Vico
"Vico!" When I heard that signal ay agad kong sinalo ang bola ng ipasa sa akin ng ka-team mates ko. Agad kong ni-dribble iyon at sinubukang ipasok sa ring. Nagsigawan ang mga ka team mates ko ng pumasok iyon, hudyat ng pagkapanalo namin. The loud cheer echoed in the court while my team mates gather around to celebrate such victorious moment. 'Di ko naman napigilan ang mapangiti sa sarili dahil sa natamong panibagong panalo.
This is the only thing that I knew I excel so I make the most out of it.
"Nice one Vico! Angas mo doon pare!" bati ng isa kong ka team at nakipag apir pa. Binato naman ako ni coach ng isang Gatorade bago lapitan. Agad ko naman iyong binuksan at uminom para pawiin ang uhaw dahil sa mainit na laro kanina.
"You are really promising Vico! Ano bang balak mo sa college? Mukhang ngayon pa lang liligawan na kita para dito ka na sa school mag-aral." sabay naman kaming humalakhak dahil sa sinabi niya. Coach and I knew that he was not just joking about what he said and will take it seriously for me to stay in this school. After all grade 11 pa lang naman ako at may halos isang taon pa ako para magdesisyon.
Kahit pa kasasali ko pa lamang sa team ng taong ito ay kasama na agad ako sa starting line up dahil sa magandang paglalaro at matangkad na pangangatawan. I was just really bless with the height given by my father and a perseverance from my mother to not give up on the things that I want in life.
After the game ay agad naman kaming nagkayayaan na kumain. Pasok na naman kami sa finals ng ISAA kaya naman pinayagan na kami ni coach na mag-celebrate para ngayong araw bago ang susunod na bakbakan sa training. This whole league is new to me, dati kasi ay inter-school lang naman ang alam kong league ng basketball, pero ang makapaglaro sa isang full court, sa harap ng madaming tao. Damn, its exhilarating!
"Hoy! Crush daw ni Trent iyong magandang may mahaba at itim na buhok sa STEM-11-Zeus!" That remarks got the whole attention of the boys. Busy naman ako sa pagpili ng makakain sa menu namin. Para naman silang nataranta dahil sa na-open na topic. Sinulyapan ko lamang sila ng bahagya bago ibalik ang tingin sa menu para maka-order na.
"Iyong may dalawang kaibigan? Alam ko 'yong isang friend niya ung sumali ng chemistry quiz bee tas nag champion sa may university sa Taft."Quiz Bee champion? Wow. I wish that I have that same enthusiasm when I study. Kung ang kaibigan niya ay quiz bee champion, for sure into study rin iyong crush ni Trent. Never knew she's into those kind of girls. Kadalasan kasing pinag-uusapan ng grupo ay mga babaeng balingkinitan at iyong higher batch sa amin.
"Oo! 'Tas iyong isa ung malditang math lord!"I look over the boys and napansin na mukhang wala pa silang balak umo-order dahil busy pa sila sa usapan tungkol sa mga babaeng iyon. Well, I think I'm wrong when I say sporty guys are not really into smart girls dahil sa mga descriptions nila. I never heard of these girls kaya naman nagdesisyon na lamang akong makinig sa usapan nila.
"So si Monique? I remember her from one of the bio labs that we had! Super hinhin and mabait!" Saad naman noong isa kaya naman napahalumbaba na ako at walang choice kundi ang makinig sa kanila. That got there attention na parang ang swerte niya dahil nakasama niya sa isang lab activity ang babaeng iyon.
I never heard of her.
"Siya! Siya! I was in the library once trying to cram this biology homework and then she slid this book na andoon lahat ng sagot! She's like an angel from heaven! Mahinhin, mabango at sobrang bait!"
"What's her full name!? Search natin sa Facebook! Patingin!" Lahat sila ay nagkagulo dahil sa suggestion na iyon. All of them fish out their phone and search her name. Para silang mga hindi mapakali dahil sa naisip na ideya. Humalumbaba naman ako at inaantay silang matapos para maka-order na nang pagkain.
