The Following Morning;
Shayne Ackles...
Last night hadn't gone as I intended, or even as I had imagined it ending. The fight with Jonah has only confirmed what I had been thinking for a while - and that was that it was over. We were no good for each other - that had never been more, clear than it had last night. I just couldn't continue with someone who would push my buttons so hard that I resorted to violence. I am not a violent person. I hate violence at the best of times, and none more than relationship violence.
Last night I had become something that I hated and with that came the resolution to end my relationship. It was time. Time to put distance between Jonah and me. Time to rebuild my life as a single woman and for that I needed to decide whether it was going to be done here in the home I had made for myself, or back home in Dallas where I had all of my family at my disposal. It wasn't a decision that I could make on a whim. I needed to really think it through because the wrong choice could very well mean the difference between me being happy and content or sad and restless for the rest of my life.
One thing I did know - I am no longer making decisions based on how I feel about a man. I had done that when I stayed here for Jonah; and look how that has ended! In a fucking complicated colossal mess of epic proportions.
That is why I have spent the majority of this morning packing up his shit. We are done and I just need him gone. I will not be forced to twist myself into the awful person I could feel myself becoming with him around. This wasn't working anymore, and I know if he thought about it hard enough, he would realise that too. We clearly were no good for each other and that wasn't going to change. I just wanted him gone so I was ensuring that I had everything that he owned packed up, I didn't want him finding excuses to have to come back here for anything. Once I had it all packed up, I placed everything out on the porch at the front of the house where he would see it when he got back.
I guess it was good that he stayed away last night - it gave him time to cool off and gave me the time to not only cool off but to make these decisions that had needed making. I hated the thought of hurting him because I had loved him at one point but last night had twisted our relationship into something ugly and I wouldn't settle for that. I couldn't settle for that. I deserved better and deep down, so did he.
Once I had placed his X-box into a plastic storage box and placed it with the rest of his things on the front porch, I locked the house up, placing the steel barricade-bar across the back of the door, so that if he even tried to unlock the door he wouldn't be able to get in, and repeated the action on the back door and double locked the French doors at the back of the house, then I grabbed my phone and dialled his number, "hey baby, I am just finishing breakfast with my family then I will be home," he answered as if nothing had happened last night.
I guess I shouldn't have really expected anything else because this was how we always dealt with our issues - by glossing over them until it felt like they weren't even a real issue. It was unhealthy and it wasn't something that I wanted for the rest of my life.
"Jonah, your things are on the porch at the front door. I have ensured to pack everything, so you won't need to come back here..."
"What are you talking about?" He chuckled nervously.
"We're done Jonah. This - whatever we had, it's over..."
"No - you can't-you don't mean that!"
"I do. I'm sorry Jonah but last night was the final call - I haven't been happy for a while and last night - well last night was - it turned me into someone I don't want to be and well that left me a lot of time to think and I just can't keep doing this...we both deserve better -,"
"Bullshit. We both never had it as good as we do with each ot..."
"Don't. Jonah it's over - please just come pick up your stuff," I sighed and ended the connection. There really was no point in continuing to talk to him - he was adamant that we were fine, that we were meant to be together but that simply wasn't how I felt, and I had to be true to who I was and what I wanted.
I knew that there had to be some level of heat between two people but what Jonah and I had was a fucking inferno that wasn't healthy for anyone and if we carried on the way we were it was going to devour everything and everyone in its path. I couldn't allow that to happen. I wouldn't allow it to happen.
Now was the time to work on myself and get back to who I was before all this crap with Jonah got out of hand. The relief I felt at it actually being over was not lost on me, I should have done this long ago. I should have had the guts to end it when it became more and more clear that arguing was becoming a staple in our relationship. Angry with myself for letting things get this bad, I trudged my way up the stairs to my bedroom and into the en-suite. I hadn't slept last night, my new neighbour who I learned was named Jeremy had stayed to help me straighten up the front room after my physical confrontation with Jonah.
