Chapter 38: Players in Disguise
The second Mason's finger licked 'post' for the fourth time that day, his body went slack as he released a dejected sigh. He was now slumped onto his desk, his phone falling with a loud crack onto the wood. He'd been working on his second instagram page for the entire day. He created post after post, putting all of his energy into these graphics to give himself something to focus on other than his evaporating social life. He thought that the worst of it would be the stalemate with his best friend. Yet, he knew at the end of the day they would somehow come back together. But, with Mark, Mason did not have that same assurance.
As per usual, when Mason went to check his notifications, he already saw several likes. His page was gaining popularity and thus the likes were instantaneous. Still, they did nothing to lift his spirits.
Mason left instagram to look at his messages. He knew that he shouldn't. Doing this only made him more upset. But Mason clearly had an affinity for pain because he didn't anyway.
Mason put his chin on his palm, staring sadly at the messages between him and Mark. A few weeks ago, their chat would have been lively. They would have talked and joked for hours or asked to see one another whenever they had the time. They were eager to spend time together and just be in each other's presence. That was a far cry from what Mason saw now.
With almost a business-like professionality, they asked if and when the other person was available to fuck. Walks through the town or dates at the fair were nowhere to be found. Dates and times exchanged with the efficiency of robots were found there instead. There was nothing in these messages that would indicate that they were exchanged between Mason and Mark other than their names. Mason's frown deepened just looking at them.
When he asked for distance, he never knew how bad it would get. In the weeks following that sad day in front of Mason's house, their relationship had grown terribly cold. Gone were the days of cute days and hours of foreplay. Now, it was simple. Meet up, have sex, and leave. No time was wasted on meaningless conversation or teasing each other before the main event. No. They just did what needed to be done and left after that.
Mason was very conflicted over how things had unfolded. He'd gotten exactly what he'd asked for. No one would confuse them for boyfriends. It was now incredibly clear that there relationship was about sex and nothing else.
But Mason missed the complicated. He missed being able to mess with Mark's hair when no sex was involved or to rant about his problems while Mark held his hand, listening attentively. If he was being honest, those were his favourite parts.
Yet, Mason's heart was protected. He couldn't pretend to be dating Mark anymore and now, when Mark eventually left him for someone else, he wouldn't be surprised and definitely wouldn't be hurt. All he had to do was to convince his heart to stop wanting more. To stop wanting commitment out of Mark.
Mason suddenly felt the intense urge to sleep. It crept over him like a storm and tried to block out any other thought he had. For a while, Mason listened to it. He dropped his head back onto his desk and laid there, skin lightly touching the wood where the makeshift pillow that was his arms didn't hold him up. But after a while, he got the hunch that sleeping the rest of his evening away would be a bad idea.
With every once motivation he had left in his skinny body, Mason pulled himself off of his desk. When standing up to leave his bedroom, Mason tried not to grimace at the small puddle of drool he left behind. He briefly considered leaving it but in the end got some toilet paper from the bathroom to clean it up before he went downstairs.
When Mason got to the bottom of the steps, the first thing he noticed was how empty the house felt. It wasn't that it was quiet because with only three people living there, quiet was normal. It just had the feeling of emptiness. Mason's body instinctively knew that he was alone.
Mason discovered why when he entered the kitchen. Next to the stop which had a small pot filled with soup was a note written by his father.
Your mom and I went to have dinner with some friends. Here's some pasta she made for you. Have a good night. Love you ;3 <3
Mason had to squint at the note a while before he realized his dad had drawn a person blowing a kiss. It was super dumb but Mason smiled all the same. It was good that his parents were having a good time tonight. If Mason's predictions were correct, he'd spend the last few hours of the day pouting over a relationship he himself ruined while watching trashy TV before finally going to bed. It was a great plan, truly.
But first, he had to eat this soup.
His mom had made the annoying choice to throw cabbage into it which created a texture a bit too soft to be enjoyable but a bit too hard to be swallowed. And with his bad mood, Mason focused only on that, not on how delicious the soup was in every other way.
Forty minutes later, with his plate washed and thrown on the rack, Mason sat down to watch some TV. He was choosing between watching a girl choose between fifteen guys who were probably more interested in her cocktail dresses than her passions or watching a bunch of people who worked at a fancy restaurant argue over who got cheated on the most.
It was a hard choice, but the players posing as men ready for an engagement won out in the end. If Mason was honest with himself, he would have noted how the men provided awesome eye candy and the complex marriage-like relationship created on the show was giving him the only dose of romance he'd experienced in a long time. Maybe it was pathetic, but Mason watched two 2-hour long episodes with full concentration. He made fun of it but enjoyed it nonetheless.
