Hardin
"Sir..."
It is freaking annoying.
That one syllable of beckoning me, for God knows what is fucking annoying, right now.
I have my alarms for a reason for fucks sake. And over that, I wake up on my spidey senses if there is something wrong. But other than that I hate being pulled out of sleep for no fucking reason. What is there to wake up to anyway? To my dark life?
Nope, sod off. Let me sleep...
" Sir..."
It's fucking Aurther. Is it not? It is. I know. That calculated poised voice. Gruff and sure and to the point.
Aurther.
But I don't understand what's so urgent that he cannot let me sleep in. Today, out all day when I just want to sleep. I don't know why but my body needs to sleep and not wake up.
I don't remember falling asleep with impending business to deal with.
Then why?
Who the fuck is trying to steal a consignment?
Who the fuck is trying to arrange a meeting too early?
Who the fuck is trying to dethrone me now..?
Who the fuck is wanting me dead today..?
Get on with it. My temple feels like it is gonna just burst and kill me anyway. My head is throbbing as if being hammered anyway.
So get done with it quickly. And fucking let me sleep.
"Sir..."
One more time and I will fucking punch him and extract thirty-two of his white teeth.
Suddenly there is, I feel a sharp source of light on my face. Directly on my face. Like someone just flicked a light bulb on my face. I feel my body waking up some more at the atrocity. I am not sleeping soundly anymore yet I am not fully awake . I am Alert. It's just like clearer. It's like I am not rambling in my subconscious mind.
I clearly feel my eyebrows hurt as I scrunch my eyes trying to block the blare of the bulb, may be . My throat is dry so I just mumble a few curse before I lick my lips to moisten them.
There is familiar feminine after taste in my mouth. It's wierd given I don't kiss anyone. It's wierd given it reminds me of her. Her. My lips feel like her as my sleep get lighter . And lighter with each passing moment.
I don't know why but I don't want to wake up and face anything impending. It's still not clear what I dread about. I just want to stay hidden and not face. I want to keep sleeping. Today.
So I groan and twist to my side trying to stretch my arm which immidiately gets constricted.
I am not in my bed. My stupidly empty bed of the penthouse or even a suite.
I focus a little forcing my brain to work.
It's a reclined sofa? Chair?
But I am warm and comfortable. The feeling on my skin is not of a blanket but of clothes. Even my feet feel constricted within boots.
How much did I Drink last night? I do not even remember falling asleep on a sofa, a couch?
Or is it still the same day??
And I didnot change my clothes?
What worst scenario did take place that I drowned myself in alcohol so deep, that I cannot even process my surroundings? I don't remember anything.
Nothing.
But with how my body feels I know that I have been too drunk . Beyond the extremity that my liver tolerates on a weekly or stress basis.
" Mr. Scott... We are thirty minutes from landing Sir.."
A complete separate voice pierces my ears.
Its.... It's Jason....
Now Jason is calling me? It's that urgent??
And Land?
I am on a plane?
Bollocks!! How much did I drink again?!
" And you need to wake Miss Young up too, Sir"
Theresa!!
That one name and I snap my eyes open and sit up straight at a lightening speed, someone never saw me do, or would ever see me do within half an hour of waking up. My head spins from being hungover. Even the gentlest sound from surrounding feels like nuisance.
I blink. My spine straight. Trying to hard to focus. Squinting my eyes, stretching my eyebrows. Blinking at the two blurry person standing in front of me awaiting me coming to senses.
I am on sitting on a plush seat of my very own jet.
Arthur and Jason hovering over my face in anxious apprehension.
" Good Sir Morning" Arthur speaks at the lowest volume while pointing out a steaming mug of coffee.
And Jason looks like he is ready to get off the plane at the way his lips stretch into a forced smile.
Clumsily I bend forward and grab the mug. And inhale the expensive brew of caffeine letting it clear the haze of alcohol.
I take a sip and feel it work like magic on the throb.
I was passed out.
I was passed out I realise, for almost six hours, sobering up...
