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I walk the grounds of the Manor silently. A few days have passed since Draco has delivered the information about the transcript with the unrecognizable symbols. I have been eager ever since to hear back from The Order.
I need to know their information as soon as possible if I want to continue the project. If they are unsuccessful, then I will need Draco to talk to Emily.
While walking the grounds of the estate, I take in the new scene since getting my memories back. I think of all the stories Draco had told me when we were together. I think of him playing in the yard and running into the pond.
Yet, the only aspect of this outdoor estate that brings the most heat to my heart is that oak tree. I recall Draco telling me about how he would sit and talk to it as a child. He told me that he just wanted someone to listen to him.
As I look at the tall old oak tree, I picture a small and young Draco sitting under the shade of its leaves telling the wood about what is going on through his mind. I think of all the secrets those branches are aware of.
My stare on the nature lingers as my thoughts race.
As I stand in the grass, with the wind hitting my skin, I feel a small drop of water touch my arm. My eyes crease as I look up to the sun to see a storm cloud slowly cover the sky.
I'm growing tired of this weather.
I give the oak tree one last look before turning to head inside. I wrap my arms around my body as I try and cover from the rain that gently falls from the sky above me.
As I enter the inside of Draco's home, I find Blaise standing in the foyer with a letter in his hands. I close the heavy door behind me and watch as he reads this letter with hungry eyes.
"Who wrote?" I ask in a soft voice.
His eyes move to mine, "The Order, they need to meet. It is about the transcript." My lips part as I hear him speak.
We both have the same look in our eyes, hope.
"When?" My voice slightly cracks.
"As soon as possible, where is Malfoy?" He lowers the letter as he looks around the foyer.
I move my legs towards him, "I am not sure, maybe his room?" I try and think of somewhere that boy could be.
Blaise places the letter in his back pocket, "Tispy!" He calls out.
The small house elf then appears out of thin air. He has a smile across his face, "Tispy was called on?"
Blaise looks down at him, "Please get Malfoy and let him know Olivia and I need him as soon as possible."
My lips slightly curve at the mention of my first name. I haven't heard it nearly at all since the war and when I do hear it, it warms my heart.
"Certainly Mr. Zabini!" Tispy nods but then vanishing within seconds.
"What all did the letter say?" I ask with anxiousness.
Blaise shrugs, "Not too much, only that they have researched the ancient symbols and that they need to talk with us as soon as possible."
I bite my lip in hopes of the letter only meaning good news. If they were able to transcribe the words into a modern language, then it could be a massive breakthrough. If not, then my only hope is in the hands of a woman I do not know.
"Your grace was summoned?" I hear Draco's sarcastic tone from the top of the front stairs.
He wears a black jumper with matching trousers. His large combat boots that are messy tied cause loud thumps with each step he takes.
"We need to meet with George, like now." Blaise races out.
As Draco walks down the last step his brows furrow, "What is it?"
Blaise pulls the letter from his back pocket handing it to his best friend. I watch as Draco takes the parchment between his fingers giving Blaise a look of confusion. His pupils graze down to the words on the letter as he reads each one.
I watch as his face shifts from confusion to eagerness, "Alright, let's go." His voice is low.
I stand with my arms still crossed, "Hurry, we need to make a plan." I cut in.
They both look at me after I speak, "We will." Blaise answers.
The two of them quickly leave through the front door to apparate to wherever it is that The Order is hiding.
I pace around the foyer for nearly thirty minutes in fear of what the meeting it about. What if they had no hope with deciphering the old language. What if I must find a way to convince Emily to give us a meeting. The anxiety in my stomach grows as I hear the storm grow stronger outside.
My thoughts are broken by Theo walking down the steps, "Why are you pacing Lancing?" He asks from the top of the staircase.
My neck jerks up to look to him, "The Order wrote back, Blaise and Draco left a while ago to talk to them about the transcript I found."
Theo meets me at the bottom of the steps, "Did they translate it?"
"We aren't sure."
He licks his lips, and his eyes fall, he only nods in response.
"Theo, I have a question that I have been afraid to ask for a few days now..." His eyes meet mine with curiosity, "Who won Pansy on Sunday night? Who owns her?"
I feel my heart stop beating as I wait for his response. I have been hesitant to find out that specific information since I don't think I would be able to handle it.
