- CHAPTER ELEVEN -
❛ a sky full of stars and he was staring at her. ❜
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The next morning, I woke up, so warm, so well rested, that I didn't want to open my eyes. I pulled the fuzzy red blanket further up and adjusted my position a bit.
Wait.
Since when were the Slytherin dorms warm? And red blankets?
My eyes flew open and I sat upright, swallowing my panicked scream. I was in the Gryffindor common room, sitting on the red couch, with Sirius fast asleep on the armchair next to me.
What the hell happened last night?
I looked around, searching my mind to see if I remember anything. The common room was completely empty except for me and Sirius.
Speaking of. . . My eyes travelled back to his armchair. He was curled up like a dog, a few strands of his long hair falling over his face, forming a fluttery curtain. With his lips slightly parted, he looked so peaceful, you could almost forget how much of a git he was.
"Ah, Azura, knew you'd be awake."
I turned sharply, almost screaming again. But I calmed once I saw James tottering down the dormitory stairs, still in his pyjamas and his hair ultra messier than normal, his glasses hanging just at the inch of his nose as he rubbed his face tiredly and took a seat near me.
"Did I really fall asleep in your common room?" I asked him wearily, already knowing the answer.
"Yeah," said James. "We wanted to wake you but Padfoot didn't want to disturb you. He brought his blanket down from the dorm and wrapped it around you. He also insisted on sleeping here so that you wouldn't freak out when you woke up."
My eyebrows knitted in both confusion and disbelief. Surely, he was pulling my leg. There was no way Sirius Black would ever give up his comfort for someone else, especially the girl he hated. Maybe he just wanted to keep the fake act going? Perhaps.
James mumbled something about waking Peter and Remus up and went back upstairs. I got up from the couch and stretched a bit. Then I glanced down at the blanket in my hand and at the boy sleeping in front of me. Fake or not, he still didn't want me to be cold so I repaid it by wrapping the blanket on top of him, which he sleepily but happily accepted.
"Idiot," I muttered.
With a last glance at his droopy form, I left the Gryffindor Tower and took the journey to my own territory- Slytherin dungeons.
I muttered the password and entered quietly. Unlike the Gryffindor common room, my common room wasn't empty.
"Oh- hey," said Nathan, smiling warmly at me. He was sitting on the couch, a parchment, quill, and ink in front of him.
"Hi," I greeted with a hint of embarrassment in my voice. I mean, I did come back to the dungeons way early in the morning, before everyone could wake up. Anyone would think I was doing a bit of a walk of shame, it certainly didn't help that I was dating a student from another House.
But thank heavens, Nathan just smiled even wider and said, "Wanna take a seat?"
I gratefully sat down on the fuzzy green couch, a familiar feeling washing over me. No place on earth was more comfortable than the Slytherin common room.
"What d'you got there?" I pointed at the parchment.
"Letter to my mother," said Nathan. My jaw dropped a bit. He was just casually writing to the woman I worship, my role model. No big deal.
"If you promise to not think I am weird," I started nervously as Nathan looked up, "can you tell me what it's like having Lucretia Rutherford for a mother?"
Just when I thought he was going to be creeped out, Nathan chuckled softly.
"I'd love to, and I promise I won't think you're weird," he said. "Lucretia Rutherford is hands down the best mum in the whole world. I am not just saying it because she's my mother, believe me. . ."
Without even realising it, Nathan and I spent the next thirty minutes talking about everything Nathan loved about his mother, the things she made Nathan do as a kid, his childhood, and the places he went with her. It was an odd feeling to hear a parent being this affectionate with their kid.
"Why?" Nathan said concernedly when I mentioned it to him. "Don't you and your mother. . .?"
I shook my head with a sad smile. "No. She and I never had a good relationship. . . to say the least. She's a muggle, you know? She just thinks all the magic we're learning, this whole wizarding world is. . . abnormal. I always kinda stick out like a sore thumb in my family, so yeah."
"That really sucks," Nathan frowned. "I can't even imagine growing up like that, fighting with my own mother."
"When it happens on a daily basis, you get used to it," I said, shrugging. Nathan looked really concerned right now.
