An Hour Later;
Jeremy Irvine...
After my talk with Hailey, I decided to head to the bigger town about 30 minutes from where I lived to do a big food shop. My cupboards were almost entirely bare, so stocking up was a must. I have never enjoyed food shopping - usually opting for home delivery but today, I felt the need to do it myself. That was my whole point of moving here - getting back to who I used to be. The real me. My plan had been to drop the 'celebrity' status while here and learn to just be a normal man again. And that included doing my own shopping.
It was on the journey back that the weather decided to change - the soft powder blue and big fluffy marshmallow like clouds had been replaced with a cascade of grey in various shades from off white to wet slate. Just above those now violent storm clouds the most amazing blinding white of sheet lightning erupted every few moments and instantly followed up by the loudest claps of thunder that I have ever heard. I had just pulled into the small road at the front of my property when the first drops of rain fell - creating a wild symphony of noise inside my car.
As if by instinct alone - my eyes drifted across to Shayne's house as I killed the engine of my SUV. All of her windows were open, and I caught sight of the mail-man pushing a large industrial trolley up her drive-way as he rushed to get out of the sudden down-pour of rain. I figured that meant her ink had finally arrived. Jensen and Hailey had both mentioned that Shay was waiting for a delivery so that she could get back to working as soon as possible. It still amazed me that she was a tattoo artist - I don't think I have ever met one before. I simply don't run in those types of circles. Yes, I have had girlfriends who have had the odd tattoo, but I have never been into a woman with as much ink as Shay does.
Since I am being honest with myself - the ink makes her more beautiful than I had ever imagined possible. I mean, how could it not? There didn't seem to be anything about her that I found unattractive. God, it did feel good to finally admit that, if I am being honest.
There was no sign of her from where I sat so I quickly set about getting out of the SUV, so I could start bringing my groceries into the house and that was when I heard it...
'Just a page in my history, just another one of those mysteries, one more lover that used to be, if you think you're in my head, you've been seriously misled, seriously misled, loving somebody ain't your average 9 to 5, it takes conviction, it takes a will to survive, I'm not somebody who commits the crime, and leaves the scene, but when I've been dissed, I don't spend much time on what might've been, I'm not about self-pity, your love did me wrong, now I'm movin', movin' on,
Just a page in my history, just another one of those mysteries, one more lover that used to be, if you think you're in my head, you've been seriously misled, seriously misled, I get on with my life, and you're not on my mind, am I too close to time, to get over you,
I'm not about self-pity, your love did me wrong, so I'm moving on (and on, and on, and on, and on)
Just a page in my history, just another one of those mysteries, (just another page), One more lover that used to be, if you think you're in my head, you're seriously misled,'
It was a song that I had never heard before, but I recognised the voice - Celine Dion. It struck me as funny because looking at Shay and hearing the heavy metal beat of her music earlier, it seemed to be completely left field to the image I had of her in my head. And what made it funnier was the sound of her singing - God she was really terrible, so terrible that I was sure there had to be dogs howling somewhere close by. I mean she was butchering the song, but you couldn't deny the sound of raw passion in her voice - it seemed almost therapeutic for her.
Realising that I really needed to move before I caught my death, I rushed to the back of my car and quickly set about pulling my bags from the boot of the car and began to transport to my house. Once inside, I was shocked to find that I couldn't actually hear the music filtering through the walls. Was one of our houses sound-proofed? I mean it would make the most sense. It would explain why I hadn't heard any noises from her home.
Dumping my shopping in the kitchen I opened my back door - gazing out to the water, now the calmness seemed almost eery in contrast to the raging storm in the sky. The clouds were angrier looking from this vantage point - angry swirls of wet slate grey clashed and swirled around each other until the entire sky looked as if it was blanketed. The sheet lightning erupted again - illuminating the area, it even bounced off the calm water below. I had never seen anything like it. And instantly the loudest rumble of thunder drowned out the sound of Shay singing next door. The storm was right above us now and I swear my windows rattled from the pitch of sound.
And then there it was again...
'Just a page in my history, just another one of those mysteries, one more lover that used to be, if you think it, think it, think it, think it, baby, just a page in my history, just another one of those mysteries, one more lover that used to be, if you think you're in my head, you've been seriously misled,'
I can't help but be curious about what prompted this little karaoke session. Had something happened in regard to Jonah?
Had he made some sort of gesture?
