The next day, when Josie was fully recovered from her procedure, she was still struggling emotionally. She approached Saige, the only other person there who she knew had DID.
"Hey... Could I ask you for some advice?" Josie approached the tall redhead. Even though they'd chatted a few times, she was still nervous.
"Hey, yeah! What's up?" She scooted over and patted the couch beside her.
"I just... You have DID, right?" she asked hesitantly. "Wait, is this Saige?"
She laughed softly. "Yeah, this is Saige. The others don't like to come out when I'm out in the common room."
"Oh, okay," Josie replied as she sat beside Saige. "Well I just... my alters. I'm so confused. It gets scary sometimes, like hen Carter took over and pulled my tube out. I just really need advice, or just a friend to lean on."
"I understand. It can be really overwhelming sometimes." Saige smiled warmly. "If you need a friend though, just remember you have some with you all the time: your alters. Of course not all of them are nice... but your mind creates them in response to traumatic events. Each alter is made to help you cope with specific traumatic events, even if you might not realize their purpose."
Josie paused. What was Carter's purpose? What trauma could have possibly created a mess that cut her up and didn't even want her to eat?
Saige saw her friend tense up, her breathing quickening. "Josie, are you okay? Shit, was that too much all at once?"
"No, it's okay," she said. "Just. Thinking about some things."
"Do you want to talk about it?" She could still hear Saige's voice, but she couldn't concentrate on it. She could barely concentrate on anything at all as her world blurred around her.
Let me help you, a voice said, a deep and soothing tone. You don't have to remember. Let me help you forget.
For once, Josie accepted the switch. She felt the familiar 'switching headache' budding in her temples as an alter came forward, with a rushing calm feeling like Josie was falling into a dream.
"Are you alright?" Saige asked carefully. "Who is this?"
"I'm... Ghost." Xe shuddered, not used to the body xe had to share. "This is the... first time I've been awake this... early in the day."
"Oh," she replied, a friendly smile blooming. "Well, welcome to the daylight world. My name is Saige - or did you know that?"
"I knew." Ghost crossed xyr legs and fiddled with the end of xyr feeding tube. "I, uh. I remember lots of... memories."
January 19th, 2010 - nine years ago. The day Josie's parents died. The day Ghost was created.
— — —
Josie was at home, playing a game with her dolls. Elaine was babysitting her, glad that her niece was away from her abusive dad and distant mom. She remembered the weather channel in the background. Suddenly the news changed - pileup on the highway, started by a car that had gone off the road and crashed into a tree. Three were confirmed dead, four were injured, more news to come later.
That's when Elaine got the call. Listed as Sabrina's emergency contact... crashed into a tree... both dead on arrival... Sabrina was driving, we suspect she was drinking... possible suicide... come as soon as possible.
Josie stared at her dolls. Her heart and mind broke. Her Daddy hurt her, and Mommy never talked to her... but they were her parents, wasn't she supposed to be sad? That was the moment Ghost split.
Josie missed her parents. Ghost did not. Josie would never see them again. Ghost was dead, so xe could see Mommy and Daddy in heaven - even though now Josie thought, if it existed, her father went to hell.
Ghost kept all this in xyr own part of the mind they all shared. Xe kept a lot of things away, so nobody else would remember all their very worst days. And just like xyr namesake, xe could just fade away into the shadows.
— — —
Saige watched over Ghost carefully as xe stared into the distance, xyr thoughts flowing too quickly for xem to focus or speak. All of a sudden, it was like a snap back to reality.
"Josie? Is that you again?" Saige asked.
"Oh, y-yeah," she answered. "What happened?"
"You switched, someone called... Ghost?" she replied. "I'm guessing you don't remember."
Josie met their eyes and chuckled. "No, I guess I don't... it just feels like I fell asleep for a minute."
"That's usually how I feel when I switch," Saige replied. "You have OSDD-1b though, right? I have DID. Switching is usually different, people with your type tend to remember part or all of it."
"Yeah, I usually remember." Josie sighed, fiddling with her feeding tube. "I guess Ghost is different then. Anyway, do you want to go play Mario Kart in the rec room? I'm still sore from the tube replacement, I could use a good distraction."
"Hell yeah!" Saige answered, bouncing up from the sofa and holding out their hand to help Josie up. "Let's go."
— — —
At 2:30 PM, the nurses set up tables and chairs in the lobby, in preparation for visiting hours.
At 2:50 PM, Josie anxiously found a small table with two chairs pulled up to it. She sat, tapping her fingers in anticipation, waiting for her mom to get there.
At 3:00 PM precisely, Elaine came through the doors in a group with other visitors. She waved to her daughter and hurried over.
"Josie, hi!" Elaine enveloped her daughter in a hug, trying her best not to squish too tight. "How are you feeling?"
Josie sighed as they sat down at the table. "I'm feeling... a bit better. It was scary about the tube. There's uh, I have an alter? His name is Carter and he... doesn't like me. He pulled the tube out. But they were able to replace it pretty soon, and they put on something called a bridle so he won't be able to pull it again."