But now that days have passed, I think I should know.
His eyes become soft as he lets out a deep sigh breaking eye contact with me, "Montague." His voice is soft but full of hatred.
I feel vile rise in my stomach as I think of Pansy being alone in that home. My waves start to grow as the memories start to filter through my head, I try and push them behind my mind as my Occlumency starts to break. My eyes slowly water at the thought of him doing what he almost dd to me. Yet, Draco saved me before it got too far.
No one came to save her.
My breathing becomes uneven as the room is silent. Theo knows that this is possibly the worst answer he could have said. I pinch my arm as I try and fight the cry about to escape my lips.
Instead, my voice wavers out a "Oh."
Theo keeps his head down as I can tell he is being cautious around me.
The front doors open and the storm outside roars through the foyer. I look to see Draco and Blaise soaking wet walking in with heavy breaths.
"Good you're here." Draco motions to Theo standing next to me.
"What did they say?" I almost yell as I try and push back thoughts of Pansy.
The two boys try and shake off some water as they look at each other, then back to us.
"They weren't able to translate it." Draco finally speaks.
I feel my heart plumet, "What do you mean?" I feel as though it comes out almost as a beg.
Draco looks at me, "They had a research team analyzing it, nothing. They did say that it must be important if there are no historical records on the symbols or 'Judas'."
"You need to meet with Emily Allison, it is out only hope Draco." I honestly speak. I know he doesn't want to meet with her but at this point there is no other option.
"I know. I will write to her to try and meet tomorrow." He pushes his hair back with one hand as he agrees to my statement. I am almost thrown off by his easy answer. I expected more of a fight when it came to meeting with her. It surprisingly took no effort though.
"After your meeting, we will hopefully be able to plan out steps moving forward." Blaise speaks resting his jacket on the hook near the door. We all nod in agreement.
The group slowly starts to disperse, but I chose to grab Draco by his arm gently. He looks down at me in response to my small gesture, "Can we talk in private for a moment?" I ask.
He gives me a silent nod. I smile softly up at him as he motions for me to follow him upstairs. Ever since I read his journal the other day, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. The guilt is nearly killing me. I have tried to ignore the voice in my head telling me how horrible I am, but I just can't shut her up.
Then looking at the oak tree today, it made the feeling in my gut even stronger. I know I need to be honest with him and expose what I did. Not matter how bad it hits me in the face.
We walk into his room, and he closes the door behind us, "Everything alright?" His deep voice echoes through the quiet room.
I watch as he takes his wand out pointing it to the fireplace instantly lighting a fire and then placing his wand on his dresser, "There is something I need to tell you..." My voice squeaks.
He pulls his jumper off his chest as he looks for dry clothes. My breath hitches at the sight of his exposed torso and I suddenly forget what I am even saying.
"Okay...what is it?" His concerned voice asks.
I shake my head and bite my lips as I feel the discomfort grow through my body. My prolonged silence makes him turn to me with questioning eyes.
"Lancing, what is it?" he moves towards me, "You can tell me."
His voice is gentle, too gentle. Jesus, why do you have to be nice to me with your chest just out and about like that? Why couldn't this conversation happen while he yells at me with a surplus of ugly Christmas sweaters on?
"Well, do you remember the other morning when you left me alone in bed to meet with Voldemort?" I slowly ease into my admission.
His brows furrow, "Yes?"
I let out a deep sigh, "Well once you left, I am not sure what came over me. It could be because we had just had sex and I was getting flashbacks to school when you had lied to me for over a year about your identity, I'm not sure, but I decided to make the instant decision to read your journal. I think I just wanted to know what was going on inside your head. I know it was wrong of me and like I said – I do not know what came over me. But I did it and it has been haunting me for days now and I just need to tell you because I do trust you and I don't know why I didn't think I could. You are just so quiet and I wanted to know everything going through your mind." I race out in a speed of words. I almost feel like it didn't make any sense from how fast I was word vomiting.
Draco remains silent. He doesn't even move. He just looks at me and I think that is the most agonizing part of it all.
I hold my breath as I wait for some sort of response, yet nothing comes.
"Please say something." I beg.
"You read my journal." He finally speaks.
"Yes."
"My new journal?"
