Vikram
I went down to fill water at 11 pm,.. I was going to put the vessels in the sink, when I noticed that the food was as it was.
We had Mary, cooking.. I used to eat whenever I wanted and Sree would when she comes home from her office.
It was 11 pm, wasn't she here, some work maybe.. I went to sleep..
I woke up at 2 30 am.. I wasn't able to sleep... I took a walk and noticed that.. The kitchen light was still on..
Maybe she didn't eat... I went to her room.. And opened the door slightly.. She wasn't here? It was 2:30 am.
Why do I care, I should go sleep..
I moved to my room.. Should I call her..
No way!
I went to the kitchen.. And stood with my hands on my forehead.. What do I do..
I heard the door open and looked at it.. She came in,.. Her eyes opened wide looking at me..
I went to her.. What was she thinking of herself!
"What is the time? ", I asked sternly
Sree
I finally reached the house at 2 40am. I opened the door with my key
I was surprised to see him, standing near the kitchen.. He came to me.
" What is the time? ", he asked.. Looking at me angrily
" There is a clock there, look at it", I said
"Don't! Its 2 40 am, and you are coming home now! "He said
" Since when do you care about when I leave or come", I asked
"I don't care, where and when you go out or come, but this isn't a hotel, this is a home! ", he said
" Really? Doesn't feel like home ", I said
" Look Sree,.. "He said closing his eyes..
" You can go and come back anytime and anywhere.. But.. If something happens to you, everyone will ask me,,.. What do you want me to tell", he said
"So, do you know something called phone, message me, that you will be late or where you are", he said
Does he care... About me.. Or is he telling this for his mom..
" Message? "I asked...
He wants me to message him? Does he understand I'm his wife?
" Why didn't you call me if you were so concerned" I asked
"I can't be going behind you, this is your responsibility.. ", he said
" So.. It means the same thing applies to you.. You message too" I said
"Me? What can happen to me", he said
" So why me alone, ", I said staring at him
He sighed. " Ok.. Ill.. Go sleep now", he said
I nodded and went up.. To my room..
Vikram
I couldn't sleep... I hadn't been able to sleep for many days... It was because of the dreams.. The nightmares..
I was smiling.. Looking at the sea... Everything was good.. I was happy.. I don't know why..
I felt someone behind me, she hugged me from behind... "I love you", she said..
I couldn't remember her voice,.. I couldn't see.. Her...
I felt her lips on mine, soft like petals, warming up my body... I wanted her...
I kissed her back...
She then stopped me... " I have to go ", she said
" Don't... Please don't... "I said.
" I have to... "She said
I ran after her... When I realized she was gone... Forever... " No!! ", I cried don't leave me....
I felt deep pain, I've never felt, it was like all my cells were stabbed...
" Come back, I love you ", I shouted..
I wanted to hear her voice, feel her... But she was gone... I can't live..
I saw karan... He shot me.. I felt the pain of the bullet wounds as I was dying... I cried..
" I'm dying, .. Come back..! "
"Don't leave! Don't "!
I shouted and trembled... I was breathless... I saw someone near me...
" Please don't! ", I shouted... And cried...
I was getting a panic attack and couldn't breathe...
I found someone bringing water to me... And I drank it...
" It's ok.. You are fine... It was a bad dream",
I realized I was awake... It was Sree next to me?.
She had her hands wrapped around me , I had my head on her chest.. It felt good..
One of my hand held hers tightly..
My panic attack subsided slowly..
"Don't leave", I said in my slumber and fell asleep again..
Sree
I couldn't sleep, so I thought of making myself some maggi...
When I passed through Vikram's room, I heard him shouting... I entered... I saw him shouting in agony in his sleep
... Was it a nightmare... I went to him..
"Don't leave! " He shouted
Should I wake him up... I put my hand on his and he woke up.. But he still was trembling "please" He said
His chest heaved and I realized he was getting his panic attack... Where was his tablets... I found water and made him drink it , before I could go to get a tablet..
He held my hand tightly.. I gave him a hug.. "Its ok you are fine, it was a bad dream" I said...
Holding him.. To my chest.. Ruffling his hair.. I held his cold hands and rubbed mine on his to warm it..
He held my hand tightly. "Don't leave " He said. . And fell asleep on me!
My heart beat fast.. Seeing and feeling his head on my chest..
I tried moving, but he was too strong on me... I was leaning on the bed rail.. So.. I decided to stay for some time, till he leaves my hand..
He didn't and I fell asleep..
Vikram
I woke up in the morning, and felt something warm..
I was shocked when I saw, I was lying on her.. I took my hands off and moved back.. Quickly.. That woke her up..
She looked at me... "Night... You were having a bad dream! ", she said
I was embarrassed , did she hear me shout?
" Sorry, I... From my accident... I have night mares", I said
"And the panic attacks, are they back? " She asked
She knew about my panic attacks?
"Ya.. For 3 years.. I have them at times.. I have my medicine.. Don't tell Veena ma please", I said
I can't have Veena ma worrying..
I recollected, I was depressed after I was discharged.. Veena ma wasn't there with me and Manoj was there!
He was there around and I was so weak.. He told me things... Which I tried to ignore, thankfully he didn't abuse me.. Except once..
I tried to recollect what happened, I couldn't live with the blank space..
I went to Diya, Diya was so frightened on seeing me asking her.
"I can't tell you anything, he will kill Sanjay" She had said
"Who is Sanjay? " I asked shocked to hear that she had a boyfriend..
I pleaded with her to tell... When he came... Manoj...