"Monique Angel Roque?! Kaya naman pala, eh! Anghel nga!" Then he showed his phone to everyone. Suddenly, they were all syncing in searching and actually stalking through her timeline. May mga pictures doon na pinapakita nila sa isa't isa as if they met their God in that screen. Napanguso naman ako ng makita ang reaksyon nila.
I never really had a crush. Kahit pa maraming nagco-confess sa akin, I never get the slightest interest to invest in such things. Hindi ko lang maramdaman ang nararamdaman ng iba tungkol sa tinatawag nilang pag-ibig. Fast pacing hearts, slow-mo, dangerous love??? Nope, I have no idea.
"Vico, tignan mo! Bigay ka naman ng comment mo diyan, puro bola na lang nasa isip mo, eh." I just raise my middle finger on him nang sabihin iyon ng isa sa mga ka-team mates ko. All of them laugh about the joke but little did they know that my attention was caught by the girl in the picture.
It was a candid shot of her laughing. Her fair skin is radiating as the sunlight touches it, ang ilangs trand ng buhok ay kumakalat sa kanyang mukha pero hindi noong naitago ang kislap sa mga mata niyang tumatawa. She was indeed beautiful and peaceful to look at. The kind of beauty that is far from hourglasses or curves and hot girl vibe but the kind that will give you tranquility once you look at her.
"Titig na titig na si Vico, tago ka na Trent! Kapag si Vico nagka-gusto dito! Taob ka matic!" Agad silang nag kantyawan dahil sa biro... hindi nila alam, it was the total opposite of what I had done in the future.
Ever since I knew of her existence parang automatic na naakit ako sa presensya niya. I was literally attracted to her to the point of going to the same thing she does. I even attended some nursing fair just so I would be able to see her. Madalas niyang kasama ang dalawang kaibigan at siya ang pinakatahimik sa kanila. She's bright and very active in her studies gaya ng mga kaibigan niya and she looks very bubbly and friendly.
"Vico! May training tayo! Akyat na sa gym!" Sigaw ng isang ka team mate ko ng makita akong nasa atrium pa.
"Sunod ako." Mabilis ko lang na sagot sa kanya bago ihulog ang barya sa vending machine. Damn it! Lahat na yata ng inumin dito na subukan ko na kakahintay nang mga nakaraang araw, bakit ba di ko masaktuhan ang schedule niya! Christ! Pati ako nawe-weird-an na sa sarili ko dahil sa ginagawa ko. I'm even late on some of my practices dahil nag aantay ako sa kanya dito sa lobby.
"Uhm... ano... di ka pa nakakapili ng inumin." Para akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko ng marinig ko ang boses na iyon. It was very sweet and angelic na kahit hindi naman malaman ang sinabi niya ay pakiramdam ko ay hinihele ako. The shiver that it sent to my body makes my head haywire. Fuck! I feel like my heart is hyperventilating! Para iyong lalabas sa dibdib ko!
Naramdaman kong uminit ang likod ng tenga ko ng kalabitin niya na ako. I almost jump out when her fingertips touches my shoulder. The sudden fast-pace of my heartbeat makes me crazy in split seconds that I don't even know what to do!!!
"Excuse me... ano-" When I finally had the guts to look at her ang maliit na ngiti sa mga labi niya ang tumambab sa akin. The sudden struck of cuteness and how angelic her face can kill me instantly!
Pumindot na lamang ako ng kahit ano sa vending machine dahil sa tarantang nararamdaman. The shivers that I feel, the way my heart reacts to her and how nervous I am is very intoxicating. Kailangan ko ng makaalis! kailangan kong makalayo sa kanya! She can kill me by just merely existing! This is so dangerous!
Nang bumagsak ang inumin mula sa vending machine ay dali-dali ko iyong kinuha at mas mabilis pang tumakbo paalis sa kinatatayuan ko. On the way to the gym, I felt like I run 50 laps because of how my heart is pacing. Ni hindi ko kayang kontrolin ng tama ang hininga ko dahil sa bilis ng tibok ng puso ko! I cannot go near her again! Hindi ko naman alam na ganito pala ang magiging epekto niya kapag sobrang lapit niya sa akin! Damn it! I might turned into corpse instantly!