"Yes."
"All of it?" He lifts his fingers to point to the black leather on his nightstand.
"Yes."
He rests his thumb and pointer finger on his chin as he strokes it slowly keeping his brows pushed together as if he is thinking.
"Hmmmm." He moans out.
I bite my lower lip as I wait for him to yell at me. To curse my name and to tell me to leave his room. I hold my tongue as I fear that his next words are either 'Fuck you!' or 'What the hell is wrong with you?'
"And you were able to open it with no problems?" his eyes meet mine as he keeps his fingers on his chin.
My face shifts at his response. I am confused as to why he isn't yelling at me and rather asking me about if I am able to open a journal?
"Yes...?"
"Hmm, very interesting..." His voice is low.
"Are you mad at me?" I swallow.
He drops his hand from his face and stalks closer to my body, "More embarrassed that you had to read that I wrote entirely of you."
I small smile creeps on my face, "That part isn't that bad."
"I am not mad, but I need to write Emily. So, I have to leave you now." His tone is gentle but abrupt.
"Oh, right. Yes, you go do that."
He gives me a half smile before taking a shirt from his dresser and exiting his bedroom. I am not sure how I feel about the conversation. He didn't yell at me so that is a plus. Yet, he didn't tell me he wasn't mad. He was acting strange.
He completely avoided the topic of discussion and then came up with a reason to leave rather than further talk about it all. I had just told him that I chose to read his personal thoughts without even a regard to how it would make him feel.
If it were me, I would've most likely killed him on spot.
As I stand in his bedroom, I hear the rain hit the windows as the cracking of the fire layers on top. My feel myself collapse onto the sofa near the fireplace. I am still in awe of how that conversation went.
I don't know how much time passes as I sit and wait for Draco to return to his bedroom. The more I think about it, maybe he doesn't have any intentions of coming back here to continue our conversation.
I stand and finally decide to go search for him. It has been God knows how long and I am tired of waiting. I feel as if we need to have a serious conversation about what I did. It wasn't right and I don't want him thinking I am going to hold any of that private information over his head.
I move out of his bedroom and straight to his office. The door is unlocked so I peak my head in to find the room abandoned.
I move to the back staircase to make my way down to the kitchen, yet there was no one in there.
I rest my hands on the countertop to pause and think of where Draco would be besides his bedroom, office, and kitchen. I turn my head and see out the window of the kitchen, Draco sitting in the back gardens alone as the rain falls on him.
I watch for a moment before opening the back door to meet him. He keeps his legs wide as he leans over on his elbows. His shirt is half undone as it exposes half of his torso and his full right arm. His shirt rests bunched up on his right shoulder.
I watch in confusion as to why he has his shirt like this. It seems rather odd especially when it is raining. Although, it's odd that Draco is sitting in the rain.
I open the door and take a breath before running across the grass to meet him on the bench. He keeps his eyes to the ground as I can now see him holding his right forearm with a cloth against his skin.
I slow my pace down as I approach him. I carefully place myself next to him on the bench and remain silent. I know he knows I am there; I am just waiting for him to look up at me.
I look down to his right forearm to see black liquid drip down his skin as the rain hits him.
My brows pull together as I try and understand what is happening.
I finally break the silence, "Draco, what's wrong? What happened?"
He finally lifts his head, yet he keeps his stare out onto the gardens, "I gave myself a fucking tattoo."
My eyes widen at his confession. That was the last thing I expected to come from his mouth. He hates tattoos, he made it very known a couple days ago when Theo and Blaise were trying to get him to do it with them. Why would he suddenly decide to get one now?
"You despise tattoos..."
He remains silent. He keeps his hand covering the ink on his skin while his eyes watch the rain fall on the wonderous garden.
"I put a charm on my journal. Right after the war when my mother gifted me a new one." He finally speaks of his journal and my breathing slows, "I charmed it so that no one I didn't trust could ever see it. I should've done it to the first one, but I didn't."
I keep my mouth closed because I want him to continue speaking, "So I decided to charm the journal to only be opened by someone with true and good intentions. It was a safeguard in case I killed myself." My stomach turns and my oxygen halts as he speaks those last words.