I checked the time on the grand clock and realised that classes would soon start. So I excused myself from Nathan and climbed the stairs. When I reached my seventh year dorm, I was surprised to see Juliet awake, almost like they she was waiting for me to come back.
She actually was.
I had to explain what kept me up at the Gryffindor Tower the previous night, it took a bit of time to convince her that I did not do a walk of shame, but once Ray joined the conversation, he proved to be more difficult to convince as always but I managed anyway.
The three of us changed into our robes and made our way towards the Great Hall for breakfast, Ray complaining about how much he hated Mondays while Juliet kept contradicting him. I was lost in my own world, thinking about everything that happened the previous night.
We entered the Hall but my eyes automatically wandered to the Gryffindor table, where he was sitting in his usual spot surrounded by his friends. The thing was, he was already staring at me before I glimpsed at him. So when he caught me looking, his face broke into a smug grin, as he sent a flirtatious wink at me.
Salazar fucking Slytherin, help me.
I hated getting butterflies. I hated it even more when I got butterflies because of the guy I hated. Did that make sense? Probably not.
I had barely taken my seat when Nathan jumped into the seat next to me, possessing way too much energy for a Monday morning.
"I was just wondering, Captain," he said, picking up a toast. "When are we resuming training?"
"Well, our next match with Ravenclaw is in February," I said, doing a double take in my mind to check if I was right. "After the Hufflepuff - Ravenclaw match this weekend, the pitch will be somewhat free. We can do some light practices until Christmas break starts, then we can start the hard hours after the holidays."
"I got you," Nathan gave me a salute.
"Is it just me or does Remus looks like he's. . . not well?" said Ray, his eyes fixed on the Gryffindor table.
"Yeah, I've noticed too," I said, turning to look at the boy, who seemed like he wanted to just drop down and sleep.
Juliet was being awfully quiet for some reason.
"And since when was he Remus and not Lupin, Ray?" I said in a teasing tone as Ray rolled his eyes and smiled. "Library visits. Gotcha."
A loud noise made me look up at the ceiling, and a hundred owls streamed into the Great Hall, circling the tables before finding their owners and dropping letters and packaging in their laps. A barn owl swooped low and landed in front of me.
"A letter from home?" Juliet said anxiously, watching me untie the letter from the owl's leg, which took off at once.
It was, indeed, a letter from home. My mother, to be exact.
Dear Azura,
I hope you're doing fine. You know how your sister Heather successfully got into the best med school this year and of course, your dad and I couldn't be prouder. We had a small family party last weekend to celebrate Heather's first step to success. Aunt Greta was very disappointed about your absence. But we couldn't tell her, of course, that you were off in some old castle, waving a useless stick around and sending off sparks while your sister is focusing on her future and studying to be a doctor-
That was as far as I got before I crumpled it under my palm angrily. Great. Perfect morning perfectly ruined.
"Definitely letter from home," said Ray, pouring himself some pumpkin juice. "What did Heather do this time, darling? Walk from the living room to the kitchen? Is that why your mum's celebrating?"
"Oooh, Heather?" said Nathan interestedly. "Are we talking about the 'I am a med student so I am better than all of you' Heather?"
"The very same," I grunted moodily. "Ugh, just read it for yourself." I threw the crumpled parchment at Juliet, as she, Ray, and Nathan leaned closer to read the letter.
Ray snorted. "Look how she's ended it: 'Don't forget to send a letter to Heather and congratulate her.' I'll never understand your mother, honey."
"She's horrible," said Juliet, scrunching up her face. "Always comparing you to your sister."
"You know what I think, Cap?" said Nathan, munching on his toast. "I think your mother's trying to make your sister feel better because she knows you're more awesome than her. I mean, come on, you can become a doctor like Heather if you want, but can Heather become a witch like you if she wants? Nope."
Ray, Juliet, and I stared at him.
"Y'know, darling, he's right," said Ray slowly. Nathan grinned.
"I try," he gave a small bow. "We've got Transfiguration with Gryffindors now, we'd better go or McGonagall will burn us using her death stare."