Buong training ay pinagalitan lang ako ni coach dahil sa pagiging lutang ko. I was so out of focus that my mind is flying back to my memory from that one morning.
Her cuteness as he stand behind me. Ang magkabilang kamay ay nasa likod pa niya ay tumitingkayad habang sinisilip ko. Ang tipid ngunit napakagandang ngiti at ang maliwanag at makulay na mata habang tinitignan ako.
Jesus, is she from heaven? Sinusundo mo na ba ako sa mundong ito? I'll fucking gladly go!!!
Those were some of our short encounters in school. Minsan ay intentionally pa kong nag-aantay sa atrium dahil hindi sabay ang tapos ng klase namin. Minsan ay maagang pumapasok para makasabay siya.
And even though she doesn't really know me that well, whenever our eyes meet in occasional time ay nginingitian niya ako. That is something she didn't miss to do whenever it happens. I think that is something I look forward in my daily life.
"Hoy! Dali! May commotion sa may atrium! May bonggang surprise daw iyong Red sa isang studyante! Monique yata ung name from STEM!" The sudden mentioned of her name ring the hell out of me. Agad na nagsilabasan ang mga kaklase ko dahil sa sinabi noong isa. Some of my team mates wanted to see what happened kaya kahit pa ayoko ay hinila parin nila ako palabas ng classroom.
Nang marating namin ang atrium ay kitang-kita agad ang naglalakihan lobo na kulay pula, ang tarpualin na may nakalagay na "Will You Be My Girlfriend?, isang malaking bouquet ng red roses at life-size teddy bear,
Hindi ko napigilan ang pagtatangis ng panga ko dahil sa pagluhod ng isang lalaki. Sa harapan. Monique's face was planted with deep shocked and it seems like she hasn't process what's going on yet! Nagtilian naman ang mga babaeng nakapaligid sa kanila at kanya-kanyang kantyawan mula sa mga lalaki.
"Monique, will you be my girlfriend?" The guy said. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagkuyom ng kamao dahil nakikita. Her two friends just arrived and were as shocked as she is.
"Uhm... ano... Red—"
"What is it, Monique? You know I'll do everything for you." I don't even know what's so sweet about what he said that the girls in the crowd started to go hysterical. Damn, that's bare minimum, bro!
"Sagutin mo na, Monique. Si Red na iyan, oh!"
"Sana all! Kung ganito lang din gagawin sa akin, di ko na paluluhudin. Oo na agad!"
"Kung ako sayo, 'wag mo na sayangin pa si Red!"
Mas lalong nalukot ang mukha ni Monique ng marinig ang kanya-kanyang sigaw ng mga nanonood. I can see the tension in her face and the conflicted rays of emotion in her eyes. Inilibot pa niya ang paningin sa paligid at mas lalo yatang lumakas ang sigawan dahil sa paglipas ng oras na nakaluhod doon si Red.
"Y-Yes." She murmur softly. I can feel my jaw clenching when he said those words! She clearly don't like him1 She was pressured into saying yes!
God damn it!!!
The guy jumped out of joy and even hug Monique. Kanya-kanyang tilian ang mga tao dahil sa naging sagot ni Monique sa engradeng palabas. The fuck with this people?! Do they even see that they are pressuring her?!
It was also the first time that our eyes met... the first time that she didn't smile genuinely at me. She just stare at me with a bit of hesitancy in her face and a clear evident that she is not sure with the answer that she gave.
It was actually the talk of the school. How lucky Monique for experiencing grand gesture like that and how lucky Red to have such an angeic and almost perfect girl like Monique.
Fuck them! They always just look at the things that are shallow and visible to their field of perspective!
Kitang-kita ng mga mata ko ng mga sumunod na linggo at buwan kung gaano kailangan ang itsura ni Monique sa tuwing palilibutan siya ni Red. His arms around her shoulders makes me want to punch him in the face. Minsan pa ay pabalang niyang inilalapit kay Monique ang mukha niya when it is clear that Monique doesn't want and is not ready for those kind of things! Goddamn it!
"Hey, have you heard the news. Red was reported to be involved in rape case! Grabe, ang lala!" I felt like my whole world turned pitch black when I heard that news. Dali-dali akong tumayo at tumakbo palabas ng klase ko noon and immediately find her room.
