Frisson
Atlas and Hera
❝ We only have one week before the district competition starts. So you need to accomplish a sports article about Atlas Famorcan beforehand. Do you think you can do it? ❞
Ma-awtoridad na kuwestiyon ni Mr. Reves na siyang nangangasiwa sa student publication ng eskuwelahan namin.
❝ Atlas Famorcan sir? ❞
Napapantastikuhang atungal ko.
He is the most prominent black belter taekwondo player in the academy even beyond the domain. Students outside the campus are losing their sanity whenever Atlas is on the platform.
He is well-known not just because of his perfectly crafted appearance but because of his insane mastery of Taekwondo. However, he never accepts any interview. He’s always declining even the school ask him to.
And to make it even more complicated...Atlas Famorcan is my ex. You read that? He was my boyfriend.
❝ You heard me right, Miss Octavia. He will be the front page of our newspaper this month. Make sure to jot down even the smallest and tiniest details about him. Form your interview questions thoroughly. I despise rubbish articles.❞
Tuloy-tuloy na litanya nito bago malalaking hakbang na naglakad patungo sa susunod na klase niya.
Sapo ang mukha, nagmistulan akong tinakasan ng kaluluwa sa katawan habang tinutunton ang daan pabalik sa sarili kong classroom.
We broke up last year. I am not sure if that was a mutual decision but I was the one who initiated it. Atlas was having a hard time balancing the path he took, his studies, his family and our relationship. It was difficult for him that’s why I decided for the both of us. I want him to achieve what his goals are— his dreams and his priorities.
I was always in his back whenever he executes every move. Maybe not in the place where he notice, not in a place where our eyes could meet but I was always there.
Always.
Seeing him skyrocketing to summit made me realized how worth it that separation is.
I don’t regret anything.
But I would lie if i’ll impose that his existence does not affects me anymore.
---
❝ He won’t shove me away, right? ❞
Kabadong usal ko upang kahit papaano ay mapakalma ang sarili.
Hindi ko nga halos namalayan na nakatayo na pala ako sa harap ng building kung saan namamalagi ang mga taekwondo athletes ng school.
Mula sa labas ay naririnig ko na malakas na pagtama ng mga sipa ng ilang nage-ensayo sa loob.
❝ Hera? Long time no see. You and Atlas, don’t tell me you’re seeing each other again? ❞
Gulat ngunit nakapaskil sa mukha ni Seki ang malawak na ngisi.
❝ No. I came here to request an interview. Hindi kami nagda-date. ❞
Kita ko ang pag-awang ng bibig nito kasabay ng pagtawa nito na may bahid nang panghihinayang.
❝ Sorry. I was insensitive for that moment. Anyway, Atlas is practicing inside. Sorry ulit. ❞
Mariin akong bumuntong hininga at tumango.
❝ Thank you, Seki. It was nice talking to you after a very long time. ❞
Isang ngiti ang ginawa ko bago nagpasyang tuntunin na ang pinto papasok sa loob ng building.
Seki is one of Atlas’ closest friend and after we broke up I lost connection with him as well.
Naramdaman ko ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko nang isa-isang huminto sa page-ensayo ang bawat tao sa loob na para bang nahihiwagaan sa nakikita. I know everyone here is aware about the past that Atlas and I had shared.
I wandered my vision drastically until my eyes settled on a man who is standing amid the disheveled mat.
His hair is completely unkempt but it is not displeasing to witness, his sweat is streaming down his face as he freed his breath heavily while furnishing me with keen and harsh stares.
❝ Love—
His eyes turned faint and austere. His expression is vague that I cannot delineate what’s running in his mind right now.
❝ Can we talk? ❞
Mahinang tanong ko.
Animo’y sasabog sa kaba ang dibdib ko. Minsan ayoko nalang magsalita dahil kung ano-anong katangahan ang lumalabas sa bibig ko.
Kahit papaano ay nawala ang ilang na nararamdaman ko nang magsimula ulit na bumalik sa kanya-kanyang ginagawa ang mga tao sa loob.
Tinapunan ako nito ng tingin bago naglakad patungo sa isang bakanteng upuan kung saan nakalapag ang sports bag niya.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit kusang gumalaw ang kamay ko upang abutin ang tuwalya at iabot sakanya. Napansin ko ang pag-awang ng bibig nito dahil sa ginawa ko.