We shared a laugh and stood up to leave the Hall. The four of us were barely out in the hallways when a hand grabbed mine and pulled me back. Ray, Juliet, and Nathan gave me a knowing look and walked off, whispering excitedly.
"What do you want?" I asked Sirius, who interlocked our fingers.
"Hello to you too, sunshine," he mocked. "Are you always this cheerful in the morning?"
"Still haven't answered my question."
"You just looked a bit upset in the Hall," said Sirius, dropping his sarcasm. "Is everything okay?"
"Why do you care, Black?"
"I am being nice, Larson."
That line. That bloody line always made me smile and I didn't even know why. Noticing that my mood had lifted, he smiled back at me.
"Don't smile at me like that," I said. "People might think we like each other."
"Larson, we're dating," said Sirius.
"Fake dating."
"Still dating."
"You know what else we are?" I said, beginning to walk. "Late to class. Come on, let's go."
He chuckled throatily and followed me, allowing me to pull him by his hand. He said, "So are you going to tell me why you were upset?"
"No."
"Hey! You're supposed to be nice to me," said Sirius in an almost childlike way. "It's in the rule list."
I heaved an exasperated sigh, looking up at his handsome- no, average looking face. It couldn't hurt to confide in him about the letter. He did know about my terrific relationship with my sister, after all.
"It was just a letter from my mother," I said, as his posture straightened in attention. "She was giving me her usual lecture about how I was a total failure and disappointment for being born as a witch and how Heather was a flawless goddess."
"If it makes you feel any better, my mother tells me I am a failure and a disappointment too," said Sirius.
I thought he was joking but his face was pretty serious, which made me chuckle.
"Is Remus okay?" I asked him, remembering what Ray said. "He looked really ill, even worse than he was last night."
Sirius cleared his throat.
"Yeah, he's alright," he said. "Just a bit of cold and headache. Don't worry about him."
I nodded, shaking it off my mind. We walked in silence for the rest of the way and seated ourselves in our usual seats at the back of the classroom. He and I had developed the habit of sitting next to each other in all the classes to keep up our act but he made me regret the decision every single day by throwing crumpled parchment at me mid-class, drawing doodles on my notes, pretending to drop the ink bottle on all of my notes. It was a nightmare sitting next to him in class.
Professor McGonagall taught us the spell to coalesce a horde of daggers from smoke. It was an N.E.W.T.s level spell so obviously, it was extremely difficult. Nobody was able to produce even a single dagger, except Lily and Juliet, who had both managed just the handle. I would've made some progress too if Sirius didn't keep blowing the smoke into my face instead of letting me do the spell.
"Must you always act like a moron?" I said, irritated, once the bell rang.
"Yes," he replied savagely, grinning since he'd successfully pissed me off. "Next we've got Potions, darling. Too bad we didn't get partnered up again. The first time was fun, wasn't it?"
"Alright, number one: do not call me 'darling', it makes me sick," I said sternly. "Number two: the first time we got partnered up wasn't fun, the two of us broke our damn cauldron. It was the reason behind this whole mess."
"Ouch, Larson, you wound my poor heart."
"Number three," I went on, ignoring his dramatics. "Speaking of Potions, Slughorn's dinner party is happening this Wednesday so I'll have to cancel our little library 'date.' I was wondering if we could postpone it to Thursday, if that's okay with you?"
Sirius's teasing smirk fell and was replaced with a frown.
"Thursday?" He repeated, with a hint of hesitance. "Ah- can't, sorry. You see, there's this. . . Er- Herbology assignment I promised I'd help Wormtail with."
"Herbology assignment? But we haven't got any assignment in Herbology. . ."
"It's uh- an old one," said Sirius. "You know, the one they gave us in October? Wormtail totally forgot about it and so- yeah, I promised I'd help him finish it."
"O. . .kay, then. Friday?"
"Friday."
⋆⋆⋆⋆
The following night after dinner, I took a stroll through the castle and ended up in the Astronomy tower. Leaning my head against the stone wall, I sat on the parapet of the balcony and stared blankly at the night sky. The stars kept twinkling at me, making me doubt if they were mocking me about my situation.
I wasn't even sure how long I was sitting there, moping about my existence, and all of a sudden, I heard footsteps outside.