Please tell me that is not true! Tell me that didn't happened to her! Christ!
Hindi na ako nag-abalang kumatok pa sa klase nila at dali-daling binuksan ang pinto nila. My whole world crushed when I found her seat empty. Pakiramdam ko ay naubusan ako ng dugo nang remihistro sa utak ko na baka... totoo ang nangyari...
NO! THIS CAN'T TRUE!
The second I knew it, I was pinning Red down the cold floor and punching him with all my might. My whole body is vibrating with all the anger in me. I feel like I was going to explode with all the emotions that I feel. The rage already consumed me that it practically clouded my mind from what is right and wrong. I just want to hurt him with all the ways I could imagine. The hostility in me remain even when the people tried to separate us. I remember glaring at him with the intent to bury his whole face into the ground. I want to make him suffer and let him feel hell in my hands.
Parang mas lalong lumaki ang galit ko ng malamang hindi naipanalo ang kaso ni Monique. Even with all the evidence that were laid infront of the court, it was nothing. Galit na galit akong umuwi noon sa aking ina. I was deeply thinking how can I help her cope with what happened.
She clearly don't deserve any of this! Why does it have to happen to her? She lost her brother and to experience such thing, that fucking bastard should rot to the depths of hell!
Goddamn it! I want to fucking kill the shit out of him!
"Vico, anak. You need to calm yourself down. Walang mangyayari sa iyo kung puro galit lamang ang paiiralin mo." Tahimik lamang akong nanatili sa tabi ng ina. I clench my fist and try to remain clam.
It was just a simple crush when I first see her picture. I slowly fall for every move she made that I even settle to actually stare at her from a far. Ayos na sa aking nakikita siya mula sa malayo because I treat her like a precious jewelry in the midst of common threads. Andoon siya, nanatiling mabuti sa lahat ng tao sa paligid niya. The this will happened?! How is that fair?!
I was so mad at the world because of what happened. I couldn't even help myself because of the rage that I'm feeling. I was mad at everything because I knew deep down, that she doesn't deserve everything.
That year, I promised to myself that I will try my best to help her, support her or even protect her from apart. I couldn't imagine how devastating it was to her. Kung pwede ko lang kunin ang sakit na nararamdaman niya ay baka inangkin ko na iyon. I just want her to feel safe. I want her to have a safe environment where nothing can harm her. Hindi ba possible iyon?!
"Vico, did you accept UST?" Napahinto ako sa pag-aayos ng gamit para um-attend ng practice dahil sa sinabi ni mama. I smile shyly at her because I knew she already has an idea of where I choose to study.
"You're planning to go to DLSU, aren't you?" Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa aking ina dahil sa sinabi niya. Nakita ko namang napamewang sa akin ang ina dahil sa nakuhang sagot sa akin.
"Hay nako! Never knew your first love will cause me hundred thousands, anak ha!" Kahit pa pabirong saad iyon sa akin ng ina ay dinapuan pa rin ako ng hiya. Tinawanan naman niya ako ng makitang namula ako dahil sa sinabi niya.
"I can j-join leagues to help you with the tuition, ma." Marahas naman niya akong inilingan bago lumapit sa akin.
"You are our responsibility, Vico. What you want in this life is our obligation dahil anak ka namin. So go chase the one that you love. From what I can see, she really deserve all the affection she can get. I won't mind spending a thousand bucks on that girl, if it makes you happy." Kinurot naman niya ang pisnge ko nang may ngiti sa mga labi
I did took my college into the same school that she got in. I was reluctant at first because I never knew what I want to be in the future. Both of my parents are renowned doctors so I was thinking of being like them but after that, I have no idea what to do. Kaya nang kumuha si Monique ng nursing sa UST ay iyon din ang kinuha ko. She didn't pass UST but still got accepted in DLSU under BS Biology kaya iyon din ang kinuha. Thanks to my reliable friends, they got this information for me.
