I continued to think about why I even came to Crowbridge. What was I thinking? Was I that desperate for love? Or was I just too hard headed to not stay away?
I really had no idea, but I wish I knew the answers to my questions.
I still wasn't speaking to Jamison, his calls continued. He left me texts-
I love you, Willa, we have to talk even if you're done with me.
Just talk to me for a minute.
Please, babe, we can't end like this.
Honestly, if I were Jamison, I would have given up. I guess that meant he was really in this for the long haul or he just wanted to annoy the hell out of me until I caved. I wasn't about to listen to him promise me things that he can't deliver. He needed to admit he was wrong and that he scared me. I hadn't blocked him yet, but the thought had crossed my mind.
I opened the curtains- my room had been dark and quiet for two days. I hadn't done much besides play on my phone, watch tv, shower and eat. I wore my pajamas the whole time because I just wasn't in the mood to leave my room. Now I was ready to do some thinking about my next step.
The sun beamed in through the windows, I could see for quite a distance. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue. The buildings I could see were old and beautiful. Crowbridge was in Northern England and hilly. I couldn't even begin to know what the temperature was or what the outside world was doing without me. I had been in my own world.
I hadn't even called anyone, including Seth, my mother and a few other friends. They had called me but I had ignored their calls. I picked up my phone and called everyone back. It took a while to explain why I hadn't been in a talking mood, but luckily they understood.
I turned the music on through my phone and the first song was "Monsters" by All Time Low. I sat in the window seat as I listened
"Why do I run back to you like I don't mind if you fuck up my life?"
That's a good question. I dropped my entire life for Jamison and flew over 4, 000 miles. In return, he went out drinking, knowing he was trying not to. I did mind being scared. I did mind not knowing if he was okay or not. If he was in jail or even with another woman. And I was going to let this keep happening?
Not in this lifetime.
If Jameson wanted to stay in my life and in my heart, he was going to have to show more effort.
I guess it was time to talk to him. Two days had been long enough for me to think things through. The first step, however, was to get showered and dressed.
I showered, tossed my hair into a bun and put on makeup. I don't wear a full face because I have great skin. I applied eye makeup and a clear lip gloss. I wanted to be pretty but taken seriously. I sat on my bed and texted Jamison.
Hey, I am ready to talk but won't guarantee anything.
I am so glad you want to talk this out! I've missed you.
Be at your flat in 20. I ordered an Uber and sat in the lobby to wait.