For the next three days, I didn't see James at all.
We only had two lessons together and he was making sure to skip them. In breaks, he and Fred weren't sitting with us, nor eating with us. I tried talking to Fred and explain him the Amortentia, but James never left him alone either.
I don't know what, or who I should be mad anymore. Emma being a bitch she is? Fred not helping the situation at all? James being a stubborn pain in the ass? or me. For leaving him in the middle of the common room without an answer, a kiss, or anything that could make the situation better.
I will probably never say this out-loud but, I do miss him being around. Acting like a total idiot, making everything seem more fun and colorful... but like I said before, he is an idiot. If he could just stop being stubborn and listen to me, we wouldn't be in this situation.
But to be fair, what would I tell him? Let's say that he agreed to talk to me, and he is waiting for an explanation.
"Sorry, James. It was completely Emma's fault. She gave us Amortentia. We good now?"
That is not enough explanation. Worth to try maybe? Ugh, no.
******
Today is the fourth day.
Roxanne and Alice started hanging out with me more after everything that happened. Though I can see from their faces that they don't really understand why James and I are not talking. They only know the things happened between us as a one time thing. And I should probably talk to them about that.
My last lesson was DADA, which was suppose to be with James. I know he is not going to join the class but something stopped me from going.
Alice and Roxanne wanted to walk me to DADA class but I convinced them that I wasn't a child and I could go on my own.
They waved me good bye and disappeared after turning the corner.
I made my way back to the my dorm to change clothes and quickly left before anyone I saw me. I walked down the corridors and waved to a few pictures on the wall. I chose to long way to the garden because I don't want to pass the painting of Severus Snape. I don't want to be mean but he looks at me like a creep every time I pass him.
I got out of the castle and took a fresh air in. The weather is sunny today, perfect weather for short and t-shirt.
I made a bun with my hair and put my wand on my hair to hold it still.
Down the hill, I could see Hagrid taking care of his pumpkins. I made my way to the closest tree and looked up.
"Seems good."
I started climbing my way up, looking down a few times to see how high I was.
I sat on the tree and looked forward to see the castle. I wrapped my legs to the tree and let my upper body hang upside down, holding my stomach with one hand to stop my shirt from going down.
"Let loose a little."
"Oh yeah, and flash my friends while I'm at it."
"I'm sure they wouldn't mind. I know I wouldn't."
I got annoyed at myself for thinking about him again, and sat back up on the tree. I grabbed my wand from my hair and felt my curls fall to my shoulder and back.
"It's so.... stupid !" I groaned and did fire with the end of my wand. I played with it between my fingers and a small tear from my cheek made it disappear.
I jumped down the tree with three more tears falling down my cheek. I quickly wiped them away with my hands and climbed on top of a giant rock instead. I sat on top and let my legs hang down.
I sat there watching the trees and castle for about five minutes before getting angry again.
"Agh!" I sat up and used my wand without thinking a spell.
I heard a crack sound under me so I quickly jumped down the giant rock. I landed on my knees and looked up to the rock. The top half of it was cracked, and it didn't look safe at all.
I should... go.
I got away from there and continued my walk to the garden.
While turning the corner, swearing to myself, James, Emma and everything else, I accidentally bumped into someone.
I fell on the floor and tried to get back up. "Sorry" I muttered.
You gotta be kidding me!
I quickly turned my back, and less than a second I cleaned my tears and turned back.
She was newly up from the grass and looking at me. "Look out where you're-" she stopped and raised her eyebrow. "What's up with your eyes?"
They must be red. Great!
Just when I ask myself what can go worse, Sarah Blossom sees my red eyes. Godric must be laughing from up there.
"Allergies."
The last time I talked to her was to prank James.
Everyone in the school knows she has\had a major crush on James and hated me for being closer to him than she is.
She was terrible to me, but I guess there were times when I was worse.
Why do I have to realize what a terrible person I am every time I talk to someone?
Maybe if I didn't talk back to her, she would eventually stop bothering me and leave me alone.
"Doesn't look like it's allergies." She pointed her finger to my nose.
My nose is red too?! Just. Great.
"But it is." I pushed my hair away from my face and looked at her with a blank face.
"Wow! Am I the first person to see Lily Elizabeth Wood cry? I am honored."
I could talk back, but I am too tired for another fight.
She cleared her throat and her expression changed. "Are you... okay?"
"I'm fine! Cause I am really, really fine , in case you couldn't tell from my messed up hair, red face, and my squeaky voice. Even the word terrible is not enough to describe my emotions! I am worse than terrible! I just had the worse four days of my life and you are the only person asking me if I'm okay. So, yes. Yes, I'm totally fine ."
She looked at me with a confused face and showed me the can in her hand. "Beer?"
I looked at the can, back at her, and then back at the can. "Give me that."
I took a sip and gave it back to her, she sat down on a bench and I sat down on the same one.
"Is it James' pranks again? What did he do to you now?" She asked, not looking at me but looking forward.
I wish it was one of his stupid pranks.
"No," I sighed and took another sip of the beer she gave me. "I did something to him. He hates me, now."
We stayed quiet for a while, she was the first one to talk.
"In first grade," she took a sip from the beer. "I bumped into James while buying some candy. I fell for him the second I saw that 11 year old boy. But then, I became a bit..."
"Obsessed?"
"Yeah," another sip. "I started doing terrible, terrible things to every girl he talked to, and every girl who had a crush on him. I was a total bitch."
She gave me the beer and I gave it back after taking a few sips. I have no idea why she's telling me this.
"And he knew about it. He... told me to stop, but I didn't. I was so, so jealous. And that love I had for him, wasn't even real. I just... felt like I had to love him. So I made myself become a mean person to whoever he talked to."
