[Reader...]
I'm currently working out in the compound gym when Carol walks in.
"Hey y/n, back in the gym I see?" I look at her confused as to I never took a break from the gym to begin with.
"I never left, Carol?" I tell her in a questioning tone, she looks like she didn't really pay attention until she seen me staring at her intently.
"Huh? Oh, looks like your you know..." she says blushing of embarrassment from the comment she made
"No, I don't know?" I tell her
"It just looks like, you've been... chunking up." She says finally letting out her thoughts, my heart dropped. I always had body image issues since I was younger. I've suffered from a eating disorder since I was eleven. So you hear that I was 'chunking up' was a knife to my heart.
"Hey! Hey! Don't worry! You look fantastic still! Chunking up isn't bad! You just gotta own it!" She says trying to save herself. I nod, acting as if I was shrugging it off, making a joke from it.
"Yeah, oh no worries. I finally get to play Santa Clause this year for the hospital visits this year." I tell her giving a fake giggle, acting as if what she said didn't tear my heart out of my chest.
"Yeah, the way I'm going too I'll probably play Mrs. Clause" She says laughing along, I give a fake realistic laugh as I say my goodbye to Carol. My chest felt like someone was twisting a knife.
I went to the room Natasha and I shared, and took off my shirt. Natasha was currently on a mission outside of the states for a while, so I could judge my own body without interruptions.
I lowered my shorts below my navel so take a look at my stomach, I grabbed the fat that lined my stomach feeling the knife twisting even more on my heart.
Just shrug it off, y/n. Carol didn't mean it, she didn't mean it.
I told myself as I got my towel and headed towards the showers. After my shower I headed downstairs to get something to eat after my workout, I was hungry.
I look around to see if anyone was around and grabbed my favorite snack, popcorn. Suddenly Tony came in with his bluntness and immediately noticed me eating the popcorn and furrows his eyebrows.
"Steering away from your diet? Y/n you we're doing so good!" He says disappointed, I look at him confused
"I was never on a diet, Tony" I say lowering the popcorn that had yet to be popped. He looks at me confused before getting a look of realization on his face
"Oh wait! Sorry! That was Wanda! My bad, y/n." He says turning around embarrassed and walking right out of the room. My cheeks were red with embarrassment, was I really that big? That not one but two people commented on my weight in one day?
I put the popcorn away and opted out for a quick 'Naked' smoothie heading back to my room and laid on my bed. I began to go over everything in my head. God, I miss Natasha. She was the only one who could make me feel better.
Later I went into the kitchen to begin cooking being that I was the only one who knew how in the compound. I made the team pasta except for Wanda, for her I made a healthy version of pasta but substituted the pasta for broccoli, she loved my healthy cooking, she said it made the diet so worth it.
As soon as I was done cooking I called the rest of the Avengers to come and eat handing Wanda her already served plate being that if I didn't one of those animals would end up taking it.
"Thanks babes" Wanda says smiling giving me a kiss on the cheek before walking to the table. I grabbed another Naked drink before heading towards my room, I wasn't to the hallway yet until one of the boys called after me.
"Y/n! Why aren't you eating?" Steve asks worried. Carol looks toward me guilty.
"Y/n, It's not what I told you earlier, is it?" She says worried, I gave a fake realistic laugh and smile towards her.
"No! I ate while I was cooking, I was already hungry from my workout so I didn't wait. You guys enjoy." I say, everyone nods as Tony and Peter were in the corner with their child animal plates. Suddenly Tony picks up a plate and puts it to his face.
"Oh look, I'm y/n, I already ate my food." He says mocking me as he makes cow noises, the knife was twisting yet again. Peter cracks up laughing picking up a pig plate and says.
"Oh look, I'm y/n I ate all the Avenger's food" he says making oinking sounds. Tears fill my eyes as I turn around.
"Hey! Cut it out! Stop acting like children!" Steve says to the two immature boys. Suddenly I hear a crash and both Tony and Peter's shrieks before they yell.