He sent her away... "I'll tell you what happened", he had said..
He told me of a tale... Of a girl.. Who I hated.. She made me agree to marry her, and then she cheated with Karan..
I found out and Karan.. Hit me with a bullet..
I didn't know if he was lying, .. I couldn't make sure...
I called Gautham... Gautham didn't pick..
Manoj found out.. So he smashed the phone... He locked me in a room... Asking how dare I don't believe him..
I got my panic attack... And this time I had to be admitted to the hospital again..
I got a big migraine.. The doctor told me not to take stress..
So I tried to not think... To not care about what happened in those years... Why should I care.. I was suffering..
Each time I ever wanted to know... I got nightmares, panic attacks... I had to take medicine and my life was bad...
I decided to stay away... Concentrate on work.. I cut off Diya and I didn't speak to Gautham.. I won't recollect my past, as it hurts me..
But then, she came... Sree... I couldn't remember her,.. It made my nightmares frequent, I didn't know who the girl was in my dream and maybe it was her...
But I hated that dream, how much pain.. It made me feel... Does that mean she really cheated on karan and left me...
I don't know.. Don't care...
She lied to me about herself in the beginning... I can't trust her, I can't trust anyone...
She was a piece I couldn't remember and it scared me, it brought the horrible nightmares,... I blamed her for that.. I wanted to stay away from her...
My mom had other plans.. I agreed to suffer for my mom,..
This was why I didn't want Sree to sleep in the same room... I was embarrassed, to think of her seeing my state...
But she saw it now..
"So? " She asked breaking me from my chain or horrible thoughts
"What? " I asked
"I asked if you go to visit a doctor", she said
" Ya.. Ya.. I do, you can go to your room now.. I'm fine", I said looking anywhere but at her
I was so rude to her, but she stayed the night here, maybe she wasn't bad.. Maybe it was me who is broken..
Sree
I nodded... I Realized.. He might be facing problems since the incident..
I couldn't ask him though.. I wanted to know it.. That would make me understand his behavior..
I had to meet his doctor.. Who could give me the doctor's address... ?
He went to bath... I didn't leave his room... I slowly.. Went to his drawer...opened it... Yes.. Doctor's Prescription!... I took a photo of the address printed and went to the doctor..
The doctor/therapist hesitated to tell me about his patient, but I showed the marriage certificate and told him it was important..
He then felt sad for me so told me some of the things Vikram was facing..
The fact that he didn't remember took a toll on his health too..
"Sreedevi, so.. The fact that he is behaving extra rude with you is his technique to push you away.. He is afraid.. Unconsciously of that unknown part of his life.. So he is running away from it, don't you worry, I'll try to advise him about it, though I'll have to be slow.. ", the therapist said..
I also asked him if his memory would be back. He said that he couldn't say..
I went out , when I hit someone,.. I looked up and was shocked to see him!
He looked at me... Too
" What! What are you doing here? ", he asked
I was silent, thinking of what to say
"Wow... You met my therapist?? To find out what is wrong with me? Were you happy to find out I'm screwed up", he shouted
" No.. Vikram... It's not like that"
"How did you even get the address... " He said
"I was just concerned about you", I said
" Concerned? So you decided to find that out from my therapist!! You wanted to see if I'm mentally stable? Why do you do these things ", he shouted
" Because, I couldn't ask you,.. I have the right to know Vikram... I need to be aware..of what you are facing.. "I said
" Why!!! Why do you care about my personal issues" he said
"Because I'm your wife", I said
He scoffed.. " The fake marriage, didn't I make it clear!... Look I'm divorcing you in a year don't expect anything and mainly don't you interfere in my life, consider this as my last warning", he said.. And moved away..
I signed.. At this rate... I was going to get mad!..
Vikram
Why did she go see my therapist, what did she want to know? Why do people keep on breaking my trust...
I didn't want to visit the therapist after seeing her there but I decided to go after some time..
I told him that I knew Sree was here
"She seemed really worried about you, that wasn't her mistake Vikram", he said
" Yes, it's yours, aren't the clients information like private,.. You know your license could be cancelled", I said
He smiled at me.. " I know Vikram, but sometimes, more than rules, I do what is right " , he said
"Right? You hardly know her, and you told her about me", I said
" I can judge a person well Vikram, and she is your wife ", he said
" That is a deal", I said
"You are trying to run away again,.. " he said
"I'm not here to talk about her, my nightmares are back... Since I saw her..
I got panic attacks yesterday", I said
The therapist smiled.
" Yes, you are running away.. From her, from the truth, what are you so scared of finding out Vikram", he said
"I'm scared? ", I asked
" Yes! Why don't you want to ask your family or her, the story of what happened those years ", he asked
" I... I don't care.. I tried before... "I said
" Before 3 years, when Manoj was there, now? What is stopping you now? ", he asked
" I don't know whom to trust ", I said
" If you don't believe her ask your mom, your sister ", he said.
"No... I don't want to know", I said
" Why,? "
"Even if they tell me, I can't remember, and that feeling is really bad... ", I said
" Maybe you should try.. Tell me, why do you not like your wife? "He asked
" I told you I'm not here to talk about her! Enough, I'm leaving", I said and turned to leave..
"Again, running away... " He said behind me..
I took my pills to calm me down, time to focus on work.. Forget her, forget Manoj or anyone else... I told myself..
I got a message, at 10 pm,
"Staying back at Akshara's, will be back tomm", - Sree
Who was Akshara? Was she telling the truth? How would I know.. Why do I care?