"Are you doing this just to get the throne?"
God, she really was weary of my words and actions now after the way that I had treated her, I have really and truly crushed her trust in me. And as much as I hated it, I also had to admit that she had every right to be weary of me and having lost her trust and faith in me. Especially after the way that I have behaved since I met her.
"No detka, no of course not, if I were doing this just for the throne and crown. Then, not to be boastful, arrogant, mean or anything else but, according to the woman who have always thrown themselves at me, I could take my pick of almost any of the women in our world. But that just isn't who I am. I want to marry the woman that I love and hold dearer to me than my own life. Which is you and only you. I'm telling you all of this simply because I love you and I want you to be my wife. I want that more than anything else in this world as a matter of a fact lyubov' moya. And just so you know, if you don't want us to be the reigning monarchs, then we can refuse the thrones. And we can travel the world together until we get ready to settle down in one place. I can pass my crown, throne and the title of prince to my cousin and take the title of Lord Ivashkov instead. I just want you to be with me, I just want for you to be my wife, I just want us to be happy, in love and together forever my Roza. FOREVER, my angel. All that I have ever really wanted; no matter how hateful, cruel and disgusting that I have behaved. Is to be with you for the rest of our eternity Roza moya." (baby, my love, my)
"Then why did you say that you didn't love me, that you didn't want me, that we couldn't be together? That the very thought or idea of us being together was horrific?"
I sighed and then took a deep breath before I began trying to explain this to her. "Again, I did it out of my fear of being hurt and the desperate overwhelming fear that I am not worthy or deserving of you. I worry, more than I can tell you, that I am not deserving of you and your love. That I am not good enough for you."
She narrowed her eyes as she glared at me and she tried once again to raise an eyebrow at me. In silent challenge of my words of not being worthy of her, good enough for her or deserving of her and her love.
"I am sooo sorry Roza, I know that I have hurt you sooo much, and I never wanted to do that. I was just sooo scared. As for that stupid idiotic 'horrific' comment, the only horrific thing is the thought that I might have to live for one more day without you in my life. Let alone have to live for the rest of my life without you."
"Why aren't you scared anymore?"
"Because my cousin finally managed to pull my head out of my ass for me."
"Huh?"
I laughed. "Adrian Ivashkov is my cousin, as I told you earlier. He is the one that I was talking about giving my throne and title to if you didn't want us to ascend to the throne."
"Oh. Did you know that he is also a terrible flirt?"
I laughed. "Yes, I know he is, but he's harmless I promise. How do you know that though?"
"He has flirted with me something fierce since the very first day that I met him."
"Did he do it when I wasn't around?"
I watched as she sat there for a few moments and thought about my question. Soon she looked stunned as she answered my question. "No, now that I think about it you were always somewhere nearby when he did it."
I nodded with a smile.
"He was doing it to make me jealous and to try and knock some sense into me. And I am not going to lie to you again, it made me jealous on a massive scale."
"It did?" I could hear the hopefulness in her voice.
"It sure did detka. Just as it has made me envious and jealous every time that I have ever seen anyone else flirt with you. It made me burn inside with anger, rage and jealousy while also making me wish that I could be the one openly flirting with you. Wishing that I could whisper in your ear, touch you and kiss you in public. Even though I had convinced myself that I couldn't even do that in private and would most likely never even be able to do it in private either. I wanted to do so so badly that I didn't know what to do with myself." (baby)
"What about what happened in the lounge with that little prick Jesse Zeklos."
I flinched because I remembered just how badly I wanted to murder that little ublyudok. How badly that I wanted to rip his zhopa apart limb by excessively bloody wimpy little limb. (bastard, ass)
"In all honesty Roza, I wanted to skin his zhopa alive. I wanted to set his zhopa on fire in the middle of the quad and watch as his skin and muscles melted from his bones. I wanted to yeblya kill him. Because he had the gall to do those things to you and because he had the privilege to be able to touch and kiss you when I didn't think that I ever would. Even though I knew that you didn't really want to be there with him that way. I thought that at least it was legal for him to be there where it wasn't for me to do the same. I wanted so badly to be in that type of situation with you, but I didn't ever think that I would ever be able to." (ass, ass, fucking)
"Zhopa?" She asked and I refused to deny teaching her Russian anymore, so I answered her question truthfully.
"Ass."
"Yeblya?"
"Fucking."
"Ahhh, ok. Dimitri, the only thing that ever kept you from being like that with me was your own mind."
Again I sighed because I knew that she was right, it was all in my own mind. That is the only thing that had kept me away from the love of my life. Because if I had made sure of the age of consent, then I would not have forced us to stay apart. But there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change that now.