"Wanda- what was that for?!" They yell at her, but I was there to hear the rest of what Wanda said I went straight towards my room and laid down, taking a look at my smoothie and throwing it in the garbage. One smoothie was enough for the day.
I contemplated whether or not I wanted to workout, finally getting up and deciding to workout for the second time today this workout was much more intense. So intense I didn't feel the vibrations of my phone in my pocket, until Wanda came in with her phone in-front of her face.
"Love, Nat's on the phone." She says handing the phone to me, I smile at her gratefully as I took the phone and put it in front of my face as she called Wanda on FaceTime.
"Y/n, you had me fucking worried! You weren't answering and Wanda went to check the room and you weren't in there!" She yells, I cower a bit not wanting her to yell. I was already sensitive as it was today.
"I'm sorry baby, I just wanted to get another workout in before turning in" I tell her guiltily, she takes a breath before speaking again.
"I'm sorry, my love. I'm just overreacting, I just got a little worried is all... how's your day been? Wanda told me what those idiots did." She says annoyed and getting angry yet again.
"It's been fine, I miss you so I've been in the gym a lot more to get you off my mind." I give a giggle shrugging off what she said about Tony and Peter, completely ignoring the topic.
"Aw, baby! I miss you too! I'll be home in a week or so, hopefully. Then we can go get some ice cream and eat so much junk and watch movies and cuddles!" She says giggling, her giggle makes me smile although the mentions of junk food only churns my stomach.
"Sounds fun baby, but what about my kisses?" I say in a baby voice, she giggles.
"Of course you'll get kisses, I thought that was a given?" She says joking, I giggle. Suddenly a blonde figure pokes her face into the camera, and I laugh.
"Hi! Future wife!" Yelena says giving me a dorky wave, I laugh.
"She's not your wife! Back off Yelena before you end up with a foot up your ass!" Natasha says frustrated pushing her sister off the bed they were sitting on. Suddenly I heard a thump and a big 'ow!'
"That's what you get." Nat says shrugging
"Baby, behave." I say to my girlfriend, she just giggles before I see Yelena come back into the camera and say.
"Hey! I had eyes on her first!" She says to her older sister, Nat rolls her eyes.
"Oh my god, will you shut up about that already! Y/n is not an object... but she's mine!" Nat tells her younger sister. Yelena groans before looking into the camera.
"Y/n, she won't stop rubbing in my face with your guys' sexy time!" She yells, I laugh before yelling myself.
"Natalia Romanova!" I yell
"Uh, gotta go, love you baby!" She says quickly in a fit of giggles, I laugh as I say my goodbyes giving the phone back to Wanda.
"Feel better?" She says
"Yeah, a little. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go back to my room and shower." I say she just smiles at me before stopping me by grabbing forearm.
"Y/n, do not listen to those idiots, their stupid. You are so gorgeous, If Nat didn't have you, I'd most definitely swoop in... actually Nat better watch her back." She jokes, giving a slight wink before walking off to her room. I chuckle before heading back towards mine.
I take off mt shirt again taking a look at my body, it was more toned now than earlier, which I took as a good sign. When Nat came back from her mission she'd have a skinny toned girlfriend, if I kept up what I was doing. I was satisfied as I took a shower and fell asleep that night. I hugged my pillow wishing it was Natasha.
Later that night I woke up, not being able to go back to sleep, I pondered on going back to the gym for a third workout, allowing my thoughts to take over I changed into some workout clothes and finished yet another workout. By the time I finished the sun was already up, and Steve walks into the room.
"You're up early" he says with a slight smirk. I smile at him
"Couldn't sleep." I say, he smiles at me before getting back to his workout. I did my cool downs and went back to my room, I finished getting ready for the day before heading out to the kitchen, Wanda was already in there cooking away. She was the second other cook in the compound. If it weren't for us, and Natasha, the rest of the Avengers would starve. They couldn't cook to save their lives.