"Well, please tell Carter that I love him like he's my own son," Elaine said, reaching to hold her daughter's hand. "I might not understand much about OSDD yet, but I already know that I still love you even if all of your, uh, alters, don't all love you."
"Thanks Mom," she replied. "I've really missed you and the pets. It's so empty here without you."
"I know, Jo." Elaine sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're a strong girl though, so I know you'll be okay. I'll visit every time I can until you're out."
"I miss you too much! I'm so lonely!" Josie said, laying her head down dramatically before giggling and lifting it back up. "Really though. I do miss you, and I am lonely. I've been here... five days, I think? And I've barely made one friend. I still can't even remember my roommate's name."
"Making friends is never easy, especially not in a place where everyone is struggling so... intensely." Elaine sighed. She knew Josie was in the right place and was getting the help she needed, but it was so hard to be alone..."I know it sounds like it's just corny mom advice, but Josie? Just be yourself. People will love you when they can see your bright spirit."
"I... I'll try." Josie fiddled with the end of her tube. "Were you ever lonely like this, Mom? Like, when you were my age."
"I'll be honest," her mother replied. "Yes, I was lonely. Adam and Sabrina and me? We didn't have an easy childhood. It was only once I got to college in California, far away from my hometown, that I was able to blossom and find myself and... finally make real friends."
"If you were able to 'find yourself' and 'blossom,' then..." Josie was liberal with her use of air quotes, but she paused for a moment. "Mom? Why did you never get married?"
"Why do you ask?" Elaine answered, a bit taken aback.
"Well, I kinda miss having two parents," Josie admitted. "I love you obviously, and I'm proud of you for being a single mom. But haven't you ever wanted to find someone?"
"I did," she said with a slight sigh. "I still do. It was never the right time though."
"What about now?" Josie said, a huge smile forming on her face. "You have a job that you love, and I'm sixteen now so I don't need you to take care of me all the time."
"It's too late now, Josie," Elaine answered and smiled sadly.
"You always tell me it's never too late though!" She reached for her mom's hand and squeezed it encouragingly. "There's probably some dating app you can find for people like you. Go see a movie with some hot guy or something. Have some fun. Take your mind off of... this." Josie gestured to her surroundings: the ward, the patients, everything.
"You know what? Maybe I will." Elaine giggled at the idea. "Anyway, tell me more about you. Who's your friend that you made? What have you been doing in your therapy groups?"
The conversation went on and on, until visiting hours ended.
— — —
Elaine sat in the kitchen at the cabin. She sighed, remembering that winter was approaching and she'd have to find a real house to move to soon. It was impossible to get to the family cabin when the snow came in, the roads were completely covered and way too dangerous. Plus, Elaine wanted somewhere in a nice suburb, good schools, close to her job, a nice big yard for the dog...
She took a bite from her piece of lasagna and realized she really was lonely. Maybe going on a date would brighten her up a bit. But if she actually wanted to, she'd need to admit something to herself and to the world - something she didn't feel ready to admit yet.
Elaine was overcome with nostalgia while she watched the sun set. When the sky had darkened she made a cup of earl grey tea and went to sit down in the living room. She was absentmindedly stirring her tea, so nearly tripped over a box that had been set near the doorway. Elaine cursed when she stubbed her toe, and looked down at that box. It was labeled 'ALBUMS' — this must be where she'd put all her family's photo albums. When she was in college, Elaine would come home from break and sit with her mother at the dining room table, putting together collections of people's lives and special moments.
There were personal albums for each sibling. Elaine had finished hers on her own, taking it with her after Christmas break in her senior year of college. She grabbed the album and brought it with her to the living room, then settled down in her favorite chair and opened the book.
It started with Elaine's baby photo. There were plenty of pictures of her as a baby and a toddler, usually with her siblings Adam, Sandy, and Sabrina. She skipped ahead to high school and landed on a picture of her at her senior prom. Elaine wore an unflattering seafoam green dress and was posed in the family's garden; she had gone with a group of friends, but was the only one without a date.
Moving slowly forward through time, Elaine looked through the photos until she found the one she was looking for. Summer after her senior year, a perfect moment in time, the least lonely that she'd ever felt.
Elaine was smiling widely, her auburn hair in choppy layers and unintentionally decorated with confetti. A kind-looking woman with long dusty brown hair stood close to Elaine; a rainbow flag wrapped around the two of them brought them even closer. Their hands were intertwined, and the mysterious stranger was giving Elaine a loving kiss on the forehead.
She gazed at the photo for a while, reminiscing about the wonderful two years she spent with her first and truest love.
"Maybe Josie's right," she sighed. "It's about time I get out there... maybe I can follow my own advice. I'll be true to myself."
It was only a little bit terrifying for Elaine to download a dating app and make an account. It was extremely terrifying to set her sexuality as "lesbian."
"Now the whole world knows," she whispered, meeting the eyes of her profile picture. Elaine sipped her tea and looked through the profiles; it was a bit confusing at first, but she got the hang of it.
The most surprising and terrifying part was after she got a little notification, a pink text bubble with a heart: you got a match! She tapped on it and practically choked on her tea when she saw.
New Match! Mizuki Kimura