It was my hand that moved abruptly. Maybe because I used to do this back then.
❝ What do you want? ❞
Malamig na tanong niya na nagpasikip sa puso ko.
❝ P-please, let me have an interview with you. ❞
Tuloy-tuloy na usal ko.
Umurong ang dila ko nang kunot noo niya akong lingunin. Ngunit mas napukaw ang atensyon ko nang ngumisi ito kasabay nang marahang pag wasiwas ng tuwalya sa basa niyang buhok.
❝ You want to interview your ex? ❞
Sarkastikong kuwestiyon niya na nakapag patigil sa’kin.
❝ We’re still in the middle of the practice. Wait or leave, you decide.❞
Hindi na ako naka-angal pa nang lampasan ako nito. Ako ang may kailangan sakanya kaya ako dapat ang mag-adjust. Tahimik akong naupo at isinentro ang mga mata sakanya.
"Dwi-chagi or Spinning back kick"
I jotted while focusing my gaze onto him. That is one of his most mastered technique. People are addressing him as a taekwondo maven for his profound expertise in his field.
Natigil sa ere ang panulat na hawak ko nang pumasok ang isang babaeng may hawak na isang energy drink. Mahinhin nitong hinawi ang buhok niya nang matanaw ang saktong kinatatayuan ni Atlas. Awtomatikong umarko ang kilay ko nang sumibol ang ngiti sa mukha nilang dalawa at sabay nilang pag-kaway sa isa’t-isa.
❝ I got you a drink. ❞
Masayang turan ng babae.
Ngunit nawala ang ngiti nito nang lumipat sa’kin ang atensyon niya.
❝ Calli. I thought you’re going back to France today? ❞
Muling naglakad si Atlas pabalik sa bench upang salubungin ang babaeng tinawag niyang Calli.
His voice sounds so calmed and relaxed unlike the way he approached me awhile ago.
❝ Tomorrow is my flight not today. ❞
Sagot nito kasabay nang pag-abot kay Atlas ng energy drink.
❝ Ah I forgot. ❞
Natatawang saad naman ni Atlas na lalong nagpatahimik sa’kin.
Ibinalik ko na lamang ang atensyon sa papel at panulat na nasa kamay ko. Seeing how Atlas acts towards Calli is bringing me a huge discomfort. I don’t like it.
❝ Are you done with your practice today? Let’s eat. ❞
Masayang sambit ni Calli.
❝ Aalis ako bukas. You can’t say no to me. ❞
Pag papaalala pa nito.
Puno ng pagdadalawang-isip akong tumayo, inayos ang iilang gamit ay pilit ko silang inundayan ng tingin.
❝ You can proceed with your thing. This interview is not a big deal actually. ❞
Muntik ko nang hatakin ang sarili kong dila dahil sa sinabi ko. Siguradong papatayin ako ni Mr. Reves dahil dito.
❝ See? Let’s go. ❞
Palihim kong sinulyapan si Atlas ngunit mabilis ko ring itinaliwas ang mata ko nang mahuli niya akong nakatingin sakanya.
❝ I’ll treat you next time, Calli. ❞
Matigas na usal nito habang nakatitig pa rin sa mukha ko.
❝ But—
❝ Next time.❞
❝ I hate you. Especially, you! ❞
Nakanganga kong sinundan ng tingin si Calli nang padabog itong mag martsa palayo. Did she just threw a finger on my face?
❝ Follow me. ❞
Ma-awtoridad na utos nito nang tuluyang mawala sa paningin namin si Calli.
❝ Saan? ❞
Animo’y wala sa sariling kuwestiyon ko ngunit wala akong natanggap na kahit anong sagot mula sakanya.
Tahimik akong sumunod hanggang sa makarating kami sa loob ng locker room nila.
❝ The door. ❞
Simpleng sambit nito habang binubuksan ang sariling locker.
❝ Ha? ❞
❝ Close the door. I’m changing. ❞
Mabilis kong isinarado ang pinto at muli siyang hinarap.
❝ Shit. ❞
Mariing lumabas ang mura sa bibig ko nang makita ang walang saplot niyang pang-itaas ngunit komportable niya lamang akong nilingon at inarkuhan ng kilay.