I think I was really close to being a stalker at this point but I maintain my distance so she won't feel creep out about my existence. Heck, ni hindi nga ako makaamin sa kanya nor even introduce myself to her. Kahit pa yata alam na nang buong school na gusto ko siya ay hindi pa rin niya alam iyon. I'm really okay on watching her from afar. I'm contented on knowing that she's safe and sound around her friend. Ayos na akong maging masipag na ka-member niya sa lab activities o kaya i-cheer niya sa tuwing UAAP kahit pa hindi naman talaga niya alam na iyon ang dahilan kaya lagi akong ganado kapag alam kong manonood siya.
It was a short-livid two years in college. I never want anything more than having the chance to look at her from a distance. Ayos na iyon sa akin. Wala namang problema sa akin ang maupo sa malayo at tanawin siya.
She's a whole peaceful sight to this chaotic world.
Ayos na iyon sa akin.
Until that guy came.
The first time I saw him, I already knew that he is deeply into her. The way his eyes soften when he looks at her, the way his gesture portrays security and calmly apporaches, and the his deathly glare at me nang makitang magkasama kami ni Monique na bumaba ng jeep.
It was even my first time riding a jeep! It was not uncomfortable but being with Monique just shakes my whole system into destruction.
"Gregorio Ibrahim De La Luna." He mentioned his name with conviction and proudness. I showed him a sly smirk habang nagkakamay kami. I can sense that he dislikes me already but the fact that he acted civil and decent in front of me makes me question everything about him already.
A man on that caliber? Wow, Vico! I know now that I should fucking back off. I cannot compete to someone with that oozing and intimidating look and aura plus the fact that he seems older than me and Monique makes me conclude that he either had a stable job already or taking some advance masteral degree or worse some graduate courses such as med and law.
Ako? I don't even know what to do in my life... I just know that I want to follow Monique in to reaching her dreams. I want to see her achieve the person that she wants to be. I want to smile at her when she finally can say that she's a licensed doctor. I just want to be there.
One decision led to another, I just happen to find myself taking the entance exam for med school. I just happen to find that after years of following her, it already felt like I was destined to be in the same space where she is. Nagulat na lang ako na naroon rin siya sa testing room na iyon, sa parehong block kung nasaan ako and even the same small space within me.
God, how can I move on from this girl, when I was grace by her angelic presence everyday?
Little did I know that we were actually drawing closer to each other. She offered me friendship, she was there when it felt like eveyrthing was so exhuasting for all the readings. She was there smiling at me when I even left her out because of the issue.
She's just a pure angel. Walang makakapantay sa kanya. I finally realized that when I look at her walking down there building in that cute outfit. I was looking at her as if she is the world. I was really praising her silently in my own world. Kahit pa nasabi ko ng gusto ko siya, kahit pa sinabi niyang hanggang kaibigan lang. Ito pa rin ako, hulog na hulog sa anghel na kagaya niya.
They would never understand my feelings for her because it was beyond describable. I never confess because I know deep inside that these kind of emotions doesn't need reciprocation. Gusto ko lang siyang mahalin ng walang bahid ng pagkakamali at paggiging makasarili. Gusto ko lang na nandiyan ako, habang patuloy niyang binubuo ang nasirang sarili dahil sa lahat nang nangyari sa kanya.
I want to love her, not for her to love me back in return, but because she deserves to be love in the purest form.
She is indeed an angel from heaven.
I'm so blessed to experience such love that last, a love that pure and peaceful.
Kaya nang gabing iyon, hindi ko nakayanan ang maupo lamang sa isang gilid nang makita ko ang bulto ng pamilyar na lalaking iyon. No! I won't let him near her again! He should fucking rot in hell! Damn him!
I won't let you hurt her again! I won't let her be hurt again.
Kaya't sa huling mga hininga ko, ang tanging hiling ko lang ay maging maayos ang lagay niya. I just want to protect her, and even if it cost my life, there is no even a single regret inside of me.
She deserves a world where she will not be hurt anymore, a world where she doens't have to experience such pain again.
I hope that the guy that she is with, will remain by her side forever. Protect her and love her as she is supposed to be loved.
Monique Angel Roque is the girl that I love for years, and now that I'm finally leaving the world. I hope he will cherish her like how I wished to be by her side 'till the end of time.
I love you Monique, in the purest form of it.
I hope to see you in that white coat of yours.
Good luck, Doktora!