Sober up Hardin, before you spew any further. I doubt you would want to pile more to your idiocies.
The tear strain exhausted and pale face of the only person who matters in the entire universe charges into my now sensible brain.
The fuck!!
Images after image flash. And to build my horror I crash land before the plane can from the hungover oblivion to reality.
As confused and oblivious I was a few moments ago in my sleep, now I am awake and aware. I had nothing, none of my deeds in my memories but now is clear and crystal in front of eyes my along with my PA and Driver staring at me with awkward silence.
LA . François's death...
The flailing body of François while I choked him. Cutting off the supply of minimum breathable air. It floats in my hungover brain.
His pleas to forgive him, let him breathe and my satisfaction as I gave him all he deserved.
Theresa. Her fleeing. Her defiance. Everything comes like a raging landfall of a vicious vindictive cyclone on the shore of my sober brain.
"Sir. I swear she said she would return. She said wanted to get something very important..." Ruby the pale little housekeeping staff begs in.
"She is moving toward LAX..." Aurther informs while I chug down the brown burning liquid from the glass bottle.
" She has taken all her important document and IDs only." I scoff after searching the entire closet. She didn't take a single clothing I bought for her use.
" I said you don't try and out smart me... Didn't I?"
" I don't want to go with you... Why don't you get that?"
" Because you are lieing. You don't care Hardin.... You left me, you said you didn't care... Now you are taking me away just because you want to save me? I don't trust you. " She spits, at me. Disgust and nothing more in her voice.
" And you didn't lie? You didn't say Nathan is your boy friend? "
Nathan. The rage. The jealousy unfolding to my awake mind. Reminding me everything.
"Her last text was to Nathan Sir." Aurther informs like a slap to my face. Betrayal swarming back like angry bees.
Nathan sticking to her.
"Nathan didn't deserve your cruelty...He is a nice person, who was trying to save me..... He is friend who care.... "
It is just a flash of time since I woke up. A figment of minutes in measure. But my brain goes into a frenzy, successfully showing me last night. Reels after reels of horror unfolding.
The bathroom.. where I...
"Kiss me back Theresa.."
She whimpers in my grip. Her chest touching mine. Her stomach clenching in and out.
"Only you. It has been only you Hardin..."
"You are lying to me..." I scream making her flinch back with wide eyes..
"Hardin slo-Ahhhhhh"
" I agree you are tight.... So fucking tight..... I bet no one could fuck your cunt like I did.... Yeah?? "
I leave her throat and bring my finger to her clit and press down on it. A single drop of tear finally drizzle down her face.
" Theresa , I never intended to leave you. Never. I love you. I still do. And you are mine.... But I hope now I never came back that day to see you going through an abortion, as Zeds girlfriend..... So don't ever try out smarting me... Because I know everything.... "
...... she lands a blaring slap right across my face..
My hands fly to my cheeks.
" You don't know anything Hardin Scott..."
My heart start racing.... Constricting at my own words...
God dammit !! I spewed it all.
I keep the cup back on the tray in front of me. Unable to keep the stress in check.
How the fuck did I allow myself to disrespect her like that?!
Her tear streaming face didn't effect me then in my drunk state, like it is doing now. It's like kicks after kicks to my gut and I have to endure.
And finally the flashes of the sink after she left me with stinging cheeks.
What the fuck!!
I stare at the red streak on the pristine white bathroom counter on which I had her moments ago.
I blink and squint. And repeat the same action after wiping of the water on my face.
It's blood....
How?
A heinous kind of unsettling emptyness fills my stomach as the vision of red suddenly scare me. Only because it's hers. I know it is.
"Noh" I murmur as fear fills me while taking a closer look.
I didnt... Noh..
I rush out the bathroom and barge in the small cabin just when I hear an alarming crash inside...
" Theresa... There's blood on the sink ! "
Theresa stands in the middle of the room her chest raising and falling like an angry goddess.