He finally shifts his eyes to meet mine, "I know, fucked up right." I don't move. He moves his eyes back to the view in front of him, "I debated it after the war I didn't think there was any hope for me. I wanted my mother to be able to read it after my funeral or something. So, I made the charm so specific that only someone like her could ever open it."
With all the information passing through my ears, I forget to let out a breath, "When she died, I assumed no one would ever see what I had written. No one would ever know that I loved a girl named Olivia Lancing and that I tried everything in my power to keep her safe."
I heartbeat races, and I can't tell if it's the rain on my face or tears, "Until you opened it. Until you told me you were able to open my journal."
He fully turns his head to face me, "My mother would have adored you." His pupils melt into mine as I can see the emotion through his eyes.
"Draco-"
"You keep doing this. You keep giving me reasons to make me never want to lose you. You keep me in constant fear of something happening to you because," His voice cracks, "Because I can't lose you. I told the journal only someone with a kind and true heart. Someone who loves me, someone who wants the best for me, someone who is looking for my mind rather than secrets can open my journal. That leaves you, and my mother."
I don't know how to respond. I am soaking wet, but I don't care in this moment. I only care about the boy sitting next to me. I feel a mix of emotions and I don't know where to start.
Before I can say anything, he speaks again, "So when you told me, I knew that no matter what you are the most important thing in my life. I don't give a shit about anything else Olivia, only you. So, I fucking got that goddamn gun and inked myself."
He removed the black stained cloth to reveal a messy drawing of a branch. I can't entirely make out what kind of leaves or branch it is, but then I look a little closer to see small olives.
"An olive branch?"
He nods slowly.
"Why?" I ask for clarification.
"In ancient Greece Athena was a symbol of peace and strength. At the Olympic Games they would give out olives to the winners as a symbol of her. The winner would never eat these olives, they would keep them in their windows to show that the winner in the home represents kindness, incredible strength, and will bring peace to ones life." He starts to go off.
I patiently listen as to what this represents in his life, "There is a name is the history books that translates into that exact meaning behind the history. This name that represents that entire idea from thousands of years ago, and it's Olivia."
My mouth drops, my eyes widen as my eyes look back down to his tattoo on his skin. He tattooed this olive branch as a symbol of my name. Not only is it my name, but it's the thought and meaning behind it all. He chose something so complex to understand that it brings me to full on tears.
"Draco, I- I don't know what to say." I try and mutter out.
He places the cloth next to him and leans back on the bench, "You don't have to say anything. I already know I am a complete lunatic."
A small but genuine smile forms on my lips as I look at him. I picture him in the living room taking his shirt half off as he tries to sketch out each olive and leaf in the picture. I imagine him with his eyes focused on the ink as he tries to make sure it looks somewhat alright. As he thinks of me while tattooing his skin forever.
I chose not to say anything, instead I take my hand and place it on the back of his neck, pulling him into me as his lips to meet mine. I can tell he is caught off guard by my sudden gesture, but I don't give a shit.
I take my other hand placing it on his chest as I feel his lips move gently against mine. It isn't a kiss of lust and eagerness. It is one of emotion and fulfillment. One of care and appreciation. One that means something.
My tears mix with the rain as our lips become wet from the storm falling on us. He takes my cheek into his hand as he dances with my lips.
Butterflies overtake my entire body as I feel completely safe. He makes me feel safer than I have ever felt in my life. He makes me feel at home, he makes me feel like the Olivia I want to be. The Olivia that brings hope to others, the Olivia that loves unconditionally, the Olivia that is strong. He makes me, me.
We both slowly pull away, yet we keep our foreheads pressed against each other. Our eyes locked and our lips swollen.
I break out into a full smile, "I can't believe you did that tattoo for me." I laugh as I cry.
He now joins in on my laughing, "What can I say sweetheart, I'm a fucking mess."
"You're going to regret it one day..."
He softly chuckles but then gives me a gentle kiss on my lips, "I know for fucking sure that I will never regret this."
His words hit my heart somewhere special. I know he is talking about the tattoo, but part of me feels like his words mean something more than that. It makes me melt into him.
Through all the shit I have been through with this boy, it was all for a reason. I have had to realize that if everything from our past had never happened, I wouldn't be here right now in this moment. And there is no other place I would rather be.
Today, we soak in each other's worship and rain.
Tomorrow, we fight like hell.