My first reflex was to reach into my robes for my wand, as I said loudly, "Whoever you are, I am friends with the Head Girl and Head Boy. And I know how to make bats fly out of your nose."
A deep chuckle sounded and a silhouette appeared at the dark doorway. "Easy there, Tiger."
"Did you really have to be dramatic and scare me like that?" I almost collapsed into the wall I was leaning on, relief flooding over me as the familiar figure of Sirius came into view.
"Dramatic is my middle, Larson," said Sirius, wearing a cocky grin. He threw his legs over the parapet and sat beside me, leaving a reasonable distance between us.
"How the hell did you know I was here?" I questioned. He simply dug out the Marauder's map from his map and waved it in front of my face. "Were you stalking me, Black?"
"Stalking is a big accusation," said Sirius. "I prefer the term- 'I was just looking at the map and happened to spot your name and wondered what you were doing in the Astronomy Tower at this hour.'"
". . . Stalker."
"Oh come on," he whined. "I was just being nice."
Smiling despite myself (like the fucking idiot I was), I brought my attention back to the blank night sky, begging it to give me the same comfort it gave Juliet.
"So. . . why are you here anyway?" said Sirius after a pause. "The map only tells us where a person is, not why they're there."
"Oh you know," I shrugged. "Being here at night. . . looking at the stars. . . the moon, the clouds. . . it brings comfort to me or something like that. . . helps me clear my head and all. . ."
There was another pause where Sirius slowly turned to look at me with the most disbelieving look on his face.
"Really?"
". . . No."
Sirius chuckled.
"What? It's not funny," I grinned and elbowed him slightly. "I really don't understand how staring at the sky for hours brings comfort to Juliet because I've been here for an hour and all I've got is a bloody headache."
"Why exactly did you want to clear your head?" said Sirius.
"It's that letter from my mother," I started, "she always compares me to my sister even though we're completely different. She thinks becoming a doctor is the only form of success in the world. You know how proud I am to have gotten into the quidditch team and now the team's Captain and when I told her, she waved it off like it was not even worth discussing. I know she's a muggle and she doesn't how our world works but the least she could do is. . . not be a bitch about something that genuinely makes me happy."
"What about your dad?" said Sirius, listening patiently to my rambling. "What did he say?"
"Dad was sort of happy, I guess. For some reason, he's never been fond of me getting into the team as a Beater. When I told him I was made Captain, his face looked like he was terrified but then he eventually came out of it and congratulated me. But he never stopped my mother from degrading me and making me feel like I am a worthless piece of shit. Like my entire existence was useless. Funny how that happens, huh? Parents favouring just their younger children?"
"Yeah," said Sirius, with a flicker of a smile. "I get it, you know. That is exactly what happens at my house. My brother is their perfect little prince. Ever since I got into Gryffindor and started being a bit rebellious, I became the 'worthless piece of shit' of my family. I was almost disowned for that."
"Oh didn't we all hear the bloody Howler go off in first year," I chuckled. "To say your mother was furious would be an understatement."
"There's another thing. I haven't told this to anyone, not even Prongs. I just. . . have to do it, I've got no choice but to- wait, are you cold?"
Sirius stopped whatever he was about to say when I shivered from the sudden breeze. It was a really bad idea to come up here without a jacket.
"A bit," I murmured, rubbing my arms in hopes of producing some heat.
Sirius pulled his jacket tighter around him. "Ha! Should've brought a jacket, Larson."
"What a gentleman, you are," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
"What?" Sirius grinned victoriously. "I am not about to freeze in this weather just because you dumbhead forgot the jacket."
"You're the worst fake boyfriend in the world," I told him, hugging myself.
"Thank you very much, darling."
"I'll gladly push you off the tower, Black."
"It's Sirius, Larson."
"It's Azura, Black."
Our laughs got carried away by the night breeze, as the both of us found an odd comfort in each other when it came to our disturbing families. If you'd told twelve-year-old Azura she would be sitting in the Astronomy tower with Sirius Black one day, laughing and searching the sky for the Sirius star, she would've given you a pitying look and walked away, asking herself. . .
What the fuck just happened?