!!! THIS IS THE SECOND UPDATE OF THE DAY SO PLS READ CHAPTER 118 FIRST IF U HAVENT THANKS I LOVE U ALL !!!
Songs for this chapter:
• Wrong Direction - Hailee Steinfeld
Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen:
Lexi's POV
"All right. Thank you for tonight," I tell Liam quietly. It's late, Mac and James are likely already asleep, and I don't want to wake them up.
He holds my gaze. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, then?"
I shrug. "I have work tomorrow, but I'll try to stop by your place on my way home. I really need to get to bed, though. Goodnight."
Liam nods and pulls me into a quick hug. "Goodnight, Lexi. I love you."
I give him a small smile before slipping into my apartment and shutting the door after me.
I only have enough time to twist the lock before my back slams against the door and I slump to the floor.
Our first date was nearly a year ago, and yet I'm not in love with him. Not even close. He's been telling me that he loves me since a month after we started dating, but I just don't love him back. At all.
We haven't even made our relationship official. Every time he asks me to be his girlfriend, I always tell him I'm not ready, that I can't commit to a label yet.
But it feels like I'll never be ready.
With a deep sigh, I push to my feet and slip off my Converse. My legs feel heavy as I drag myself into my bedroom, and once inside, I don't even bother to shut my door before dropping my purse onto my desk and heading to my floor-length mirror.
I gasp at my reflection.
One thing I learned about Liam very early on in our relationship is that he has severe anger issues.
Soon after, I learned that he thoroughly enjoys to take his anger out on me.
Usually, it isn't this bad. Usually, he pushes me into a wall or shoves me against a table and screams in my face until his anger has been dispelled, and then we go to his couch and lay down and he holds me until I'm done crying, and then we go about our lives as though nothing had happened at all.
The marks usually aren't too bad. A bruised hip, a scraped knee, a deep scratch down my thigh or arm.
Today, I wasn't so lucky.
He slapped me across the face so hard that he knocked me off my feet and onto my knees, which are both now bruised. He then grabbed my by the neck, hauled me onto my feet again, and pinned me against the wall by the throat. He spat in my face and left me with fingertip-shaped bruises along both sides of my neck and one cheek much pinker than the other.
I pull my dress up and over my head with a sigh. My purple knees will be easy to hide because it's early November and it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for me to wear tights under my dresses and skirts and jeans rather than shorts, but the bruises on my neck will be far trickier to conceal, especially when I'm in costume during the show.
I toss my dress in my laundry basket and plop down onto the stool in front of my vanity. I reach for a small makeup brush and a tube of concealer before tying my hair up into a knot so that I can practice how I'm going to cover these bruises tomorrow.
I've just begun to unscrew the tube of concealer when my bedroom door is flung completely open and Mac strolls right into the room wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and a thin white T-shirt.
"Hey, Lex. How was your d—"
He catches sight of me in just my bra and underwear, my hair pinned back and my body on full display, and he gasps.
"Oh fuck no!" he hisses as his eyes scan my body. "James! Wake up and get the hell in here!"
Mac hurries over to me and drops to his knees in front of me. He turns my stool around so that I'm facing him and his eyes focus on my raw knees, flushed cheek, and bruised neck from today as well as my scratched thighs and bruised hips that still haven't faded from a few days ago.
James rushes into the room wearing boxers and a tank top, and as soon as he catches sight of me and all my wounds, he curses under his breath and drops to his knees beside Mac.
"This was Liam, wasn't it? He's been doing this to you?" Mac asks me in a hushed tone.
I gulp. "Yes. He started after we had been seeing each other for two months. He started to shove me and yell at me when he was mad about something. He's never slapped me before today, and he's never choked me and left marks like this before either."
James reaches for my hands, but I flinch and pull away from him. He frowns, but doesn't comment on my reaction and instead says, "And you kept seeing him even though he's been abusing you?"
A sob bubbles up from my throat. Tears are stinging my eyes when I say, "He always apologizes afterwards. Even today. And he always holds me afterwards. I missed having someone hold me like that. No one has since Bryce. It was worth the pain to have someone love me again."
Mac's face is crestfallen. "Lexi, no. No, no, no. If he hurts you like this, he doesn't love you. Not one bit."
I sniffle. "He promised me he does. And I don't love him back, but I missed being somebody's whole world." I bite my lip. "I miss Bryce."
James and Mac both push to their feet and are about to pull me between them for a hug before I squeak and shoot up from my seat on the stool.
Mac blinks at me for a moment.
And then he slaps his forehead in recognition and says, "Jesus. We should've known. You don't let people touch you anymore. Whenever they try, you jerk away, and it started a little after you began seeing Liam. How didn't I figure this out sooner?"