The entire room is a mess. Theresa. She is a mess. She looks like one. There is clear devastation on her face. Her body her hair. Which I want find out why. I want to find out the reason of the strong slap which she gifted me , But I am more focused on the blood I saw.
She dismisses me in a flash, " Get out..."
" Th..there is blood on the sink..." I beg her to focus on that, because I don't want the reason, creeping to be reality to be real.
" I don't know. I don't care Hardin... Just FUCKING LEAVE...."
" I care... Are you hurt?" I ask. Something enrages her and her face immediately turns a few shades deeper red. She turns to grab a pillow and hurls it at me and that it when I notice the blood on her back... On the beige sweater dress.
No!! No!! No!!
My heart almost threathening to collapse as the harrowing reality start to unfold. I take hasty steps and inspite of knowing that she would not like me to touch her I do grab her as gently as possible and turn her to see for myself at the proof of the monster that I am.
" Tess.... It's... It's yours..." I manage somehow through the need to burn down everything including me.
She turns to me with confused eyes, still unknown to the fact that I did this.
Did I not?
Or maybe it's her periods?
" Yo..you were s...supposed to have periods?!" I cannot even hide the panic in my voice. I do not even intend to. I hope she is on her periods even though as I ask I know it's not. That's sort of the last string that can make this a little less painful.
But to plunge the knife right through me she shakes her head in denial.
I DID THAT.
I DID THAT.
I HAVE MANAGED TO HURTS...
PHYSICALLY.
WHAT KIND OF A MONSTER AM I?
I detach my myself from her. Scared even my gentlest touch will cause her pain, more severe.
" I did that" I mumble. Shames drowning me.
I saved her.
And then I hurt her.
" What?" She asks still confused.
Why? Does she not feel how much I hurt her. She is bleeding for fuck sake!!
" It is your blood!! " I inform her once again to introduce her to my ugliness.
She twists back, watches and when she faces me back her face is pale.
She knows.
She know the darkness.
She knows the evil.
Her knees buckle as she realises the monster that I am. And she takes a few step back.
She is going to hate me for this through the next several lifetimes.
She is going to hate me forever.
But I have to stop this....
The blood.
I have to.
She can hate me later..
I have to....
The flash back along with reality blurs my sight. It's morning. It's bright. Yet the shame, the utter shame makes it dark. Incredibly dark.
What the fuck did I do?
Christ!!
Why?
" Hardin..." Jason's somber yet compassionate voice breaks me out of my self loathing.
I blink and stare up at him.
Did these people witness my offense?!
Do they know I don't deserve to live after I forced myself on her?
No no no!!
Did I really forced myself?
No!! She said I didn't..
God I hope No...
I remember!
I remember her resolute face when she assured Lillian that I didn't force her to give herself to me.
I remember how her assurance didn't let me want to shoot myself at that point.
I don't know what I would do if that was the case.
Christ!!
But I hurt her nonetheless, while I was drunk.
That's tremendously shameful. I took advantage of her and disrespected her.
Does Jason know that?
Does he hate and despise me like I know she would forever?
" We don't have much time... You need to wake her up... Or do you need me to knock that door?" Jason asks in a voice that filled with pity or understanding.
I don't know.
I doubt I would want to uncover that truth.
But I know I need to wake up her up.
I cannot let Jason to knock and make her more uncomfortable.
Rubbing the sleep, shame and the shambles of my pride of my face I rise from my seat. I run my hand several times through my hair trying to steady my beating heart, threatening to burst out of my cage of bones.
Leaving a final exhale of air from my lungs I stand infront on the Cabin and knock.
" Theresa.."
Calling her in the sturdiest voice I can muster I stand there and wait. Comes no sound as I count one two three four ....
She hates me....
Of course she wouldn't answer me after last night. Plus I called her Teresa.
"Tessa.. " I try again with a gentle double tap on the door. "It's me..."
She still doesn't answer.
Along with the anxiety of her impending scath and hatred, fear starts to creep up my spine.
Is she fine?