Did he want her back? I mean he would have to be a fucking moron not to want her back. I mean she was amazing. More amazing than I had given her credit for. Fuck me - I am in deep. Much deeper than I envisioned.
Lighting myself a cigarette, I stood in the frame of my back door and just watched the raging storm outside. We had thunderstorms in London of course, but they were nothing like this. Probably because there were no places like this in London - no spots where you could stare into the horizon and feel like you were looking right into the edge of the planet. The peaceful calm of this place was definitely addictive, and I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like to go to the real world after being here.
'After all you put me through, you think I'd despise you, but in the end I wanna thank you, 'Cause you've made me that much stronger, well I, I thought I knew you, thinkin' that you were true, guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up, 'Cause I've had enough, you were there by my side, always down for the ride, but your joy ride just came down in flames 'cause your greed sold me out in shame,'
Now, this song I knew. Again, it struck me as strange that she was listening to 'pop' music. I mean it wasn't just that I had heard her listening to heavy metal earlier, but it was just the way she dressed, the band shirts I had seen her wearing - she was clearly a rock-chick. If she were angry - I would have definitely thought that heavy metal would have fitted her mood more.
'After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you, but uh uh, oh no, you're wrong, 'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know, just how capable I am to pull through, so I wanna say thank you, 'Cause it...Makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, it makes me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a fighter, made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker, makes me that much smarter, so thanks for making me a fighter,'
I swear to God, she may be the worst singer I have ever heard but you couldn't deny the feeling and passion in her pitch and tone. I find myself almost enjoying it. And that is how I know that I am in trouble with this girl. I know that I need to create some sort of distance between us, yet there is a part of me that simply can't bring myself to do it. I have been next to fucking rude to her up to this point and I felt more guilty for that than I know that I should.
I mean it is more than clear that ignoring her isn't working for me but at the same time, how else am I meant to protect my heart?
How could I allow anything to happen when I am still processing my break-up?
Hell, she may not even be attracted to me. I may be the only one feeling this way. And somehow, that makes me feel even worse. Like if I am the only one who is attracted then I am doomed. I can't explain why I feel that way - it just feels almost like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
A Few Days Later;
Shayne Ackles...
Sitting with Hailey in my front room as we waited for Jay to get back with Jeremy. This was not what I had in mind for my night out, but apparently, I was living in a democracy because it had been 2 to 1 in the vote to invite my new neighbour out with us tonight.
Honestly, it was the very last thing that I wanted or even needed if I am being honest. My plan to go out and just get laid was not going to plan because no matter what the dynamics of our group, it would now appear as if we were on a double date. How am I meant to meet someone if people are going to assume that Jeremy and I were on a date? I could quite literally throttle my brother. He was pussy-blocking me and what I couldn't figure out was if he was doing it on purpose or not! Either way I was not amused.
"...come on, it won't be that bad!" Hailey offered.
"Really? Because all I can think is that it's going to look like a fucking double date, and I just want to get laid!" I grumped before downing the last of my JD and cola.
"Oh, come on now, you and I both know that a woman doesn't necessarily need a man to get off!" She replied as she placed her glass on my small coffee table, "that's what you have your trusted bullet for!"
And of course, that was the exact moment that my brother and Jeremy walked into the front room. Why the Hell hadn't we heard them coming in? That was just great. Now I could feel my cheeks beginning to burn from the embarrassment. The very last thing that I wanted was to have Jeremy thinking that I was hard-up, so to speak.
"I'm sorry Jeremy, it appears we have walked in on an Ann Summers consultation!" My brother just had to go and draw even more attention to the discussion that Hail' and I were having. Asshole. Glaring at my brother, I rose to my feet, my face still ablaze with embarrassment.
"I'm going to the bathroom!" I pushed past my brother and his new apparent best friend.
My metal spiked heels clacked against the hardwood flooring as I moved down the hall towards the bathroom and shut myself inside. Leaning over the small sink, I took a few steadying breaths in a desperate attempt to calm down. This was most definitely not how I envisioned my night playing out. I had to rethink my game plan.
Don't get me wrong I don't hate Jeremy. I simply just don't know him. And what I do know of him has me more confused than ever. For days he had ignored me - purposely avoided even looking at me. Then the day I saw him sitting with Hailey talking, he began smiling at me. What the Hell was that?