Not going to lie; Jeremy was a mixture of that old school movie-star handsome and the classic boy next door appealing, quite literally. With ocean-blue eyes that I swear could see deep into my soul, an appealing shaped nose and those, plump rose coloured lips and that fully sculpted body - he was a walking wet dream. There is no denying that I am deeply attracted to the outer packaging of the man, but he was really guarded in respect to the man he is. Even when he had stayed to help me with cleaning up my home, he hadn't talked all that much. I mean he was perfectly polite but there were no sharing little parts of himself or who he really was.
It didn't really matter anyway; I was intent on taking some time for myself - I need to focus on who I am and what I want out of life. I mean I have an amazing job that I can't see myself tiring of it, ever. I have a lovely home where I feel truly at peace - this was my haven, my safety net, I could just be me in here and not worry what anyone thought of me. I have an amazing family - unfortunately, it felt like they were on the other side of the world, Hell they may as well have been in space for how far away they were from me right now.
I have one real regret from my time here in Scotland - I hadn't put myself out there to make friends. My whole world here centred in and around Jonah and I suddenly get the sense that, that is where we went wrong. I knew better than to build a life around a man. I hadn't been raised that way.
What the fuck had I done?
I had moved half-way across the world on a fucking whim. I had dropped everything from my life back home for a fucking man!! I had turned into one of those women that Hailey and I used to pity. Rushing as fast as my sprained ankle would allow, along the hallway to the small toilet room on the side of the house, I dropped to my knees and threw up.
Who have I become? Not who I ever thought that I would be, that was for sure. I had just freshened up when the banging on my front door began followed by the clink of the letter-box opening, "come on Shay, let me in baby, we can fix this! I love you, don't end it like this!" Jonah yelled through the letter-box.
My stomach churned once again but I swallowed it down moving to the back door and ensuring I had indeed locked it, then to the French doors ensuring they were also locked and pulled the curtains over them to ensure he couldn't see me if he came back here. I quickly made myself some coffee and then grabbed a movie and my phone and climbed the stairs.
If I just ignore him for long enough; he will get the picture and he will hopefully take his stuff and leave. I wasn't ready to get into this with him. I needed space and I needed time to get my head straight. Not that I would change my mind about us being together, but I needed to process the very real conclusion that I had come to realise about myself.
Jeremy Irvine...
Last night hadn't exactly gone as I planned. All I had wanted to do was get home and chill out for a bit. However, upon returning to my home I couldn't exactly have just left Shayne lying in the mud outside of her home. Not when it had become painfully clear that her boyfriend, Jonah didn't give a shit. That had been obvious when he got in his car and drove off, leaving her sitting in the mess where he had pushed her. Seeing him pushing her had damn near pushed me over my threshold of calm and collected.
Men like Jonah bothered me - I could understand getting frustrated with your girlfriend, Hell I could even understand getting angry with her, but what I couldn't and wouldn't ever abide is a man being physically violent with their woman. In my opinion, it didn't matter if your girl attacked you with everything they had, you simply restrained yourself because it is never ok to raise your hand to a woman. Ever. Hell, my own girlfriend had chased me with a fucking knife, and I had still managed to remove myself from the situation without violence.
It had appeared as if Shayne had given as good as she got though - where the blood had marked her face, there was a similar stain on his face. I can't explain the satisfaction that filled me with. To know that she gave as good as she got. It was more than clear that she was a feisty woman and in a way that was attractive to me. Yeah, I am a walking fucking contradiction - I don't want a relationship like my previous one but damn it there was something about Shay that pulled at me. Something that I couldn't quite understand but I had no intention of trying to figure it out because I am simply not ready to go down that road. And I don't suspect that I will be for a long time.
Once I had gotten her ankle swelling down a little, I had offered to help her fix the mess that their fight had left behind. I tried to be polite without being overly friendly because I just couldn't allow her to get close. Not with how attracted I am to her physically - it's just not something that I have in me right now. So, while I can appreciate how stunning she is, I can't let it become more than that. I won't let it become more than that.
My own mental health has to come first and going from one relationship straight into another has been something that I have always done; I have now begun to realise that maybe I need to slow down. It is ok to be on my own. It is ok to let myself just be without having a woman on my arm and at my side. Jessica had messed me up far worse than I had let anyone see and now that I am alone; I can finally address that without worrying anyone with it.
