Jimin
I smile as I watch Jungkook petting Binx and giving the cat love while editing all the videos we shot for YouTube and Skillshare. He had a one-on-one virtual lesson with someone and it was really nice to watch. The raven didn't mind me sitting in on it with our cat (because let's face it, even though the rocker claims to be a dog person, he's completely soft for Binx).
Not only did I find his lesson helpful since I'm trying to learn guitar, but watching him with the little girl has me looking at Jungkook in a completely different light, considering things that I didn't think I would.
Jungkook has been teasing me ever since we've gotten more flirty, but once we put a label on our relationship, he's been more and more insistent with his jokes.
"Tell me that at the altar."
"If you thought that sex was great, then just wait until our honeymoon, Starlight."
"Mm, I can't wait until you teach our kid piano~"
I sigh wistfully and watch the shirtless male chew on his thumb as his eyes scan the laptop screen, making the necessary edits. Despite him being a speaker person, he uses noise canceling headphones so he can focus on the videos. Otherwise, he gets distracted and ends up flirting with me or pulling me to dance.
Jungkook pouts as he works and his leg bounces up and down, so I sit beside him and place a hand on his thigh, the action calming him instantly.
"Starlight," Jungkook says without looking at me, his eyes falling closed, "thank you. I needed you close."
I blush and rest my head on his shoulder. Slowly, I peek at him and he pats my head.
"You aren't in the way like this. It's calming. If you fall asleep, I won't mind. I'll be your pillow."
Humming, I do just that.
-
I groan as I wake up, blinking. The space beside me is empty and cold, causing me to draw my eyebrows together in confusion. Did Jungkook go on a run without me?
Padding out of my bedroom, I head to the kitchen and look at the empty food and water bowls in utter confusion. Jungkook is always so diligent about Binx's care. He said he wanted to be the one to feed and give him water. The raven is always cuddling the cat, calling him 'Binxy' or 'Binx-Binx.'
"Jungkookie, you left your black cat and your dear calico! I'm lonely; come cuddle me~" I sing, looking around the apartment. But when I get to his bedroom, I feel my heart stop.
It's just how it was before the pandemic: a practice room-guestroom hybrid. Jungkook's speakers aren't set up. His guitar and bass stand is nowhere to be seen and his extra mattress has seemingly vanished.
In a frenzy, I grab my phone and search for my boyfriend's contact, only to feel my heart drop at the contact name.
Mr. Jeon.
"What the hell?" I stare at the contact name in disbelief. I remember Jungkook changing the contact name like it was yesterday, making it 'Daddy-Baby Koo.'
Irritated, I call the number and at the last ring, Jungkook finally picks up.
"Hello?"
"Where are you?"
"My apartment. What do you mean?"
"You live here."
"No, I don't."
I open the door, not caring about what I'm wearing and knock on the door to Jungkook's old apartment, an older black lady opening the door with a robe on. She narrows her eyes at me.
"You need anything, sweetie?"
"I-I apologize." I bow out of habit and scramble back into my apartment.
"Did you just go to my old apartment? I don't live there. I live in New York now."
"New York?! During a fucking pandemic? What did I do to you to lead you to move to one of the worst covid hubs in the country?"
The raven is silent for a while. "Jimin, are you okay? The pandemic has been over for a while now. We haven't spoken since."
My eyes widen. "What? Bullshit. You're my boyfriend."
"We broke up."
"Impossible. Why would we break up?"
"It was just a fling, something born out of quarantine. Basically, it was reminiscent of Stockholm Syndrome."
I grip the counter as I'm overcome with vertigo. "Just a fling? You said you loved me."
He sighs. "I did, but it was one-sided and a mistake. I wanted things that you didn't. We decided that who we were during quarantine wasn't the same as who we were out of the pandemic. We just didn't mesh. It was no one's fault. We broke up on good terms, Jimin. Why are you bringing this up now?"
"No. You said you loved me. You teased me about marriage, kids, a house to raise a family. That doesn't just disappear like that."
"It didn't just vanish. It faded. We kept living together after we didn't have to, wanting to see where things went, but you became increasingly focused on your career and although I was working on trying to get noticed with my band, my feelings lied more in the family sphere. But that's okay. Your drive has always been so amazing to me. I guess that's why you gotta be a professional musician while it's always been a pipe dream to me. That's okay. Neither of us is the bad guy. I still love and admire you, just not like I did."
"Kook! I felt him kick! Come here!" a woman's voice calls sweetly from Jungkook's apartment and I feel my heart shatter.
Although I don't want to hear the answer, I ask it anyway. "Y-You're having a kid?"
"Yeah, I am."
-
"Jimin, Starlight, wake up." Someone shakes me.
I flail around. "No, you said you loved me. You can't have a kid with someone else."
"What are you talking about?" Jungkook grips my face and has me look at him. "Nobody is pregnant. Baby, breathe."
Crying, I attempt to follow Jungkook's breathing and he takes my hands and places them on his chest to feel his heartbeat. The slower, calmer tempo helps to ground me and I bury myself in him.
"We're not just a fling."
"I know that. Where is this coming from."