He could sit and talk to my brother and my best friend, but me - he could barely bring himself to look at me. What had I done that made him dislike me? I would be lying if I said that didn't hurt. I mean, it is almost as if he had made a snap judgment of me and decided that I was not worth his time. That hurt. Especially when I can't deny my attraction to the man. I mean, I would dare anyone to find any type of fault in the way he looks - dark hair that was styled very much in the same manner in which James Dean used to style his, aqua-blue eyes that had to be seen to be appreciated, fully naturally rose-coloured lips that I have spent entirely far too much time fantasizing about and a body that wasn't overly pumped up. In essence he was my version of a waking wet dream. Yet he could care less about what I thought - that much was obvious.
"Drink Remy?" My brother strolled just outside the bathroom door. Remy? They have cute little nicknames now? It definitely appears to be the beginnings of a bro-mance.
"Uhm, yeah a beer if you have it, please!" His reply, fuck me his voice did something very pleasant to my tummy.
Did I have beer! Ha! If you had taken time to get to know me then you'd know for sure that I always have beer in my fridge. God, what the Hell is wrong with me?! I am getting all twisted and tongue tied over a man. This isn't me. I can just ignore him. It's not like that would bother him. This is my house, and I will not be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home.
Pushing the door open, I literally crashed into a solid frame. Great! I quickly tried to stepped back, "sorry!" I mumbled.
"Sorry!" He said at the same time. The feel of his hands on my hips as he steadied my frame from tumbling over, was like a Goddamn branding iron on my flesh. A wave of goosebumps peppered along my flesh and my tummy tumbled from the close contact. The scent of him - a rich blend of spices that were extremely pleasant on my nasal passage - it seemed to suit him and the mysterious aura that surrounded him. My eyes rose to his face to find him looking down at me - his eyes blown out as his lips smiled in an almost shy little salute.
Stop it, Shay! I scolded myself, he has made it clear that he doesn't like me. So, I need to stop this feeling before I end up hurt. Again. I won't allow that. I can't allow that to happen. Not when I am just newly single and intent on sowing some of my wild oats. The very last thing I need is to be getting hung up on my neighbour.
With that in my mind, I took a step back and instantly mourned the loss of his touch. Damn it! I am in over my head already but that didn't mean I would let it control me. I couldn't allow it to control me. I will not pine over a man who doesn't even like me.
Moving away from him felt like every step was sinking in quick-sand, I didn't want to move away from him, but I had to. If I wanted to keep my heart intact, I had to keep my distance, "Hailey, babe, you need another drink?" I called out to my friend as I strode into my kitchen.
"Please babe!" She called back, so I busied myself making her the coconut and rum drink that she loved. Apparently, she believed I made it better than Jay ever did so it hadn't surprised me when he hadn't offered to get it for her. By the time I had made it up, my friend was in the kitchen along with Jay, Remy, and myself.
Now that Remy was joining us, I poured myself a straight JD, grabbed my cigarettes and headed out onto the deck at the back of my house. After the storm the other day, the air had become much more, refreshing, and cool. Even the scent in the air was less pungent. However, tonight I was so hot that not even the slight nip in the air could cool me down. Lighting up a cigarette, I inhaled deeply. I didn't need this tonight.
What I hadn't told my brother, or even Hailey, was that the past few days, Jonah has been calling me non-stop. Texting me at all hours of the night. Threatening to come by the house. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I do not want to see him, and that our relationship is over for good, but he just seems intent on fixing what's broken between us. What is it with men? I mean, I have one guy who won't take no for an answer, and another who doesn't appear to even like me. Why can't I have an uncomplicated love-life!?!
I honestly don't know much more direct I can be with Jonah. I have tried being honest and polite, I have tried being brash and rude, and everything in-between. It's almost as if he just isn't willing to hear me and I know that shouldn't surprise me because that was exactly how our relationship had always gone. My opinions, my views and feelings always pushed to the side in favour of his own. Well, no more. I am done. We are done. I will not have 'any' man walk all over me anymore. It was time to find who I am and that was supposed to start tonight.
No, fuck that, it was starting tonight. Screw Remy, he wasn't going to shame me into not following through with my plan. I just needed a warm body to take all my frustrations out on and I would find a way to get that. Even if it meant breaking away from my friend, my brother, and his new apparent bestie.
Tonight, was about me and getting laid, the quicker I got back on the horse, the quicker I will be on the road to getting over Jonah and maybe, just maybe I could show Remy that just because he didn't like me, that didn't mean that I cared and that not everyone hates me.