When I set my plan in motion, it had started as just not wanting to be in the apartment where I had so many awful memories but now that I am here in Scotland, thousands of miles away from my family, I know it is more about dealing with the aftershock of my relationship without causing more stress and worry for my family. I am infinitely grateful for the help they gave but this is something that I have to figure out myself. I am 30 years old, and I have to learn how to do all of this on my own. I can't keep running back to my family at the first sign of trouble.
My mind however, ticked back over to Shayne - she had been so nice last night. Offering me coffee or anything to drink, she even went out of her way to apologize for what I had seen happening between her and Jonah, trying to assure me that they weren't always this way, she thanked me profusely for helping her out when we finished cleaning up the mess. Honestly, she hadn't needed to thank me - I wasn't the type of man who could have either left her stuck in the mud, or to clean up the mess when she was obviously injured. I had even told her as much - this wasn't something that needed a thank-you. I only did what anyone else would have done. At least that was what I was telling myself. Because the alternative wasn't something that I wanted to address just yet. I couldn't even bring myself to admit it just to myself let alone to anyone else.
By the time I came back to my house, I had ended up taking a 40-minute cold shower to cool down from being in such close proximity to her. I mean, come on the woman was beyond beautiful - up close she was even more devastating than I had been prepared for. The blood-red and black hair appeared so silky soft and smooth that I had fought every basic instinct I had to reach out and touch it, I had fought to avoid looking into her eyes that were like swirls of melting chocolate - their depths had no end, and I knew one careless glance and I would be drowning into them. The full body of her luscious lips was the type of distraction that could tempt a Goddamn Saint - what type of hope did a mere mortal, like myself, stand? A body that had curves that would have even the Devil dropping to his knees and pledging devotion. I am so fucked. I know it. Yet here I am still fighting everything in me to deny it.
The sound of banging and yelling swam through the air to where I was sitting having coffee and watching the news. Getting up, I moved to my window and gently cranked it slightly, my worry for Shay was instant and I really didn't want to analyse that right now, so I focused in on listening to what I assumed was Jonah banging on her front door, "come on baby, don't do this to me -to us...please. Shay, I love you, we can work on this -on us, please just open the door!"
Was she ending things? I guess a part of me was shocked by that. If she was like Jessica; then she would have stuck it out and continued with the fighting and arguing - did that mean I had read her wrong?
I had jumped to conclusions about her that seemed unwarranted now as I listened, trying to convince myself that I was simply interested in ensuring she was safe, but deep down I feared that it was much more than that. But that was something to be dissected at a later time, because Jonah was growing angrier by the minute as he seemed to be having a full blown hissy fit against her front door - a part of me wanted to go out there so he at least knew that someone was aware of his behaviour, but another part of me strongly believes that Shay has this, she was stronger than I gave her credit for, that much was obvious to me now, and a smaller part of me didn't think it was any of my business.
"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR SHAYNE! STOP BEING A FUCKING DRAMATIC BITCH!" He yelled angrily as it sounded like he was now kicking and punching the door in a way that made him the dramatic one here. With this level of aggression, Shayne was simply being safe in remaining inside and not engaging - she was being smart and a part of me was glad about that. "SHAYNE, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW, I AM GOING TO KICK THIS MOTHERFUCKER OFF IT'S FUCKING HINGES...WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A SPITEFUL CUNT?! FUCKING ANSWER ME BITCH!" Hearing the words, he was roaring at her didn't sit well with me, I wanted to go out there and tell him to have some respect, but I feared my input would only make the situation a hundred times worse. If nothing else, I was beginning to get the impression that I had been completely wrong about Shayne and in the process had treated her unfairly because of it.
I couldn't exactly see him from my spot by the window, and I had just made up my mind to head outside to get 'something' from my car, when a black Vauxhall Vectra pulled up at the entrance to Shayne's driveway and the engine shut off instantly and I watched as the doors opened. Had Shayne called in reinforcements? Smart girl if she had. I felt easier at the thought of her having back up.
But what if it were his reinforcements?
How much danger was Shayne really in here?
Wait, is that...?