"I know that now, and I am sooo sorry detka." (baby)
"Good, I am glad that you know that you were the only thing that was keeping us apart. Now, what were you trying to tell me about Adrian?"
"Adrian is also a spirit user, a very gifted one as a matter of a fact. He is a spirit user who can walk through people's dreams. But he, unlike the only two other spirit users that I have met in the past, can also see auras. He is also able to see several possible futures depending on the choices that people make. He can also see the past and the present. After our fight on the staircase, he told me what would happen to the both of us if I didn't tell you the truth about how I feel about you. And what he saw happening to you..." I closed my eyes and shook my head, the fear of what he said that he saw still far too prevalent in my mind to actually be able to deal with it right now.
"Well, it is just not something that I will ever be willing to even take the smallest chance of coming true."
"What did he see?"
"Your death... well, your life as a strigoi actually."
She gasped.
"What do you mean?"
So I took the next at least half an hour to forty-five minutes to explain it all to her.
"My God, she actually does that?!" Lyubov' moya voice cracked. It killed her knowing that the woman who had given birth to her would actually do something like that to her. My poor poor love. (my loves)
"If I hadn't told you the truth, then yes. Now that I am finally being honest with you... I don't know detka. I just don't know. According to Adrian every decision that people make and everything that they do changes the future in a multitude of different ways." (baby)
"How can she want me to become a strigoi just to save her life? Now, if she was really my mother and we really cared about each other. Then I would probably be willing to do it, I mean if it were you or Alberta then I would definitely be willing to do it."
"As difficult as this is to say, and I know that it is going to be even more difficult for you to hear. But if she really cared anything whatsoever about you detka, if she wasn't such a selfish suka who cares nothing whatsoever about anyone but herself. Then she would most definitely not ever ask you to do something like that in the first place Roza moya. Especially not to save her own life. And Alberta and I both love you, so there is no way in ad, that either one of us would ever ask you to do something like that. Not for us, we would both rather die than to have you do something like that, especially for us. Now if it were for one of our children, then I could never fault or blame you for that since I would do the same exact thing for you and our children. And more likely than not, so would Alberta if it were for you or our children. As I said, just like I would do." (baby, bitch, my, hell)
"Ad?" She asked.
"Hell." I answered and she nodded.
"Detka?" She asked wanting the English translation.
"Baby." I answered in a whisper and she smiled such a truly beautiful and radiant smile that it took my very breath away.
"I like that." She sighed.
"I'm glad detka." (baby)
"It would have been the whole Victor and Natalie Dashkov thing all over again. And you don't ever do that either, not for me, not EVER." She continued with our previous discussion.
"Yes, it would have been. I am hoping that now, because I am finally being honest with you, that this will change things. Just like my having to pick between her life and the lives of you and our children. I can't promise you that I wouldn't give up everything and everyone in the world, except our children, for you Roza moya. I just can't." (my)
"You pick our children always Comrade!!! And I do mean always. Do you hear me?!! Al-fucking-ways!!!" She growled protectively, as she grasped my hands aggressively, of the children that we have not even conceived yet. Which made me smile happily, hoping that meant that she could, would and has forgiven me for my stupidity and for hurting her so horrendously.
"I will detka, I promise you that I will. I know that having to pick someone, anyone, over you will kill me. But in the case of our children, and only for our children, I will do it. Just as I expect you to do." (baby)
"No matter how hard it will be, no matter how much it will kill me, I promise you that I will. But just like with you, only for our children." Her eyes were filled with unshed tears as she made me that promise.
"Good, thank you. I need desperately for all of you to always be safe, happy, healthy and sane." I ran my hand up and down her arm trying to calm her, as I also tried to keep myself calm while still trying to prevent a darkness attack. Because with as much darkness as Adrian said that she has in her right now. She sure as ad does not need a spark setting it off right now. (hell)
"So I have to wait until Mason, Eddie and Mia disappear then I take Christian and go hunt them down. Let the two of us get captured as well, and then taken to the same place that the strigoi took the three original idiotic runaways, and then find a way to save all of us?" She asked me about an hour and a half later, after I told her the rest of what Adrian had seen.
"Yes. But Adrian said that if you wanted him to, that he would teach and train you how to access, harness and use. Just as much of your magic as you possibly can between now and then."
"That would be great. Do I have to let Christian let me loose or can I do that myself?"
"You have to let him do it because not only will he and Mia have to help Eddie out of the basement and the house. But Mason will need to lead you all out and you will be bringing up the rear. And the reason that you have to let Christian set you free is because only you, me and Adrian can know of your magic as of right now. And if you use magic in front of the others then they will obviously know about your magic as well. And, as I said, not even the four of them can know anything about your magic as of yet. It is just too dangerous for you yet."
"All right, I understand."