. Can we be friends?"
Now that they're both standing, Otto is quite a bit taller than her. It's hard to be intimidated, though — he's like a big teddy bear. His face splits into a wide, soft grin. "I would love to be friends!"
"Great." Teddy laughs softly as the train arrives into the station. When she ducks out of the compartment, Otto follows close behind her. "Friends, it is."
Otto trots quite happily after her when she steps out into the corridor, like a big overgrown puppy. Mary and Alice look quite surprised to see Otto arrive back to the compartment with her, but they all stand and collect their bags and kiss each other goodbye as they make to get off the train. They part ways on the platform, and Mary waves enthusiastically over her shoulder as she makes her way towards her Muggle parents and Alice races towards Frank, who's waiting with open arms.
"Is, er- is your brother collecting you?" Otto asks, casting a rather nervous look around the platform.
"Erm, I'm not sure." Teddy confesses. She had written to James only the day before asking him to come get her (she did technically have an Apparition license, but she always managed to apparate to the wrong place), but there really hadn't been enough time for him to reply. It was quite likely that he would be working today, but she doesn't think he'd ever just leave her high and dry at the station.
"Well, I'd better say goodbye now just in case." Otto glances around nervously again before clapping her companionably on the shoulder. "Have a wonderful Christmas, Teddy. I'll see you in January, yeah?"
"Yeah, see you, Otto." She smiles at him and gives a wave as he walks away. When she turns to survey the platform again, she's in a much better mood than she's been in all day. It's evening now, and it's been hours since her encounter with Regulus, but her chat with Otto has at the very least eased some of the unresolved anxiety that has been sitting in her chest.
She turns around to survey the platform again — everyone is racing to meet their families, so she has to peer around a lot of hugging bodies and laughing reunions to try and catch a glimpse of her brother. While she can't spot James, she does spot Barty Crouch Jr and Macnair standing off to the side where they've just gotten off the train — they're snickering together as they look her way with wide, cruel smiles. Hurt and anger bubbles up all over again, and she looks away from them quickly, feeling very stupid indeed.
"Teddy!"
Whirling around, Teddy spots none other than Sirius Black waving at her enthusiastically from about twenty yards away. By his side, Remus Lupin stands with his hands in his pockets and a wide, excited grin growing across his face.
"Remus!" Teddy cries, a smile splitting her face as she sprints over to them. Once she gets within arms reach she thrusts her trunk into Sirius' hands and promptly leaps into Remus' arms.
Laughing, Remus catches her with ease and spins her around in a little circle. "There she is!" He cheers, holding her close to his chest in a tight hug.
"The fuck?" Sirius complains loudly, setting Teddy's case down hard by their feet. "Moony gets a hug first? I'm your brother, Teddy-Bear!"
Even though she can't see his expression, Teddy just knows that Remus is giving him a smug smile over her shoulder. "Can't help that I'm her favourite, Black." He says, before setting her back down to her feet. His smile softens as he kisses her temple. "It's so good to see you, Teddy. Hope you don't mind that it's us collecting you — James was called into work, but didn't want to leave you with no way to get home."
"Of course I don't mind." She says, before finally turning her attention to Sirius and greeting him with a grin. "Sirius."
"Give me a hug, you arsehole."
Laughing, Teddy steps out of Remus' arms and into Sirius'. He hugs her so tight that he lifts her off her feet, as though trying to outdo Remus' hug, and presses a sloppy kiss to her cheek. "I missed you." Teddy says, still grinning as he sets her down.
Remus brushes his hair off his forehead, still smiling, and throws his arm over her shoulders. "Missed you too, Ted." He says, before his grin sharpens as he looks to Sirius. "Be a gentleman and grab her trunk, yeah, Padfoot?"
With a great, exaggerated groan, Sirius heaves the trunk into his arms. "The things I do for you two!"
"How've you been?" Teddy asks Remus, ignoring Sirius' dramatics.
"Oh, not too bad." Remus says with a shrug. "I've been keeping busy. Still no job, but I've been working on a few tasks for Dumbledore on behalf of the- well, I'll tell you about it another time. Let's get you home for now — your parents are excited to see you."
Teddy narrows her eyes a little at him, but doesn't argue. For the first time, she's noticing all the little cuts littering the visible parts of Remus' skin, as well as the bruises in varying shades of purple and green. They're mostly hidden by his clothes, but she can see them peeking out from behind his collar and the bottoms of his sleeves.
"Hey," Sirius says, his voice a little odd. When Teddy and Remus turn to him, they see that he's looking across the platform. Regulus is standing off to the side with his parents — all of them stand stiff and tall, regarding each other with cool regard as they exchange a few short words. "What the hell happened to Reg's eye? Did someone finally snap and punch the git in the face?"
A dark, purpling bruise is beginning to form across Regulus' cheekbone from where Teddy had punched him that morning. It seems like he hadn't bothered to heal it or even conceal it. As if he can feel their gaze on him, he turns his head and looks their way. His piercing gray eyes meet hers from across the station. He holds the eye contact even as his mother begins talking angrily — he stares unblinkingly at her, apparently not listening to a word his mother is saying.
Teddy looks away first. "No idea." She says dismissively, before breezing past the two boys and heading for the exit without looking back.