"Hey." Carlos' voice sounded through Sara's phone.
"Hey." Sara's voice was soft and fragile. "Can we talk?"
"Go ahead."
"I mean face to face. I think we need to talk this over and not over the phone." Carlos agreed and they decided to meet up at the café Sara had taken Carlos the first time he had come to Belgium. When Sara got there, Carlos was already there, to plates with waffles in front of him.
"Hey." Sara smiled and sat down. Her heart skipping a beat at the gesture of already ordering them some food.
"Goodness Sara, you look like you didn't sleep a blink." She chuckled.
"That's because I didn't." She shook her head. "I couldn't. With Anthoine and our fight, there was not one moment that I could fall asleep. So I worked on Anthoine's photo album instead." She took a strawberry off her waffle. "But to get to yesterday-"
"I'm sorry for overreacting." Carlos immediately said.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. It is all on me." Sara took a deep breath. "Noah was there when I got home, you know that. You brought me home. He left soon after you did." Sara bit her lip. "He came the next morning and then every day after. Every day he was there. He just sat with me, we talked and talked. He was a bit of an escape from the current state. He was keeping my mind off Anthoine's death. I was in denial when I was with Noah."
"I do have to admit that for a moment I thought that-"
"That I was going to leave you for him?" Carlos nodded.
"It didn't even cross my mind. Every time I was reminded why I divorced him but why we got married at the same time. We get along so well but just as friends."
"I'm glad to hear that." A smile was tugging on Carlos' lips.
"But what I said about him giving the comfort you can't give me. That was unfair but true." Carlos frowned. "But I need to explain it for you to understand. Carlos, you are a racer. You do the same thing-"
"Anthoine did and that frightens you." Carlos took Sara's hands.
"I would have said the exact same thing to Pierre in the heat of the moment. I love you but the thought of-"
"Hold up." Carlos started full-on grinning. "You just said you loved me." Sara blushed heavily when she realised she had actually said she loved Carlos. It was true, the man had stolen her heart faster than she had wanted at the beginning but at that point, she only wished that she had realised sooner that she loved him. Life could be cruel and over in a heartbeat.
"I did." He started laughing as his eyes glistened with happiness.
"I love you too. But it is okay. We both said things we regretted. Let's just forget it and enjoy these waffles. And then go for a walk?"
"That sounds good." They started to eat their waffles and talked about more casual things, like how Piñon, Carlos' dog was doing and how his family was or the stunt Leon had pulled at school that had seen him suspended for a couple of days.
"If you would have told me Leon was Martin's kid I would have believed you immediately." Carlos laughed.
"Well, he does have the Dubois blood running through him." Sara grinned.
"Should I be worried?"
"For what? Me or having kids with me?" She laughed.
"Would you want kids?" Sara shrugged. "No, honestly? Would you want kids?"
"I guess, I have never really-"
"Honestly." Carlos sternly said but there was a glisten in his eyes. "How many times do I have to ask you for an honest answer?"
"Apparently, many times. But I guess so, I've always liked kids a lot and I've wondered what my kids would be like but Noah didn't want kids. And if you don't want to, that is totally fine, I mean sure." Carlos quickly shook his head.
"In it's time I would love to have kids."
"Plural?"
"I always pitied kids who didn't have any siblings. So I promised myself that if I ever were to have kids, I would never just have one." Sara smiled.
"I can live with two kids."
"Two kids with me?" Carlos laughed. "That is a dangerous combination. Dubois and Sainz. They are going to be some hyperactive cheeky kids." Sara shrugged. 'It doesn't bother you?"
"I've been living with Martin and David my entire lives and I can handle you so far. So I guess that I'd be fine." Sara's smile dropped. "But I am going to kill them if they would want to follow in your footsteps. Continuing on that, I know I would come with you to Russia but I think it is best to not come. I haven't been able to watch Monza because I was too scared, I need to build up the courage to see it on television again first. When I'm slightly comfortable with that again, I'll join you again. I promise."
"That will come Sara." She nodded and they finished their waffles. "Let's go for that walk shall we?"
"Let's go. I do want to do something first." They walked to a flower shop and Sara bought a rose, a white one. Carlos didn't understand what she was up to until he realised what route they were taking. They were taking the route to the Belgian track and Sara was going to place the rose at the accident site.
"Sara, is this a good idea?" Sara inhaled deeply and nodded.
"Yes, I have thought about Anthoine a lot last night and when I worked on his photo album, I realised that it is good to grieve but Anthoine also deserves to be celebrated. He was an amazing man with a heart of gold. Always kind and caring and always ready to help whoever needed his help. I need to do this to end my period of grieving the way I have been the past week and a half. I need to do this. And I am happy that you are here to help me." Carlos took her hand and squeezed it. He was there for her and he wasn't going anywhere.
Sara started to get quieter and quieter as they neared the entrance of the track. Her heart started to beat more rapidly and she started to doubt herself more and more. Was it a good idea? Every now and then, she just had to whisper it to herself. She needed to do this.
Carlos noticed and didn't ease the grip on her hand, remembering the words Pierre had spoken when he had asked him for advice. That reminded him, he needed to apologize to him as well. After leaving the Dubois house very frustratedly and hurt, he had called Pierre to tell him that his advice was wrong. He hadn't done it that nicely. But that was for later. He needed to be there for Sara in the first place. As they walked through the paddock and onto the track, tears started to roll down Sara's cheeks.
It used to be her favourite part on the track but it was the most dreaded part now.
Some of the people working at the track were kind enough to let them in after recognizing Carlos and explaining quickly why they were there. They also told her that there was nothing.
"Carlos, could you just stay back a bit. I need to do this. Anthoine and I." Carlos nodded and let go of her hand to let Sara walk the final meters to the point where Anthoine's car had hit the barrier alone. "Hey, Thoine." Her voice was trembling. "I'm sorry I couldn't do this during the weekend. And I'm sorry for being an idiot. I'll make sure to hit myself over the head for you. I should have talked about my feelings rather than falling back into Noah's arms. You would have killed me." She nodded, placing the rose down. 'I'll try to make you proud. I love you Thoine and I sure as hell am going to miss you on this earth. You sure made it a better place." She got back up from her kneeled position and smiled through her tears. She walked back to Carlos and buried her face in his chest.
"It's okay Sara, all will be okay. He might be out of sight, but I am pretty sure that he will be looking down on you. Heck, after what I've seen during our vacation he will be trying to kick your arse from up there whenever he needs to." Sara laughed.
"I'm pretty sure he has been trying to do since the second he died. Because I am stupid most of the time and he knows."
"Well, I am here to-" Sara hit Carlos across the chest. "I'm sorry."
"Make sure Anthoine doesn't kill you for your behaviour."
"I'll try." They laughed and with their arm aroundeach other, they walked back down the hill. Sara felt so much lighter than shehad when she walked up the hill. Even though life had felt lost for a little,she felt so much better knowing that Anthoine was still with them in theirmemories and the best she could do was celebrate his life and all he stood for.