I take a hesitant step towards him before wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him tight. "It's not your fault. Not at all. I should've told you guys. I just really don't want to end things with him. I like how he makes me feel a small fraction of the time."
Mac runs a gentle hand through my hair. "You can't see him anymore. Let's delete his number off your phone, okay? And block him on social media. James and I will keep you safe. You never have to worry about him ever again."
I squeeze him tighter. "He knows where I live. He won't leave me alone. I can feel it. It's not that easy."
James reaches for my hand. "I think we need to get the police involved, Lex. This isn't okay."
I let go of Mac and take a step away from both of them. "I don't want to do that. I want to deal with him myself. I'll go see him after the show tomorrow."
James interjects first. "No. You will not be going back there. Not alone, anyway. We're not risking him hurting you again."
I sniffle, and even though I want to argue, I know that he's right. "Okay. I'll decide what I want to do tomorrow, but for now, I just need to go to bed. I'm so tired."
James and Mac make eye contact and have some silent conversation before Mac turns to me and says. "Okay, Lexi. We'll support you in whatever you choose to do. Do you want to come sleep with me tonight? I can see the exhaustion in your face and I don't want to risk you waking up from a nightmare in the middle of the night."
My eyes focus on my feet and I nod. "Yeah. I would like that very much. Just let me get changed, and then I'll come to your room. My body is probably going to do that thing where I flinch whenever anyone touches me again, but I promise that it's involuntary. I miss getting hugs from you guys."
Mac gives me a small smile before pulling me into his arms again. James then wraps his arms around both of us, and they hold me tight as I cry.
🌸🌸🌸
"Can I come in?"
Mac's bedroom is dark, and the only light in the room is what little moonlight can slip through his blinds. I'm just able to make out his silhouette in bed under his duvet.
"Yep," he grumbles. I can hear his exhaustion.
I slip into the bedroom and gently shut the door after me. I make my way across the room and pause next to his bed, and he pulls back his duvet and sheets so that I can crawl under the covers with him.
He tucks me against his chest and rests his chin atop my head. The duvet is draped over us both and I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him right.
"Life fucking sucks," I mumble into the material of his T-shirt.
He snorts. "Tell me about it."
I burrow my face deeper into his shirt. "I want Bryce back. I miss him so so so much. That's why I dealt with Liam. It filled the hole a little bit."
Mac kisses the top of my head. "Bryce loves you. Liam doesn't."
"I know. Sometimes it felt good to convince myself that Liam does, though. It makes me feel a little less unloveable."
Mac sighs. "I know."
A pause.
"I turn twenty-three in about a week," I comment quietly.
"Might as well start your twenty-third year of life without some abusive asshole dragging you down."
I smile for the first time in forever. "That would be ideal. I prefer snarky assholes with stupidly pretty amber eyes and stupidly handsome faces anyway."
🌸🌸🌸
"Are you sure that you don't want to take tonight off?" James asks me for the hundredth time.
I huff. "Yeah. Better to be on stage with something to distract me than to have to sit at home alone and ponder."
James fills a glass of water from the dispenser on the fridge before joining me on the couch in our living room.
I open my mouth to speak, but James cuts me off by grabbing the nearest pillow and throwing it at my face.
I grab the pillow and hurl it back at him. It lands in his lap, narrowly avoiding hitting the still-full glass of water in his hands.
"Jerk!" I exclaim.
He gives me a charming smile, and I scowl at him.
All of a sudden, the door to Mac's bedroom flies open and Mac hurries out into the living room.
"Lexi, I am so sorry," he says hurriedly, dropping to his knees on the floor beside me.
I frown. "Sorry about what? About Liam? Because I know the bruises look bad, but trust me, I can't feel them at all. I'm not in any physical pain. Just emotional pain, I guess."
James snorts, and Mac gives him a death glare that has him shrinking back into the couch cushions.
"No," Mac tells me slowly. "About Bryce. He . . . Haven't you seen the news?"
I shake my head. "No. What happened?"
Mac sighs and reaches into the pocket of his jeans. He retrieves his phone, unlocks it, and then types rapidly before tapping the screen with a shudder.
He flips the phone screen around to face me and I take the device from his hands.
On the screen, I find a news article.
I only have to read the title before my chest is filled with dread.
BREAKING: Bryce Bradshaw hospitalized and unresponsive after alleged drug overdose early this morning.
I drop the phone onto the floor.
And I scream.
A/N: Hi :)
RIP Bryce Bradshaw. Love u always <3
It's probably gonna be a bit of a wait until the next chapter because I gave you guys two today and deserve a break to stress-buy Squishmallows and read smutty fae romance books.