Opting for my smoothie I headed back towards my room hearing Wanda behind me.
"Aren't you going to eat?" I hear her
Suddenly my father's voice was placed in my head and I went into a flashback.
"You're eating, again?" He says snickering at the food on my plate.
"I haven't eaten today, this is my first meal." I tell him in a quiet voice
"Don't lie to me, I seen you eat earlier." He says disappointed, I look down at the food on my plate before throwing it away. Deciding not to eat that day I went to my room.
"Y/n... y/n." Wanda says trying to get my attention, I snap out of my trance before looking at her.
"Huh? Oh, um... no, i'ma have this for right now. Thanks." I tell her before walking off. I continued this routine throughout the weeks Natasha was gone. I'd work out once in the mid day, again in the evening, and wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare of my father and work out again until sunrise.
I barely ate anymore, I'd drink one smoothie a day, the rest was water. The fat on my lower belly was now gone. My abs were more toned, but if I were to suck in my stomach you'd be able to see my ribs... I couldn't do that before which made me happy. I was down a few pants sizes going from a size ten in pants to a size two. I was two sizes away from my goal, a size zero. I've never been more exhausted, nor have I ever been so skinny, which made me somewhat happy. I stopped speaking to Tasha since we had a bad argument on the phone the same week I began my journey.
I couldn't remember what we fought about but she suggested we should not speak until she came home, which only made me think of how fat I must look on camera she couldn't even look at me. I ended up texting her not to even speak to me when she got home, being so angry and heartbroken as well as hurt. We said a lot of nasty things to each other. She said a lot more heart wrenching things, as 'this is why I don't date girls with daddy issues.' And 'maybe there's a reason why you were left alone'. Referring to my father leaving me in an empty house in Mexico and not coming back. That one hurt. Making me feel worthless and ugly. I knew it was in a spur of the moment that caused her to get angry, but none of the less. I can't even remember how the fight started, only how it ended.
A few more weeks passed by and I'm finally a size zero. You couldn't see my ribs unless I sucked in just a tiny bit still, but I loved having a very flat stomach with not fat what so ever on the bottom of my belly.
I stopped interacting with all of the Avengers staying in my room and only going out to workout. My nightmares had become a lot worse, and my sleep had switched to being all day unless I went to workout. I felt weak, and cold all of the time. But none of the less.
I had moved out of Nat's room, now in a new room down the hall, far from Nat for when she came home and farther from the kitchen, closer to the workout room. No one really bothered me, I decided to just turn my phone off after a week of Nat calling and texting, I had no one else so why keep it on? Its been off ever since, and no one has knocked on my door, except now. When I heard a knock on my door. I sighed weakly as I went towards it and unlocked it, opening it slightly.
I look up to see Natasha.
"Hey.." she says awkwardly, after the initial shock that was written on her face. I just look at her annoyed.
"You're back." I say bluntly
"Yeah... can I come in?" She asks, I open the door more and she walks in, she turns around and gasps a bit.
"Y/n... what happened?" She asks, I look at her confused before looking down at my body.
"Oh- I lost weight." I shrug heading towards my bed to sit down as just that action of me opening the door, tired me.
"What do you want?" I say in an annoyed tone
"Well first, I want to know why you haven't been eating?" She says crossing her arms now getting stern, I look at her dumbfounded
"Seriously? You come back from a four month long mission and that's the first thing you ask? Matter of fact the first the you say?! How about you fuck off Natasha." I tell her
She sighs before speaking again
"You're right, I honestly didn't know what I was saying baby-"
"You don't get to call me that, anymore." I tell her
"I was drunk, I missed you, and I don't even know how the fight started, I just wanted to yell even if what I was saying wasn't real. I'm sorry, I won't do it again. I won't even drink again just-" she says grabbing my thin hands. She kisses them.
"Please, give me another chance. I- I love you." She says tears in her eyes.
"Nat, you said things that hurt, and then left me alone after saying you'd never do that. You left me... alone." I say I take a breath in before speaking again.