"You—gone—pregnant," I hyperventilate.
With a frown, Jungkook kisses my forehead. "I'm right here. You can feel my skin and my heartbeat. I'm not going anywhere. No one is pregnant unless you can magically get pregnant without telling me."
His words make me blush and I feel myself calm down slightly. "Was it a dream?"
"A nightmare, it sounds like." He pets me. "Should we talk about it? It seemed to be scary and include me."
I nod and adjust in his hold. "I woke up and you were gone. Apparently, the pandemic was long over and you had moved to New York and your girlfriend was pregnant. You said we had tried to make it work, but I chose work and my career over you and you wanted a family, so we broke up mutually."
Jungkook blinks. "What the fuck?"
I sniffle. "You said it was a fling and that the emotions were born from our situation and once the situation bettered, there was nothing holding us together anymore."
"It's just, I understand being self conscious and I know dreams don't always make sense, but my love for you isn't nearly that fragile. If after the pandemic, you want to focus on music, that makes sense. I'm a musician too. There isn't a timer on a family either. We'd probably adopt if anything, so being older with established jobs would help us out."
"Yeah, that makes sense." I start to calm down a bit more.
"And I know I tease you about marriage and stuff, but that doesn't mean as soon as we can, that I'd want to. That actually makes me nervous. I'm just barely in my mid twenties. There's so much of my youth left and I want to spend it with you, friends, and myself before I feel confident in my abilities to father a child. I know other people have kids at all sorts of ages, but personally, I don't see myself doing all of that until I'm at least twenty-seven, you know?"
I nod and he kisses me.
"I don't think our feelings are just from the pandemic. Although it's helped speed things along in some aspects, I think it's the fact that we've been communicating more and clearing things up that's made it possible to get together like this."
Memories of us talking about things just like we're doing now resurface and I nod meekly.
"That makes sense, Jungkook."
"Of course it does. I'm the Jiminpedia."
Giggling, I smack him. "Shut up. I hate you."
"No you don't." Jungkook pets me. "Although you've been too scared to say it because you fear that we won't make it out of quarantine, you love me. And I don't need you to verbally say it to know it's true. It's in the little things you do: how you look at me like you never want to lose me. How you make sure I'm safe. How you kiss me like it's your first and last time at once every time."
He runs his fingers through my hair. "When we have sex, there's always more behind your actions than just the desire to get off. Your hands move with purpose, not feeling my body, but feeling me. Your eyes tell it all, Starlight. Nobody can love me like you and it's your love that makes me feel alive; it's your love that makes me want to be better. I love you and you love me. This kind of love isn't common and the little moments of unsureness and our arguments make the calm and loving times all the more sweeter. When we're scared, we tell each other, just like we are right now. Something like that can survive a pandemic. It can survive after too."
Jungkook's lips press against mine in a gentle kiss. "This quarantine is just a chapter in our love story. It's a dark one, yet we're blossoming as if we were in the sunlight. So when this chapter ends, we'll begin a new one. If it takes you five or more chapters to tell me you love me, that's fine by me. Because Starlight, you tell me each second of every day. And there's nothing that could happen to make me throw that away."
I look at him in awe, the musician glowing from how passionate he's being. It's similar to how he is when playing music, yet it's even stronger. And it's us he's talking about, it's me.
He's right. What we have is stronger than words and our love language is mostly rooted in how we act versus what we say. It makes me feel happy to know that even though I'm scared to say it, he knows anyway.
I love you, Jungkook. And I can't wait to start our next chapter with you.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading Together in Quarantine. This book is one I've been wanting to write since quarantine got bad, but when I started it, the pandemic still felt so fresh and it was hard to write while I was going through it. So I took note of the feelings, hoping I'd eventually reach a point where I could look back on things and see how I came out of them. I hope you agree with this decision to wait.
However, the pandemic isn't over. So I feel it fitting to end the story like this. It's just a snapshot of life in quarantine, but it's a life that doesn't have clear chronological boundaries. Despite the lack of a mask mandate here, I find myself still feeling more attuned to quarantine life. Other places still have terrible rates and although there are vaccines and looser guidelines in places, the pandemic isn't truly over. We should all continue to try and do our parts and hope that we can get out of this and start our next chapter.
Jikook's relationship isn't done, yet this ending feels right. I like the idea of Jimin not verbally saying he loves Jungkook. The weight of that word affects people differently and while some people are like Jungkook and can say it easier, there are also people like Jimin who find themselves hesitant, waiting longer before they give more of their heart away to a person. Even if they do love someone, it's that utterance that makes it feel all the more serious. And that's okay. Jimin and Jungkook haven't been with each other that long. They are living on corona-time, making everything feel much slower and faster than what it really is. But Jungkook is okay with how Jimin operates and doesn't push to have him say things he isn't ready to. And that's what's amazing about their love. Even though they have their moments, it's not weak. Jungkook feels confident in their relationship and that's worth more than a few syllables ever will.
I should probably end this note before it's longer than the actual book, but thank you for reading my book and I hope you stick with me and my next stories.
Thoughts on the story?
Make sure to take care and love yourself as best as you can.
With lots of love,
-BBM