I think this is the longest conversation we ever had.
"One day, second grade..."
I took another sip and waited.
"He did his first prank of the year, and of course... he did it to you . You were so mad at him, so mad that it scared most of the Slytherins."
I chuckled. It was hard to imagine more than half of the Slytherin house being scared of a 12 year old girl with curly ginger hair.
"After that prank, you came to the garden." She smiled to herself. "You were walking towards him with big and angry steps, me and my friends were watching from far away." She laughed at the memory and continued. "It was just you and him in the whole garden, we were watching from the castle. You grabbed his robe and..." another laugh. " slammed him to the tree behind him. You gave him a few threats while pushing him towards the tree. We were all concerned about his safety that day."
"I was twelve!" I laughed.
"Before you left, something fell from your pocket. A piece of... cloth ?"
"Oh, I remember now! My whole clothes were ruined because of him that day!"
"When you left," she smiled to me. Today I heard her laugh, and saw her smile for the first time. "he kept himself pressed to the tree. He didn't move, maybe he couldn't. He looked behind you with his chest going up and down. Now that I think about it, he looked so funny."
I listened to her, trying to understand why she was telling me this. This is just making me think about him more.
"When he finally moved, he saw the small piece of cloth on the grass. He picked it up slowly, and stared at it for a very long time. Then, from that far away, I could see his wide smile with pink cheeks. He wrapped the cloth around his wrist and started running behind you.
I tried remembering that day more, but I couldn't. "Is there a reason you're telling me this?"
She sighed and continued after taking a sip from her beer.
"The next day, he came up to me, to talk." for some reason I just got jealous of twelve year old Sarah Blossom for talking with twelve year old James. What is the matter with me?
"He still had the piece of cloth on his wrist. First time we talked, he said sorry for not feeling the same way. But the second time, he said, 'Please don't be mean to Lily. You can do whatever you want to the others.' and then left."
I thought about the things she said. "Is that why you've been worse to me?"
She smiled to the memory. "Exactly."
"But you don't... like him anymore?"
She turned to me with a shy smile. "After being such a bitch to all the girls, it was ironic to realize I like girls and not boys."
My eyes widened and she laughed at my reaction. "Oh, wow- I didn't... know."
"I can tell." She laughed and finished the beer. "Didn't you ever realize his wrist always having that piece of cloth?"
I slowly nodded my head saying no.
"What about that time when he let his hair grow until his chin and used a black bandanna to keep the short hair away from his face?"
"Oh, I do remember that. Very clearly."
We were fourteen by that time, and he wore that damn bandanna every. single. day.
It looked so good on him that I stared at him for so long, I didn't listen the two hours long lesson at all.
And then got mad at him for distracting me.
I realized Sarah was looking at me like I was dumb or slow. "That was the same cloth you dropped, Wood."
"Black piece of cloth? Why would I even carry a piece of cloth with me, then drop it- My Queen shirt!"
My dad bought me that shirt when I was seven and it was way too big for me. Then it started fitting me when I was eleven and I carried it everywhere I went. Until the day he ruined it for a stupid prank. That's why I was extra mad at him that day!
I didn't talk and she watched me.
"Sorry for being... so shitty to you." I muttered.
"Oh, it wasn't your fault. You were just defending yourself, I was the one being terrible to you."
I watched a bird fly towards the castle and enter in from a window.
"So... what happened?" She asked, with a kind voice I never knew she had.
I swallowed and didn't make eye contact with her.
"It can't be that bad." She tried to make me feel better and nudged my side.
"We..." I never thought I would share my life with her. "Long time ago we had an argument that ended up with me kissing him."
Her eyes widened and she nodded, telling me to continue.
"When our friends found out, my best friend got really upset that I didn't tell her earlier. She still acts like it didn't bug her at all. But every time she looks at me, I can tell she doesn't really want to talk to me yet. And she's only hanging out with me because she feels bad for me. And it makes me feel really shit about myself!" I closed my face and continued.
"Then James, told me he loved me! And I didn't realize he was being serious, so I didn't say it back. Then the next day, he saw me kissing his best friend! He told me he hated me. I tried explaining that it was Amortentia, but he didn't listen. He was already upset about...the L word."
"Oh, wow." I watched Sarah trying to sink all the information in. "That's... oh wow."
"And now it has been four days since the last time I saw him, and my stupid heart is so weak that it managed to break with the words he said!"
We sat like that for a while. I looked at her, my face asking for help.
"Why didn't you tell Roxanne about him earlier?" She asked.
"I..." I looked away. "I don't know."
"Yes you do. You're just too scared to admit it." She nudged my arm and made me look at her again. "What's the real reason?"
I looked away again. "I didn't want to share this information. I wanted it to... be my special thing that no one knew."
"Then you shouldn't feel bad for not telling her. She might be your best friend but that doesn't give her the right to question the decisions you made about your life. A real friend stands next to you no matter what, not in front of you."
That somehow did make me feel better.
"So... if you didn't say 'the L word' back," she was mocking me for not saying the word. "That means you don't 'L word' him. So why are you upset?"
"Because I didn't see him for four days! That's annoying!" I spat out.
"What's annoying about not seeing him, if you don't 'L word' him?" She asked with a calm voice that annoyed me even more.
"Oh my God, Sarah! I do love him! It's annoying that he has not been anywhere near me for days, when I can't even deal with being without him for an hour! I miss him! I thought you listened the story!" It was like I threw up all those words with anger. After thinking of what I just said, my whole world froze.
A smile slowly found its way on her face. "You're welcome."