"Was it because I was fat?" I ask
Her face changes before she grabs mine.
"No! I couldn't care less if you were three hundred pounds or fifty, baby...You know I love you, for you." She says looking straight into my eyes. Tears run down my cheeks as she rubs them with her thumb.
"Is that why you haven't been eating?" She asks, I nod my head.
"And the comments from-"
"Tony and Peter, I'm going to kill those idiots." She says getting up but I held onto her hands making her bend down again.
"Nat..." I whisper
She rubs my cheeks before saying "yes, my love?"
I take a breath in before telling her.
"The nightmares... the flashbacks. They're back." I say my voice cracking a bit, her face changes as she pulls me in hugging me.
"It's okay, we'll work through it like we did before. Gah, I'm never going away for that long ever again. It was too soon, you were barely getting better from your eating disorder, I'm sorry baby" she says looking at me, I just wipe my eyes.
"It's fine."
"No, it's not fine. We'll get better again, I promise. But for now, I'm going to go kill those idiots, and we're going to get something to eat. It doesn't have to be junk, it can be whatever you choose as long as you eat." She says softly before kissing my lips. I nod still feeling tired, my eyes were droopy.
She notices and picks me up, I was so exhausted I just fell asleep on her. Waking up to ruckus.
"I'm sorry!" I hear Tony yell while running away, he sounded like Cam from Modern Family.
"Get back here Tony!" I hear Natasha yell, I look to my side to see Peter was practically knocked cold most likely from her spider bite. Yelena comes to sit next to me as Natasha chases Tony.
"Hey beautiful, you make up with Natasha?" She asks
"What does it look like?" I say back to her
"Damn, I was hoping you didn't" she says I wack her arm before she leans against my shoulder. Suddenly I feel strong feminine arms pick me up.
"Mine, go get your own. I heard Wanda is available." Natasha says to her sister. She rolls her eyes before arching her eyebrow.
"You know what... oh wiggly woos!" She yells for Wanda. I laugh as Natasha brings me to the kitchen. She ended up making me a fruit salad, a small one to help ease me back into eating and allow my stomach to get used to food once again.
Tony was hanging upside down as Nat carried me back to my room.
"I said I was sorry" he says
"Not good enough." Natasha replies as she shuts the door, and lays me on the bed. We laid in bed and I fell asleep against her as she read a book.
I woke up from that dream in panic.
"Hey, hey. It's okay. You're okay." She says rubbing my back.
"Can you make me a promise?" I say sniffling
"Of course." She says
"Never leave me, not again. Please. I need you." I tell her. She lifts my chin before saying.
"I wouldn't be able to live without you." She says kissing my lips.
"You are the most beautiful girl, the love of my life. You need to stay healthy so I can love you for the rest of my life." She says kissing me again.
"I'm sorry." I apologize
"Not your fault, it was those idiots." Suddenly she gets up and starts coming in and out of the room with my stuff.
"Baby, what are you doing?" I ask
"Oh, so you think we're sleeping in separate rooms now? Oh no, your moving back in with me whether you like it or not." She says taking my stuff I laugh.
Once she was done we took a bath together. My back resting against her front.
"Yelena keeps flirting with me." I tell her jokingly
"Tell her to back the fuck off." She mumbles against my shoulder before kissing it. I giggle. Before saying.
"Wanda is flirting now too." She groans before pulling me closer.
"This is mine... all mine." She says seductively. Which resulted in a bit of action. We had a lot of exercise in the tub that day.
A few weeks later and we're both healthy. I was healthy with my weight now at a size six, and still happy with my now fiancé. Tony, Peter, and Carol were always being dealt with, if they tried to joke too much.
Yelena and Wanda would not stop flirting which would end up in a jealous rage from my fiancé and a fun night, which I did not mind. Everything was better, my flashbacks were gone as well as my nightmares.
After we marry, I'll never have to be alone again.