Mason was ready to binge a third episode which would bring him into hometowns when heard a knock on the door. He might have been calm walking towards it if not for the way the person on the other side pounded against the wood with all their might. The knocks produced three loud thumps that shook Mason's body to the core, forcing him to leap off of the couch and race towards his front door.
Breathing a bit heavy, Mason swung the door open, pausing when he saw Mark on the other side. Mark looked terrible. While he'd driven to Mason's house, it was raining so hard that he was a few seconds away from being fully soaked. But the brown hair stuck to his face couldn't disguise his red eyes.
A shot of concern went through Mason's body. He wanted so badly to know what had happened, why Mark was so upset that he'd started to cry. But instead of explaining what brought him to Mason's doorstep, Mark uttered four simple words.
"Mason, I need you."
Mason's mouth set into a hardline. It was bittersweet hearing those words out of Mark. Stupidly, he felt happy for a moment. He was needed. After weeks of conversations boiled down to sex requests Mason was finally needed. Needed for more than just his body and his ass. It sounded as if maybe, just maybe, Mark felt the same burning Mason did at the thought of their relationship being more.
But that was just a dream. I need you was the code they used when they wanted sex immediately. Usually they used it if someone else could overhear them and wanted to keep the secret but it became increasingly common to say it when they met. It was easier to say I need you and just get to the act than waiting or dealing with pointless small talk.
So when Mark stepped up to Mason and pulled him into a bruising kiss, Mason wasn't surprised. This was normal. They were skipping the wait. It was tricky to get the door closed or Mark to stop and take off his shoes when the other boy was so insistent on just getting started, but Mason did it.
Mason brought Mark up the stairs all while making out with him furiously. His mind nagged at him about what he was doing. Offering sex when Mark was so clearly upset seemed like a terrible idea, but Mason had no choice. While he wanted to talk to Mark about it and see what was bothering him, it wasn't his place. At least not anymore.
Actually, it was normal for them to do this. One person had problems that were bothering them and instead of talking about them like healthy adults, they instead turned to the other, asking for sex. These were their new conversations. The minutes spent in bed replaced the words from their mouth and they'd become okay with that. It was normal. No matter what kind, Mason and Mark didn't do emotions anymore. Just sex.
Only a few minutes later, the two of them were already undressed with Mason on the bed, face down, ready to go. It was funny, Mason thought, cheek pressed against his own pillow. Even the sex had changed. You'd think that still having the sex would be a comfort to Mason when every other part of their relationship had changed, but it wasn't.
Mason didn't look at Mark when they had sex anymore. He wasn't sure who had made the decision. Had Mark flipped him over for the first time, pressing his chest down into the bed? Or was it Mason who had done it himself, not wanting to look Mark in the eyes and truly see that there was no love there? Regardless, it was the only way they did it now. It made it easier. Faster. No focus on anyone else during sex except for yourself. Mason went from a lover to a glorified fleshlight in this position and didn't complain because he liked to pretend Mark was just a dildo.
It worked.
There was nothing more impersonal than to not even look at the person you're having sex with. Even as Mason tried to rationalize it, he still had to grit his teeth not to cry.
He'd never regretted one of his decisions more. He thought there would never be anything worse than the betrayal he felt when Mark finally moved on. He imagined it would be weeks after they last had sex. Mark hadn't called him to meet up in a while and then, when they were hanging out with all of their friends, Mark would walk in with his new girlfriend. Mason's entire plan was to protect his heart from that reality and making their relationship clear was supposed to be the best way to do that.
But Mason had no idea that in saying that, he already lost Mark. He lost Mark in every way possible. He lost his lover who would hold him and make love to him with all the care and patience in the world. He lost his boyfriend who kept up the fantasy with their sweet dates and cuddles on the couch. And he lost his friend, the guy he could joke with or confide in when he was having a tough time.
All he had left was this body moving robotically in and out of him, no emotion or personality in sight. It didn't even feel like he was there. Mason felt the same feeling he had when he was at the bottom of the stairs all those hours ago. His room felt empty and, instinctively, his body knew that he was alone.
Mason shoved his face into the pillow, hoping that Mark couldn't hear him cry.
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Woah, that was a lot.
Sorry for all the feels guys. I know that was sad, but on the bright side, it should get better from here.
I think.
If that vague promise didn't help, then maybe the news that this book will be finished in September will?
I've said it multiple times already, I know, but September is exciting right?
Maybe I'm the only one excited because I'm the author who has to write a chapter every week but still. I think that's good news.
I hope this chapter didn't make you too sad, though. And if it did, my bad.
Anyway,
Vote, Comment, Share, Follow, anything else you can do with this book and I will see you next week. Bye!!!