❝ As if you’ve never seen me like this. You almost saw me naked before when you barged into my room once, right? ❞
❝ Yes, I already saw you like that before but we were a couple back then. ❞
Ilang beses akong napakurap, ramdam ko ang pagragasa ng dugo sa buong mukha ko.
Nakahinga lamang ako ng maluwag nang makapag suot na siya ng damit.
❝ Let’s start the interview. I still need to make things up with someone. ❞
I forced a smile while nodding. I don’t want to be devoured by jealousy.
❝ Love—
Sabay naming turan.
Pareho kaming napatigil. Para nanamang hinahalukay ang tiyan ko dahil sa walang humpay na pagtahip ng dibdib ko.
The corner of his upper lip arose in disbelief.
❝ Atlas, let’s proceed with the interview. ❞
Ilang beses akong napalunok. He’s staring at me ardently.
❝ When did you start Taekwondo? ❞
Unang tanong ko.
Hinatak niya ang isang bakanteng upuan at prenteng ipinagsiklop ang mga braso habang binabato ako ng matatalim na tingin.
❝ You knew the answer, Hera. I started when I was ten years old remember? ❞
Alam ko ‘yon.
❝ What and who motivate you to pursue Taekwondo up to the present? ❞
It was your father who was a black belter Taekwondo player and your passion when it comes to fighting. Standing on a mat gives you felicity and being able to protect those people you love is just a bonus.
❝ You knew that too. ❞
Umiwas ako ng tingin. Para bang lalamunin na ako ng lupa dahil sa sobrang hiya.
❝ What was the biggest hurdle that you had faced along your way as a Taekwondo player? ❞
I lifted my face to laid my eyes onto him.
❝ When I lost that someone who keeps me going. When I lost you and everything became monochromatic. Everything was black. ❞
He answered calmly.
Bumagsak ang mga mata ko sa sahig. Pakiramdam ko ay mas lalong tumindi ang pangungulila ko sakanya.
I knew everything about him. Perhaps, all this time I was just finding a way to see him. Perhaps, I was just driving in reverie to find the path I used to walk before— to find him again.
❝ Hera. ❞
❝ How did you surmounted that hurdle? ❞
Matiim niya akong tinunton ng tingin.
❝ Let’s just say there was a light that appeared amidst darkness. ❞
He smiled,
It was Calli, right?
❝ L-let’s move on. What advice can you share to the future generation athletes? ❞
My voice is shaking.
❝ Keep everything in balance. Find a reason to fight and motivation why you must win the fight. ❞
He retorted, keeping his eyes locked onto mine.
❝ This question is a bit informal but a lot of people are asking. Are you single? ❞
His jaw clenched as his pupils dilated feverishly.
❝ Well I guess, I am not.❞
He simpered.
I jounced my head as I wore a huge smile. My heart is pounding but it’s severely afflictive.
Mariin akong lumunok nang maramdaman ang pagbarado ng lalamunan ko.
I gawked at him for a few seconds and not minding if it looks so foolish. I stared at his eyes, his nose down to his lips. Until a beam flushed on my face. That was the time when I decided to stand up and turn away my vision.
❝ Thank you, Atlas. I hope you reconcile with Calli quickly. ❞
I stated bitterly as I walked through him.
❝ Love. ❞
He muttered.
❝ You were always amid the crowd in every fight. You clap whenever I achieved victory. It was you who turned on the light in the darkest time of my life. ❞
Nanlaki ang mata ko at gulat na pinukol ng tingin si Atlas. He is grinning widely while shooting me with daunting stares.
A pleasurable sentiment of butterflies squeezed me wholly.
❝ Say that we’re married. Afterall, I’ve never been single. ❞
I pried my eyes off him. It was only then that I felt my stomach stirs more hectically.
❝ What? ❞
I whispered, almost finding an air to breathe.
❝ Your interview with me is done. Now it’s my turn to ask you. ❞
I began to hold my breath, both hands are slightly trembling. He then stood up, still wearing the smile that I’ve missed for a very long time.
❝ Baby, I’ve been waiting for so long. ❞
I dropped my glance on the floor but his hand moved and lifted my chin swiftly. His gaze fell to my lips and shot it back to my eyes once again.
❝ When will you come back to me? ❞
He huskily enunciated.
❝ Y-you love me again? ❞
My voice quivered.
He caressed my cheek as he slowly stroke the few strands of my hair, placing it behind my ear.
❝ I always do. I never stopped. ❞