" Tess are you okay in there?" I beg. My voice louder and clearly laced with panic.
Should I just enter?
" Tess I am co_"
The door slides open stopping my flustered rant and there stands her.
Relief spreads through my veins seeing her awake, standing in front of me. I was about to get an attack at that.
Next I notice she has changed. Into a pair of jeans and a light green sweater. Her face is clean, devoid of makeup and her hair is nearly combed in a braid.
I realise she has been awake for quite sometime to have been this prepared.
She also has her purse hanging on her arms in she carries her important.
When she crosses her arms on her chest and her scowl on her face deepens I realise I have been staring, saying nothing for too long.
" We are..we are landing" I blubber...
She rolls her eyes. Her face emotionless.
" I know.." She huffs and walk past me not offering me single more moment.
I swallow the rising bile at how she emits disgust towards me.
I have to endure. I cannot even blame her. Because what took place three years back or when she ran to bloody Nathan_
No stop there Hardin.
What I mean is what ever she did, did not warrant my behaviour and the sight of last night.
I follow her as she walks and settles on a seat and puts on her seat belt.
She thanks Alice, the in- flight attendant and smiles up at her when she offers her coffee.
She blows on the warm mugs and sips on it while I just stand there and watch trying to gather enough courage to just apologise. Even though I know she won't forgive.
" Mr. Scott.. Please sit down and put the seats belts on." Aurther suggests breaking my preparation to just talk to her.
She fleets a look at me rolling her eyes and focuses back on the window like I mean nothing.
Of course I don't mean anything to her. She has proven it enough. And I believe her choice has only become more solid after I hurt her last night.
I cannot help the defeated sigh that escapes me as I sit back on a seat parallel to her.
I keep looking at her movements. I keep searching for any sign of discomfort she is carrying from last night. I don't find any she just keeps on sipping on her coffee. Not bothering my existence.
Helplessly I stair up at the ceiling and close my eyes. I do not even know what to do with myself. It's wierd how normally I know everything. I find out solution to everything, yet right now I have no clue how to bear this burn I caused.
"I am fine." Her voice comes out laced with irritation and annoyance just the moment before the jet starts touching down the British ground.
"What?" I perk up and immidiately look at her.
She isn't looking at me but through windows but she is talking.
"I am fine. You did not hurt me.."
She is fine?! After everything I did she is assuring me that she is fine?
"Tessa I_"
"Physically. You didn't hurt me physically. I am fine physically " she speaks sparing me a fleeting glance.
The emphasis she put on the term physically soothes me to a point, and then sends a straight punch to my gut.
I bet no one could fuck your cunt like I did.... Yeah??
Ofcourse I disrespected her and hurt her more than just physically . But how can she deny being hurt physically too? A person donot bleed, just like that..
"But there was blood. I saw. Lillian saw. I know." I ask her while turning to face her. As much as possible through being constricted by the seat belt.
"It wasn't because of you. So stop looking like a irritating lost puppy. I am fine. I said already." she mutters.
Am I? Looking like a lost puppy? May be. I have always been, more than I would like to show. And even if I am not a lost puppy I would like to be one just to ask for forgiveness.
"Then the blood?" I ask, because the paranoia of me causing her to bleed is something that will take a life time to wipe from my system, if ever.
"Why should I say? Where went your assumptions Hardin ?I thought you assumed everything to the point of perfection." She snaps. Vehemence erupting from her eyes.
I lean forward to coax her into just listening.
"Tess_"
"Stop. Stop Tess-ing me. I don't want to talk to you right now." she snaps again through her gritted teeth. Her eyes flaming for a minute second then she stares out the window again.
"Tess. I mean Tessa... I _"
" I said stop talking to me and keep assuming that I have been whoring around..." she hisses focusing on the term whore.
Her venomous comeback forces my brain to replay my own humiliating words.
And I come back leaving everything, just for you, and find you already whoring around?????
Making me drown in some more shame. Making me wonder. Making me speechless.
____________________________
Take love, ND